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Thread: Fear to be abandonned

  1. #1

    Default Fear to be abandonned

    According to me, one particular thing which makes me an AB is that I have fear to be abandonned. Sometime, this fear appears in my language: I ask to some friends to protect me and to don't let me down... When my anguish is strong, as now, i really feel defenseless and I really need to be protected...
    Are there people like me here? If yes, how do you managed to control this fear? I talked about that with my therapist last time and we don't find a solution for now...
    Last edited by Ghost01; 16-Aug-2014 at 00:27.

  2. #2

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    I'm not so sure that this fear makes you AB, rather that it is part of being an AB. I think it's a natural feeling for a little person to be concerned about being left alone or abandoned. Little people need the care and protection of someone big. Being in a relationship with someone obviously helps as it brings a sense of security. Without that, I imagine things could get quite scary at times. If you have no relationship, perhaps a companion pet like a dog would help. They are very faithful and may help with your insecurity.

  3. #3

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    I kinda think I have a similar fear, but on a different side of things. I have a fear of being betrayed, so I almost isolate myself completely. I lost a lot of trust in my parents, I still love them, but my differences have never been accepted, only tollerated, but often attacked. I also lost a lot of trust in women i have dated, and in my religion. There are a few people that I still trust greatly, namely my sister and brother in law.

    I think the thing that has helped me is putting the blame on society and not my parents, and so forth towards others. Also finally being able to find somebody that I can lean on to trust has really helped me. I don't know if either of those things helps in your situation, but that has been a little bit of what I have learned.

  4. #4

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    I think we need a little more information Ghost. Do you live alone? That would make me feel somewhat insecure, if not lonely and bored. I have to agree with the other responses. It's better when you have someone to share your life with.

  5. #5

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    Thanx for your help, really !
    Unfortunately yes, I live alone. Because of my disability, I'm really exausted by my daily life, even if I don't work now. I will try to ask some help for my everyday life.
    I would like to have someone to share my life, but I never managed to meet someone even by online dating...
    I have bad relationship with my parents because they always laught at me for my differencies, my disability, my weight (i'm a bit pudgy) and my AB side. So I feel insecure with them too...
    Maybe a cat or a dog could help me to feel more secure a fight my fear to be abandonned, but for now my flat is too small to live with a pet...

  6. #6

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    I have a strong fear of abandonment as well, though that's largely due to all my friends moving away when I was younger, as well as not having really any familial support to fall back on when it happened. As for getting past it, try talking to your therapist about things like that which happened to you in your past. Sometimes getting some closure in regards to the past is the best way to be happier in the now. That's what my current therapy is focusing on.

  7. #7

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    i really dun like bein left alone. im always skairt they wont cum bak for me. ive been left lots, so i guess its more expecting than really fearing. i dun really have no way to fight it, so i jus keep myself cuddled close with all my stuffies. i have two clothes baskets full of stuffies and plushies and dolls and when i get really skairt i pull them all out and lay them all round me on the couch and floor and like litrally everywhere and then i know that i always have sumthing at least. i make up convos with them in my head so they feel more real and it helps most times but not always. hope you feel bettur soon.

  8. #8

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    I am always afraid of losing friends so I don't let myself get attached to them nor do I try and get any or make new ones (online and real life). I have been hurt enough and rejected enough. I may talk to someone online but I don't see them as a friend and I am always thrilled when someone here adds me as a friend but I never count on it. I do have a family though and my parents.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by MadDoctor View Post
    I have a strong fear of abandonment as well, though that's largely due to all my friends moving away when I was younger, as well as not having really any familial support to fall back on when it happened. As for getting past it, try talking to your therapist about things like that which happened to you in your past. Sometimes getting some closure in regards to the past is the best way to be happier in the now. That's what my current therapy is focusing on.
    Well I know what is the cause of it. My twin brother died just before birth and I've lived it like an abandon. When I am born I was in bad health so, doctors pit me directly in an incubator and my mum couldn't touch me for many months. No caress, no hugs, no real milk...
    For few months now, thing were better because I found an online mommy but now my fear came back and my "adoptive" mommy doesn't answer to my emails. When I feel really bad, I take my blankie but it's really hard to calm me down ...
    And you, did you find a solution?

  10. #10

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    I'm working on it now. There's not really an easy or quick fix to it, but my therapist is currently trying to build a mental support network so that when those feelings to pop up, I have a way to cheer myself up and put those thoughts out of my mind. Right now, I'm making a very detailed happy place to retreat to, as well as a dungeon of sorts for the lonely and hurt thoughts.

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