I just recently discovered there was such a thing as ABDL. I joined because I had some questions about the intersection of BDSM and regression that I want to explore (hopefully with some support). To introduce myself, here's a little (too much) about me:
My username comes from the Chinese lute. I'm a bisexual music-loving bookworm librarian. I grew up in an ultra-conservative, misogynistic family. My background has left me feeling protective of my freedom as an independent woman. But I am also submissive and into bondage. This is something that has always been there. I would put scrunchies around my wrists and knot them together and sleep like that when I was six years old. I had no idea what I was doing. I was almost twenty when I first discovered BDSM and found out that my fetish for collars, corsets and breath restriction was not unusual. It took many steps on my journey of self-discovery to accept this as part of my identity. I still struggle with self-hatred and guilt. I "manage" my kink by having carefully planned out short scenes in the privacy of friend's homes. And then I go back to the assertive feminist me.
But then a while ago someone told me that I had an oral fixation and that maybe I should look into the AB world. So that sent me down a new road. I picked up on things like the fact that when I come home from work I turn on a nightlight, cuddle in a blanket and hug a soft pillow. At times like this I've imagined not being in a bed but a smaller space covered on all sides like a soft box that I can crawl into and shut out the world (a crib?). After about thirty minutes I'm relaxed enough to get up and start my evening. I always rationalized this as an introvert reaction to too much social stimulation (I love working in a place with so many books, but then there are also a lot of people!).
Now, I'm beginning to think my friend was right, especially after an incident when I was looking after a baby and felt the strange urge to drink from the bottle. I've always loved warm milk which I thought was only slightly weird. Good to help you sleep, right? But now I think of drinking formula from a baby bottle and of buying a pacifier. I feel very confused about all this. I don't know how to square it with my BDSM side. For me the ritual after coming home is purely about relaxation. I've never thought of it as related to another lifestyle. Also, diapers and baby clothes are not for me. So I'm not sure how much I fit this community.
I've researched a little but it seems that most people who are into both BDSM and ABDL are interested in the discipline/punishment/humiliation aspect, usually with diapers. Without wanting to kink-shame (which I've experienced and which is truly horrible) that would be a total turn-off for me.
What really drove me to come here is this: I just watched a documentary called The 15 Stone Babies. I thought it was beautiful except for the last part, where the adult nursery branches out into an S/M dungeon. I thought BDSM was made to seem seedy and tawdry and violent, the exact opposite of the loving safety and nostalgia of the adult nursery. And I see that they are different (for me one is sexual and the other has nothing to do with sex) but clearly some people find something in both and there are areas where they blur into each other (for me it would be aftercare).
So, I'm here to find support for my new baby steps, and to find out if there are others here into BDSM as well as having a non-sexual interest in regression for comfort.
Thanks for taking the time to read this