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Thread: Looking for help figuring a few things out. . .

  1. #1

    Default Looking for help figuring a few things out. . .

    I don't even know where to start with this but I figured I'd start here after the blog post that I made.

    I want to sort out my feelings on all of this stuff. And I know there are probably better places to look for help on this (Therapy, a support forum actually meant for this sort of thing, ect.) But I already go to therapy (Which is for anxiety and not for these feelings.) and finding an actual support forum that you can really feel comfortable with is hard sometimes for me. . . so here goes.

    As I went over in my blog post, I am not biologically female. -As much as I want to lie and say I am.- I've been talking over some things with my close friends/family about my feelings and I just don't know. I want to hear more thoughts about them.

    I wish to be female fully, I want to be there biologically, I want to learn to be more feminine in other aspects. (Because as much as I try to be and certain feminine things come natural to me, other things like makeup and such fail hard.) I want to be able to go out in the world and present myself that way, female, without worrying that somehow someone is going to find out that I'm not biologically.

    I've thought about getting a sex change, so that I can be fully female, and the idea really appeals to me, I think I'd be happier as the therapy and other things involved before you can even get the gender reassignment stuff would probably help me sort it out even more, but before I start with that I want to really be sure.

    Right now I am fairly confident that if I choose to get a gender change or not, I want to appear and mentally be female, even if biologically I'm not. But I'm not sure if I want to go through both the 2 year process of therapy and such. (As of right now that's what is required I believe, was going research, might be wrong though.)

    I want to say I would feel better if I got my body changed to mirror my feelings about myself but I often have doubts, I question if it would actually make me happy or if I just think it would and nothing really changed? What if I do it and things get worse for me? What if I do it and it's fine but then later I end up wanting to change back? You can't change back after that. . . And probably the most petty doubt of all regards to 'feeling good' which I'll leave out of the conversation as I do feel like it's really petty to have that be the only reason to not go through with this if I sort all of the other things out.

    So yeah I just rambled on for . . . 6 and a half paragraphs so I'll leave it at that. . . I just don't know what to think and I don't really know where to start with getting help for all of this. My normal therapist is just for helping me with general anxiety and panic attacks and there are no real therapists around where I live that deal with this sort of thing. . . so I'm just kind of lost as I also don't have anyone who knows a lot about this, I figured I'd start here and maybe someone here either is someone, or knows someone/some site that is helpful for this sort of thing. So. . . help please?

  2. #2

    Default

    This is not my area of expertise or even a modicum of knowledge, but I assume you are discussing this with your therapist? Gender reassignment is a long process, so I would think that if you started that journey, you would slowly pick up on the things you need to learn. It seems to me that you need a starting place, and that would give you a lot of time to learn more about yourself and your desires. You can always change your mind (before surgery, obviously) and you will have satisfied your mind.

    Others on this site a lot more knowledgeable will contribute and give you more help than I can.

  3. #3

    Default

    This is also not my area of expertise, but I do want to note that you can ask your regular therapist for a specialist if you want somebody to speak with about gender issues specifically. They'll almost surely know somebody or be in a position to ask around and come back to you with a good recommendation.

    From your post, you actually sound very confident about your own feelings, so I'd suggest you just gather more information. This place is a good start for that, and you might also look into what doctors and scientific journals have to say on the subject.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    This is not my area of expertise or even a modicum of knowledge, but I assume you are discussing this with your therapist? Gender reassignment is a long process, so I would think that if you started that journey, you would slowly pick up on the things you need to learn. It seems to me that you need a starting place, and that would give you a lot of time to learn more about yourself and your desires. You can always change your mind (before surgery, obviously) and you will have satisfied your mind.

    Others on this site a lot more knowledgeable will contribute and give you more help than I can.
    Yes I am discussing it with my therapist but I'm really not getting very far on that. As I've said my therapy is for my anxiety/general panic attacks and I only have a short time to speak with her about it, so naturally I'd rather just get a second therapist, one who actually specializes in this. Yeah, I think you're right, I just really don't know where to start, I do need a starting place. . .



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    This is also not my area of expertise, but I do want to note that you can ask your regular therapist for a specialist if you want somebody to speak with about gender issues specifically. They'll almost surely know somebody or be in a position to ask around and come back to you with a good recommendation.

    From your post, you actually sound very confident about your own feelings, so I'd suggest you just gather more information. This place is a good start for that, and you might also look into what doctors and scientific journals have to say on the subject.
    Well the problem is we did ask my therapist, it's a clinic therapist and not a private practice, they really don't have that many resources in their clinic 'circle' to help look for those kinds of things. She's told me she doesn't know anyone. She did tell us a few places to look but everyone who is actually legitimately for gender change and such are out of range. :/

  5. #5

    Default

    I would goggle near where you live therapist that handle transgender issues.
    Or transgender resources that may help.

  6. #6

    Default

    hello;
    AddyShadows is getting her questions and curiosity answered privately right now, so i won't go into to the particulars of that except to thank Mr. Zipp for bringing us together so this could happen.....

    but for anyone else with these sort of questions concerning SRS and transition. please please find a local real-life face to face support group or community. there is nothing that can replace the comradery and collective experience that your Sisters and or Brothers can bring to bear on this situation. i am speaking to you from the experience of having lived this life for over 30 years and having seen and helped many of my sisters and even a few of my brothers along the way.

    if anyone has particular questions that i can help them with either publicly in this forum, or in private by *PM*.... Please ask.... i am not the quickest to answer as i have almost daily migraines and must work around them, but i will get back to you...

    in closing let me say it is through the process and work of transition that we as trans-folk find most of our deepest answers. not everyone who feels them-selves to be born the wrong sex can or will want to go all the way through to sex reassignment surgery. many people find it's not needed for them to be happy, or that it's really not the future they thought they wanted after the vale has been pulled away and they see it in the full light of day. other folks find the binary life of simply being either *man* or *woman* too restricting of their lifestyle.

    in reality, *time* changes all things.... and the time that it takes a person to do the process of transition will will change them.... into to what? well, that is only for them to know and discover, isn't it... (soft knowing smile)

    lodge wrecker.....



    Quote Originally Posted by AddyShadows View Post
    I don't even know where to start with this but I figured I'd start here after the blog post that I made.

    I want to sort out my feelings on all of this stuff. And I know there are probably better places to look for help on this (Therapy, a support forum actually meant for this sort of thing, ect.) But I already go to therapy (Which is for anxiety and not for these feelings.) and finding an actual support forum that you can really feel comfortable with is hard sometimes for me. . . so here goes.

    As I went over in my blog post, I am not biologically female. -As much as I want to lie and say I am.- I've been talking over some things with my close friends/family about my feelings and I just don't know. I want to hear more thoughts about them.

    I wish to be female fully, I want to be there biologically, I want to learn to be more feminine in other aspects. (Because as much as I try to be and certain feminine things come natural to me, other things like makeup and such fail hard.) I want to be able to go out in the world and present myself that way, female, without worrying that somehow someone is going to find out that I'm not biologically.

    I've thought about getting a sex change, so that I can be fully female, and the idea really appeals to me, I think I'd be happier as the therapy and other things involved before you can even get the gender reassignment stuff would probably help me sort it out even more, but before I start with that I want to really be sure.

    Right now I am fairly confident that if I choose to get a gender change or not, I want to appear and mentally be female, even if biologically I'm not. But I'm not sure if I want to go through both the 2 year process of therapy and such. (As of right now that's what is required I believe, was going research, might be wrong though.)

    I want to say I would feel better if I got my body changed to mirror my feelings about myself but I often have doubts, I question if it would actually make me happy or if I just think it would and nothing really changed? What if I do it and things get worse for me? What if I do it and it's fine but then later I end up wanting to change back? You can't change back after that. . . And probably the most petty doubt of all regards to 'feeling good' which I'll leave out of the conversation as I do feel like it's really petty to have that be the only reason to not go through with this if I sort all of the other things out.

    So yeah I just rambled on for . . . 6 and a half paragraphs so I'll leave it at that. . . I just don't know what to think and I don't really know where to start with getting help for all of this. My normal therapist is just for helping me with general anxiety and panic attacks and there are no real therapists around where I live that deal with this sort of thing. . . so I'm just kind of lost as I also don't have anyone who knows a lot about this, I figured I'd start here and maybe someone here either is someone, or knows someone/some site that is helpful for this sort of thing. So. . . help please?

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