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Thread: Coming Out.

  1. #1

    Default Coming Out.

    I was just curious as to how people on here are gay, lesbian, bi.. ect. What was it like coming out for you? I know it was terrible for me. I didn't really get to come out my parents found me out by going through my stuff, and reading personal things. They read through my MeetMe account, and my journal. :/ They yelled at the top of there lungs on spring break vacation in the middle of a crowded ice cream shop to everyone that they didn't like it when I lied to them and they couldn't believe I was gay. They continued to yell at me until we left making me wish I was just dead. They really don't care anymore, and I feel so separated and distant from them.

    I mean if anyone cares to share their experience or story. Not like anyone probably will.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm personally straight as a well fletched arrow, so therefore I cannot contribute to your post in that regards, but your very last sentence saying "nobody probably will" is a terrible way to end a discussion. Encourage conversation, not others pitying you! That's what these forums are all about in my opinion. Sharing thoughts and experiences in a non hostile environment.

    Either way, it seems like your parents were more trying to shame you publicly, when in all honesty, it sounds like they shamed themselves. Normal human beings, whether they are supportive or unsupportive of your lifestyle choices, just don't do that. So take a small victory in knowing your parents publicly made asses of themselves.

  3. #3

    Default

    Sometimes you must look at the side of the parents' view and contemplate their actions. Yes, there are stories of parents understanding and always knowing, as well as understanding and being clueless about their child's sexual orientation. Ultimately, it's different for everyone and though yours may be negative, perhaps with time it may change. A parent has to absorb information about finding out their child is gay. One that is commonly cited is "Did I do anything wrong?" and that is usually due to a lack of understanding about orientation and that it isn't a choice. They have to understand that you are you and that you are simply wired to be attracted to the gender that you are attracted to; ie. The heart wants what it wants.

    Another, is that if their child is gay they have worries that they won't have a grandchild. That is something I've observed while reading through threads on various places on the internet. Parents who have seen their child grow up and the next step in life is a grandchild for them to spoil. With the orientation being same sex, that possibility goes out the window. Again, that isn't with every parent, but there are parents who have that worry. Maybe you don't want children or maybe you do? There are options of adoption, but they must understand that it's your life and not theirs.

    A parent can have expectations of you and hopes and dreams that they see fizzling away. It could pertain to the children thing or dreams of attending a wedding or anything really that they play into their head. They may even have negative mental images of what this means.

    Now! The fact is outting you in a public place was about the worst thing they could do when dealing with a gay child or any child really. To bring it in the public spotlight was almost a form of shaming and they most definitely owe you an apology regarding that. Because, otherwise, how can you come to them for help or advice if they are going to act like that? How can you have an open relationship if they aren't open-minded? It is not your intentions to hurt them nor is it your intentions to incite such drama. You are the person you are and they need to accept that person and realize their child is still there. Only, that with their acceptance can you truly be open to them and they can see the beautiful person there. I don't know whether they have reasons behind their negative response (IE misguided beliefs, etc etc etc) nor do I know you at all. I want to reason, because I hope reason can be found and that things can be patched.

    You can try and get them to read information, even write them something in hopes they will read it. Carefully word everything and even look for help on the internet regarding it. Who you kiss, love, and lay next to at night is your business and yours only. Don't ever despair either. There are tough roads in life and tough times, but it certainly gets better. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a different sexual orientation. What is wrong is loving a child conditionally.

    Parents should love their child unconditionally. I wish the absolute best for you, OP.
    Last edited by Cereal; 24-Jul-2014 at 11:25.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BronyPony14 View Post
    I was just curious as to how people on here are gay, lesbian, bi.. ect. What was it like coming out for you? I know it was terrible for me. I didn't really get to come out my parents found me out by going through my stuff, and reading personal things. They read through my MeetMe account, and my journal. :/ They yelled at the top of there lungs on spring break vacation in the middle of a crowded ice cream shop to everyone that they didn't like it when I lied to them and they couldn't believe I was gay. They continued to yell at me until we left making me wish I was just dead. They really don't care anymore, and I feel so separated and distant from them.

    I mean if anyone cares to share their experience or story. Not like anyone probably will.
    First let me say that what your parents did was Horrible. they can't even consider themselves parents at that point. but i understand why you feel seperated and distant from them. i didn't have all that great of a Relationship with a few of my parents either. when i was a kid i was in Diapers 24/7 for reasons im not going to discuss now. but i had grown up in two very polar oppostite worlds, my biological dad and step mom lived in LA California, and my mother, grandmother and step dad lived on a small ranch outside of a small, predominatly white, homophobic, Redneck town that i will not name in Northern Arizona.

    My step parents were never really supportive of me both often yelled and scoffed at me because i was diffrent, here i was 8 year old boy still wearing diapers, played with a mix of Barbie dolls and hotwheels. i was a Very "Gender Neutral" Boy (i am unsure of an actuall term but this sounds good so ill use it). as i grew my interests reached into the sexual realm of things i had discovered i had no real preferance into oreintation my step parents eventually got worse and worse. well my step dad one day got the notion toin vade my privacy and descovered a stash of Gay porn i had but instead of Confronting me on it he had it posted to the school newspaper without my knowledge. now bear in mind this was a very Homophobic town and school so the discovery was not taken too well and eventually led to quite a few fights, for the next 6 months life at school became a struggle to just survive. i was constantly beat up and picked on eventually learned to fight by trial and error. well one day he decided to make it known after i had got my ass handed to me 12 to 1 fight that he was the one that started this whole thing (long story short 10 police officers later he was not able to breath on his own accord and i was institutionalized for 10 months with emotional damage suicidal thoughts and all around Depression) i regret heavily what i did that day but i learned something its not about being right or wrong, its not about being streight or gay, its not about any thing, its about being who you are and standing up for your way of life.

    it took me 10 months being isolated in a Hospital room before i finally had my revalation life is too shrot to hide who you are. i am Bi sexual, brony, baby fur, little, diaper lover and everyone knows it.

    shortly after my stay in the hospital i moved back to california with my dad. he was very accepting of me my step mother still was not pleased with me but had enough fear to keep her mouth shut. my mother ultimatly divorced my step dad
    Sued him in civil court on my behalf for damages deemed him unfit and took his kid (my little brother) at that point life had started to get much better, i had met a girl who was also bi, partied hard, lived out both sides of my sexuallity on a day to day basis while still staying in a stable relationship. eventually she got pregnant and we had a kid. at the end of the story and where i found my self in the presant was all because i took a stand for my self and was honest to my peers and stood for my belifs.

    what some parents do is horrible my stepdad eventually stated that his intentions were to scare me streight by making me think there was something wrong with me that i was the only one, and when all else failed he had hoped the other kids would beat me streight. what your parents did was probbably a similar tactic to try and call you out and shame you into going streight almost 99% of the time this plan backfires on the parent as they have just broken the trust of their child and ultimatley burned a bridge to help grow their child.

    being a young Teen and learning of a Betrayal that large is world shattering i was one of the lucky few who could emotionally rebound from that shock and go on living a good life it is hard.

    Just be who you are and good things will come your way, life is too short to hide who you are.

  5. #5

    Default

    I'm heteroromantic asexual (basically I like the opposite sex but not in a sexual way), but no one I know in real life is aware of this. I don't think my parents would understand what it means, plus I don't really feel like there's any reason for them to know, as it's not like I'll be bringing other girls in the door...

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by w0lfpack91 View Post
    First let me say that what your parents did was Horrible. they can't even consider themselves parents at that point. but i understand why you feel seperated and distant from them. i didn't have all that great of a Relationship with a few of my parents either. when i was a kid i was in Diapers 24/7 for reasons im not going to discuss now. but i had grown up in two very polar oppostite worlds, my biological dad and step mom lived in LA California, and my mother, grandmother and step dad lived on a small ranch outside of a small, predominatly white, homophobic, Redneck town that i will not name in Northern Arizona.

    My step parents were never really supportive of me both often yelled and scoffed at me because i was diffrent, here i was 8 year old boy still wearing diapers, played with a mix of Barbie dolls and hotwheels. i was a Very "Gender Neutral" Boy (i am unsure of an actuall term but this sounds good so ill use it). as i grew my interests reached into the sexual realm of things i had discovered i had no real preferance into oreintation my step parents eventually got worse and worse. well my step dad one day got the notion toin vade my privacy and descovered a stash of Gay porn i had but instead of Confronting me on it he had it posted to the school newspaper without my knowledge. now bear in mind this was a very Homophobic town and school so the discovery was not taken too well and eventually led to quite a few fights, for the next 6 months life at school became a struggle to just survive. i was constantly beat up and picked on eventually learned to fight by trial and error. well one day he decided to make it known after i had got my ass handed to me 12 to 1 fight that he was the one that started this whole thing (long story short 10 police officers later he was not able to breath on his own accord and i was institutionalized for 10 months with emotional damage suicidal thoughts and all around Depression) i regret heavily what i did that day but i learned something its not about being right or wrong, its not about being streight or gay, its not about any thing, its about being who you are and standing up for your way of life.

    it took me 10 months being isolated in a Hospital room before i finally had my revalation life is too shrot to hide who you are. i am Bi sexual, brony, baby fur, little, diaper lover and everyone knows it.

    shortly after my stay in the hospital i moved back to california with my dad. he was very accepting of me my step mother still was not pleased with me but had enough fear to keep her mouth shut. my mother ultimatly divorced my step dad
    Sued him in civil court on my behalf for damages deemed him unfit and took his kid (my little brother) at that point life had started to get much better, i had met a girl who was also bi, partied hard, lived out both sides of my sexuallity on a day to day basis while still staying in a stable relationship. eventually she got pregnant and we had a kid. at the end of the story and where i found my self in the presant was all because i took a stand for my self and was honest to my peers and stood for my belifs.

    what some parents do is horrible my stepdad eventually stated that his intentions were to scare me streight by making me think there was something wrong with me that i was the only one, and when all else failed he had hoped the other kids would beat me streight. what your parents did was probbably a similar tactic to try and call you out and shame you into going streight almost 99% of the time this plan backfires on the parent as they have just broken the trust of their child and ultimatley burned a bridge to help grow their child.

    being a young Teen and learning of a Betrayal that large is world shattering i was one of the lucky few who could emotionally rebound from that shock and go on living a good life it is hard.

    Just be who you are and good things will come your way, life is too short to hide who you are.
    I understand where you are coming from.
    I myself am Gay.
    I have "come out" late in life as a disabled person with Autism and Cerebral Palsy.
    O accept myself as an older Gay man who is and Adult Baby, Furry, and Brony.

  7. #7

    Default

    Most people on this site know my story. I lived an exclusively gay life in college from 1966 to 1970. This was a time when you could be put into jail for being openly gay, or into a residential mental facility. During my senior year I came home for the weekend, and during dinner (with company) I started to cry and couldn't stop. Though I went back to school Sunday night, my mom searched my bedroom and found both my diapers and gay porn. I soon was confronted with the news and it was a bad scene.

    My mom was not accepting and made an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist at a a very large residential facility. I met with the doctor several times. I had to discuss liking diapers and the feelings that went with that. Worse, I had to discuss my attraction to other males. I eventually was able to talk my mom out of the sessions as I knew she couldn't afford them.

    I'm actually bi, so when I graduated, I moved 400 miles from home and started a new life. I met the woman who would become my wife and we had two children. We also adopted my wife's nephew and moved to Virginia where we all live today.

    If you think parent have trouble accepting alternative lifestyles now, imagine that 40 and 50 years ago. I suppose we were some of the pioneers to freedom. When I was a college student, I had to move off campus because the idiot administration thought I was a threat to the student body. Since I attended a famous east coast music conservatory, it was an ironic decision as we ascertained that 50 percent of the male student body was gay.

    Being gay was not easy as you could be arrested by a cop if they suspected you were on the make, so to speak. My boy friend and I had gone into the woods to look for a place to smoke some pot and when we came out, a cop was waiting for us. Imagine being stoned, paranoid and gay lovers! We talked our way out of it and went on our way, but that's how it was. We'd walk into a favorite eatery in Princeton and the guy at the register would call us "the goldust boys". It all was so insane.

    We only came out to each other. I called it living in the underground, because you were this very different citizen. Your friends were gay, at least the ones you partied with at night. You had your own language and life was different. But here's the thing, I wouldn't trade those incredible four years for anything. It made me who I am and I'm comfortable with that.

  8. #8
    PaddedPuppy

    Default

    I was the one to go to my family and come out. They didn't discover I was gay and confront me or anything. I haven't had any horrible experiences like I have read on this thread here but it didn't exactly go as well as I had hoped.

    It was just under 4 years ago when I told my family but even now they don't fully accept it. They don't give me trouble for it but they keep giving me the special treatment where I get awkward conversations from them about how being in a gay relationship WILL 100% GUARANTEED result in me getting AIDS and dying. If I argue against it I just get told its a phase and they know I just need a little extra guidance then soon enough I will have a girlfriend...

    The bit I don't understand is that they have seen me in relationships for years with another man. Some of them have even see me kissing another man but they give no negative response to that. My mom even said she is happy for me so I really don't know whats going on with the mixed signals they all send off.

    Now I have just decided to do my best to keep my family out of that. I try to avoid any sort of conversations which have the potential to get derailed with their odd and confusing opinion. So far so good it seems to be working well enough for me.

  9. #9

    Default

    I came out late as Bi, I don't think my Mother really ever understood, and the extended family that has helped take care of me are all Jesus freaks, and have said some awful things about homosexuality, I put my foot down and they backed off on that subject, they don't bring it up anymore. Its not like it matters much anymore, I doubt I will ever find a long term lover, to much baggage and damage, but I do accept myself, and lost the shame a long time ago.

  10. #10

    Default

    I never really came out to my parents. Although they suspected I was gay, it was sort of a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in our household. Growing up in my family, there was never any talk about sex. By the time I accepted myself as being gay and moved out on my own, my parents lived a couple hundred miles away from me. Considering how uptight the family was about these things, I didn't see any point in telling them. My father was a homophobe.

    My brother was the only one who knew, because it was safe to confide in him. At least that's what I thought.

    My brother was visiting my parents one weekend and my father was quite upset because a gay couple had moved in across the street. My father didn't think those faggots belonged in his respectable, upper class neighbourhood. My brother, with the best of intentions, blew up at him and called him out on his homophobia and hatred. In his anger, he told him that I was gay and that if my father could have a gay son, how could he be so filled with contempt towards them?

    Well that pretty much ended my relationship with most of my family. It was official. What was never spoken about was finally confirmed. By my father's decree I was no longer a part of the family. I was an outcast. He forbade my mother from communicating with me and checked the phone bills and e-mails to ensure we didn't speak. The first Christmas after it happened, my mother sent some Christmas presents to me by mail because I couldn't go home again.

    My father passed away about ten years ago from diabetes and cancer. When he was in the hospital in his dying days my family tried desperately to get me to go see him, to say goodbye and make peace with him. I couldn't do it. It just seemed like it would be hypocritical. He hated me all my life and completely isolated me from my family when he knew for sure that I was gay. I wasn't there when he died and although I feel sad about it, I don't feel guilty.

    After he died, I wasn't going to go to the funeral. He had bashed me and demonized me to all our relatives that I was some sort of queer pervert, and since I never discussed my private life with them, well, I was obviously living some sick, depraved existence. After everything my father told my relatives about me, and the fact that I never went to see him in the hospital, I really thought it would be better if I stayed away. My brother, however, insisted on dragging me to the funeral and I decided to go along with it when I was told my mother wanted me to be there.

    On the day of my father's funeral, I got my family back. I saw my mother for the first time in years and ,for the first time, she embraced her openly gay son. I saw my sister who was also not really welcome in the family. She worked at a WalMart and didn't live up to my father's expectations. I also saw my aunt for the first time in several decades. She was a secretary who never got married so she was also beneath my father's expectations.In addition to being anti-gay he also judged people on their financial status and material possessions. That night, after the funeral service, the healing of our family began and we were able to communicate and accept each other without judgement, without interference.

    I never cried at the funeral or anytime after my father died and I guess I feel a little guilt for that. What kind of person does that make me? But the truth is that I don't have a single fond memory of my father, I can't recall a single time when he and I shared a happy moment, I just recall his dislike and hatred of me. There are also a lot of things about my relationship with him that I have blocked out of my memory that I don't want ever recall.

    I remember a social worker challenging me more than twenty years ago at the time when my father and I weren't speaking. She asked me how I would feel if my father died and I never tried to reach out to him. How would I feel about leaving so much unresolved in both our lives? I told her that I would mourn the lost relationship that I never had with my father since the time I was born, but I would not mourn his passing. I still feel this way today.

    I guess I went off topic a little bit here. My apologies. For some reason I just needed to say it. Anyway, my sense is that it is generally easier today for young people to come out than it was when I was growing up. In Canada, same sex marriages have been legalized for more than ten years, and there is a plentitude of support and counselling services for young people struggling with their sexuality. More and more schools have glbt services and gay/ straight alliances. . Of course, there are still homophobes and ignorant parents, but overall it's a more civil and understanding society than what I grew up in. My hope is that every child can come out to their parents without the risk of losing their family.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 26-Jul-2014 at 19:22.

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