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Thread: Locked away to never be seen.

  1. #1

    Default Locked away to never be seen.

    I have decided it is best to lock myself in my room and never speak to the people living downstairs ever again. I can't stop thinking about what was said, and what happened last night. It is all I can think about, and with all the other times he has said, or done something. I honestly am locked away so I don't do anything stupid. I just think this is the only part of the house I can actually be in anymore. So I am going to sit here and think for a while.. more like forever I guess. I am not going beyond my door.

  2. #2

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    wish I could give you a huge hug
    it gets better, there are good people outside, and plenty of time left to play

  3. #3

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    Hey BronyPony14, that's no way to live. I saw your thread last night and I'm overjoyed that you called a hotline and didn't commit suicide. There's still a lot of life left for you and it will get better, I promise. Just hang in there.

    Now listen, you can't just lock yourself in your room and never go out again. You need to eat, exercise, and see other people in the real world. The environment that you're in now isn't okay and what I'm hearing is that you don't feel safe being around the other people in your home.

    So, I'm going to give you a piece of advice. You should leave. Call the hotline back first, talk to someone there, tell them what's going on and they will direct you to some information for where you can go. Then leave. Now.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by BronyPony14 View Post
    I have decided it is best to lock myself in my room and never speak to the people living downstairs ever again. I can't stop thinking about what was said, and what happened last night. It is all I can think about, and with all the other times he has said, or done something. I honestly am locked away so I don't do anything stupid. I just think this is the only part of the house I can actually be in anymore. So I am going to sit here and think for a while.. more like forever I guess. I am not going beyond my door.
    my friend...

    Shutting yourself away will solve nothing. It will on make matters worse. Please heed my words, because I've been down that road that leads to Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings, shutting yourself in your bedroom may seem like a better choice than facing your problems head on but let me tell you it's not. It's not the answer. When they push you, you have to push back! You are who you are, NOTHING and NO ONE can change that. You were born this way. There are amazing people in the outside world, please don't let your shitty parents make you feel otherwise!

  5. #5

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    That's your answer? Locking yourself away forever?

    *sigh* Call the hotline back up and take whatever advice they give you...I can't keep doing this...

    Ignore the assholes that make you feel down and stand up for yourself! I don't listen to half of what people say when they are rude to me...I just shut them down.

  6. #6

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    NO.. just stop let me live how I want.. leave me alone.. I am so f-ing stupid for even putting anything on here.. agh!.. just agh!!!!!!

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by BronyPony14 View Post
    I have decided it is best to lock myself in my room and never speak to the people living downstairs ever again. I can't stop thinking about what was said, and what happened last night. It is all I can think about, and with all the other times he has said, or done something. I honestly am locked away so I don't do anything stupid. I just think this is the only part of the house I can actually be in anymore. So I am going to sit here and think for a while.. more like forever I guess. I am not going beyond my door.
    Update: Just saw your reply that came in just before my post did. Now's not a good time to act. You've gone through hell, and need time to recover. If you have anything that can help you de-stress - whether that's sleeping, drawing, listening to music, whatever helps you - do that for now. You're in a bad place, and before you can act, you need time to heal from this. If talking here helps, or if you need to be alone, whatever will help you. Take time to care for yourself, and then you can think some more about how to proceed when you're ready.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    You've had a horrible night and day. Some time away from your family is a good idea, and I can see why you want to hide in your room. Long term, though, that's not a permanent solution. Isolation can lead to more severe depression and even suicide, so please don't isolate yourself forever. (On a related note, good for you for posting about your struggles here - it takes courage, and it means that we can offer you some level of support).

    I don't know your full situation, and you don't need to post it here if you're not comfortable, but one way or another you need to get out of this house. Staying with an abusive family, especially physically abusive, will only lead to more and more pain. It's dangerous to be here, even if you don' get hit anymore, because they are tearing away at your sense of who you are. Making you feel like you're not worthy. And that's not true - but it's a lie that you can come to believe if you hear it enough times.

    ArchieRoni suggested calling the hotline you called last night for advice; I would second this idea. Then you can share some more about where you are, and what barriers keep you stuck there. They can even give you ideas on what to do that none of us have thought of. One way or another, though, being stuck in an abusive house will just have more and more bad effects on you. In much the same way as you cut out those bullies who were hurting you, finding a way to stop these ones will help you tremendously, too.

    I know that because it's your family, and because you live there, it's not that easy. That's why I advise calling the hotline, because the people there have heard situations like yours before. They can give you wiser advice than I can. One way or another, though, I think you know this can't continue. Continuing to be abused will let these awful feelings continue. I don't have a detailed answer, but I do know that you deserve so much more than this.

    If it helps, you're not alone in this. You've got the support of your ADISC family, and you can tell us what you're feeling anytime. Your family is wrong to do this to you; you deserve to be treated with kindness for who you are. I truly hope you find a safe place, and that the people hurting you do come around eventually. For now, take care of yourself. And don't hesitate to ask for help anytime.

  8. #8

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    To be honest, I do not even think that this is a bad idea at all partially.

    Backing away and having some time to care about yourself is good, if you're able to do it obviously. Getting into thinking too much though may not be that good, so I'd say it's best to keep yourself occupied in a way. Do some things you like to do... and keep your door locked if you want it to be that way.

    Since... basically from what you've written, I think you're past the point of trying to reason with these "people", where you're living at. "People", since I wouldn't call people being that way to their own kinship family, this privilige is forfeit. A flower can't choose the place where it blooms and a child can't choose the parents he's born to.
    Getting verbal is one thing, where you may or may not be able to solve things, depending on how hardened the fronts are. But getting violent literally ist simply too much, it's past a point of reasoning. Stepping away in that case is the right thing to do.

    Just perhaps don't think about "locking yourself" away, and more like shutting your door for them, they're not welcome anymore and that's it. And in the long run try to get out.
    In this case that's what I'd do as fast as possible, and so it's my advice always regarding violence. Getting out, getting your own apartment, or if necessary trying to getting a safe place at a friends home. And in the end perhaps deciding if it would be better to let go at all, or getting more serious about the fact of violence, i.e. to complain to the police. Or to be specific, since you called a hotline, you could call them again, since they probably noted it somehow. So trying to go along that route, which may be a bit easier as doing everything by yourself. They'd forward you to the right person in charge at least, if you're talking your way around it.
    I hope you're not physically hurt due to what happened, if so you could also do that now, but you'd also have to get out immediately after doing this.

    However, it doesn't matter that much. What matters is that you move on, for your own sake, and try to be happy, since you deserve it. You are strong enough to do it. Even if you are down, all by yourself crying out loud and feeling like everything is lost... it doesn't matter, what does is that you get up again, that is strength; being alive is a sign of strength. *feel hugged*.
    Last edited by daLira; 14-Sep-2014 at 23:41.

  9. #9

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    Sorry you're feeling so down right now, BP. It just plain sucks. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better, so I won't try. I understand why you're locking yourself away for right now and I think it's a good idea to avoid the people who are abusing you for being gay. I hope you can distract yourself or find some cool people to talk to. Maybe try the hotline again if you feel like getting some things off your chest. It hurts so badly to be rejected by your own family, and I'm so sorry you are feeling that pain. They don't deserve you in their lives if this is how they treat you, so good for you for deciding not to speak to them.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by BronyPony14 View Post
    NO.. just stop let me live how I want.. leave me alone.. I am so f-ing stupid for even putting anything on here.. agh!.. just agh!!!!!!
    You're not stupid. You're brave for telling us what's going on and how you're feeling. And we're always open to help support you. The beautiful thing about an Internet forum is that you also don't have to take our advice. So, if you want to live how you'd like for a little while and get some rest, that's okay. If you ever start feeling any different, we're here to talk, the hotline's there to talk, the police if it gets severe enough. Just remember there are always options.

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