Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Most love is happy...but not the same

  1. #1

    Red face Most love is happy...but not the same

    Hello AB's, DL's, and furrys alike. I have decided to tell one of my biggest secrets to more then just my closets friends and my ex. They have all been supportive and understanding more then I could have imagined about this. My secret is... I love my wolf plushy ikera...now I know you might be saying "we'll all love are plush dolls" for those who do sleep with them...but my love goes...deeper. Iv had this relationship for about a year and so far I can't complane. You might think I'm unsocial but actuly it's quite the opposit, lot of furends and lots of good relationships that have lasted a while but ended for real resions that made sense. I'm not lasy, I'm not crasy...I just can't see myself with anyone else. Iv just come to relies that my wolf plush is more then I could ever want and she is so amazing I don't know why I didn't relies it sooner. Happyer now then I have ever been and I can't wait to see where this relationship takes me...anyways, I'd love to hear what others might think of it and if yet here are others like me on here, thankful as always if any reply. Anna

  2. #2

    Default

    Well, tbh, having a relationship with an inanimate object when you are young is not unheard of. It sounds like you may have been hurt by past friends and a lover (?) so you are finding comfort and solace in your furry friend. I encourage you to enjoy your plushie but having human friends is also a part of a well rounded individual's life. Do you have any friends you see on a regular basis? Do you get along OK with your co-workers? Do you have any brothers or sisters?

  3. #3

    Default

    In my life I have been hurt by many people, some of whom I thought were real friends with feelings and care. How wrong I was, most of it started when I first came out, I won't go into details but let's say it didn't go we'll for a while. I do have friends and good ones at that, both real and online. They all know who I am and are all cool with it, if it wasn't for the hours I work I'd see them more then my one day off a week. I have a sister but she has her own life, and thou she's suportive she's not...outwardly so if you get what I mean. I get along fine at my job and and little problems with anyone. I have been hurt by friends and parents and even someone who I was engaged to. And I also suffer from a bad case of s.a.d- Seasonal affective disorder, and mild constant depression...but that one stems from the fact I'm unhappy in my body. But that's another story. Thank you for the reply and I wish to talk more about it if anyone is willing. Sweet dreams and happy crinkles. Anna

    - - - Updated - - -

    Hehe, that last mesg was just a little to depressing. Even thou iv had thouse things happen, I have had a genuinely happy life. I didn't grow up in the slums, I wasn't abused or unloved, in fact I was spoiled in any regard but I did work for what I have as we'll. So even thou some of my life is really messed up at the same time it's been the best I could really have so far.

  4. #4

    Default

    Anna,

    Whilst I guess your "relationship" with your plush Wolf serves a specific (psychological) purpose I'd like to add a few thoughts if you don't mind:

    - An inanimate object can not hurt you, it can never leave you but it has no will of its own, basically the personality you give it is a reflection of your own personality or at least traits of your own person augmented with specific desires and needs.

    - An inanimate object can not GIVE true love or warmth - again it is basically nothing but an abstract of your own personalty, cast unto an object to give you a sense of not being alone etc... it's a mind trick - albeit a pretty neat one if need arises.
    Thus it can only reflect what you put into it, what you "imagine" to be there, but as it lacks emotions, empathy and any other feelings of its own, and has no "will" it can not give anything "new".

    - Whilst it can sustain you for some time and can be a method of coping with a variety of issues from being hurt, to trust issues etc, it can in the long run not replace the bond between human beings.

    - you're 18 - you're young and life is still largely ahead of you... be open minded... I'm not saying you should throw your plushy-"friend" out of door - no - I'm just saying that there are a lot of people out there, beautiful minds, ugly minds... whatever. but if you close yourself out like you're doing, by basically telling yourself that you need nothing else but the "relationship" between you and the plush-wolf you will deprive you of a lot of experiences, of possibilities, of real feelings. Of loving truly, of being loved from heart, of being hurt, of loss and new beginnings, etc.. .all the stuff life is made of. Don't close the door on it, "simply" (I know it's not "simpel") because you've been hurt in the past, because you didn't have it easy.
    Often the downfalls we take and stand up again afterwards are the ones that will define you, add the grainy salt of experience to life.

    - Maybe try to talk to a good therapist. Not about plushy - but about the reasons behind it. Having someone who's basically bound to confidentiality and is not associated with you on a private basis can be a tremendous help in overcoming issues on your road.


    Anna, I'd like to make sure you understand that I do certainly NOT condemn your relationship or choice of relationship. I can understand it actually quite well, albeit I chose a far different approach when times were really troublesome in my life.

    Happiness is often a concept - the result of our direct actions - and so is unhappiness .
    Master of your own fate to speak so.
    This doesn't mean that you are responsible for the bad stuff that has happened to you - some stuff is outside of your direct line of influence or so deeply woven in the fabric of cause, action and reaction that it is all but impossible to actively influence it for the better... also in hindsight, as the saying goes anyone's wiser.
    But it does mean, that you can decide how to progress from where you are, decide how to turn your own tide and actively try to create a surrounding that will lead to your own happiness.
    For example start pursuing something you really love, something you always wanted to do... doesn't matter if it's boxing, or ballet or building boats or riding the bus around the world. or becoming amazing at thai cooking... or writing or ... it really doesn't matter, as long as you full heartedly love doing it.
    Try to strive for excellence in that one field....
    This servers several purposes in life: first you spend your time (free time or work or whatever) with something you love doing. You learn a skill. You are stepping into a world where there is always something to learn, improve, grow, etc. - You will enhance your "endurance" at stuff. It will create a positive mindset. It can take off the "edge".
    It will usually create a circle of acquaintances with like minded interests and sometimes you'll find a soulmate through this.
    It can work wonders with depression (seasonal or not). It can add a lot of positivity to your live and make the stuff you can not change far more bearable.

    Travel... To me, traveling the world has (and still is) one of the most valuable aspects in terms of experience.
    Travel far, travel cheap go off the beaten path. Stuff your life into a tiny backpack and explore.
    It will open your mind to things and it will make you more self-reliant, self-confident.... and it will give you memories for life.

    Basically when you're in a spot where problems seem a bit overwhelming, a change of scenery can work wonders too.


    And last but not least (again): keep open minded.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thank you epo1, as always whether I agree or disagree I do enjoy your input. I'm going to reply in order if your mesg and hopfuly get some understanding. Now like I said in my first mesg I'm not crasy, and whilst I understand what you mean by inanimate objects not having wills of there own. Ikera, has more free will and personality then most humans iv seen. I'm not saying that to defend her or myself it's just truth. I feel more love from cuddling my plush then iv felt from half my bf or even gfs (yes I was strate once), and thou I agree that it's not the same as a humans love to me it's just as amazing, silince speaks louder then words. A person see's what they wish and feels what they wish, and just because you can't see or understand something dosnt make it any less real. And that can be proven by everyday things. Thou I am only 18 yes, I mutuered at an erly age, I was homeschooled and because of so I travled with my dad. His friends were mine and I didn't talk to any kids my age (and I still really don't) I don't like most of them as most teens are half wits with no plan in life. But I do have many friends and I have a vary socile life, even if I work as much as I do. Iv dated severl people and even was engaged to my last bf before things changed (not really a story for now but it was what it is) and we had to part. We are still friends and care for eachother deeply. Just things happen and you can't do much about it. I chose to be mates with my plush because it felt right, not because I was aloun or hurt, infact I know someone right now I could date if i wanted but I don't see the need personly. I do happen to have a goal in life and I'm not leting anything stop me. I'm going back to school next year to become a dieasl tech and my business arts(at wyotech in just 9 months) and then I'm going to start my trans and get my surgery to be the real me and then be free...work a job like like doing what I like and being who I am. I'm not big for travel but I do like to keep busy and can't sit still vary long...but for the year iv been with my sweet plush...it's been vary happy and I don't think much is gona change my mind. Unless that one guy just happens to come around. Which for me...I dout but hey, I'm in love with a plush wolf, I guess anything can happen. Thank you wpo1 for your comment and I do mean that. I hope you have a lovely day and the same gose for the rest of you. Any more replays are welcomed. Anna

  6. #6

    Default

    Anna

    Thank you for your reply. And I hope you don't mind that I take a moment to give you a reply to this as well:
    As always, it is just my opinion - so take it for what it's worth: just my 2-cents.

    First and foremost: I have not said - and DO NOT THINK - that you are crazy!! Not by the slightest little bit - so please don't think this....

    What you say about maturing early - about not having had (many) friends your age, etc - this is something I can indeed relate to from my own experience.
    Without going into some detail, I moved out and lived on my own when I was around the age of 16 and have been making a "living" ever since.
    The start was quite rough, working night shift crap jobs and finishing school... working three jobs just to pay for minimal food and a shithole to call my "home".
    Needless to say, most kids at the same age had different problems than paying rent, keeping up with the bills, trying to max. out on the few hours of sleep in between.
    This coupled with my life long IC Issues did not exactly make me the most popular teen in town. Or lets just say, I kept to myself mostly.
    So I can understand that part you write about even though the motives behind it were different.

    There is one thing you have written that I'd like to quote and elaborate about a bit:


    "...I feel more love from cuddling my plush then iv felt from half my bf or even gfs (yes I was strate once)..."
    I do believe you when you say this, although it does sadden me a tad - but I do believe your feelings to be as true as you have written them.
    The point though is, that this is "easy" to be true as honestly love is a complex affair usually and often times a bf/gf does not fully transpire love but rather common fulfillment of needs. Some say "I love you" - but it is rare to find a true soulmate, a relationship that is "real".
    So yes, I guess you have a LOT of love to GIVE and probably your previous experiences with partners were not that fulfilling emotionally (or I guess quite to the contrary?).
    And then comes Ikera.
    I am also not going to say that "ikera" or the feelings you "share" are unreal. To be frank, both "Ikera" and your Feelings are indeed absolutely real.
    The "problem" though lies deeper down - "Ikera" in his/her (?) plushy form might be physical as an object - but whatever Ikera feels and gives is already within you.
    Basically Ikera is a impersonal mirror of your soul and needs. Ikera is "exactly" like you need Ikera to be - you are the creator.
    Now part of the issue is that a lot of those notions are subconscious in their nature: meaning you don't by necessity perceive them to originate from your own ability to create a vivid surreal world where an inanimate object has both free will and real feelings.
    Actually this very thing is the one and only real "problem" I see for you - the creation of a drastic schism between the perception of reality and reality itself.
    The very projection of your believe that Ikera as a plushy has any will at all.
    You WANT Ikera to have a free will, so Ikera does have a free will... your mind is a powerful place and the human mind in general has a layer of protective mechanisms built in to shield a person from traumatic / harmful events to some extend. Including the ability to create split realities and fictitious character into which a person can project aspects etc. And those characters can take on a realistic form, seem to be a separate entity, an outside person -whilst actually it is nothing but one part of your self.
    The thin line you walk between creating an issue that will at some point most likely cause you some problem and a coping strategy is usually defined by your awareness of what your mind is doing.
    If to you Ikera truly has free will, a mind of his/her own, voice, feelings and you are not fully aware that all of this is a nice illusion - a sort of trick you have your own mind play for you, then I would recommend tackling the issue with a therapist.
    Now again, this is not being "crazy" or any of that shit. You are human - and we all have our burdens and issues and our coping strategies... Sometimes help is a good thing though.

    Dating:
    Dating for dating's sake is usually not a fulfilling action - the resulting one night stand or short term relationship is usually fulfilling only basic needs and I can see what you say about this not being something you're in for.
    On the other hand if you go about it with a focused mind - basically the egoistic notion of getting pleasure for yourself - there's just some fun to be had as well.
    But there's certainly not always the resulting love you seem to crave (which again is normal).


    About growing up early...
    Now whilst it does help you to stand on your own feet earlier than most it also takes a toll in todays world which is sad to see, it deprives you of youthful, childish, foolish experiences - like dating for the fun of it... living the life a bit care free and don't think too much about tomorrow.
    This carelessness to some degree can be an important part in growing up.
    Some people step over this phase too quickly... and it can result in a lot of unhappiness down the road.
    (trust me, it took me some long time to get over certain aspects because of this).


    The one thing though you should never forget is that real people are great - they will love you, they will hate you - they will give you pleasure and pain... will be best friends and your worst critics... etc.
    they don't just give but they interact. They can be mature and immature. unpredictable to some degree.
    They can give you real outside feedback and be a part of your own road. Help eachother to grow as humans.
    All of these your plushy can only do to a very limited degree - because it is nothing but an aspect of stuff that is already inside you.


    All in all, from my heart I do hope that you will find your way, walk your road and get a kick out life - achieve all the things you dream about.
    Never give up...

  7. #7

    Default

    I didn't say you thought I was crasy I was just stating it it for s&g's :P now the whole of what you said made perfict sens and was vary thought full the one this I have to say is no....I don't not truly with all my heart believe ikera is a living thing...maybe inside my head but as a real life thing no...she is just a plush doll. But this hasn't stoped me yet from telling her I love her and snuggling her to sleep. I do understand the line between real and fake and what it means to cross the two. So when I say that ikera has personality I understand that it's not really the plush that dose but The "ikera" iv made in my head. But that dosnt make the plush and the personality she has (or I gave her) any less then what I love...I truly don't know why I chose it and at the same time I don't care to much, I just know it makes me happy and truly...that's all I want or need ...if you understand what I mean...thank you for the conversation, it's been inlighting ^^ Anna

  8. #8

    Default

    Might be worthwhile to note there actually is something called being an objectophile (sp?), where a person is sexually and romantically attracted to inanimate objects. This is recognized by the psychological community, and my impression is that it's technically classified as a disorder but really just because no one knows how to classify it otherwise.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by lokithegirlysergal
    They have all been supportive and understanding more then I could have imagined about this. My secret is... I love my wolf plushy ikera...now I know you might be saying "we'll all love are plush dolls" for those who do sleep with them...but my love goes...deeper.
    It is unsurprising, though painful to me, to read that a surprising number of people have been supportive in asserting to you this is normal and healthy. An unfortunate state of affairs on the internet and other places where real help that is beneficial to you and love that could be given to you is not. I'm deeply saddened by that. You deserve better.



    Iv just come to relies that my wolf plush is more then I could ever want and she is so amazing I don't know why I didn't relies it sooner. Happyer now then I have ever been and I can't wait to see where this relationship takes me...anyways, I'd love to hear what others might think of it and if yet here are others like me on here, thankful as always if any reply.


    In my life I have been hurt by many people, some of whom I thought were real friends with feelings and care. How wrong I was, most of it started when I first came out, I won't go into details but let's say it didn't go we'll for a while. I do have friends and good ones at that, both real and online. They all know who I am and are all cool with it, if it wasn't for the hours I work I'd see them more then my one day off a week. I have a sister but she has her own life, and thou she's suportive she's not...outwardly so if you get what I mean. I get along fine at my job and and little problems with anyone. I have been hurt by friends and parents and even someone who I was engaged to. And I also suffer from a bad case of s.a.d- Seasonal affective disorder, and mild constant depression...but that one stems from the fact I'm unhappy in my body.
    I quite understand why this relationship has formed for you, but an inanimate object you have given characteristics that has allowed you to love it, is still then an inanimate object. It is your coping tool, more than it is your friend. I detect you understand this more than you want to to fully accept in order to avoid the pain you've experienced. This is natural, but it will only bring you pain and more depression as the years go by. An inanimate object cannot replace a dynamic being, I'm sorry to say. This is not merely my opinion but a fact. However...

    You do deserve love

    You do deserve compassion

    You deserve understanding and happiness


    This will not come from your Wolf Plush, but an arduous path I so wish to hope and know that you have family and friends willing to be your wolf plush.

    You need to seek professional help...and perhaps from the people you don't think would help you You need their love and their support. And even if there doesn't seem like it, there is always someone that cares. I wish my friend who had taken his own life two years ago would have seen that there were people that loved him.

    There are people that love you, beyond your wolf plush.

    And from what I've read about you so far, there are many answers to your questions as well as healing that can be given to you. I just want you to know that.
    Last edited by Geno; 15-Jul-2014 at 04:28.

  10. #10

    Default

    I thank you for your comment and I always like to hear what people think, whether good or bad. But, not to be rude,
    Your comment made me giggle a little. First order if business, I have friends..most of them are in real life and they are truly great friends, I am extreamly picky when it coes to the people i befriend. I have known most of them for most my life and they have been extreamly suportive of me and Lethe life I have led (such as being gay or transgender). I am loved by quite a few people including my parents (oviosly). The one mesg you quoted was a little more dramatic then it should have been and I did try to point that out. Yes I was hurt by a few people, but I got over it just as fast. Like I said in a previous mesg with epo1, I have people I could date and they would be great relationships don't get me wrong. I just chose my plush because it felt more right.


    Ikera is a friend to me and not a coping tool. The only thing I'm hurt over at the moment is the fact I have to wait a couple years to start my trans and the fact I work a demanding job and my body hurts from lots of work. My depression from my sex being wrong in my eyes is something I'm used to and almost have blocked out because I know I will be able to be who I am soon. And my s.a.d has been around my whole life so I'm so used to it now that (yes it still gets me) it really only affects me so much. Iv been with ikera for a year now and in facts mood has only gotten better and her personality has only gotten more complex(in a good way). And my plush has givin me plenty if love and care, even if it's just in my head, that has been just as satisfying to me as a real person. I thank you for your comment like I said and I hope you have a fine day, I'm sure most people that read this think I'm odd or crasy or whatever I don't two cents. But I do thank you for your views....also...I need to seek Professional help...really...just be glad I'm nice cus I feel that was really uncalled for.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-May-2011, 04:38
  2. Fisher-Price Happy Days and Happy Nights
    By CuddleWoozle in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 26-Mar-2011, 14:11
  3. Things that make you happy! And things that you love!
    By KaworuVsDrWily in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 20-Oct-2010, 13:23
  4. Are you happy that you love diapers?
    By Miku in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 26-Mar-2010, 00:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.