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Thread: Hello!

  1. #1

    Default Hello!

    I've been AB/DL since I was 12 although I've had desires that stretch back almost as far as I can remember. I've been fairly inactive for the last 15 years, but lately my curiosity has led me here. I've appreciated what I've read and I hope to be able to contribute as well. Thanks!

  2. #2


    Hello BlaqCat! Welcome!

    I see you're from Ohio (as am I) and enjoy woodworking (as do I). What else can you share about yourself? One of the things about this site is that we like to see each other as the unique individuals we are, so we try to share a bigger picture of ourselves than just our DL or AB side.

    Do you have any idea why this desire has surfaced at this point in your life? Sounds like it was dormant from 18 to the present for you. Many of us seem to have had the urge slip to the background while life got very busy with starting careers, families, etc. But as you have discovered, it seems to be an innate part of who we are. So if you have any questions, ask away. You'll find others on this site quite helpful.

    Again, welcome to the ADISC community.

  3. #3


    Thanks for the post! Yeah, I was active from when I was 13-18 pretty much every day. Back then I had no idea that anyone else in the world thought/behaved the way that I did. In the mid 90s I got onto the internet and eventually found a site called dpf which has apparently disbanded since then. I read some stuff on this site about that whole progression. I find this site much more in line with how I myself think/feel. I was going to counselling for a couple of years when I was 17-18 because my parents found out around then. I definitely found myself feeling conflicted at that time because I had just found out that there were others like me which was a HUGE relief. But I also saw that my AB/DL side was troubling to my parents (especially my mom), so I wanted to get away from it for the sake or our relationship. I was able to gain control of my behavior when I turned 18, but yeah, the thoughts never left. I'm happy that I was able to gain control over my behavior because it was not good for my life at that time. I would still dabble from time to time, but it was way way less than what I had been doing before. I prefer having more control over my desires because throughout high school I was really very addicted to the behavior and it kept me distant from most of my friends or would-be friends. I was even wearing diapers to school which would have been a really big problem if that would have come out. As it is right now, I've got my behavior under more control, so I don't have to put myself into potentially compromising situations at work or with family, etc.

    As for why things have resurfaced for me lately, well I'm not sure which thing to pick, haha. First of all, I have recently started a family, so that obviously put me back into a lot of contact with babies and of course diapers. I assumed that as soon as I had a child that I would be helplessly overwhelmed by desire and go back to 24/7 type behavior. I understand that for some people 24/7 behavior is fine and even desirable. But for me at this stage in my life it is not desirable. My oldest is now 5 years old and my youngest is 2. We may eventually have a 3rd, but money is tight at the moment, so probably not for a couple of years at least. I really feared my AB/DL side when it came to my kids, but things have turned out much better than I expected. I've never done anything when they were awake or around, and I thought that would be impossible. I definitely have no plans on ever telling them about it, at least while they are children. I suppose if one of them had similar tendencies I would talk to them, but I kind of doubt that will happen. My wife knows everything and is really quite cool about it all. She certainly does not share my interest, and I'm fine having it the way it is. Our level of physical intimacy has actually been pretty good which again was a surprise. I told her before we were married about my problem and I told her that I wasn't sure what impact it would have on our physical intimacy. We have had some bumps in the road to be sure (like our wedding night), but all in all things have actually been quite good in that arena.

    The other factor that might have led to my renewed interest is the car accident I was in a few years back. I was riding my bicycle and got hit by a car doing 40mph and almost died. Since then I've had a bunch of health complications which has definitely left me feeling pretty depressed. I was also pretty depressed in high school, so I think that the accident might be related to my recent interest being awakened. Because of the accident I can't really play any sports except swimming in the pool which I hate. I used to play a lot of volleyball and other sports, but now I basically can't do them at all without loading up on a ton of painkillers and I don't want to go that route. With sports gone, I find myself feeling bored and depressed which I think is a factor in my renewed interest.

    The final factor (that I can think of) is just doing some more research. When I was in high school I had convinced myself that I would be arrested for being a pedophile or something like that if I continued. I had NO category for living a normal life while also having an active AB/DL side. I read some articles when I was in college about it and started to realize that it isn't as crazy as it felt to me. Since being married and having kids I've had to talk to my wife a few times about my AB/DL side. Again, she has been nothing but cool about it all. But she does get curious or concerned sometimes about what (if any) effect it might have on my relationship with our kids. She wondered if I would distance myself from our kids because I feared them or whatever. I found this site and some other resources which helped me find other people with situations similar to mine and it helped to put her mind at ease. I suppose that my wife being so cool about it all was also very unexpected. Now that she seems to have her questions answered, I find myself wondering if I can find an outlet for my AB/DL side that doesn't have negative effects for my kids or my wife. I'm certainly cautious because I fear being addicted like I was before. But I'm also hopeful that I can find a way to have an outlet that isn't damaging to my way of life. Does that make sense?

    Anyway, I've rambled on a lot longer than I thought I would. Hopefully that gives you a better idea though. Thanks again for the post! I'm glad that I found people like you that can understand people like me!

  4. #4


    I feel like I should further clarify my concerns about my AB/DL side and my kids. I do have concerns there, but nothing that would EVER be considered pedophilia. I am concerned that it might be difficult for my kids if they were to ever find out about my AB/DL side. I can imagine it being especially conflicting and compromising to a child if they saw their father in diapers while they themselves are trying to learn to use the potty. I'm not sure what exactly I communicated above, but this will hopefully clarify things. I was pretty nervous writing anything because before this site I have never spoken to another person that also has AB/DL desires. Anyway, there it is.

  5. #5


    Thanks for your detailed reply and the clarification. I hadn't thought about any implication of pedophilia in your original reply. I know all about not wanting kids to know about the AB/DL activity. I certainly wouldn't want to influence any child of mine to become DL, but would be supportive if they did. I'm not ready for anyone I know to know about my interest.

    I'm really sorry about your accident--that's rough. I had an accident at work which badly injure my shoulder requiring joint replacement and I had significant pain for 2 1/2 years. The resulting loss of mobility and strength has greatly impacted what I can do of physical labor activity. Is your pain considered a permanent condition or is there hope it will ease over time? Good luck with that.

    I'm intrigued by your reference to depression as playing a role in the level of activity you engage in. I also struggle with depression and my activity seems to go up when the depression gets more pronounced. I've been on medication for years, but diapers have become another coping mechanism. The problem is that using them sometimes leads to more internal conflict with self-image, being someone like me in a diaper. That's been getting better as I have used more and participating with this community showing me there are a lot of normal people married with kids and grand kids who also are DL's. (I've tried some AB stuff, but it doesn't do anything for me, and I'm not into age regression at all.)

    That's enough on diapers for now.

    What sort of woodworking stuff do you like? I wish I had a shop where I could have all my tools arranged and be able to really use them. My wife says to use the garage, but that's no good for winters here in Ohio, and it's really not fun setting everything up for a project and then boxing it up and putting it away all the time. Do you have a shop?

    Good to have you here as a posting member!

  6. #6


    Thanks again for the reply! Sorry to hear about your shoulder situation. Any sort of injury that drags on and on is awful. As for my accident, I broke all of the ribs on my right side and popped or poked almost every organ except my heart (Thank God!). The doctors say that I'm pretty well screwed as far as getting much better than I am right now. It mostly has to do with the big accident, but I should probably also mention that I've lived kind of a dangerous life before that accident. I've been to the ER like 13 times before the big one because of crazy biking accidents, or falling off a cliff, or sledding down the side of a dam, etc. According to the doctors it's the cumulative effect of all my accidents that makes my situation so pessimistic. Having said that, I'm actually doing really well considering. I mean, I can still walk and theoretically run in short bursts which is pretty lucky. I just can't do much else and I have to do endless physical therapy and stuff to keep myself going. But I've turned the corner as far as my depression goes with all that.

    I guess I would define myself DL first and foremost. I, like you have dabbled with the AB stuff some. I like it ok, but it's definitely taking a back seat to the DL side.

    As for woodworking, it sounds like we have a lot in common already! My "shop" is also in the garage which sucks for the winter. My garage just will not heat up during the winter, so it's usually on to the next hobby for me. I should probably mention that I'm kind of a hobby junkie. I love woodworking maybe the most, but I also mess around with bonsai, oragami, board games, card games, writing and about a thousand other things. Oh yeah, my first major hobby that I do year round is knife/tool sharpening which comes in handy a lot with the woodworking. If you ever want your tools sharpened I'd be happy to do it for free. I actually enjoy the sharpening about as much as the woodworking which sounds crazy to most people, but I guess I'm a crazy guy. I sharpen at least one thing every day unless I'm out of town or something like that.

    What kind of projects do you like with woodworking? I like to do all kinds of different stuff, but the stuff I do most often are functional things like tables and benches. I've recently been messing with end grain cutting boards and some lathe turning, but I'm a novice with that stuff. Gotta run, I'll talk to you later!

  7. #7


    Hi again. Thanks for following up.

    I think we do have a lot in common--except I apparently don't take nearly as many or as serious chances as you do. The fall was my first broken bone (but the surgeon said I sure did a number on it--about the most complex one he'd seen). I had major back surgery several years ago but that was due to a degenerative condition exacerbated by my running--so I don't run anymore. I'm glad you can at least do short bursts--you'll need that with two kids that young. You want to be able to play with them.

    My most recent project was making desks for my 2 grandkids for Christmas. They turned out nice, but I was limited in what I could do just in the garage, and it was cold in December, so I finished them in the basement. I've also made built in bookcases and done some remodeling, decks, etc. I really like building things. I built a garden shed a couple years ago. I'd like to do more "art" type projects. I did some stain glass making a few years back, but again haven't had the proper place to do it, especially working with lead. With the grands around all the time I don't want to expose them to the lead fumes. So if I get a proper shop I could make some frames for stain glass projects and that sort of thing. The thing with using the garage is that winter is the time I need to be able to pursue little projects like that. In the summer I have gardening and lots of lawn care to keep me busy. Someday!

    It's really nice your wife is cool with your DL side. Mine doesn't know. Keeping it from the kids can be tricky, I'm sure. Kids have a way of appearing from nowhere sometimes. I couldn't tell from your first reply if you wear in front of your wife or if you haven't started wearing again at all yet. I know I also don't want my DL side to negatively affect my marriage or other relationships--so my method for handling that is to only do the DL stuff at alone times. That probably is tough for you with two small kids. I do get time at home alone from time to time. I hope you can find some resolution that meets your needs but doesn't impact them.

    Look forward to hearing from you again. I don't think you have Private Messaging capabilities yet do you? I think you have to make 20 posts before they let you access that, so for now we'll have to use this system--or we could switch over to the visitor messages on our profile pages. Take care.

  8. #8


    Ah, I'll have to get working on those 20 posts then! Sounds like you do a lot of the kind of stuff that I want to do with woodworking. I've made some tables and bed lofts that I like and a few other functional projects, but I haven't worked much with drawers or desks. I haven't made a deck, but I've helped my dad make his. I made a roof for my patio though which seems to be holding up alright. This winter I tried doing some smaller projects in the basement, but it was getting in the way of my wife's stuff and making a mess everywhere, so I'm not sure how viable that is going to be moving forward. I did make this chess board though which I really like. I used a finish called Envirotex Lite which is an epoxy that builds a really thick finish in just one application. It's also really durable against heat, wear and just about everything else. I've been showing it to my buddies that also do woodworking and they all are thinking about using it. The directions make it sound like rocket science, but it's actually not all that bad. A bit pricey, but I was getting paid for the project so I didn't feel the bite.

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    I have never worn in front of my wife, I keep that stuff to myself like you. I told her about it and she's fine, but I left the ball in her court as far as being involved or whatever. As it stands now, I keep that side to myself and I'm perfectly fine with that. She seems to be fine with it as long as it doesn't cause problems with my relationships in the family. I'm just wary of getting too active with my DL side because I've seen how obsessed I can become. So for now I'm trying to take it slow and err on the side of safety. It really REALLY helps to be able to talk about what I'm thinking with you and anyone else here though. Just hearing my own thoughts out loud has already given me much insight. I'll try to catch you on the private message thing soon when I get to 20 posts, but thanks so much for reaching out here. I live in Columbus by the way.

  9. #9


    Hi again. I've been pretty busy today so I couldn't reply when I read your post earlier. I'm going to send you a PM. You can receive the before you have 20 posts, but I discovered I couldn't reply until I was given permission after my 20th post. At least you're part way there!

    So are you native to the Columbus area? I suppose you're a big Buckeye fan. I'm definitely not, as I'm transplanted here and have only been in Ohio for 4 years.

    After reflecting on your posts, I was wondering about your relationship with your parents now. Did your ability to put it away at 18 take care of that? Has it ever come up with them since? What do you think would happen if they learned of the renewed interest in actively being DL?

    I've never been "addicted" (as you called it) to the extent you describe. I know the feeling of being scared of being labeled a pedophile if my tendencies became public or the wrong people found out. I worked with children and never have had interest sexually in children, but believed most people would think that. This site has really helped solidify the confidence that the facts show ABDL has absolutely nothing to do with pedophilia. Have you actually lived out your DL side again since the renewed interest, or are you just exploring if you should? If you have, how do you arrange the time/space to do it?

    Keep posting so you can get to 20. It will be easier to continue our conversation through PMs.

    By the way, nice looking chess board!! I'll have to find out more about the finish you used. Haven't heard of it.

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    I've been meaning to ask, any significance to our User Name?
    Last edited by Gardener; 18-Aug-2014 at 02:04. Reason: Remove duplicate post and spell correction

  10. #10


    Hello and welcome. I lived in Cuyahoga Falls for about 9 years. I was the accompanist at a very large Methodist church. I met my wife there and we started our family. I now live in Virginia. I too was hit by a car when I was 14 and it took a long time to recover. I now enjoy riding my bike on what is a beautiful bike trail here where I live.

    I've also built furniture in my basement, also a desk for my son as well as a bed with a drawer unit. Now I mostly write and of course, direct church choirs and play keyboard instruments including organ and piano.

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