Forewarning: after writing this post I reread it and discovered that most of it is just my musings, you may skip to the TL;DR for the question at hand.
I know that there are a lot of posts regarding the when, where, what and how of telling a significant other about one's fetish. But I'd like to ask, what in my mind, is the next question; How do you deal with their response?
Obviously, just as our shared interests exist on a spectrum, so do the responses of a given individual. However, as with most things, these responses can be categorized as positive, negative, or neutral, and of course varying degrees within.
As a wise man once told me, "Everything has advantages and disadvantages, including advantages and disadvantages." Even somethings that seem straight forward are not excluded from this rule. Such is the case with understanding the response of another.
Say you receive a positive response; Oh joy of joys and happy day, you feel vindicated. You have found a person who accepts you for who you are, they may even be willing to participate in and support this intimate part of your life. The advantage here is clear, you are free to be who you are without the fear of rejection, this is a healthy state in which to be. Less obvious are the disadvantages; perhaps you abuse this freedom and what was once a quirk in your person becomes a caricature of itself, growing to define and change you. In this scenario the acceptance has defeated a self-policing system of restraint, and over time you become someone entirely different than that which your partner accepted. I would venture that the disadvantage here is very much a function of our response and could be avoided, thus making this response a low risk, high reward scenario.
Perhaps your SO has responded more neutrally; They say that they don't love you any less, but they don't want to see or hear about it. They'd rather pretend it doesn't exist. This is a mixed bag if there ever was one. The advantage is that you've done your part of clearing the air; you can free yourself from the guilt associated with participating in a secret desire. This allows you to continue mostly as before, but now if you "get caught" there is little chance of serious repercussion. Additional, the will to satisfy your SO's wish of keeping it hidden will strengthen the resolve to keep this part of your personality in check. However, the disadvantages may seem obvious; By receiving this response the hope of complete acceptance has been obliterated. You know that this part of you may be indulged but never free; emotions associated with these indulgences will repressed for sharing them risks more complete rejection. This is a state of instability, the uncertainty of future responses potentially puts you in a quandary; can one live in constant questioning of if ones actions will push the relationship over the edge?
Perhaps most dreaded is a negative response. I takes a lot of courage to reveal a fetish, especially one as deviant as ours, and the fear stems from just this scenario: complete rejection. Again this scenario appears straight forward, negative is negative, but I'm sure there are advantages. As with the neutral response, the air has been cleared, you are, at least, not responsible for disingeniousness. Additionally there is no uncertainty, you know exactly where each other stand, and in that sense there is a peace in closure. Disadvantages are arguably numerous; primarily though, you have been rejected. But this is no simple rejection, but an attack on your core and self-identity. Being an adult baby, or diaper-lover may not define us as people but it is part of our definition; part of what makes us who we are and helps position our psyche in the cosmos. Presumably much time and emotional energy has been invested in the person who has now rejected you, and it hurts in a way that cannot be compared to any physical pain; no dagger, nor flames, nor needles. It is an existential pain that emanates from the heart. With a support system, one can recover, but the experience will forever change you.
I bring this up because I have experienced an issue with my girlfriend of now two and a half years after confiding in her my desire. I have received a response that falls somewhere between negative and neutral. I was met with concern and the best intention to understand. I talked to her and when it became difficult to articulate, I pointed her in the direction of some online resources, she says she looked, but I don't know what she understood. She suggested I seek help, to talk to a therapist and get rid of it as though it were a disease. And for my love of her I tried. The next week I had an appointment with a therapist, and I got right into it, for I personally trust the professionalism of health care providers. In short, he responded that it didn't seem to be much of an issue since it didn't interfere with my ability to operate, but commended me for my willingness to change for someone else; however, he did not have experience with these sorts of issues and referred me to a sex therapist. Due to financial reasons I could not afford to seek the help of this other professional and instead opted to try conventional techniques of journalist and conscious reflection. These help and my desires were muted for a time. Long enough at least to satisfy my girlfriend. However, my want to indulge is on the rise again and I fear that repressing these feelings may cast me into a binge-purge cycle and possible lose my love. If one can, how can you change the mind of the one you love?
TL;DR: I told my girlfriend about liking to wear diapers, she told me to go see a therapist. The therapist didn't help but I was able to repress my desires long enough to have the situation wash under the bridge, but I don't want to deny this part of my personality. Suggestions on dealing with this situation?