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Thread: Seeking Advice

  1. #1

    Default Seeking Advice

    Hi All,

    I'm seeking advice on a matter that is important to me, and I want to preface this by saying my intentions are pure.

    A quick history lesson... My wife is amazing first and foremost. When we started dating I told her about my DL side and interests. I was upfront about it all, and she was very accepting. As it stands I can wear diapers whenever I want and she loves me just the same.

    Growing up I always just desired wearing diapers, I never really had the urge to be a baby. The AB side of things isnít repellent to me, it just hasnít been something I was ever too interested in. That said, I do admire what I have read in regards to the strong bond that can form between participants in an AB relationship.

    My wife and I entered into marriage knowing that we both enjoy children and would like to have some one day. Unfortunately come to find out that we both have issues that prevent us from conceiving. I have come to terms with my limitation, and I feel like I can live a full life without children. My wife is having a harder time accepting the situation. When our 20/30 something friends announce that they are pregnant, my wife is devastated and inconsolable.

    So here is the question... Do you think proposing AB role-play could help in sort of a therapeutic way? My main concern is that I would never want her to see it as a brutal reminder; I just want her to be happy.

    Anyway, I would like to hear a female perspective on this, but all advice is much appreciated.


  2. #2


    Not knowing you and your wife and the dynamics of your relationship, it seems very difficult to say whether it would be good or not. My gut reaction is that one does not substitute for the other. They are in some ways related but I think trying to make ABDL roleplay take the place of a real child is a dicey proposition and it's more something that should be considered on its own merits.

    I presume you've considered adoption?

  3. #3


    I would consider adoption!! I cant have children because of a car accident at youth 16 , I adopted a family members baby by chance but there are so many other infants that need a family!!!!

  4. #4


    I am an adopted child, and I am forever grateful for my parents who adopted me. We have family friends who just adopted a baby girl. They had to drive to Texas to receive her. We all live in Virginia. For all the faults and craziness that have come from Thomas Road Baptist Church, Dr. Jerry Falwell did a good thing my establishing Merrium's House, a home for unwed mothers. Many of them don't want their baby and so those children are put up for adoption. It was Dr. Falwell's response to abortion which he opposed.

    As for role play, I think you would have to ask your wife. It's such a personal thing that only she can answer that question. I think it would be too hard on her, but that's my limited opinion. It is based on this, however. My wife is diabetic, and it was very difficult for us to conceive. We had our first child, but our second died during the 6th month of pregnancy. We were both devastated, but we tried again and had a healthy little girl. I can't imagine role playing after the loss of that child, watching the little coffin go into the ground. It wouldn't hurt to ask, but don't expect too much.

  5. #5


    Thank you all for taking the time to reply. We had originally taken adoption off of the table, but perhaps we should revisit our previous discussion.

    Dogboy, congrats on your healthy children! The thought of role playing in an attempt to cope with the loss of a child would not sit well with me either. If my wife is feeling that level of pain, then the idea could really be in poor taste.

    Thank you all again, and I'm most grateful to have access to such a supportive community.

  6. #6


    This is much more a delicate and intimate question than a pragmatic one.

    The complexities that women eventually go through dealing with their maternal instincts is entirely unpredictable and usually follows an age map; the course from early puberty, through the teens, and traversing early adulthood into the twighlight child-bearing years. The proverbial biological clock wreaks havoc in this way. No woman could possibly experience it just the same as another. Some onsets occur early and some late and some in-between.

    I am certain I cannot connotate how 'therapeutic' it would be for a woman to pretend to care for an adult baby would be in lieu of the real thing. It seems like a huge leap. Of course it's not impossible but the variants dictate the reality here. But not to be an adversary here, there are those who could find solace and meaning in it. A symbiotic relationship of sorts.

    It seems your true course of action would be to explore these ideas with her (in a subtle way of course). Communication, exploration, and time are ultimately pertinent here. As others have already stated there are also other options to consider such as adoption but this also takes a congruent understanding and willingness in a marriage.

  7. #7


    A idea is to talk to another doctor ask about other options for having a baby. Like Virto Fertilization or a surrogate mother.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Dork View Post
    Hi All,.....

    So here is the question... Do you think proposing AB role-play could help in sort of a therapeutic way? My main concern is that I would never want her to see it as a brutal reminder; I just want her to be happy.

    Anyway, I would like to hear a female perspective on this, but all advice is much appreciated.


    (I feel bad for addressing you by your chosen username... - just saying).

    Short answer:
    No - I don't think it would be therapeutic in any way.

    You have already established the base of the problem - that you & your wife are not able to conceive children... and this this, or the confrontation with that aspect leaves your wife in a mental turmoil.
    You can be an AB - but it doesn't replace a child - it's not the same. You are her husband, her lover, her soulmate, etc.. and I do believe it is important to be there for eachother, but starting to roleplay as AB will not replace the (psychological and biological) need for children felt by her.

    What I would rather do is to check all viable options.
    - Have you talked (both of you) with the appropriate medical professionals, there is a LOT of stuff that can be done these days.
    - Adoption? There's a LOT of children any age in need for loving, caring parents - and whilst the process isn't easy and it could be different than actually "making" your own child - I have seen it work (parents who chose to adopt because they could not get children themselves) and I think it is a beautiful "option".
    - Therapy - go together and try to find ways for you and her to cope better with the actual problem...

  9. #9


    Your profile says age 28. Don't know the exact issues you face. But her biological clock / "real risk factors" does not come into play for a bit if she is around this age.

    Likely she will want children untill this is not an easy option.

    I would support her in getting this deep need met.

    At the same time, be clear about your deep needs.

    If you are there for her she is more likely to be there for you.

    After forty women may go for elements of what you suggest.

    At your stated age they are still "far enough from the station" to give up what they want for something that has elements of it.

    With a woman ten years older than your stated age this worked well for me. The train had left the station and she was willing to take what was available.

    In another situation, adult nursing (without lactation) made her satisfied in a way nothing else did. I have found this with other relationships. Whoever she is, whatever she is in public life, part of her body is wired to be this way.

    In the words of some aboriginal people's, women are the "life givers". It doesn't mean they can't be a lawyer or CEO but it something that women alone can do.

    I don't think we can just wash biology away and pretend that it means nothing.

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