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Thread: Feeling Immensely Inferior

  1. #1

    Unhappy Feeling Immensely Inferior

    I've always thought I was different from others in a sense, but it wasn't until I read up and watched some documentaries about the 67' riots and low to little income housing projects did I began to understand why. Race has been a long standing "hotbed" issue, but if you grew up in the 1980's like me, unless someone "schooled" you on the past, then you literally don't have a clue. I've never been a gangbanger, drug user or toublemaker, as my single mom raised us with as much morals as she could, being a single parent. They say "don't believe everything you hear" and things like "keep your head held high, be proud of who you are." I'm sitting here questioning myself like "who I'm I exactly?" All of this time I've tried to live like a respectable law abiding citizen, morals and manners in tact, but if everything I've seen and read are true, even if I had Bill Gates money and a Harvard degree, I'd still be considered sub-human. It's probably a horrible thing to say and I don't mean to offend anyone, but I'm starting to feel like I'd rather die than to be black. I mean, seriously? What was God's ultimate plan for "colored" folk in the first place?

    Previewing this post before I put it up, the irony of my sig is the first time I've managed to smile all week. I just wish more than anything in the world right now that I could believe it.

    Maybe it should read "Ignorance WAS bliss"

  2. #2


    what was gods ultimate plan for colored folks you ask....
    how about giving us the best damn President these United States have had in a very long time.... that's a good start!
    i am older than you and have actually lived through a lot of the stuff that you are talking about having read. and i am of color too; not black, but red. i went to an all white primary school where i was looked down on and i didn't even understand why at that age. by high school, i discovered why and at the same time found a friend.... the only other native-american in the whole school. and boy did we raze hell.

    but even with all of that i was to find my self a reluctant member of an even smaller and more hated group at the time.... gays. a group affiliation that you and i both share.

    i think that all we can do as people of color, as members of the gay community, as minorities..... is stand-up and be counted, vote, tell our story, know our history and simply respect our selves and what it has taken to get here.

    your fight is mine, Brother.....

  3. #3


    Thank you for your uplifting post lilttlelodgewrecker,

    I don't know, I guess it's simply me being in a very unique position in life right now. I'm originally from the city, more actually, "the ghetto" or "the projects." We grew up living the "hood" way of life, because it's who we were and how we were brought up. Granted, if you have a family with a very strong backbone in respect and morals, then we don't always grow up to be the "monsters" in which the media portray us all as a whole to be. My mom made sure we always said "please and thank you", let her know where we were at all times before we left, respected our elders and stayed away from drugs. Things such as talking back, doing bad in school, cursing, acting up in public, etc, were punishable by getting your behind spanked on the spot. Having said all of that, thinking back on how things were when I was coming up and recently reading and learning a fraction of the stuff I'm coming to learn now; life was a bit bias. For example, although I've been in the country side since I was 22 years old, I can bet my life on the fact that President Obama couldn't do any wrong where I'm from. In the countryside however, the story is very much different and although some of it is racism I'm sure, a lot of friends I have up here are in fact unprejudiced.

    I'll be the first to tell you, now that I know a bit more about politics, I was born democrat but my views within this year alone has change and not towards republican ether, but not trusting ether side. The problem I feel right now is, people are so blind that they pick a side because "said person" is telling you everything you want to hear, just to get a position in office. As for the race side of things, I feel like those of us who wish to live like decent human beings are getting drowned out by those who embrace the negativity in which has become so popular over the years. With the advent of social media like "Facebook", I see more "hood fights" than I've seen in my lifetime and wonder while living in a predominantly white area, why whites are cautious of me and they don't even know me.

    It cuts me down to the bone when I see someone look at me, take a look back at their car and go through the extra mile to make sure I see them lock it, meanwhile I "own" my own car Pull their kids closer when they see me; why would I want to hurt a kid of ANY color? Leave a cart with a pocketbook unattended near by but pull it closer if they happen to see me; why would I take your money when I've been working for a living since I was 17 years old? As for being gay? Don't EVEN get me started, but at least among friends it's a saving grace that along with color, they don't care if I decide to share my bed with another man, hell, a good handful of them know and have seen my AB side. Yes, I want to stand up and be counted for, but more than anything, I just want to be seen as a human being and not "just" a color.

  4. #4


    You are most certainly fully human, and thoroughly screw anyone who would have you believe otherwise. It amazes me that people still believe any form of racism. The tone of your skin has nothing to do with your humanity.

  5. #5


    theres only one race, the human race....tho i do like to think myself above it most of the time, its too painful to imagine myself as being apart of the same race as the idiots i have to deal with every day >.>

  6. #6


    One of the main reasons why I believe I became AB/DL is simply the fact that my childhood, minus some of the hardships and the struggles were actually a less stressful and loved time of my life. As an adult, if you ever noticed the behaviour of toddlers when they interact with one another, they don't see any of the differences we see, because we were taught them over time.

    Black, white, native, gay, straight, etc, it doesn't matter to them because they are simply looking for friends and that's one of the main reasons why I love Infantilism, because it brings us together the same way.

    I've often wondered, when it comes to uniting and getting along as one, why can't the world be like one great big nursery. I'd like to believe that if God really wanted us the way we are now, then it would have been within us from birth, not taught over generations.

    Thank you, ADISC, for making me feel welcome <3

  7. #7


    I believe humans are naturally prejudiced. One of the things that separates us from other animals is our ability to communicate via abstract labels used to identify stereotypical groups of things such as apples, oranges, whites, blacks, racists, liberals, terrorists, etc. Intellectually we know the stereotypes don't apply to every individual in a group, but emotionally we have a tendency to make judgements based on stereotypes simply because this is more convenient in our busy lives. What we learn while growing up is not how to feel prejudiced - that comes naturally. We learn how to express these feelings in a way that is acceptable to the local culture. Our culture can reinforce our feelings of prejudice, "Go Team Go", or it can try to counteract these feelings, "We are all created equal".

    People with darker skin aren't the only ones who have experienced prejudice based on the ghetto stereotype, which is the prejudice you are talking about that causes some people to look at you suspiciously. In the U.S. there have been Irish and Italian ghettos as well as other white, nationality based ghettos. The difference is that once these people learned the language they could blend in invisibly with the white power structure and free themselves from the stereotypical belief they were saddled with; the belief that they are somehow inferior and untrustworthy. The white power structure is slowly becoming multiracial but that, in itself, isn't enough to overcome our natural tendencies towards discrimination. We need to work on that.

  8. #8


    Why are you here? The same reason I'm here, the same reason any of us are here-to learn, to grow, to contribute to culture, society, humanity (and as Rush said, because we're here, roll the bones). Christian teachings hold that God does not give burdens one cannot carry, but that he tests his followers to make sure their faith is true. Viewed in that light, I would feel comfortable asserting that God figures you're particularly strong, that you can carry a bigger burden than many of us.

    In any case, I would assert you have something of value to contribute. Your experiences have been and will be far different than my experiences as a white man growing up in the country. You're right, hate is taught and learned, not innate. It's embedded into cultural and societal and institutional fabric over generations, and like any craft, each successive generation of practitioners builds on the teachings of those that came before and become more clever about it. You're in a position to educate and illuminate, to share your story, to help people like me understand that people like me far too often conduct themselves like fuckers. You're in a position to show that the entire craft is wrong, that the practices are wrong, that racism will produce nothing more useful than and has no more use in modern society than alchemy. As it took generations for bigots to teach and refine racism, it will take generations to teach and refine its undoing.

    It is written in James that faith without works is meaningless. Conducting yourself with a high standard as you already do is always a great starting point and a great way to lead by example. Asking questions and considering things you've "always known" more deeply is always a good way to go. And of course, keep speaking, teaching, illuminating. Part of the problem with wicked problems is that it's hard to even understand the entirety of what's going on in the first place. I assert that many people still don't understand the enormity of the problems caused by racism, how pervasive they are throughout the entirety of society. I also assert that there are concerted efforts by racists to keep it that way. Shine light on that darkness. I assert that decent people are appalled when they begin to understand the scale of the problem and some of the ways in which the problem manifests itself. Help show them, bring them to that point where they're appalled, help refute the practices and teachings of the racists.

    And maybe we can get closer to being one big nursery.

  9. #9


    I understand this for a number of reasons. My dad, no longer living, was half Lenni Lenape Indian. I know we caught some isolation from members in our church, etc. My parents also started out as not having much of anything. I can remember them worrying over paying the bills, etc. Time can change a lot, and during the years that I was a teenager, my mom kept getting better jobs, and my parents pulled themselves up economically.

    Somewhere, I discovered that dealing with hateful people could be handled on a number of levels, Don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know they are hurting you. Ignore them and at the same time, better yourself through education and hard work. Success is the best way to throw it back at them without every saying a word.

    Everyone of us is an individual with the same amount of self worth. There are so many success stories, of people who have pulled themselves up. It almost always involves hard work and self determination. There will always be small minded people, but you don't have to play into their game. Play your own game. The most important thing in life is to be happy, and there are a lot of ways to get there.

  10. #10


    The only people who consider you sub-human are racists, and they're the actual subhumans.

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