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Thread: Facing Fear

  1. #1

    Default Facing Fear

    While padded on my way to the movies I seem to have reached a startling revelation. I found myself with a certain sense of freedom and hyperactivity that I have not experienced in years. Typically, I’m in an almost constant state of a nihilistic perspective; but for the first time in a long time, I feel that I’m free. Free from what exactly, took a bit of thought to pin point down to a more specific definition; but I feel right, like this is the state of mind I should have constantly, like I am no longer being held back. Not so much that a great weight has been lifted from me, but more along the lines that I am finally free from myself.

    (Forgive me if I seem to be rambling on here; I’m typing this more for my own benefit than anything else, as I fear that this might be temporary, and I need to solidify this place of mind and ideas.)

    I’m not sure if this was sparked by some sort of exhilaration out of wearing in public, but that doesn’t feel like an accurate definition. This feeling seems to come from facing a specific type of fear. The fear of being discovered. I’ve decided that I’m going to free myself from this fear…to an extent at least. I have no intention of becoming an exhibitionist, but I no longer have the inclination of being so deathly afraid of being discovered. I believe that my private life should be kept private, and that this secret of mine is nobody’s business but my own. I will do what I can to hide this secret, but not out of fear of rejection and oppression, but merely out of fear of having that awkward conversation that would soon follow its discovery.
    From my current frame of mind I’ve begun to question specific inhibitions regarding what I had previously thought to be too reckless; such as buying onesies and footed pajamas. Right now I’m living with my grandparents while I attend college, and I’m about to move in with my dad as I transfer to another college near him. Living with my dad also, I have a step brother that doesn’t exactly have much regard for personal boundaries. I am 100% certain that my step brother will, on a regular basis, barge into my room unannounced, which leaves me at an interesting crossroad. Currently, what I’m considering is installing a lock on the door. Unfortunately, the lock would most definitely become an obvious sign that I have something to hide, and could easily spark investigation, from my dad, step mom, or step brother. The rest of how things might play out requires more specific variables that I can’t yet account for; but right now I’m inclined to allow my fear to dissipate beyond this point(should it ever reach this point), and face things head on. Right now I’m working a summer job as I wait for the fall semester, and I don’t have much time to indulge and enjoy the things I currently deem more extravagant, such as AB clothes; so, due to impracticality, that stuff is going to have to wait a little longer.

    For right now, I’ve decided I need to tweak my system of keeping my stuff hidden. instead of going through so much effort to hide things in as camouflaged and inconvenient a hiding place as possible, I'm going to reduce it down to a system of lock and key. the new hiding places will probably be obvious that I'm hiding something, but keep from giving anyone the opportunity to give into the temptation to invade my privacy.
    At the top of my list is a better way to store used diapers. Should I ever be discovered, I’d rather the topic not be focused on the fact that they found a used diaper. At the moment, I have a rather roundabout way of disposing of my diapers. When I wake up, I’m the only one at the house, and after I change out of my diaper, I chuck the used one in a Walmart bag, then chuck that in my car, and finally dispose of that in a trashcan next to a gas pump on my way to work/class. The problems with my current method are, that it is too reliant on my current specific circumstances, and restricts how often I can wear to only when I have an exit. What I need is a container.

    Does anyone know of a container that is airtight, easy/practical to open, lockable (something like a key or combination lock), doesn’t take up much room, and is portable?
    It doesn’t need to have much in the way of storage space, enough for 2-3 rolled up diapers would be fine; I just need something practical that I can use to at least maintain an out of sight, out of mind context for the normals out there.

  2. #2


    As time passes, fear becomes unnecessary (for some more than others). I was always open about my ABDLism, my friends all know/knew, my SO knew after 3 months of us being together, my parents knew to some extent but i never went into detail about it with them because it didn't feel necessary, and my brother never knew but always "caught me" and never said anything about it.

    Being trans has showed me that there are much bigger things to fear, while all the same not to fear at all. When you consider the reason you have to fear anything, you are most of the time faced with the obvious, and learn that there is no real reason to fear. Fear rejection? Sure, rejection sucks, but it doesn't make life stop moving, Fear being judged? then you should constantly be in fear because someone somewhere is going to judge you whether its for being Transgender or for liking vanilla ice cream :P Fear for your safety? Thats assuming that you are in a situation in which your life would be at risk.

    Fear was once a tool that helped us survive in the wild, it kept us from going out in the dark, touching fire, staying in during a storm... but in this day and age, fear has become less necessary and has evolved into a product of social assimilation - therefor has also become a completely irrelevant notion.

    I am ABDL, proud of it, not gonna hide it.
    I am a transwoman, proud of it, not gonna hide that either.

    Will people hate/judge/sneer/stare/dislike/ignore/reject me? Maybe, but those people don't matter, because the people who are willing to understand me are the ones that matter, the ones that won't even hear me out, dont deserve the time of day to be educated. I saw a video where a lesbian comedian said that life is all about awkward conversations, its about how you handle those awkward conversations that make all the difference... and its what makes the difference between:

    "Why are you wearing diapers!?!"
    "Umm... uhh... *panic attack*"
    "wtf! you're crazy! weirdo!"


    "Why are you wearing diapers?!"
    "Because they're comfy and cute, is there a problem?"
    "Umm... no i guess not, just saying *nervous laugh*

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” Probably one of the more true quotes i've ever seen.

    I started buying my own diapers and outfits when I was like 18, i got myself a bank account, a job, and started ordering things online :3, I lived with my parents until I was 22 and all the while gathered a good supply of diapers, clothes, and other abdl paraphernalia that i kept hidden. Of course, this was only possible because i had very liberal parents who didn't snoop into my stuff and didn't ask about everything i bought, they gave me the privacy i needed as a teenage and young adult... and honestly sometimes I feel this is a HUGE problem among many families... I understand the importance of being on top of your kids... but privacy is still privacy and just because you live under your parents roof doesn't mean you're automatically subject to random searches and room snoops (not saying this is your situation, i just hate seeing others your age say that they cant have something because their parents are nosy.... they are adults and should confront their parents as adults and say "hey, this is my stuff, please be polite and don't meddle in my things... I'm not doing anything wrong or harmful and I'm not doing anything illegal, i simply have hobbies that I prefer not to share with anyone, so please just allow me a bit of privacy".

    Anyway, I am in no way suggesting that this is how your life or family is, i'm just rambling in response to your ramble xD Maybe i was just raised liberally by liberal parents, maybe they enabled me or maybe I was just a rebel :P But I never hid my ABDLness after a certain point of revelation where I realized that no one cares what I think, so why should I care what others think, coupled with the fact that I was always given the freedom to be myself and express myself how I felt comfortable (of course, with the exception of being in a hispanic family that kept trying to shelter me from anything feminine out of fear that I would become "gay"... jokes on them because I'm a Lesbian Transgirl now LOL)

    Though, in terms of facing fear - i tell this to everyone living under an irrational fear ~ go sky diving lol it will change your perception of fear. Life is too short to be afraid of anything. Be cautious, be safe, be aware, be educated, but do not be afraid. Fear is what reminds us that we are alive, and overcoming fear is what reminds us that we are stronger than we think.

    I guess, to put it in a TL;DR way - The only thing to fear, is fear itself.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    Though, in terms of facing fear - i tell this to everyone living under an irrational fear ~ go sky diving lol it will change your perception of fear. Life is too short to be afraid of anything. Be cautious, be safe, be aware, be educated, but do not be afraid. Fear is what reminds us that we are alive, and overcoming fear is what reminds us that we are stronger than we think.
    although, the problem can be knowing when the fear isn't rational. i've always been afraid of what i might turn into if my secret got out and was shunned by my family. i've had that fear for so long that it was normal, and questioning it as anything but rational just never entered my mind.

    anyway...i found a container that matched what i was looking for.

    Attachment 21366

    ...gonna be interesting to see how everyone reacts to me carrying this out on a regular basis. >.<

  4. #4


    I just quit caring I guess. If someone is going to judge you for wearing a diaper...they're probably not good people anyway. I don't flaunt it...but I don't go out of my way to get freaked out when I go out wearing them either. It's just a diaper.

  5. #5


    I came to that point some time ago. I stopped fearing as much.

    As far as a lock on a door goes, just say you'd like to have some sort of privacy. Otherwise a locking case as mentioned above would be a great idea. Tossing used diapers shouldn't be that much of a chore. I find that putting them in to a plastic grocery bag is sufficient enough. Not many people are going to dig in to the trash to find out why it stinks. Trash always stinks. Put it under other trash at most. It seems you're going to extraordinary lengths to keep a secret. Buy a small trash can for your room. Buy black trash bags and put the used diapers in the grocery bags. Then Throw usual trash on top of it.

    Does your door to your room have a lock on it at all? If not, just get the locking door knob and say, I'd like some privacy and don't want anyone to barge in at times. They don't have to know the whole story. Everyone likes to have some type of privacy.

  6. #6


    Just tell your step brother to stop barging in, politely. . And then if it happens, then you have a legitimate reason for your lock. Just keep in mind that these locks are extremely easy to jimmy. When I moved into my apartment at college (I have a single room, it's fantastic), I bought a lock. It gets me the peace of mind being able to do what we do in private, but at the same time I know this lock is one plastic card jammed into the door and pulled upwards of being opened.

    Build trust and respect with those you live with, family or roommates, and they will give you your privacy. Oh ad as a suggestion, this comes from personal experience... Don't crap yourself and then leave that diaper in a safe spot in your room, no matter how well you try to hide it, the scent always seeps. Get rid of it asap

  7. #7


    I faced fear recently in the past week. Made me realize even though being an AB/DL is becoming more mainstream. Those who are unaware of us or misinformed can be very hurtful. I myself became the brunt of many hurtful messages on a social media page recently. To which upset me a great deal. Also it frightened me. Now on I'm staying in the circles I am comfortable with.

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