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Thread: Met someone

  1. #1

    Default Met someone

    Sorry if I am burdening anyone with the mundane details of my life but I'm trying to clear my head on this and thought it would help to write it down. I have few friends to talk to, outside of family, and certainly no one outside of this site that would understand the complications. This is based on a 2 minute face to face conversation and a phone call so maybe I'm just making mountains out of molehills, but here goes anyway.

    This woman and her friend were introduced to me by another woman who I had first met just minutes earlier. We said 'hi' to each other and smiled politely. During our short conversation she said something that made me comment on how young she looked. She liked that. She then made a comment about marriage that prompted me to say I wasn't married, and she liked that too. I had to leave to take someone else home so we parted ways with a handshake. I felt a connection and believe she did too. Her friend too, told me she saw a connection when, shortly after that, she approached me to give me the woman's phone number and to get mine for her (in a manner reminiscent of highschool days,). The next day she (the woman of interest)called and we had a long conversation. It seems like neither of us wanted to hang up without some kind of commitment so we agreed to get together next month (we are both busy the rest of this month).

    Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I am looking forward to seeing her again. Of course, you all know the baggage I've got waiting at the station. Hopefully she will still be receptive in a few weeks and we will have a pleasant date. If this happens I have a feeling things could move pretty fast.

  2. #2


    Sounds exciting, and who knows ..... maybe fate. Seriously though, leave the baggage at station for a while and allow the relationship to find a natural course. You'll know in time whether it's appropriate to collect the baggage from the station together. I wish you luck.

  3. #3


    Best of luck to ya on the relationship, I'm no good at giving advice on these things.

  4. #4


    Good for you! connecting with a woman like that is never mundane. You've got the beginnings of developing attraction right there. Just don't be pushy and all should workout fine.

  5. #5


    Yes, you made a connection! Congratulations! But, there's a long road ahead of you so go slow. You may have a date or two and just find out you're just friends so the issue may never come up. On the other hand, if all goes well, you will need to make a decision. Tell her about your baggage and face the fact that she may not be receptive. Or, and this may shock some, send your baggage on down the line, never bring it up and go forth in your relationship. Maybe later on you can tell her what you "used" to do and you'll both have a good laugh about it. For now, just enjoy each others company and keep us posted as to how that first date goes!

  6. #6


    on the matter of the baggage, I'd say wait a year and tell her. That should give you two enough time to become comfortable with each other, fall in love, trust each other, and its about that time where you two need to figure out where the relationship is going to go. Personally I would need someone to at least be chill about it and not be bothered by it. Its up to you of course to decide what level of acceptance you can live with, but it'd be good to get that established reasonably soon so that you don't wind up being in a less than favorable situation for yourself.

  7. #7


    Yay! Nice one, Drifter!

    It sounds like you made a great connection and are both interested, but it's early days. You really need to get to know each other a bit better, and wait until you can talk more intimately and openly with each other before opening Pandora's box! For now, you don't need to worry at all about your "baggage". So put it out of your mind and don't let that hold you back at all (for now)!

    I do it myself all to often (it seems to be a trait of my depression), but as soon as something good happens to me, I start to look ahead and imagine all the ways that things might not work out. As my therapist explains, after one positive idea/event, I set up a load of consequential dominoes that I fear will all come tumbling down around me, so I end up avoiding things I would actually enjoy... :-/

    So... take it easy, let yourself enjoy the company of your new "friend", and keep an open mind to the fact that... she might have an open mind! Maybe, once she knows a bit about you and the life you've lived and how your mind works, she'll actually understand why you have the baggage you do. The more she understands and accepts you, the more understanding and accepting she's likely to be about your little "quirks"...

    Assuming you're not expecting or requiring your new friend to get involved in anything AB/DL, then it should be easy to come to some kind of mutual arrangement about things when the time comes.

    Hope you have a lot of fun together! :-)

  8. #8


    In my personal experience my wife and I had an instant attraction, fell in love and got married all within 6 months. (That was over 35 years ago!) At the time I had no active DL desires, and wouldn't have considered telling her about it as it wasn't an issue with me. It didn't resurface until years later--after the kids were raised. Now it is an active desire for me again, but I still can't imagine telling her. So, my advice is go with your gut instincts. If it's something you want her to be a part of or is a major activity for you, wait until you find the right time, but not too long. If you don't see her being a part of your DL activity or it's only an occasional thing, why jeopardize the relationship? Each if us is in a different place in our life, and the role diapers have in that varies greatly. What may be right for one may not be for another.

  9. #9


    Thanks for all the encouragement and advice. At this point it is all academic and things could unravel before anything even gets started, but it's the timing that makes it so intriguing to me. Recently I've posted messages and read many responses regarding when and how to tell a SO. Now a door may be opening that will allow my philosophy on this to have a nice collision with concrete facts. I may find paradise or I may get blasted out of my boots. Could be exciting.

    I'm an older guy (65), so dating has a different meaning for me than it would for someone younger. Intimacy is more important than raw sex but the sexual aspects of intimacy are still greatly desired, even as my body becomes more reluctant to cooperate. (more baggage)

    Speculating about the pace the relationship might take brings up interesting scenarios. Being what some would consider an older couple, and considering the possible issues, a long, drawn out courtship might be the way to go. On the other hand, we've both been around the block a few times so ending up in bed halfway through the first date is also a possibility. Very interesting.

    In any event, discovering that two women would like to connect with me has been a nice boost to my shaky ego. (the other one would most likely not be compatible)

    Thanks again to everyone. I'm trying not to take the situation too seriously but I am seriously looking at the advice. Waiting to divulge my secret is certainly sound advice but, as noted above, the pace of the relationship might make it hard to determine the right moment.

    @Gardener - Even though my ex knew of my DL desires for all of our 40 year marriage I still had to hide it most of the time, especially the later years. I really wish you the best of luck in your marriage.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny
    I do it myself all to often (it seems to be a trait of my depression), but as soon as something good happens to me, I start to look ahead and imagine all the ways that things might not work out. As my therapist explains, after one positive idea/event, I set up a load of consequential dominoes that I fear will all come tumbling down around me, so I end up avoiding things I would actually enjoy... :-/

    I do the same thing and I like the domino analogy you brought up. It helps put it in perspective - thanks.

  10. #10


    Honestly? I just met my mommy's new boyfriend a few months ago. And already we're moving in together in another few months. What made it move so fast? The ability of everyone to be honest with each other. The reasons we trust each other. The reasons we are able to talk out differences, and work out compromises. Any relationship is going to be a shit ton of work. It's just up to you and her to decide if it's worth it, to work through things that might make other people say it's just too much.

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