So I've had this and wanted to get it off my chest for a long time. No one else that I can trust so I figured I'd make a post here and maybe get some reassurance/advice from other members that may have experienced something similar or have ideas on what I can do so it doesn't affect me as much.
My parents fight. A lot. It seems like everything has to be a big deal with my father who likes to control situations. He can be very smart, kind, and helpful when he wants to be. He tries very hard to make others happy and to provide for us even though he doesn't work full-time anymore. However, he is often under the belief that his way is the best way to do things. He's an alcoholic and often becomes aggressive after he's been drinking. He yells, swears, and says very demeaning things about others. However, he is capable of doing these things when sober too. He has stolen money from both me and my mother which has forced me to have to hide my wallet and anything valuable from sight where it could be grabbed. He doesn't want to admit that he can't do what he was once capable of doing (he has arthritis) and gets mad whenever I try to help him thinking I'm showing off to him or something. He thinks that my mom and I conspire against him and talk about him which isn't true.
My mom is a kind person, but she worries a lot about me and my well-being. She has always been concerned about others taking my DL side wrong and thinking of me as someone interested in children. She seeks my advice and approval a lot on different things which I don't mind but can feel a lot of pressure sometimes. We spend quite a bit of time together and can often get along, but I can't take it when all she'll do is complain about my dad. On the other hand, I can't take it when my dad will only complain about mom. I just try changing the subject or saying to them that I don't want to talk about it. That often leads to an awkward silence. She will sometimes tell me not to trust my father and on the flip side my father will tell me not to trust my mother.
I love both of my parents and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. They have provided me with a great life and the resources I need to thrive. I love them, but not everything that they do. It's really hard to talk with either of them. My father is still in denial about his alcoholism and believes that he doesn't have a problem. He will lie straight to my face about stealing beer or money from me thinking that it isn't a problem. He thinks that the reason my mom yells at him always has to do with money but she's often frustrated with his behavior. Other times, she'll yell at him over stupid things like leaving a door open or something. She's very protective of her pets and me. I try telling her not to flip out over little things but it still happens.
I don't know what to do. I really can't help either of my parents and talking to them is near impossible. Neither of them want me to leave or move out. They want me to stay. If the future of their relationship is fighting, then I don't want a piece of it anymore. I want to move out. But, it would be really hard to do for me as I don't have a lot of money saved to do it. I don't even know where I would go or where I would live. My mom hates whenever I mention the word "moving" and thinks that she did something wrong to make me want to move out. She wants me to stay or go with her if she decides to move out (can't say I would but it upsets her whenever I say that). My father would likely be okay with me moving because it would get me away from my mom. I think it would help if I moved because then I could keep my sanity and happiness that is taken whenever they fight. My mom will always say that she will do whatever it takes to get me to stay. I always tell her and my dad to stop fighting, but she'll explain that she has to get that way in order for him to listen. It's really complicated.
I realize that there isn't much (if anything) I can do to stop them. I have tried, but it's hard to make them realize that what they're doing has an effect on me. It's too hard to sit down and talk to them about it because neither party really wants to accept the situation or listen. I've tried. I've begged. Nothing has changed.
All that I'm hoping is that when I have children, I will try not to have them witness the fighting between my spouse and I. It does have a detrimental effect on children and does upset them. I realize that arguments are part of any relationship, but it doesn't need to be aggressive or verbally abusive.
Sorry for the somewhat rambly post. I just wrote it as I felt and hope that someone can help me feel less alone in this situation. Thanks.