I now know how to accept this part of me. I'm not going to label it or pit it in a category. I don't consider myself a abdl because I want to be me and it's uniquely me. I know I want to have a relationship dynamic where me and my SO take care of each other and nurture one another kind of like a little dom relationship but I won't label it that way. I don't need the diapers or need her to wear them I just want someone I can hold and call "baby" and have her do the same to me. I don't need the objects just what they stand for. If me and my future wife want to dress up in cute outfits or even go as far to look like babies, awesome, but I won't make a big deal of it. I really just now understand it never was the objects (that's why I struggled to accept this part of me because I was looking at the wrong parts) but it's about the nurture and love they stand for. And that's why this has been so difficult for me. I don't have someone I can hold and care for and have her do the same. I have to be patient but it's hard. Luckily I have God to help me with that and I pray that you lovely people will pray that I will have patience and the maturity to wait for the right time and the right girl. Thank you all for the words you have shared with me the past month. Has really helped me.