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Thread: Diapers and Relationships - Like When to Talk about Them??

  1. #1

    Default Diapers and Relationships - Like When to Talk about Them??

    I have had a few relationships since i have been a DL but nothing since i got more into being an AB, i just didn't tell my girlfriends i liked diapers the only one i did tell thought it was weird and the relationship ended a few weeks later (totally my fault) i was wondering:

    How many people are in relationships and haven't told there partners.

    How many people are in a relationship and have told there partners, also when in the relationship did you tell them?

    How many of you are happy at the moment on your own just having short relationships.

    Thanks for your advice i am happy on my own for now but don't want to be on my own forever and don't want to give up my diapers for a relationship (I am just to selfish about my diapers)

  2. #2


    These are well posed questions about sharing in a relationship with these desires and perhaps finding a balance between these kinks and being able to fulfill or contribute ourselves' to a relationship as well.

    It seemingly is a question of how much this kink/desire means to you personally. You can seek out someone who is somewhat tolerant of the idea all the way to finding someone who is willingly able to contribute to it or even participate in it. These three scenarios are a vast distance apart as acceptance, contributing, or participating may be utilized.

    Your questions hinge on what you are actively seeking in a relationship.

    Simple luck and charm are usually not enough to rely on when seeking a partner willing to explore or tolerate such an idea in the realm of ABDL. It takes an extremely open minded individual to recipricate such notion. This endeavor takes finding someone who is apt at giving such attention in this way or is interested in such activities themselves.

    Without the give-give element in a relationship it is subject to failure long-term. It is one thing to occasionally indulge someone in their fetish/kink/desire and another to accept it as a lifestyle or deal-breaker. This is the difference.

    For example; If I had a clown/cake/sex fetish, I couldn't expect my partner to be interested in it everyday or even occasionally if they didn't have or share the same odd kink.

    Such topics should be raised carefully in the beginnings of a relationship to avoid the hidden-identity effect or masquerading as someone we aren't. If these desires are minimal and do not fortify who we are individually then they are perhaps less of a conversation topic in early relationships. Gauging your new aquaintence's reaction to such topics could be your early indication of what is 'in the cards'. Even a precursory breach of such a topic of kink/desire can be both innocent, reversible and telling.

    This leads to the question of continuing a relationship without sharing or disclosing your desires to a significant other. Such relationships are subject to the same initial reaction or internal fears that may have been present from the start. A 'whammy' is a 'whammy'. These thoughts and considerations should be fairly exposed initially. But.... many have been lucky in this regard as their partners were willing to understand such desires later in a relationship or marriage. Such is a game of roulette. It has worked for some and failed for others.

    My humble advice would be to inulge in this desire alone for as long as you can. This way of exploration can eventually define what is the right mixture to the pie. You may, in this way, decipher what boundaries you are ok with and how deep you wish to indulge yourself in fantasy.

    Such notion or insight may provide a great deal of ease and clarity in what you seek exactly and who you choose to excersise your time with. With balance and a clear sense-of-self almost everything is navigable.

    Remember, you are certainly not alone in your search. This world is a super hard puzzle.

    EDIT: I forgot to answer you questioning about a partner involvement and the level of involvement. I was discovered by my GF after she saw a picture on my computer (diaper related). Her interest in such content was responsible for allowing me to explore such interest openly again. The timing of it was odd.

  3. #3


    In the same way you are unable to free yourself from ABDL desires many people are unable to accept these desires in their partner, so you know the likelyhood of rejection is fairly high once you divulge your secret. I am on the opposite end of the age scale from you but I am pondering the same questions. I would like a fulfilling, intimate relationship, but such a relationship requires honesty and honesty would likely end the relationship. For me, if I was lucky enough to get into a relationship with a desirable partner, the temptation would be there to keep my dirty little secret to myself, but I know this wouldn't be satisfying. At some point I would have to tell, and accept my fate.

    My ex knew I had a strange attraction to diapers before we got married but my fetish was still a major factor in the breakup of our long term marriage.

    I'm more or less resigned to the idea of living alone for whatever time I have left. I would certainly be open to short term affairs but I'm no prince charming so this isn't a likely scenario either. I enjoy the freedom to engage my fetish whenever I want but still plan on going through the motions of seeking a partner.

  4. #4


    I'm happily married (for a little over 2 months now). Told my fiancee that I was a DL a week or 2 before proposing. Our engagement was slightly over 2 years, we needed to work thru some stuff and save up money for the wedding.

  5. #5


    I'm probably not the best example. I kept it hidden from my wife for 15 years and only admitted it 6 months ago

    She has been amazing. I wonder what would have happened if I told her earlier. I'm so glad I've told her now though.

    At first she felt very hurt and let down that I hadn't told her earlier, but now she understands the shame I felt about myself. She even indulges my little side.

    It takes a special person to accept everything you are and they definitely need to be open minded.

    I pushed my DL side down for many years, but I have to say that I am more happy and contented now than I have ever been and so grateful for a wonderful wife to spend the rest of my life with.

    Good luck in whatever you decide to do NikABDL

  6. #6


    My wife and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary about 9 months ago, yet I told her about my diaper fetish 6 years ago. She too was very accepting and supports me in many different ways. She likes to occasionally tease me. I was in a very little mood this morning, so when she left the bedroom, she said, "Come on baby," referring to the dog. She knew I would say, "Hey, I'm the baby." We've done that several times.

    Like babymt, I too wonder what it would have been like had I told her before we got married. Regardless, I'm grateful for what I have now.

  7. #7


    Many thanks for the really positive comments it has made me look closer at myself and my future relationships...

  8. #8


    I think it's hard to make any generalizations about when to tell a new partner or prospective partner. It really depends on who the person is, how you met, and how your relationship is progressing. People say that fetishes aren't first date conversation, and for most people, that's true. But I met my partner in a gay leather bar, so it was totally appropriate for me to tell him about my ABDL side on our first date.

    As a gay man, I'm a little bit hesitant to give dating advice to straight men, since I know that the norms of heterosexual dating are different. But I think these things probably apply to ABDLs of all sexual orientations and genders:

    1. Before you tell, think about what you really need from a romantic partner. Would it be enough to find a partner who's okay with you occasionally finding time alone to wearing diapers by yourself? Or is it important for you to have a partner who will be involved in some of your ABDL activities? It is a lot easier to find someone who's okay with your playing on your own than it is to find someone who will play with you. Some forms of play are easier to sell than others. But make sure that you don't lie to yourself in order to increase your perceived odds of finding a compatible partner.
    2. How you feel about your fetish can affect how other people react to your fetish when you disclose it. As an older ABDL once said to me, "You gotta own it to sell it." If you feel ashamed of your fetish, that shame will show when you tell people, and they are more likely to think that you ought to feel ashamed. If you think of your fetish as a normal and healthy if unusual trait that you have (like a taste for exotic food or unusual music), you will be more likely to get a positive reaction.
    3. As a kinky person, your chances of finding romantic happiness are higher if you develop a thick skin and get over the fear of rejection. Rejection is not bad. It is the way you get out of an unsuitable relationship and get back to finding a relationship that is suitable.
    4. Remember that if things don't work out with the person you are dating, this will not be your last chance to date. Also remember that though a good relationship can be very good indeed, it is much better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.
    5. Read Dan Savage's column regularly. This will give you insight into how to negotiate kinks in relationships, and it may also help you develop a more confident attitude toward your kinks.

  9. #9


    I've decided to start being open and honest about from the start. It makes the search more difficult, but diapers and other kinky things have become an important part of my life and I really want to share it with someone who likes it just as much as me, either as a dominant or a fellow sub. I could even see myself as a big brother to a sweet sissy boy. I think there's a lot of ways to make it work and when I'm perfectly honest I've never pictured myself in a traditional vanilla marriage even though in a traditional way I'm more attracted to women. When it comes to actually sharing a life together it becomes a lot more difficult. I don't want kids, for one.

  10. #10


    I had really bad cramps once during my "time of the month". I remember beig grumpy and telling my boyfriend I would rather wear pull-up diapers than have to use tampons or scratchy pads. He immediately said "I'll get you some pull-ups if you want some". I was thrown off a bit (of course I wanted some! But I was embarrassed. I hadn't worn diapers since i was a baby). A day or two later I finally gave in and asked him to buy me some.
    He came back and said he found "super soft" adult pull-ups. The depends silhouette. They weren't as babyish as I would have liked, but they still did the job and made me feel so safe and happy!
    After a few days, I admitted to my bf that they made me feel safe. I didn't go in to much detail but he was completely supportive and actually said "I'll buy you diapers for the rest of your life if they make you feel safe. One year later and he still does I'm a lucky girl

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