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Thread: Should I see a therapist?

  1. #1

    Default Should I see a therapist?

    I have been batting around the idea of visiting a therapist to learn more about my fetish and to gain insight into how it may have started. I don't really need help in living with it as I believe I finally have it at a manageable level in my life. I have a feeling that it could be a waste of time, but I also wonder if I could get some more insight on it. I don't have any strong, childhood experiences that I feel I can connect its presence to. I'm just a seeker of knowledge and would enjoy knowing how my attraction to diapers came to be. Perhaps there isn't an answer, but is there something deeper? I love psychology and learning about the workings of humans as well as myself.

    Those of you who have been through the therapy- how was it for you? Is it worthwhile or a waste of time? Do they ask you about your childhood experiences or is it focused primarily on the present-day? Does insurance pay or will it be coming out of my pocket?

    Sorry for all of the questions. I've never been to a therapist and may not go right away as I don't have my own insurance yet. It's through my parents and I really don't want to them to find out that I am seeing a therapist- they'll think something is wrong. I just want to consider if this is something that may help me understand this interest of mine a bit deeper.

  2. #2


    Hey PearlPinkFloydJam,
    Depending on what kind of therapist you go to, they may be able to help you. However, therapy can be very expensive, so you might want to reconsider. I went to a couple of therapists for some non-diaper stuff, and they didn't seem to be too interested in my AB/DL or think it was much of an issue. Of course, different people specialize in different things, so you may find one more interested in human sexuality. However, anything a therapist says might just be speculation on their part, and I have a hard time believing that a therapist could tell you anything about your kinks you couldn't figure out for yourself with some psychology research and deep reflection.

  3. #3


    Hi LazyDreamer,

    Thanks for your reply. So many of the posts that I've seen related to this topic say that therapists really don't care too much to hear about AB/DL. Seems to be an area they don't like to discuss- perhaps because there's not enough research/knowledge on the topic for them to work from?

    I've done a lot of reflection on this topic, and still am working on processing it myself. The problem is that the further I go back in my memory, the foggier it becomes (go figure!). I've always wondered what a therapist would say, but maybe I don't want to hear it when it happens. Still lots of thinking to do. Thanks.

  4. #4


    While a therapist might be able to assist you, I'd suggest that if you're feeling generally healthy and your fetish isn't harming your life, it's not worth the time and expense.

    If you also have the insurance or disposable income to do this, then have fun. Tell us what you learn, maybe.

  5. #5


    I would think a therapist would ask you, how is this interfering in your life. If it's not, you probably don't need to spend all that money on a therapist.

  6. #6


    I wouldn't say that it's affecting my daily functions in life. Sometimes I will spend more time on it than I wish and I'll feel guilty that I wasn't more productive. Then, there are other times I hardly spend any time on it. I'd say I spend an average of about 10 hours a week on it or less. It isn't like I can't go through the day without thinking about my fetish. Perhaps if I can find insurance that will pay for the services or a therapist that can explain what I'm seeking to know, then I'll consider it.

  7. #7


    I suspect you are not going to get a satisfying answer from therapy. There are a lot of preconceived perspectives and prejudices they come with, and you would probably have to sift through a few before you found one that can come close to discussing this with you in a rational matter.

    In my early twenties, I saw a very locally renowned psychologist who really didn't address my problems and instead focused on my tattoos as a form of self mutilation. I think her main clientele were wealthy suburban housewives, and as I was off the beaten path, as are you.

    When you describe your fetish, it seems like you could replace it with the word "hobby". Many many more hours have been whiled away playing World of Warcraft by some, painting warhammer minis, what have you without it being a problem.

    One of the things you can expect to hear, is that while this is unusual, it is not pathological. You aren't crazy, and if it doesn't interfere other aspects of your life and makes you happy, don't worry about it.

  8. #8


    I've been to therapists on several occasions. In college, I went to two counselors to help me figure out the answers to two big questions: what should I major in, and what is my sexual orientation? Post-college, I've been to counselors twice, both times to deal with relationship issues.

    Based on my own experience (sample size of one, so take this with a grain of salt), I would say that counselors are bad at producing psychological insight. Talking to two counselors for over a year about my confused sexual and romantic feelings did not help me to figure out my sexual orientation. I needed to stop ruminating and go on some dates with people of both sexes to figure that out.

    Counselors are also bad at answering questions of the form "What goals should I have?" "Should I major in Field A or Field B?" That's a question I had to figure out for myself. "Should my partner and I stay together?" In most cases, a couples counselor cannot answer that.

    On the other hand, counselors are often very good at finding solutions to problems if you know where you are trying to get to and the action you need to take is something in your voluntary control. "I need to make a decision about my major, but I'm torn. What can I do to help myself come to a decision?" (Answer: "Why not declare one choice on paper, take courses in both fields for the next year, and then decide for real in a year, when you have more information?") "We want to stay together, but our relationship has some problems. Is there something we can do to deal with those problems that doesn't involve one of us turning into a different person? For instance, is there something we can do to improve our communication?" This is the kind of thing a couples counselor can help with.

    My guess is that if you are trying to recover an early memory, or to figure out what caused you to be ABDL, going to a counselor will not help. If you're trying to figure out how to fit ABDL into your dating and romantic life, talking to an open-minded counselor could be helpful. It sounds like you're after the first thing, which makes me think you'd be wasting your time and money (or your insurance company's money).

    One thing to consider: many health insurance companies will only pay for therapy that is necessary to address a mental or behavioral problem that is interfering with your life. (There is sometimes an exception for relationship counseling.) If that is how your insurance works, a counselor may have to either turn you away or lie to the insurance company if your reason for seeking therapy is personal insight and not the solution or treatment of a problem.

  9. #9



    I wouldn't consider my fetish solely a "hobby" as I do get off to pictures of the opposite gender wearing diapers, and give a sexual response to the action of wearing them most times. However, if the two words "hobby" and "fetish" were on a spectrum, I would say that I was closer to the hobby side than fetish. Perhaps this is just how I am or it could be because I have yet to have a sexual relationship with another person. That's part of a different discussion though.

    I'm definitely not worried about it or have doubts about my mental health. I would just want to find someone who could maybe provide me with insight as to how all of it came to be. That's all. There isn't a lot of research or findings in the field of how fetishes develop. At least I can't find it if there is. Unfortunately, I don't know if someone else can do that. I would hate to have a psychologist like the one you visited. That's why I worry about taking shots in the dark with therapists that do absolutely nothing to help me and simply find other ways of writing me off. I don't have tattoos so I have no idea what that therapist would say about me.


    I would say that I am searching for the first question you've posed over the second. However, I would likely give the second question to a therapist as I am unsure of a good way to introduce it into a relationship. I have ideas of how it could work and I'm pretty conservative in relationships already meaning I wouldn't introduce it early. I would wait until we got to that point to present it. Perhaps that isn't the best method though and I should try something different. I'm not sure, but that wouldn't be the chief reason of visiting a therapist in the first place.

    I never had a good counselor in high school or in college so I wouldn't know what a good counselor can provide. I don't go in looking for straight, easy answers as I am fully aware that's not how it works. All I'd be looking for is insight of how all this came to be. Even just by using research or clues that may trigger a connection for me. Again, I realize how complicated things are and that I don't have a walking encyclopedia of my life to recall all of my prior events. However, I do believe in using research to finding solutions to other problems. I also realize that there isn't much clear-cut research in fetishes and there aren't easy ways to explain their presence.

    Perhaps what I'm searching for isn't found in research or from others. Perhaps I need to look deeply within myself to find my answers. I just have no idea where to begin. I've been pondering it for years and am still lost.

    Thanks for all of the advice thus far!

  10. #10



    After seeing you thread about your parents fighting I think that would be much more important to talk to them about then bring up your AB/DL tendencies.

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