So the deal is... an introduction. I have no idea whether this is supposed to fit a specific format or not but I'll say what comes to mind and hope it is acceptable. First things first. I am currently 40 years old. I am a native of California. A guy, straight. In all honesty I have been involved (secretly of course) in this way of life for all but my first 5 years when until recently after some careful thought and with someone else's help I figured out the why, what, how but most importantly the how come?
One fateful day in 1996 I was exposed to this new thing called the world wide web using America Online on floppy disk for $2.95 per hour. Am I the only one I know who remembers that? I accidently stumbled upon a web site having to do with the same subject matter that's discussed here and was completely blown away to discover I was not the " only one! " There was literally 5 minutes of an oh my god "Wow" feeling followed promptly by a couple minutes of.... getting sick. Coming to the realization that I was not as crazy as I had been telling myself I was since the age of 5 was amazing as well as an emotional meltdown.
Since then the whole " AB " thing has been an interesting, upsetting, emotional, sometimes happy, sometimes horrible, soul searching, coming to grips with, accepting myself,.... endless journey.
I do have issues with low self asteem that I have been told revolves around keeping such a secret as this for such a long period of time always thinking the worst, comparing myself to others thinking their all completely normal and I got stuck with something like this !!!
Weren't we supposed to talk about our hobbies or something? Being a west coast native ( California) I love anything and everything that has to do with Seismology! Earthquakes and faultlines on the brain ( I know, totally nerdy ) and last year I actually drove to the small town of Parkfield in the central part of the state and stood on top of the infamous San Andreas Fault. Quiet and incredibly creepy...... " It was totally awesome! "
I am not in a relationship and I think that my head and my involvement in the secretive AB world along with not really ever feeling that good about myself has led me to believe that there is no one out there for me and I think I am at a point now where I cannot worry about something which will probably never happen and instead take life one day at a time and think positive.
I finally got around to joining up here after I got that email saying I was lurking which I wasnt but found most of what other people were saying to be very interesting. Whether I'd have anything constructive to add to any discussion here I have no idea but do appreciate this venue and consider it to be a valuable resource.
There it is in a nutshell.... 40 - Life long AB - Earthquake's !!