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Thread: My realization

  1. #1
    Reword

    Default My realization

    I haven't been on here in quite some time and that's because I took time off to figure things out. Recently I found out a have OCD, which would explain a lot. So I am taking medicine to help me better control it and not have anxiety.

    So basically, I have discovered that I'm not an abdl. I don't want to be a grown man that acts like a toddler or have an adult woman care for me like a child. I only want to literally go back in time to when I was three and four and experience that part of my life again. I don't want to play pretend. I want to relive my own life. My day dreams growing up were just that. I would wish and wish as hard as I could before I went to bed when I was in middle school that I would wake up and be three again. And be disappointed when I hadn't.

    I know that this is impossible and that's what makes it so sad. Age play and anything abdl doesn't satisfy my desire. At all. I discovered this lifestyle when I was eleven and I thought that I must be like these people. But I'm not. I think being exposed to it just as puberty was starting is what drew me too it. Because there is a lot of sexual things with this lifestyle, but for the life of me I don't understand why? Babies aren't something sexual at all! I guess abdls are adults and there is no getting away from that so their bodies still function as adult bodies... But I digress...

    I just wish there was some way to make my dreams come true. I want so bad to sometimes just wake up and be three again. No care in the world and to be taken care of by my real mom, not some phony who plays pretend... But alas how could this even be possible... I guess it will always just be a dream that I can never possibly reach.

  2. #2

    Default

    Unfortunately, that's life.

    I think a lot of ab's have fantasized about what it would be like to be an actual child again. But most realize that not only is it impossible, they'd be missing out on a lot if they could permanently become young. Of course, different people have different priorities, goals, and enjoyments, but if you were a child (supposing you were, physically and mentally, young), you couldn't drive a car, have a job, get married, go anywhere by yourself, etc. A small child may not care about those things, but perhaps I'm getting a bit too technical here.

    Perhaps you could try to find joy in simply acting little? Just because you have the body of an adult doesn't mean you can't experience the pleasures of babyhood - the touch of a diaper, the simple amusement of a cartoon, the feel of your tongue against your thumb as you suck it. And don't forget about those things that bring your adult self happiness, whatever they may be.

    Life goes on, it proceeds through all its natural stages, and we can't stop it. But maybe we can appreciate all the different things it brings us on its course. Sometimes they might be hard to see. It's probably a bit cliche to say, but you are young, and have your whole life ahead of you, and hopefully many things to experience.

    In the end, if you can realize that happiness can be found at any age, you will be much better off, instead of focusing on something that can never be.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    I haven't been on here in quite some time and that's because I took time off to figure things out. Recently I found out a have OCD, which would explain a lot. So I am taking medicine to help me better control it and not have anxiety.

    So basically, I have discovered that I'm not an abdl. I don't want to be a grown man that acts like a toddler or have an adult woman care for me like a child. I only want to literally go back in time to when I was three and four and experience that part of my life again. I don't want to play pretend. I want to relive my own life. My day dreams growing up were just that. I would wish and wish as hard as I could before I went to bed when I was in middle school that I would wake up and be three again. And be disappointed when I hadn't.

    I know that this is impossible and that's what makes it so sad. Age play and anything abdl doesn't satisfy my desire. At all. I discovered this lifestyle when I was eleven and I thought that I must be like these people. But I'm not. I think being exposed to it just as puberty was starting is what drew me too it. Because there is a lot of sexual things with this lifestyle, but for the life of me I don't understand why? Babies aren't something sexual at all! I guess abdls are adults and there is no getting away from that so their bodies still function as adult bodies... But I digress...

    I just wish there was some way to make my dreams come true. I want so bad to sometimes just wake up and be three again. No care in the world and to be taken care of by my real mom, not some phony who plays pretend... But alas how could this even be possible... I guess it will always just be a dream that I can never possibly reach.
    We all have those moments. Your not the only one. What you got to understand is sometimes we all grow up but keep child's play storylines with us in the back of our heads and think to ourselves "I wish I was 2 or 3 again because life back then was so thrilling and cheerful" You can re-live those moments with what you dream. It's a fantasy world where you can do whatever you want and dreams do last long periods of time...sure it may not be realistic in the real world but you will definitely feel it inside. Some people make it a reality by marrying caretakers and getting them to treat them like babies but it can be little extreme or rather soothing. I understand your point by not wanting fake moms to act like they are your mother because that's not really a vital role when your not really loved as you expected them to be and it is hard. When men get married to their wives, they use or ask their wives to be their mommy in situations like this and I will tell you that works about 50/50 of the time. Women want mature men who work, clean, responsible, etc...so I get your drift on what you want for real in life...It will suck but life rolls on with that but again there is ways to make a dream a reality. Why do you think that's where the term AB/DL come's from? I'm a little babyfur inside my body but on the outside I am a immature 19 year old with a dream of flying for commercial aviation and yet I still get around...it just takes practice and time to finding out what you really want to be.

    Puberty is garbage and it sucks for most people out there including me honestly, but what I do and I think you can do this as well, is to try and not let it bother you. I'm not talking about acting like eleven again by shaving your hair or get a make-over oh no! What I'm saying is try to not let adult life get in your way to what you really want to do. I'm 19 and in college but when I get home I tend to relax feeling like I am 13 again where life back then for me was just terrific! But the downside for me on that is college work, living with a non-understandable mother, and the fear of losing my BF side because of this non-sense, which is why I go on ADISC and read comics, look at furry art, etc just to keep me and my BF side close together without letting go.

    I don't have OCD but I undergo a crazy little progress so I wouldn't blame what you got. Your just as special as everyone else and don't let that medical problem mess with your head on what you think is right or wrong. I have a learning disability and I'm ADHD (reason why I am up always late at night when I should be sleeping...'scuse me Dr.pepper) Your not going to have an anxiety attack over something as small as this. I think you could do a little experiment on what your going through. It's always worth a try! EP01 I think helped you out in the long run and he made some interesting points on your life-style. I still think you should stick with them and continue to however you really wanna live your life. IF your exposed then don't worry about it...brush it off your shoulder's and let the wind carry it to another location...if you want to be little then do it! Nobody is stopping you because it is your life and you should choose on how to run it!



    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine View Post
    Unfortunately, that's life.
    --------
    In the end, if you can realize that happiness can be found at any age, you will be much better off, instead of focusing on something that can never be.
    I don't think I would have worded it like that. People don't like it when they are wrong even if that's the case. You still gotta find positive attributes to their questions!

  4. #4

    Default

    Sometimes, there are things that we can have in fantasy, and we can enjoy those fantasies even if they can't ever become reality. It's one of the beautiful aspects of the human mind, that we have the ability to imagine ourselves as something entirely different than what we are. Hold on to that, Reword. You don't need to engage in role play or pretend to have a mommy if that doesn't make you satisfied. You can just keep the fantasy and let the ideas there make you happy during your free time. I'd offer the suggestion of keeping a journal for yourself. Right down some of your ideas as you have them. You can go back over them later and maybe collect them at some point and write your own stories set in a world that works the way that you want it to work. In the meantime, you just need to do enough to keep your life going, and see if you maybe you can find some other things in the world that make you happy too. It's a pretty big place, after all.

  5. #5

    Default

    I enjoy my diapers, but I have the same desires to be a kid again, so much that I've mentioned it to my wife. I told her that when I get to heaven, I'm choosing to be three again and she'll have to take care of me. She told me I better not! But I really do think about it, and not just the age of three. I'd love to be 10 or 11, living where I did back then and being with my mom and dad. I'd like to be in high school again with my best friend and even in college again. All these ages have their charms. Who's to say what's possible after death?

    The best we can do is keep these memories and occasionally enjoy them in our dreams. I have a reoccurring dream where I'm driving and I'm trying to find home. The thing is that home is the home of my childhood. One time I found it. I pulled up in front of my old house/home and knocked on the door. No one was home and I was so disappointing

    I remembered the dream when I woke up, and I knew why no one was home. My parents had died years ago, and so I could never go home: not in this life. That will have to come later when I walk through the door of death to new life. There's a part of me that yearns for it.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I enjoy my diapers, but I have the same desires to be a kid again, so much that I've mentioned it to my wife. I told her that when I get to heaven, I'm choosing to be three again and she'll have to take care of me. She told me I better not! But I really do think about it, and not just the age of three. I'd love to be 10 or 11, living where I did back then and being with my mom and dad. I'd like to be in high school again with my best friend and even in college again. All these ages have their charms. Who's to say what's possible after death?

    The best we can do is keep these memories and occasionally enjoy them in our dreams. I have a reoccurring dream where I'm driving and I'm trying to find home. The thing is that home is the home of my childhood. One time I found it. I pulled up in front of my old house/home and knocked on the door. No one was home and I was so disappointing

    I remembered the dream when I woke up, and I knew why no one was home. My parents had died years ago, and so I could never go home: not in this life. That will have to come later when I walk through the door of death to new life. There's a part of me that yearns for it.
    I'd like to imagine that in heaven, if there is one, your consciousness doesn't have to be bounded to one body. You could be three and have someone caring for you, and you could be your adult self with your wife all at once.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    I'd like to imagine that in heaven, if there is one, your consciousness doesn't have to be bounded to one body. You could be three and have someone caring for you, and you could be your adult self with your wife all at once.
    Dammit Archie I was gonna say that :3

  8. #8

    Default

    Yeah, that would be heaven. I once had a dream where I was in heaven living on this big farm. I can remember how green the fields looks, as they were a vivid green. In the dream, I needed a refrigerator, and suddenly I was at this store. I ordered my fridge and out came this big stainless steel double door refrigerator, something I don't even own in real life. I asked the man how much it cost and he said it was free. I questioned him, saying how could it be free, and he answered, "Well, this is heaven". I actually dreamed that. Weird, isn't it?

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Reword View Post
    So basically, I have discovered that I'm not an abdl. I don't want to be a grown man that acts like a toddler
    I think that nobody wants to be a grown up that acts like a toddler to be honest.

    We would all like to either be grown ups who act like normal grown up people all the time or toddlers who can't act anything other than themselves.

    What you described is the ideal scenario, the utopia, the impossible fantasy... what we all deep down really wish, to be a true baby or toddler again whenever we wanted.

    But... We can't. We can't, to my knowledge, change the desire to experience babyhood or early childhood again or go back in time to experience it whenever we desire unfortunately, that's why we act upon it and pretend.

    So you are in fact an abdl. You're an adult are you not? Who would like to be or experience being a baby again correct? You see, you can't change one or the other, you're an adult who wants to be a baby, you're an adult baby.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Johnni View Post
    I think that nobody wants to be a grown up that acts like a toddler to be honest.

    We would all like to either be grown ups who act like normal grown up people all the time or toddlers who can't act anything other than themselves.[snipped]
    Surprise! Actually being a child holds very little appeal for me. The juxtaposition of being an adult while being treated or thought to be a child is far more interesting. I can't say I'm big on acting like a toddler but I also can't say it's never happened. In general, expect that if you can easily conceive it, someone is into it.

    I'd agree with the rest of your post. The OP is putting too fine a lens on this. While there may (probably will always be) dissatisfaction, what he describes still fits under the AB umbrella.

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