I haven't been on here in quite some time and that's because I took time off to figure things out. Recently I found out a have OCD, which would explain a lot. So I am taking medicine to help me better control it and not have anxiety.
So basically, I have discovered that I'm not an abdl. I don't want to be a grown man that acts like a toddler or have an adult woman care for me like a child. I only want to literally go back in time to when I was three and four and experience that part of my life again. I don't want to play pretend. I want to relive my own life. My day dreams growing up were just that. I would wish and wish as hard as I could before I went to bed when I was in middle school that I would wake up and be three again. And be disappointed when I hadn't.
I know that this is impossible and that's what makes it so sad. Age play and anything abdl doesn't satisfy my desire. At all. I discovered this lifestyle when I was eleven and I thought that I must be like these people. But I'm not. I think being exposed to it just as puberty was starting is what drew me too it. Because there is a lot of sexual things with this lifestyle, but for the life of me I don't understand why? Babies aren't something sexual at all! I guess abdls are adults and there is no getting away from that so their bodies still function as adult bodies... But I digress...
I just wish there was some way to make my dreams come true. I want so bad to sometimes just wake up and be three again. No care in the world and to be taken care of by my real mom, not some phony who plays pretend... But alas how could this even be possible... I guess it will always just be a dream that I can never possibly reach.