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Thread: BDSM and regression

  1. #1

    Default BDSM and regression

    Hi,

    I just recently discovered there was such a thing as ABDL. I joined because I had some questions about the intersection of BDSM and regression that I want to explore (hopefully with some support). To introduce myself, here's a little (too much) about me:

    My username comes from the Chinese lute. I'm a bisexual music-loving bookworm librarian. I grew up in an ultra-conservative, misogynistic family. My background has left me feeling protective of my freedom as an independent woman. But I am also submissive and into bondage. This is something that has always been there. I would put scrunchies around my wrists and knot them together and sleep like that when I was six years old. I had no idea what I was doing. I was almost twenty when I first discovered BDSM and found out that my fetish for collars, corsets and breath restriction was not unusual. It took many steps on my journey of self-discovery to accept this as part of my identity. I still struggle with self-hatred and guilt. I "manage" my kink by having carefully planned out short scenes in the privacy of friend's homes. And then I go back to the assertive feminist me.

    But then a while ago someone told me that I had an oral fixation and that maybe I should look into the AB world. So that sent me down a new road. I picked up on things like the fact that when I come home from work I turn on a nightlight, cuddle in a blanket and hug a soft pillow. At times like this I've imagined not being in a bed but a smaller space covered on all sides like a soft box that I can crawl into and shut out the world (a crib?). After about thirty minutes I'm relaxed enough to get up and start my evening. I always rationalized this as an introvert reaction to too much social stimulation (I love working in a place with so many books, but then there are also a lot of people!).

    Now, I'm beginning to think my friend was right, especially after an incident when I was looking after a baby and felt the strange urge to drink from the bottle. I've always loved warm milk which I thought was only slightly weird. Good to help you sleep, right? But now I think of drinking formula from a baby bottle and of buying a pacifier. I feel very confused about all this. I don't know how to square it with my BDSM side. For me the ritual after coming home is purely about relaxation. I've never thought of it as related to another lifestyle. Also, diapers and baby clothes are not for me. So I'm not sure how much I fit this community.

    I've researched a little but it seems that most people who are into both BDSM and ABDL are interested in the discipline/punishment/humiliation aspect, usually with diapers. Without wanting to kink-shame (which I've experienced and which is truly horrible) that would be a total turn-off for me.

    What really drove me to come here is this: I just watched a documentary called The 15 Stone Babies. I thought it was beautiful except for the last part, where the adult nursery branches out into an S/M dungeon. I thought BDSM was made to seem seedy and tawdry and violent, the exact opposite of the loving safety and nostalgia of the adult nursery. And I see that they are different (for me one is sexual and the other has nothing to do with sex) but clearly some people find something in both and there are areas where they blur into each other (for me it would be aftercare).

    So, I'm here to find support for my new baby steps, and to find out if there are others here into BDSM as well as having a non-sexual interest in regression for comfort.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this

  2. #2

    Default

    Hi there, Ruan, and welcome to the website

    I am much like you in the respect of BDSM. I consider myself to be a submissive and have partaken in self-bondage sessions recently. Often, I do try to combine both my AB side with my BDSM side.

    I think AB and BDSM can draw some similarities to each other. Both require two rolls to be filled: someone in control (Caregiver/Dom) and someone being looked after (Little/Sub) Plus, both focus heavily on a level of trust between the two acting members. A little will always put their trust into the caregiver because they provide a basis for comfort and safety. Even though BDSM is heavily focused on pain, the levels of trust remain the same for the sub to put their safety into their dom's hands and for the dom to be nurturing and respectful to their sub both during and after a session.

    When it comes to me, I will admit that my love for combining AB and BDSM delves into the idea of discipline and humiliation (i.e. spankings, forced diapering, etc) However, like you said about the 15 Stone Babies doco, I wouldn't want to go from an innocent scenario like a nursery to a seedy dungeon when I start getting into the BDSM stuff while I'm being a little.

    For me, you can include BDSM in AB activities, but don't have to make them gritty. I've seen plenty of cute ways to enact BDSM styled punishments and humiliations during AB play, like locking mittens, cute pacifier gags and locking plastic pants.

    And like you said for finding ABDL activities sexual or not, that's really up to the preferences of different people. Some may find it sexual because of how the degradation to an infant or toddler is so demeaning, or it may sometimes be just the feel of a diaper that makes it sexual. Either way, it is definitely something that can either be sexual or not.

    But yes, I'm not sure if what I said has been helpful at all, but it is good to see other people joining the website who are trying to get a better grasp on their likes

  3. #3

    Default

    Thanks for the the welcome and the (very helpful) response!

    I don't find ageplay goes with BDSM for me. I don't ever roleplay as younger, unlike most subs I know I don't even like being called baby in that context, it is a squick verging on a trigger. But apparently, I like "babying" myself as some kind of me-time relaxation thing. It's all very new and weird for me, so yes, I'm in self-exploration mode

  4. #4

    Default

    Hey, you could try a scenario involving diapers, especially in a locked up scene. You also don't have to use it. For some, it's a comfort thing. I'm an experimenter myself and my fantasies usually involve a lot of kinks that don't often get put together in the video world. Med-fet, BDSM, Ab/dl.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hello and welcome to the site.

    I don't see anything wrong with being into BDSM but also having a non-sexual baby side. Personally while I am aroused by my diapers, regression itself is a non-sexual comfort thing. I'd recommend that you not be afraid to explore your new-found interest. Go ahead and get a bottle and a pacifier if you want, they don't cost much and the worst thing that can happen is that you don't like them.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ruan View Post
    Hi,

    I just recently discovered there was such a thing as ABDL. I joined because I had some questions about the intersection of BDSM and regression that I want to explore (hopefully with some support). To introduce myself, here's a little (too much) about me:

    My username comes from the Chinese lute. I'm a bisexual music-loving bookworm librarian. I grew up in an ultra-conservative, misogynistic family. My background has left me feeling protective of my freedom as an independent woman. But I am also submissive and into bondage. This is something that has always been there. I would put scrunchies around my wrists and knot them together and sleep like that when I was six years old. I had no idea what I was doing. I was almost twenty when I first discovered BDSM and found out that my fetish for collars, corsets and breath restriction was not unusual. It took many steps on my journey of self-discovery to accept this as part of my identity. I still struggle with self-hatred and guilt. I "manage" my kink by having carefully planned out short scenes in the privacy of friend's homes. And then I go back to the assertive feminist me.

    But then a while ago someone told me that I had an oral fixation and that maybe I should look into the AB world. So that sent me down a new road. I picked up on things like the fact that when I come home from work I turn on a nightlight, cuddle in a blanket and hug a soft pillow. At times like this I've imagined not being in a bed but a smaller space covered on all sides like a soft box that I can crawl into and shut out the world (a crib?). After about thirty minutes I'm relaxed enough to get up and start my evening. I always rationalized this as an introvert reaction to too much social stimulation (I love working in a place with so many books, but then there are also a lot of people!).

    Now, I'm beginning to think my friend was right, especially after an incident when I was looking after a baby and felt the strange urge to drink from the bottle. I've always loved warm milk which I thought was only slightly weird. Good to help you sleep, right? But now I think of drinking formula from a baby bottle and of buying a pacifier. I feel very confused about all this. I don't know how to square it with my BDSM side. For me the ritual after coming home is purely about relaxation. I've never thought of it as related to another lifestyle. Also, diapers and baby clothes are not for me. So I'm not sure how much I fit this community.

    I've researched a little but it seems that most people who are into both BDSM and ABDL are interested in the discipline/punishment/humiliation aspect, usually with diapers. Without wanting to kink-shame (which I've experienced and which is truly horrible) that would be a total turn-off for me.

    What really drove me to come here is this: I just watched a documentary called The 15 Stone Babies. I thought it was beautiful except for the last part, where the adult nursery branches out into an S/M dungeon. I thought BDSM was made to seem seedy and tawdry and violent, the exact opposite of the loving safety and nostalgia of the adult nursery. And I see that they are different (for me one is sexual and the other has nothing to do with sex) but clearly some people find something in both and there are areas where they blur into each other (for me it would be aftercare).

    So, I'm here to find support for my new baby steps, and to find out if there are others here into BDSM as well as having a non-sexual interest in regression for comfort.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this
    Welcome!

    I find that BDSM and ABDL have a lot of the same stimuli at their cores, that they're mostly the same thing but with different trappings. Safety straps ala high chairs, car seats, walking harnesses, changing table straps, and the like are just restraints made with childish-colored consumer-grade materials rather than black leather or rope. Furniture designed to provide a safe space to nap or play ala playpens, pack-and-plays, and cribs are just containment boxes lined with soft childish material that don't look like they belong in a supermax prison. Babies and slaves both generally play on the floor rather than on adult furniture. A pacifier is a gag by another name and with some design tweaks. A slave gets locked away when his master doesn't want to deal with him. A baby gets put down for a nap or put in his playpen when Daddy doesn't want to deal with him. A slave gets diapered as humiliation and to keep messes in check during a prolonged session. A baby gets diapered as a part of the kit and to keep messes in check during prolonged sessions.

    At their cores, the underlying functions are the same. The differences are in the trappings-the ornamentation, the scenarios with which we cover the restraint and the status changes and the kit and all of it. You mentioned that you find mixing some bondage and some ABDL play to be tawdry. I assert that it's all in the trapping and what you make of it. Perhaps for you having kit that feels too much like BDSM kit won't work, but perhaps Mommy or Daddy strapping you into your highchair so you won't fall out and get hurt (and the release is just something you can't quite reach or undo) is something more your speed.

    Personally, I enjoy both BDSM and ABDL. My thing is separation between the adult modes and the little modes. Being diapered and bound is pure DL territory for me, pure adult play. I don't really want much to do with a nursery or childish prints or most of that during adult DL play. Likewise, I don't want a bunch of black leather and steel and padlocks during AB time. Being diapered and in childish clothing and being in little mode is AB territory for me, not at all adult play. A bit of crossover won't kill it (e.g. a reasonable collar during AB time or childishly-colored restraints during DL play), but that's about it for me.

    I think you'll find the ideas and desires in these realms and how they mix or don't mix are just as numerous and varied as the players themselves. I advocate an ala carte approach. This stuff isn't catechism teaching where you have to accept and believe all of it to be a real member of the church. Pick the bits that work for you, leave the rest. At the very least, doing that'll save you money on gear

    Again, welcome! I hope some of that and what else we have to say makes some sense for you!

  7. #7

    Default

    Thank you all for the thoughtful responses! You've given me a few things to mull over. This community seems really friendly and open. I feel like I'll be working through my issues just by hanging around here for a while

    GoldDragonAurkarm, what you say about seperation between little mode and adult mode really made sense to me. And for me they don't mix, but I wouldn't say it's tawdry. Just that in 15 Stone Babies (I don't know if you've watched it) there was a judgemental attitude about BDSM that was thankfully missing from most of it. There are so many docs like "My Strange Addiction" and so on that have this icky gaze on "weird people," especially relating to kinks or atypical sexuality, that it's rare to find something you can watch and relate to. And it kind of annoyed me that they ruined a beautiful doc by hating on BDSM. I guess I'm protective about my kinks

  8. #8

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    ruan - The BDSM philosophy of "Dominance & submission (D/s)" regards diaper fetishists and infantilists as "submissives". - This is a mandatory lifestyle in the BDSM community. - Therefore, BDSM culture separates ABDLs apart from one another and isolates them as "submissive" pairs for "Dominants" or "Masters" who are not ABDLs themselves.

  9. #9

    Default

    Ruan, welcome to Adisc. You are sure to find friends here, and I see you have already found some. WTG everyone, including Ruan for the insightful feelings and thoughts that have been expressed.

  10. #10

    Default

    Ruan,

    As you have found out already, you are most welcome here.

    There are many different kinks and fetishes out there and many points at which they cross over. On this site which is ABDL oriented you will find people who class themselves as AB, DL, Babyfur, Diaperfur, Little, Sissy and combinations of them all. Also there are many with other fetishes too although we mainly stick to ABDL. I am sure that some mix their fetishes (I occasionally do but mostly do not) but I am sure that others do not.

    We are all different. Find what you are comfortable with by exploration and discussion. The one thing that you can guarantee is that we will accept you for who you are.

    DLE

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