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Thread: Drinking issues?

  1. #1

    Default Drinking issues?

    Okay so I'm having a personal issue and I'd like some advice. A friend of mine i really care about occasionally drinks and rationally speaking I know it's not often or much, but for some reason it really bothers me. I am struggling to make it not bother me because it really shouldn't. Firstly I drink occasionally far less often than she does, but still I'm guilty of the same crime. Secondly other people I know drink so why the hell does the fact this one person does bother me so so much. Thirdly I know she's smart about it and she has learned the hard way the safest amount to drink ect.... So I'm just looking for some advice because I'm bothered by the fact and i feel like I shouldn't be but I can't shake it.

  2. #2

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    Take her to an AA meeting so she can find out whether or not she has a drinking problem.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by kashi View Post
    Okay so I'm having a personal issue and I'd like some advice. A friend of mine i really care about occasionally drinks and rationally speaking I know it's not often or much, but for some reason it really bothers me. I am struggling to make it not bother me because it really shouldn't. Firstly I drink occasionally far less often than she does, but still I'm guilty of the same crime. Secondly other people I know drink so why the hell does the fact this one person does bother me so so much. Thirdly I know she's smart about it and she has learned the hard way the safest amount to drink ect.... So I'm just looking for some advice because I'm bothered by the fact and i feel like I shouldn't be but I can't shake it.
    Kashi,

    I assume that person is an adult?

    Now the point is: what do you mean by "occasionally drinks".
    As in occasionally drinks a glass or two or red or some beer or whatever - or occasionally gets drunk (drinks too much).
    Also what is "occasionally"? once a week? once a month?

    Personally I cherish my body - I'm one of those "my body is my temple"-type guys... eat healthy, live healthy, etc... And yes I do OCCASIONALLY drink, but I never get drunk and I certainly know when to stop. Also it's not something I do daily ... I love a good red matching cooked to perfection piece of venison for example.
    I like my occasional few beers with friends.
    I certainly don't "need" my alcohol... So for what it's worth I'd say my own drinking habit is very moderate and certainly not a problem.

    Some of my friends have a beer or two every day... to me that is too much PERSONALLY - but it certainly doesn't make them alcoholics yet.

    What I'd like to point out is that there is a broad range of definitions in this regard and that it's a bit of an individual matter as well.
    That is also why I'd like you to establish a more detailed description of what you say is "occasional drinking" - especially if it always results in her being drunk by the end of the evening.


    Matter of fact, if she has a few drinks once a week, but doesn't overdo it to the point where she'd be drunk - then it is all fine in my opinion and certainly not anything you should / need to worry about (or drag her to an AA meeting).

    If she drinks daily and often (once or more) per week is drunk, well it certainly is an issue and at least you should voice your concerns (talk with her).

    if she's drunk like once every few month... well I might not say that it's a great thing... but unless she's binge-drinking (serious impact on the health) then so what?


    Enjoying a good drink is no crime... as long as you can really call it enjoying...

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoCalAb View Post
    Take her to an AA meeting so she can find out whether or not she has a drinking problem.
    I'd say this is quite over the top, unless she's drunk like twice a week...

    Also "taking her"... it's a bit about consent. you can't just drag someone into an AA meeting.

  4. #4

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    I have a friend that use to get on my case about this quite a bit. What the issue boiled down to was three things 1) She cared about my well being 2) Her father constantly drinks 3) She is uncomfortable with alcohol in and of itself.

    So with that I offer 3 pieces of advice: 1) Do not make it your personal responsibility to police your friend's habits healthy or unhealthy 2) Voice a concern to a friend only when there is sufficient reason to do so (there isn't here) 3) Spend less time dwelling on a situation that really isn't any of your business and out of your control.

    I can appreciate someone's caring and concern but it becomes vastly annoying when it's really needless mother henning of a situation that really is the carer's own problems.

  5. #5

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    As for me, I can live without alcohol, since I'm a truck driver and really have no choice, but I find enjoyment in getting absolutely plastered at furcons. Outside of cons, I don't drink much, but If you see me sober at a con, there is something wrong :p

  6. #6

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    When I say occasionally I mean it can range depending on where she is at in the moment. If she's home she may drink a few beers or something once a month maybe longer, but if she's at college in a dorm she may drink once or twice every two weeks or so. She does not usually get drunk maybe a little buzzed if even that.

  7. #7

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    You must be experiencing some sort of associative anxiety based on some sort of past experience. Being upset that she occasionally drinks and doesn't get drunk doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I used to drink a lot until I got a bleeding ulcer and almost died. Now I never drink more than one drink within a 24 hour period. Since I don't drink anything alcoholic before I go off to work in the evening, I usually never have more than a couple of beers a week. I'd hate to think that someone was concerned with my drinking. There would have to be some sort of deep seated psychological reason.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by kashi View Post
    When I say occasionally I mean it can range depending on where she is at in the moment. If she's home she may drink a few beers or something once a month maybe longer, but if she's at college in a dorm she may drink once or twice every two weeks or so. She does not usually get drunk maybe a little buzzed if even that.
    Personally, I don't drink at all these days and I take my health very seriously, being a long distance runner and all, but in my view, what you are saying about your friend's behaviour just doesn't sound excessive.

  9. #9

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    Your description doesn't indicate a compulsion or a problem on her part, so unless she's driving or engaging in other risky behavior while under the influence, I wouldn't worry about it.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by kashi View Post
    When I say occasionally I mean it can range depending on where she is at in the moment. If she's home she may drink a few beers or something once a month maybe longer, but if she's at college in a dorm she may drink once or twice every two weeks or so. She does not usually get drunk maybe a little buzzed if even that.
    Then very easy: NO PROBLEM... and don't make it any problem...
    None of your business either.

    That is clearly not even close to a drinking "problem"... it is what most people do and certainly not "unhealthy behavior".

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