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Thread: The Mistaken Paedophile Problem: Is it just me and who's to blame?

  1. #1
    bringmesunshine

    Default The Mistaken Paedophile Problem: Is it just me and who's to blame?

    This is going to put the Helo Kity amongst the pigeons. I could be branded a paedophile, heck some people already have (branded me as an etc.) though they don't know me...they just know my lifestyle and have got the wrong end of the stickman. But I could be and there's no denying it. It'd happen because I can't help myself (tho should I? TIO Who's to blame will be covered shortly)...let me explain. If I see a baby or a toddler in an outright exposed nappy I'm going to look for a bit/grab a glimpse. Is this okay is it not okay? Again I'm coming to that. It is of course not a common occurrence, thanks to human nature going hand in hand with temperature...limited clothing can only be worn in the summer (late spring sometimes as well) especially if you're very young. This means that in beaches, public parks, prams...in fact a heck of a lot of places you're going to see...what I've been talking about.

    This is important. When I look for probably too many seconds at a baby or toddler running around in just a nappy and a t-shirt I AM NOT THIRSTING, I AM NOT DESIRING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT TUVM! I am just wishing I could do that! I never ended up in that posish when I was that young (early toilet user - fool!) and also (that thought is coupled with) I want to be openly DLAB without prejudice while being my current age.

    That is that and I'd be surprised if I was picked up on my issue and snowballed into trouble via just looking like how I've just said. There are times when passersby wouldn't look, times when those lacking infantilistic qualities would march on like so many dull grey, cut-from-a-kit sheep. It's the parents who change their infants in public sometimes in 'public' public YK surrounded by people like it's no big problem! I look then and wish I was being publically changed (aged both 1-4 and 21)...and when genitalia is on show it's really really really not OK 2 look & be caught looking. But here we are now at 'fault'. Is it my fault or the fault of that parent. You are changing your baby on a bench in a park (xample alert) in the open, loads of people are walking past, my god 1 of them really mite b a pedo' (ware I'm concerned it's just a nasty steryotype) but UR doN it NEway. pt 2 incoming.

    - - - Updated - - -

    pt 2. This is a true example & it happened to me ystrdy. I was on a train & ocUpiN the four seats beside me (not 'beside' beside there was the in-train walk way) was a non-white family consisting of a mother and two daughters (I'm gesN), one of the girls was about sixish, lighter and wearing a long dress so I couldn't tell, the other daughter was defNtly about four, had dreads (the other daughter didn't) and was wearing cool jeans (also a shirt and jumper i must add) for a four year old. But this four yr old was wearing a nappy (now and then visible), now a four year old girl wearing a nappy is rare isn't it? It's widely known in many circles (parental and ABDL espesh) that girls potty train early so this was interesting (but not in that nasty kind of way!). Now I was sneaking occasionaly my usual glances (as I do, I can't help myself and I'm not pedefilic) but at one point the mother said "let's change your nappy." Now I thought she was going 2 tke the girl off to the disabelled toilet AT THE END OF THE CARRIAGE WE WERE IN but no (I mean come on that must be shaming for the child unless she really doesn't mind), that mother just went for it. I didn't see a lot I must stress that but when the Mother said that and didn't walk past me child in-hand I thort to myself "oh god this is happening and you're going to look aren't you - you complete and utter moron!"...of course I looked and I'm not going to lie about what I did coz you don't deserve 2 sit @ yor computer and read my lies. When I looked it was at the point of last wipe and the start of the tape-on procedure (it must of been a wet change or maybe even a just-in-case/shes-had-that-on-4-too-long-&-although-nothings-happened-its-hygienic-to-do-this change), like I said this girl was four and well just big, unnaturally big (to me) when it comes to needing nappies for possible usage. Wot wood I have done if I'd been caught looking? I'd of said "I'm so sorry, I've got a little niece myself and sometimes you've just gotta change them!" - tho I don't think that would have worked. 1. this girl was...a girl and not a baby so Y on earth would I have been looking - no baby connection you see and 2. at the moment i do look like a risky person...ok I'm not going to sugar coat @ the moment I do look like a pedo. I have a beard (coz beards r in (aparantly)) and I currently look a little shifty/lost/wan/possibly dangerous...it's not my fault - home life's a bit crae @ prsnt but I do look like a pedo. I could have been mistaken 4 one, branded as 1, the police may have got involved. What I'm getN @ is at the end of the day who's fault is it?

    Am I at fault coz I can't help staring and wishing I was in that position...or is the mother at fault? I mean unless you're in a real rush you shood change your baby away from prying eyes and my god there cood be all kinds of prying eyes. I know I'd always come off worse regarding the worse version of this scenario but I still might inadvertently scare/make-body-conscious a nappied toddler. Stepping away from the pedefilic side of this problem is it ok to now just say/request...mothers, can you please just stop publicly changing like you do. I'm not the worse person in all this but I know they exist and things cood happen, I also don't deserve to go through a very rough justice sistem (UR questioning [email protected] statement audience? a story for another time perhaps and only via priv8 mess'ging) and I just can't help myself. Everyone (except pedos) shood B allowed to live their chosen alternate lifestyles and wen you parents (mtphrclly) wave such big teasers around in front of us...I don't think you have the rite to call us wot we're not if you catch us having a quick wish-laden look. bringmesunshine

    - - - Updated - - -

    pt 3 Is it just me who sneaks these looks and has these wishes bought on by wot I see. IWTHFUA. bringmesunshine

  2. #2
    Pulluplover

    Default

    The Pedophile moral panic is alive and well on this forum as well. It has become such a witch hunt, destroying 10s of millions of lives that history will look back on this era as a study of horror. Given the diverse impacts its far greater then some others, say the Salem witch hunts. One of the horrors of this modern panic is any male near a child must be a Pedophile. Men are terrified to volunteer for kids activities, 100's of thousands of families are being "registered" and tracked like a Nazi society, parents wont let kids play alone outside so they get fat(one woman did recently and was arrested!), young men are being ruined by zillions of dollars pumped into programs to entrap young men with old porn the FBI posted and cops posing as adults then changing later and saying they are kids............ALL of this when a child's chance of being picked up and molested by a stranger is something like one in 770,000 years, they could be struck by lightening several times and win a lottery they never entered more easily.

    All that being said, there is no law against staring, but it could be considered impolite in any situation. I think at some point privacy is a consideration as well. And given the hysteria in this country right now, I would be careful. Things like you mention do make the news all the time. The person never gets convicted of anything, but the news does them a number. We have "this stranger looked suspicious" or a "van abducted or was trying to abduct kids" stories all the time and they ruthlessly hunt down innocent people. You can always sense these stories are bogus, but the panic continues. Watch yourself.

  3. #3

    Default

    I don't think a person is a pedophile when they are fixated on an object like diapers. I totally understand, for example, seeing a diaper commercial and imagining that you were put in those same diapers. However, there are times, when even though it is not pedophiliac, it is not polite and it will certainly be misinterpreted. For example, a man can find a woman's breasts very attractive, but they should not stare directly at them in public. Sure, at home, you can stare directly at breasts all night long when she's in pictures, videos, and can't see your gaze. It's okay to imagine being diapered at home, or look at fascination at a diaper commercial. It gets kind of tricky if there is a child involved, though, even in photos or videos. So you have to ask yourself, are you focusing on the child or on the diaper? If you're focusing on the child you may have a pretty serious problem that I hope there is possible help for. If it's the diaper - that's OK - but you just can NOT do this in public. You can not stare at a real life child being changed. It's not appropriate or acceptable behavior.

    People normally shouldn't stare at other people in general, even. So imagine how creepy it will appear to the outside world - even if you are not thinking sexual thoughts about a child - if you stare directly at a strange young child? This isn't even appropriate behavior for me and I'm female. I would never stare at a child being changed in the ladies room - EVER. When it comes down to it, even if you are doing so inadvertently, you're staring at a child's genitals. And that's not OK. I'm sorry to have to be the person to tell you that, but I want you to know before someone beats you up or calls the cops.

  4. #4

    Default

    This totally sounds like blaming the victim. Staring is never okay. It's like how guys may blame the woman for what she had on because they sexually harassed her so they "couldn't help themselves" or they also raped her or stared at her cleavage because "she asked for it" or how a bully may think about their own victims, "if he wouldn't have provoked me with the annoying things he does, no one would be picking on him and me." This is also like asking who's fault is it, the morbid obese woman who wishes to be in public or me for staring at her because she stands out.

    There is a difference between looking and staring. You may see something but you continue to mind your business and not keep looking at it. Like I may walk into the restroom to wash my hands and I see a mom changing her baby but I don't go over there to peek or keep looking at her changing her baby. Besides it doesn't even interest me to see a kid getting their diaper changed. I know it looks creepy for an adult to watch vs a child. As a kid it always fascinated me to see it because I was fascinated with poop and pee in diapers before I was even into it and then it was because I wish I was that child and when I got to my teens, I stopped watching because I was starting to look like an adult and it was starting to make me feel like I was a sicko so I stopped. Now with me wearing them, I have no interest in others wearing or kids. I have nothing to envy. If I notice a bulge on someone, I am not going to keep looking to see if they have on a diaper because I do not care.

    I do admit it can be hard to not stare if we see something unusual. But it certainly isn't their fault because staring is rude. Now what if someone tried to fish for stares, is it their fault?

    Edit: Woops I may have misinterpreted the OP. I was more focused on what was written than the title. But I think my middle response was good and the last line.
    Last edited by Calico; 17-Aug-2014 at 20:53.

  5. #5

    Default

    That you describe yourself as out of control in looking is troubling. Is there someone you could see about this and talk in greater depth? Regardless of the intent of your focus, a compulsion like that is worrying and could lead to trouble for you and others.

  6. #6

    Default

    When I'm walking around a store or anywhere public and I see a kid in a diaper I peek at the diaper as well. However, I make sure I've got a neutral expression when I do and I'm 110% aware of my appearance at all times. If I look at myself in the mirror that morning and think I look bad, then I keep to myself. I've never once had a bad reaction from parents who've noticed me looking at my kids, this is because I act and say natural things when it occurs. "You've got a nice family", "Cute kid you have there, reminds me of my little brother/sister_____", or "She/he looks like a handful!" Stuff like that. You have to get a hold of yourself, or you're going to find yourself in a very awkward situation. Yes you've got a fixation on diapers, and so do I. However I also know that 99.9% of people haven't the slightest idea why I'm looking. If you're stressing out about it, you look like you're stressing out about it. Also most pedo's KNOW how wrong it is to feel the way they do and have severe self loathing issues. So the more you freak out in public about stuff like that, the more you're going to look out of place.
    One thing that always helps me is if I ever DO see a little kid running around in diapers that catches my eye (babies and stuff that aren't moving around lots don't because EW i hate kids and never want any, that also probably is something going for me), is that I try to force myself to stop thinking about the diaper and how nice it must be as quickly as possible and then just sigh and shake my head, maybe smile a little melancholy and look like I'm just reminiscing about younger days (because in a way I am).
    A few other people have said it, and I'm going to repeat it. Staring at a kid being changed is definitely inappropriate and gonna get you in trouble. Now if they are doing this right in front of you, then they've kinda brought the situation on themselves. STILL you should be looking away. If you find yourself unable to look away, stare at the mother a few times to balance it out and maybe make a joke about the stench or something. I dunno, I've had parents do that right in front of me in weird places and the sheer awkwardness of them doing that outside of a bathroom has kind of killed any enjoyment I would have had from projecting myself into the kids position.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by bringmesunshine View Post
    This is going to put the Helo Kity amongst the pigeons. [...]
    bringmesunshine,

    Though I had some difficulty making sure that I was reading your concerns, and concerning notions correctly...

    I do want to thank you for seeking help in this matter, and for questioning it yourself... and, perhaps you already suspect what some of the answers may be...

    Whether you may genuinely be a deviant amongst children, or are simply missing the clarity or means to filter to appropriate (socially, ethically, morally, healthy, and lawfully)... your thoughts (and/or actions)...

    Please do in fact seek further in-person Professional evaluation and likely treatment... Perhaps too, get the support of your life-coach as well...

    I am of the notion, that there should be proper accommodations; particularly preventative... that you should be able to go to safely...

    I think you'll understand too, that especially with the misunderstandings that the undereducated public seems to have (confusing AB/DL with paedophilic tendencies)... your specific, and somewhat explicit issues that you've described... may make it necessary to censor or distance you, and that your issues may be out of the scope and realm of what we can even do here... (Obviously, that will be up to the Moderators to determine overall)

    Do some more soul-searching, and off the cuff, I would recommend avoiding these troubling circumstances as much as possible...

    I would also direct you to this link... so that you can see this has come up here before, and you might get a better understanding of your own feelings...

    "wishing you good mental health."
    -Marka

  8. #8

    Default

    First of all bringmesunshine, before I explain what I think, I'd like to allay your fears and concerns once and for all. From my perspective you're worrying about very little and you're making this more of an mental issue than it actually is.

    We've all been in the same position, and how one deals with these situations varies greatly depending on the individual qualities you hold regarding ABDL, as well as your own experience, personality and internal reasoning. For some people, it never even occurs to them as being an issue! For a time, situations like you described made me feel very awkward too. Our fetish often skirts a line between childhood and sex. So at a glance, or from the outside ABDL looks to be a grey area. But the reality is that I had these thoughts only because I hadn't thought the situation through completely.

    There are a few things you need to consider. Honestly ask yourself for a moment whether or not you find children sexually attractive? Do you want to do sexual things with them? If so, you have a problem which you should seek help for (I hear there are various counsellors around the world specialising in this kind of healthcare).

    However, I think the majority of ABDLs would answer no. We as a community participate as consenting adults, roleplaying in a safe environment with each other. Furthermore, I actually believe that in our hearts, because we've been fortunate enough to experience some of the innocence and pureness of being a kid, we'd want - above all - to protect them.

    When it comes to looking at other kids, it very much depends on your intentions. If you're looking on with jealousy, then I personally think that's okay! You don't wish any harm to the child, and in fact that jealousy is simply a symptom of the respect you hold for childhood. A paedophile would revel in destroying that innocence, or alternatively pay it no regard whatsoever. However, one thing you need to keep in mind is that the act of looking can be interpreted completely differently by other people. You mean no harm, but the parents don't know that. Just be normal.

    Once I realised these truths, my perspective on this changed drastically. Infact, now I find myself going out of my way to protect a kid's innocence. Whether that be through being a more active playmate when they're bored, or simply going along with some of the silly jokes they come out with. Ironically, in doing so I like to think of myself as the polar opposite of a paedophile!

    The worst you can do with all of this is beat yourself up. All I would say is be careful about glancing! Be normal dude, you have nothing to worry about.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by bringmesunshine View Post
    This is going to put the Helo Kity amongst the pigeons. I could be branded a paedophile, heck some people already have (branded me as an etc.) though they don't know me...they just know my lifestyle and have got the wrong end of the stickman. But I could be and there's no denying it. It'd happen because I can't help myself (tho should I? TIO Who's to blame will be covered shortly)...let me explain. If I see a baby or a toddler in an outright exposed nappy I'm going to look for a bit/grab a glimpse. Is this okay is it not okay? Again I'm coming to that. It is of course not a common occurrence, thanks to human nature going hand in hand with temperature...limited clothing can only be worn in the summer (late spring sometimes as well) especially if you're very young. This means that in beaches, public parks, prams...in fact a heck of a lot of places you're going to see...what I've been talking about.

    This is important. When I look for probably too many seconds at a baby or toddler running around in just a nappy and a t-shirt I AM NOT THIRSTING, I AM NOT DESIRING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT TUVM! I am just wishing I could do that! I never ended up in that posish when I was that young (early toilet user - fool!) and also (that thought is coupled with) I want to be openly DLAB without prejudice while being my current age.

    That is that and I'd be surprised if I was picked up on my issue and snowballed into trouble via just looking like how I've just said. There are times when passersby wouldn't look, times when those lacking infantilistic qualities would march on like so many dull grey, cut-from-a-kit sheep. It's the parents who change their infants in public sometimes in 'public' public YK surrounded by people like it's no big problem! I look then and wish I was being publically changed (aged both 1-4 and 21)...and when genitalia is on show it's really really really not OK 2 look & be caught looking. But here we are now at 'fault'. Is it my fault or the fault of that parent. You are changing your baby on a bench in a park (xample alert) in the open, loads of people are walking past, my god 1 of them really mite b a pedo' (ware I'm concerned it's just a nasty steryotype) but UR doN it NEway. pt 2 incoming.

    - - - Updated - - -

    pt 2. This is a true example & it happened to me ystrdy. I was on a train & ocUpiN the four seats beside me (not 'beside' beside there was the in-train walk way) was a non-white family consisting of a mother and two daughters (I'm gesN), one of the girls was about sixish, lighter and wearing a long dress so I couldn't tell, the other daughter was defNtly about four, had dreads (the other daughter didn't) and was wearing cool jeans (also a shirt and jumper i must add) for a four year old. But this four yr old was wearing a nappy (now and then visible), now a four year old girl wearing a nappy is rare isn't it? It's widely known in many circles (parental and ABDL espesh) that girls potty train early so this was interesting (but not in that nasty kind of way!). Now I was sneaking occasionaly my usual glances (as I do, I can't help myself and I'm not pedefilic) but at one point the mother said "let's change your nappy." Now I thought she was going 2 tke the girl off to the disabelled toilet AT THE END OF THE CARRIAGE WE WERE IN but no (I mean come on that must be shaming for the child unless she really doesn't mind), that mother just went for it. I didn't see a lot I must stress that but when the Mother said that and didn't walk past me child in-hand I thort to myself "oh god this is happening and you're going to look aren't you - you complete and utter moron!"...of course I looked and I'm not going to lie about what I did coz you don't deserve 2 sit @ yor computer and read my lies. When I looked it was at the point of last wipe and the start of the tape-on procedure (it must of been a wet change or maybe even a just-in-case/shes-had-that-on-4-too-long-&-although-nothings-happened-its-hygienic-to-do-this change), like I said this girl was four and well just big, unnaturally big (to me) when it comes to needing nappies for possible usage. Wot wood I have done if I'd been caught looking? I'd of said "I'm so sorry, I've got a little niece myself and sometimes you've just gotta change them!" - tho I don't think that would have worked. 1. this girl was...a girl and not a baby so Y on earth would I have been looking - no baby connection you see and 2. at the moment i do look like a risky person...ok I'm not going to sugar coat @ the moment I do look like a pedo. I have a beard (coz beards r in (aparantly)) and I currently look a little shifty/lost/wan/possibly dangerous...it's not my fault - home life's a bit crae @ prsnt but I do look like a pedo. I could have been mistaken 4 one, branded as 1, the police may have got involved. What I'm getN @ is at the end of the day who's fault is it?

    Am I at fault coz I can't help staring and wishing I was in that position...or is the mother at fault? I mean unless you're in a real rush you shood change your baby away from prying eyes and my god there cood be all kinds of prying eyes. I know I'd always come off worse regarding the worse version of this scenario but I still might inadvertently scare/make-body-conscious a nappied toddler. Stepping away from the pedefilic side of this problem is it ok to now just say/request...mothers, can you please just stop publicly changing like you do. I'm not the worse person in all this but I know they exist and things cood happen, I also don't deserve to go through a very rough justice sistem (UR questioning [email protected] statement audience? a story for another time perhaps and only via priv8 mess'ging) and I just can't help myself. Everyone (except pedos) shood B allowed to live their chosen alternate lifestyles and wen you parents (mtphrclly) wave such big teasers around in front of us...I don't think you have the rite to call us wot we're not if you catch us having a quick wish-laden look. bringmesunshine

    - - - Updated - - -

    pt 3 Is it just me who sneaks these looks and has these wishes bought on by wot I see. IWTHFUA. bringmesunshine
    This sounds like me earlier in my life to a T. I was totally aroused at public changes which included genitalia exposed. Up to about she 20 I would sometimes seek out at parks and swimming pools on the occasion I was there.

    If you go to the letter of the law: not illegal. To the letter of the definition of pedo: yes, I'm guilty of engaging in pedo behavior, seeking a child for sexual gratification. Creepy: yes. I'm guilty too and so is the OP imho. Likely to molest a child: NO! Likely to get kiddie porn: NO!

    For practical purposes am/was I a true pedo: NO! Am/was I a danger of doing something wrong, outside looking at changing babies: NO! I had so much regard for children that I could never molest a child, ever. Hands down, never. My not liking to exploit children let me to stop looking at changing.

    It troubled me for years and I branded myself a pedo and associated myself as a "passive" pedo. I read books about pedophilia and could not place myself in any of the pedo categories. It was then that I started, but very slowly, to realize that a child being changed to reveal genitalia was an accessory association of my diaper fetish. My arousal always flatlined and went to zero as soon as the diaper was off. It took me a long time to say, it is just a fetish that I got. It was not until two and a half years ago that I was afraid to seek others like me thinking I would run into a pedo site. I thought only pedos like diapers, never mind my fantasies at night were about me wearing diapers, as a baby.

    I stopped looking at children being changed for arousal long ago and am now uncomfortable around it being done. It is hard to resist but I do. I have a wife. My arousal source does not need to be another person of any kind. Can't help the DL but can avoid the, to be frank, veuyorism. When I found this site my nonsexual AB ism really came to the surface, as well as my nonsexual Caretaker feelings

    From one fellow DL who is aroused like that to another, and for your own sake: stop looking. Go home put a diaper on and 'm' but don't use the child's image. You are not a slave to watching children get changed. Look away when it happens on a train, or wherever. It's hard but I'm a man of little control over impulses and I gave that up in the peak of my sexual age. It gets easier the more you resist. Outside the letter, you are not a pedo. Pedos cannot help themselves. You can!




    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    That you describe yourself as out of control in looking is troubling. Is there someone you could see about this and talk in greater depth? Regardless of the intent of your focus, a compulsion like that is worrying and could lead to trouble for you and others.
    Try not to be too concerned. It's wrong, but he's not a monster. Your good intentions are there.


  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by HokieABDL View Post
    [snipped]Try not to be too concerned. It's wrong, but he's not a monster. Your good intentions are there.

    I think a compulsion is something that bears some concern and close examination regardless of the subject matter. When diapers rose to the level of compulsion for me, that was worrying. That the subject here is something that can lead to some problems even if completely innocent makes it more worthy, I'd say. I don't recall saying or even implying he was a monster but I think it's worth a long, hard look the behavior and seeing how to manage it in a more appropriate way.

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