I don't even know where to start with this but I figured I'd start here after the blog post that I made.
I want to sort out my feelings on all of this stuff. And I know there are probably better places to look for help on this (Therapy, a support forum actually meant for this sort of thing, ect.) But I already go to therapy (Which is for anxiety and not for these feelings.) and finding an actual support forum that you can really feel comfortable with is hard sometimes for me. . . so here goes.
As I went over in my blog post, I am not biologically female. -As much as I want to lie and say I am.- I've been talking over some things with my close friends/family about my feelings and I just don't know. I want to hear more thoughts about them.
I wish to be female fully, I want to be there biologically, I want to learn to be more feminine in other aspects. (Because as much as I try to be and certain feminine things come natural to me, other things like makeup and such fail hard.) I want to be able to go out in the world and present myself that way, female, without worrying that somehow someone is going to find out that I'm not biologically.
I've thought about getting a sex change, so that I can be fully female, and the idea really appeals to me, I think I'd be happier as the therapy and other things involved before you can even get the gender reassignment stuff would probably help me sort it out even more, but before I start with that I want to really be sure.
Right now I am fairly confident that if I choose to get a gender change or not, I want to appear and mentally be female, even if biologically I'm not. But I'm not sure if I want to go through both the 2 year process of therapy and such. (As of right now that's what is required I believe, was going research, might be wrong though.)
I want to say I would feel better if I got my body changed to mirror my feelings about myself but I often have doubts, I question if it would actually make me happy or if I just think it would and nothing really changed? What if I do it and things get worse for me? What if I do it and it's fine but then later I end up wanting to change back? You can't change back after that. . . And probably the most petty doubt of all regards to 'feeling good' which I'll leave out of the conversation as I do feel like it's really petty to have that be the only reason to not go through with this if I sort all of the other things out.
So yeah I just rambled on for . . . 6 and a half paragraphs so I'll leave it at that. . . I just don't know what to think and I don't really know where to start with getting help for all of this. My normal therapist is just for helping me with general anxiety and panic attacks and there are no real therapists around where I live that deal with this sort of thing. . . so I'm just kind of lost as I also don't have anyone who knows a lot about this, I figured I'd start here and maybe someone here either is someone, or knows someone/some site that is helpful for this sort of thing. So. . . help please?