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Thread: I am not an ABDL but my Girlfriend is and I need help.

  1. #1

    Default I am not an ABDL but my Girlfriend is and I need help.

    I am so in love with my girlfriend and I am so happy that she told me about this side of her. I am open to role playing with her but I don't understand what it is exactly that she wants me to do. She has said that she wants me to be aggressive and that she doesn't want to give me instructions so that she can be surprised by what I come up with. I am just having trouble thinking of things to do with her. She also said that sometimes when she tells me to stop doing something she really wants me to be aggressive and keep doing it, but sometimes she really does want me to stop. I asked her how I could tell the difference and she says that I should just somehow know. It is very frustrating not being able to help her and role play the way she wants me too. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

  2. #2

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    We'll the first question I would ask you is it baby play she wants aggressive or just "playing" in general. If it's just playing normally, First I would talk to her about using a safe word, something you wouldn't normally say in the middle of playing (like pineapple or zombie) and actuly means stop and not just her role playing. I have an extreamly submissive side when it comes to a partner so I can understand why she would want such playing but the resion always varys. Talk to her and see if she will give you any ideas, I know what she means by being surprised, but there should always be a basis behind it. The last thing you want to do is take it to far and not even know it's happening tell it's to late. Communication is always key in that sort of play. Hope have helped at all, and hopefully havent made it more confusing for you.

  3. #3

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    While she shouldn't have to tell you exactly what she wants done when she wants it, I think it's unreasonable to expect you to work this out without her input. I've been into this all my life and I would still need to talk to another ABDL first about what they liked and didn't or it could go horrible awry.

    As noted above, a safeword or maybe color coding like "yellow" for proceed with caution and "red" for stop might be useful. No one is a mind reader and working out how the two of you play together is important. With open and honest communication, you may one day get to where she hopes but she has to give you something to work with.

  4. #4

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    This is honestly incredibly easy to work out depending if you two can talk easy to each other about awkward stuff like this and look at is as fun play. It doesn't solve itself in a night, but after successful plays. Often times you need to ask her what most of her nonverbal cues mean. After enough different kinds of play with my partner I can tell you you end up stop thinking about and just run with it.

    So here is my practical advice to try.



    I am open to role playing with her but I don't understand what it is exactly that she wants me to do. She has said that she wants me to be aggressive and that she doesn't want to give me instructions so that she can be surprised by what I come up with.
    Roleplay involves a certain kind of suspension of disbelief as it where and I'm guessing your partner really wants to seep into as best she can. She NEEDS to however understand that this is a work in progress, and that it's not all on you to try and figure out when and where. You're not a mind reader. You shouldn't just know somehow. Really you two should sit down before possible play and really write down on paper (can help) about the ends and outs of everything. The SMALL things are important. Believe me. Make a list.

    I'm going to assume by aggressive there is some form of forced diapering and what have you happening here. But not too much. And really man this is on her to clearly say what it is. For this I say have her write down things that are off the table ( or tell you) so you can get the feel of limits here. You're not doing extreme enough BDSM like activites that warrants the use of a safe word. So don't really concern yourself with that. It might be awkward, it might ruin the moment, but you should just stop and talk right there if something doesn't work when it's fresh and then experiment off of it. It works for me an my partner cause we run with things and can laugh at the situation. Hopefully you both look at this as a fun experience where you can. At the end of the day fun is what matters.

    So first and foremost, sit down, grab a piece of paper, and just write about desires like this, what's off the table and what have you. BE CANDID! You both have to be candid and not shy. She herself is more than likely nervous and is hoping you will get it without her having to explain. Reassure her that's it's perfectly ok to talk about it and go in depth. That's one of the problem here.

    If there's a particular fantasy you need hashing out or ideas, we can keep it PG-13 enough to work out I'm sure.

    Feel free to PM me too if you want. Kudos to you man though for giving your darnest to try.

  5. #5

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    I think Geno has said it really well here; this is probably a whole new world for you, and one you have no experience in. So she is going to have to tell you what she wants. You can help, too, by doing your own research. This website has lots of articles on what ABDLs often like to do. Understanding Infantilism is another outstanding site which features a section on what ABDLs often do. If you get a little idea of what some ABs like, you can get a better idea of what she might like.

    Often, it's the details that matter. My girlfriend and I are both ABDL, but we had to spend quite a bit of time talking out the different things we were interested in, and know how to accommodate each others' personal desires. Your girlfriend wants you to be 'aggressive'; that could mean she wants to be forced into diapers as punishment for something, or that she wants to be tied up in diapers, or she wants to be spanked and then diapered...there are a lot of sub-niches here, I'm afraid. If she wants you to surprise her, I take it she's OK with whatever you come up with. But if she really wants to be satisfied, I think she'll have to open up at some point. Part of it might be, as Geno said,



    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    She herself is more than likely nervous and is hoping you will get it without her having to explain. Reassure her that's it's perfectly ok to talk about it and go in depth. That's one of the problem here.
    You could help her open up by proposing ideas, or broad scenarios, like what I suggested above. Or you could go with your current hunch, and after it's over ask what she liked and what she'd change. Sex is always a communication and "work it out" thing, from what I gather, and in the case of a fetish you've never experienced before, it's very important. But this is also something that has a lot of secrecy and shame attached to it, so she's probably very used to hiding. This will take time to overcome; your acceptance will be the biggest factor here.

    Welcome to ADISC, and good for you for being so willing to try it out! I can tell you, the fact that you're still with her and OK with doing ABDL things probably means the world to your girlfriend. Good luck!

  6. #6

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    so she says she want to "use" the diaper, but I am just not comfortable with that, I don't know how to tell her because that seems to be very important to her, can anyone offer advice?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sfenyes View Post
    so she says she want to "use" the diaper, but I am just not comfortable with that, I don't know how to tell her because that seems to be very important to her, can anyone offer advice?
    As you probably don't work as a psychic, so it would be helpful to ask her to explain her own needs.

    Without being judgemental as a basic open question like 'diapers; well to be honest I don't know much about that. What does that do for you?'. 'If you had a magic wand, how would I be part of this?.

    It is not your job to somehow know her needs. You need to ask and she needs to communicate what works for her.

    If she wants things that you are not comfortable with, try to find a compromise that you are ok with. Say she wants to wet her diaper and you are not comfortable with that at this point. What about her in a diaper and you pour some warm water in it? "ooh, looks like my little girl is getting wet". "do you think she will wet some more?". If the answer is a happy yes then use more water. "0h daddy's little girl seems to have a wet diaper; should daddy change his little girl?

    Do you talk openly about what makes you hot and crazy?

    It is a lot easier to give others what they want, but might not do much for you, if they are giving you what your deepest self desires.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sfenyes View Post
    so she says she want to "use" the diaper, but I am just not comfortable with that, I don't know how to tell her because that seems to be very important to her, can anyone offer advice?
    Tell her you are very uncomfortable with that, just like you told us. You two will have to talk about it. Short of breaking up there are no overnight solutions to this issue. Get used to the idea that "using" the diaper will always be important to her and try to work out compromises.

    As for figuring out what she wants, see if she is open to this role playing strategy: Talk to her as if she is someone who wants you to babysit her little girl. Imagine a real life situation where you will be babysitting for someone you don't know very well yet. In reality there would be many things you would want to know, and you want to keep this as real as possible. Find out from your GF what her little girl is like and what she needs, what her routine is, things to watch out for, and what is expected of you.

    Your GF has a little girl inside her she wants you to take care of. Your initial babysitting sessions should be well defined time-wise, no more than an hour or two, just as it would be in a real life situation. You need time to adjust, if you are going to adjust at all. Your GF should always "come back" as an adult after these short sessions, at which point you two can have an adult discussion on how things went. The length and frequency of these sessions will change over time. You are doing a lot to satisfy her needs and she needs to acknowledge that and be open to your needs as well.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sfenyes View Post
    I am so in love with my girlfriend and I am so happy that she told me about this side of her. I am open to role playing with her but I don't understand what it is exactly that she wants me to do. She has said that she wants me to be aggressive and that she doesn't want to give me instructions so that she can be surprised by what I come up with. I am just having trouble thinking of things to do with her. She also said that sometimes when she tells me to stop doing something she really wants me to be aggressive and keep doing it, but sometimes she really does want me to stop. I asked her how I could tell the difference and she says that I should just somehow know. It is very frustrating not being able to help her and role play the way she wants me too. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
    Hi Sfenyes. Congratulations on being so open and trying to understand. I hope your girlfriend really appreciates it.

    It is not easy to talk about these things and she is probably embarrassed. Also while regressed it can be very difficult to have a conversation.

    Having said that communication is the key. You are trying and that is fantastic. You are not, however, psychic.

    I would suggest a book called "There's a baby in my bed", which may help you a lot. It is more about regression than age play, but has some good ideas, especially on communication.

    Good luck and keep trying to understand. All the best. Babymt

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