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Thread: Helping a potential caretaker feel comfortable?

  1. #1

    Question Helping a potential caretaker feel comfortable?

    Hello again Adisc. I'm having a problem I would love some advice, or help with. Recently I've entered into a relationship with a guy who knew all of my kinks from the start. He himself doesn't have an interest in diapers, but he's a very caring person who likes to look after others. Several days ago we were chatting on Skype, he dropped a few hints that he'd like to try playing caretaker to me through role-play.

    I was very excited by this news because I hadn't made any advances toward him in this area so for him to decided to do it himself really touched me. The next two nights we talk about my interest in diapers, where I thought it had come from, and what exactly I liked. We then decided to set aside all evening to role-play this evening. However things didn't go according to plan.

    When we got to the part where he would start treating me differently he froze up, and told me he wasn't comfortable continuing. Of course I stopped, and we talked. It seems when the thought occurred to him he imagined me as an actual kid, and felt like he was being a pedophile. This really hurt to hear because I was so looking forward to being able to connect over this and actually enjoy my desires with him. I was disappointed. Not with him, but with just a general overwhelming feeling.

    We talked for a while, and it seems he still wants to try but he wants to go very slowly about it. My question is can anyone give advice for this situation? What small things can I do to help him feel more comfortable, and possibly overcome this feeling that it's pedophilia even though I, and my character are adults? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you for your time.

  2. #2


    This is a tricky one and something that will probably take a bit of time between you. Are there parts of roleplay that you would like to do that emphasize the differences more between you and a real child? If you're interested in getting teased, that might be an angle, since that's not something a sensitive parent typically does to a real child. If that's not going to work, keep talking. There's a sweet spot in there where you can recognize someone as having child-like attributes but know they are adults with different needs and desires.

  3. #3


    Well, a pedophile is someone who has sexual desires towards actual children, not someone who takes care of a child. You're asking him to be a caregiver, right? As long as you are not asking him for sexual play, I would just explain that he can treat you as though you were a real child, which would obviously not include sexual play! Another good idea might be to make it a lot less than one whole evening. One evening is actually a long time to be "on" and to be constantly giving care. I think I would lower this to maybe an hour of play or even less at first. Give it a set start and a set end - and in the beginning make that set end point pretty close to the start point. Even if things are going great, make sure you stop and go to your adult side when the exact agreed upon time is up. That way he will probably have less anxiety over the whole situation.

    But basically, make sure he knows, people who care for children are not pedophiles, or else every mother, father, grandparent, or babysitter would be in the world!

  4. #4


    My situation with my baby isn't quite the same, but it was difficult and awkward for me too, at first. I think what you might need to do, if he's not sufficiently introspective to initiate it himself, is to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Pick apart what he thinks it means to be a pedophile, and what troubles him about it. Analyze each point, each detail, look at it critically and logically. You may find that most of the points fall away when held up to rational scrutiny.

    My own big difficulties were that I don't want to cause harm, and I don't want to take advantage. I'll spare you the details, but what got me over it was the understanding that her knowledge is sufficient to understand and knowingly accept all that is going on, understanding that her body is not some small fragile thing that I'll damage, and allowing (even requiring) her to to decide what happens and when. I give her what she needs, I enjoy doing it, I'm confident and comfortable that I'm doing nothing wrong, and we get along just fine.

  5. #5


    I notice the original topic here is 3 weeks old. I'd like to offer some general advice for communicating around difficult topics. If Laz is around, maybe he can give us an update on how things are going, too.

    Anyway, I think this is a good place for an introspective conversation. Here's a good way to go about it.

    1. Start out by going over some if the things that you would like to do and have him tell you whether he's comfortable with each thing or not.

    2. For each one, try to go over what makes it okay or not okay. This is an opportunity to think about details and ask questions for both of you. Try to get at the underlying interests. An example of an underlying interest is "I don't want to think of myself as hurting someone innocent." You want to try and understand what's causing the hesitation, and these are often broad things such as "I don't want to feel like I'm being disrespectful or cruel" rather than really specific things.

    3. When you've got some of those broad interests on the table, go over options. Maybe there's a way to modify some of the activities that will reassure him you're a consenting adult, or change the image a bit. This is a chance for both of you to think creatively. You might come up with some fun ideas that satisfy both of you, or reach a way to approach the caretaker role that changes how he feels.

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