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Thread: What do you tell your date?

  1. #1

    Default What do you tell your date?

    There are several topics posted on this in the forums but none of them pertained to my situation so here it goes...

    So just imagine yourself, You're a 25 year old male, You're a nervous wreck and you spend hours trying on all the clothes you have on in your closet and you have that 20 minute pep talk to yourself in the mirror trying to find words and things to say. On top of all this, you desperately go online to where you are taking your date and start planning routes to the nearest bathroom so their are no accidents. The date starts, not even 10 minutes in your overactive bladder kicks in, knowing you have mild incontinence you only have a few minutes to find the nearest bathroom. To your demise, you get up 10 or so times just so you have dry pants. Your date is left in the dark confused and annoyed that she keeps getting left alone, She wants answers and you don't know what to say. You know that there are a lot of immature individuals out there who are freaked out by even the word disability and say that its disgusting without taking the time to learn about your personality or taking consideration a day of life in your shoes.....

    Now take the above true story into careful consideration, How would you go about this? What would you say and when? Are there any tips for a more smooth night? As you can see this is a very touchy subject that most people around my age are terrified of. You can see how quickly an awkward a conversation can ensue with something like this. You have no idea what to do or say because you're embarrassed. You don't want the whole world to know, it's something you have been struggling with for years and its a private thing. I don't want anyone to know that I wear diapers either its embarrassing.

    Yes I have gone to a urologist and I do have a bladder issue, I've been having this issue for years, I don't know any more information to give

    I'm looking for tips and mature conversation only. If anyone has any experience in this area it will be really helpful.

  2. #2


    Of course a lot of people would perceive the word disability as something they don't want to know at all, or at least until they're getting way older. Despite that it's a total different question if they would like to have a partner with one.

    However, choice of words. I wouldn't necessarily call incontinence an disability. Of course it's annoying, it's getting on your nerves, it's very uncommon at that age (which is what I tend to hear the most funnily). But it ain't directly an disability. It's a symptom of an underlying problem, whatever it might be. Perhaps a disability, but it can simply be a high level of stress.

    Again, choose your words carefully. That is what it's about. You should know anyway that girls tend to like eloquent boys. Those that can play around with their treasury of words. It's a way more sucessful way of trying to flirt if you're able to play with your sentences, or with what she may be saying.

    What you may want to choose is your own decision. Besides that getting up 10 times may still be a bit too much, she might perceive this as rude, nothing else. How about drinking less on dates and of course before dates? And secondly only small amounts if you order anything. Don't drink a whole glass at once, everyone will have to pee then. ;)

    So... you could stick to the truth. Or to be specific bending the truth about your problem a bit. You're allowed to do that, it's no no-go. First and foremost is everyone trying to show their best sides only, you're having the downside that one negative condition might show up, whether you like it or not. So you're anyway eligible to smooth your problem. Admitting that you've got an overactive bladder would be brave. It is still the truth. However it does not contain any negative imprints, a rather good choice of words. It is something very common. A lot of girls tend to have this, so she will know about it. Although she still may not like it. If she asks about it you can say that it's no big deal.
    You could also go along with your nervousness and admit exactly this. You are excited, agitated, nervous as hell. You don't know what to say exactly, or how, you're having a lump in throat. Due to your excitement and feeling like a nervous wreck you have to pee a lot... that might be a funny icebreaker by the way.
    It may seem a bit girlish, but it might even work as an indirect compliment. You're nervous because of her. Depending on the personality she may be flattered or not. C'mon, you're that cool that you don't even bat an eye thinking about your date infront, but being on one and suddenly you start to lose your mind.
    This would actually be something that works for me. I would be interested to start a conversation, since it eases the mood a lot, the tension get's lost for me then if my date would tell me that kind of funny and lighthearted.

    At last you could simply stick to the plain old boring excuse for having drank too much, in a humorous way: "Oh I think I've been drinking too much water at home, I didn't really what to do after I dressed for our date", something like that. Beware it might still come across rude. But it's a valid reason for going to the toilet without naming incontinence or anything it involves.

    I think first dates should be short and sweet. They should be charming, humorous, leaving a gap for wanting more. One random advice, put a time limit on your date beforehand, and you should be more relaxed about getting through the date nerve free. Deciding in advance exactly when you want to end the date has two functions, it serves to cut the date short on a high whilst both of you are having fun, and leaves your date wanting more.

    Eitherway what may come next, don't stress yourself too much, just try to be natural.
    Best of luck for your next one.

  3. #3

  4. #4


    Ive been the same way my whole life when i 16 i was in a serious car accident it has nothing to do with my urges to go every 5 minutes but i use it as an excuse and say im just lucky to be alive and have internal scar tissue that causes it!! I cant even travel and hour when i have to go i have less then 5 minutes!!

  5. #5


    You need to wear a diaper either cloth or disposable that is not obvious to your girlfriend. If you need to change it might only be once, and you can keep your secret. If the date goes over well, then you can explain your incontinence to her later.

  6. #6


    Sadly I know exactly the feeling keith it sucks, guess there can be worse things then what we have right?

    - - - Updated - - -

    thanks Chuck

  7. #7


    You have a bladder infection your being treated .
    Then if your serious then it did some harm permanent.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Both ways covered
    Dont give out to much just what is a simple explanation is all.

  8. #8


    Scooby--Keep us posted and let us know how the date ended up.

  9. #9


    I agree with Chuck, wearing a diaper will greatly reduce or eliminate your need to visit the restroom. Knowing how long you will be out can help you determine how absoarbant a diaper you need. Something that has helped me get over the embarisment of wareing a diaper in publick is remembering that the outline of a diaper is way less noticable than wet spots on your genes. if you are planning on being in a serious relationship with this person, it is better to let them know about your IC sooner than later. If this person is more of a casual acquaintance, I wouldn't worry about it. Hope this helps.

  10. #10


    It's obviously not something you want to through at her on your first date, but like others have said, manage it using diapers and once (if) you guys hit it off explain to her then that you have bladder issues.

    An understanding person will understand, if she doesn't understand then she's not the one for you.

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