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Thread: I'm worried about my future.

  1. #1
    Lozza1979

    Default I'm worried about my future.

    Hi everyone.

    Basically I'm worried about my future.I have high functioning asperger syndrome which has caused me issues all my life, but I wasn't diagnosed officially until I was 35 earlier this year although autism was suspected when I was a child.It causes issues at school and I have had a very hard time with employment and have never managed to hold down a job very long and my employers haven't exactly been nice about they way they have dismissed me.This has caused resentment and depression that has affected my attempts in other jobs and also means bad references with them all meaning future employers don't want to know.I just had a really bad experience with an employer and now I just cant do it anymore, I have no will or determination left after being knocked back so many times.

    I live on my own and the only reason I have survived financially is by help from my mother, otherwise I would probably be dead or homeless by now.Now shes retiring soon, but may be much sooner to care for her partner who will soon need constant care after heart surgery.

    I just don't know how I'm going to survive without her help and shes the only family member I have left after my father died and my brother is disabled and cant work and lives hours away.I just feel alone and isolated and don't know how I'm going to survive when shes gone as the government just don't seem to care.Everything I do to try to preserve my future just backfires and leaves me worse off.

    This gets me down more as somebody with aspergers as I find it hard to make friends or a girlfriend whom I could confide in times of need.I see all my facebook friends doing well with their jobs, happily married and posting picture of their kids all happy and enjoying life whilst my life just seems to collapse around me and leave me with nothing and nobody.All I ever wanted is just a normal life and to feel cared for by somebody, but I cant relate to anybody.Despite my facebook friend I only have 2 real life friends, but I hardly see them as they're busy with their families and although I'm happy for them it kind of makes me feel more alone.I have started drinking hard spirits heavily and smoking again even though I have a heart condition also because I just don't care anymore and don't even feel like getting out of bed.I tried counseling before but it didn't really help and I waited over a year just to get 6 sessions.

    I just feel life has nothing to offer me anymore and I'm all burned out trying and failing and facing a future alone with nobody to turn to.

  2. #2

    Default

    I am sorry to hear how bad you got the end of the stick. It's not fair and you deserve better.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hello, Lozza. You can call me Skye or Destiny, whichever. I also have high-functioning Asperger's, and I am having a rough time as well, but not as rough as you are having it. If you would like someone to talk to I would be willing to be an ear. Similar minds often make the best support no matter how far away they are. I hope things turn out well for you in your struggle. Asperger's can make life painfully hard, and with a diaper fetish/obsession that life can be made worse. Let me know if you are interested in my offer. If not, then no hard feelings. I feel for you, though. Good luck on your journey through life. <3

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Lozza1979 View Post
    I just feel life has nothing to offer me anymore and I'm all burned out trying and failing and facing a future alone with nobody to turn to.
    Hi Lozza,

    I know that what you said there isn't true. There are still people out there who care for you, definitely your mother for one even if she can't support you anymore, and they would be sad if you left them. As low as you can feel sometimes, please just hang in there because there are ways to pick up your life.

    My advice for you is to look for help. You've got an illness and if you're wandering around looking for employers, they're not likely to be sensitive to that or have any way to deal with it. But there are plenty of things you can do in life and Asperger Syndrome won't stop you from doing them. What you need is to find some people to help get you in those positions.

    To that end, I don't know where you live, but I'd suggest a few things.

    1) Do a few google searches. I'm no expert in Asperger Syndrome and I don't know where you live, but a couple quick searches turned up some websites specifically aimed at helping educate and provide service to people with Autism and Aspergers. The National Autistic Society | - | autism | Asperger syndrome | AANE - Adult Life Planning - Employment and Welcome | Asperger EmploymentAsperger Employment | promoting employment for adults with Asperger Syndrome and high functioning autism looked reasonable after skimming them over, although I repeat that I haven't checked any of these sites in detail, so please use caution.

    2) I highly recommend that you look into social services. Do you have a doctor or a psychiatrist that you see? Even if not regularly, are you on any kind of insurance plan where you can make an appointment? The way to start is to talk to somebody and have them make recommendations about the kinds of services that are available to you, including counseling, career advice, career placement and probably a lot more that I'm not aware of at all.

    3) I also encourage you to look into government benefits programs. Again, I don't know what country you're in, but if you're in the USA you probably qualify for Medicaid and if you're in Europe, there are several forms of national medical treatment that you can obtain.

    Let me repeat again. There are people who care about you, and as bad as life can feel at times, it always, ALWAYS has something still left to offer. You just need some people to give you a helping hand while you're down. Best of luck!

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi, Lozza,
    It sounds really tough and I can't blame you for being worried, I'm concerned about the fact that you're starting to drink heavily and taking up smoking in spite of a heart problem. This is probably the worst time to engage in these activities, because (1) they'll only hurt your health and ability to cope with the situation and (2) they'll deplete your already limited finances. These are sign of self harm and will only make the situation worse.

    You're dealing with two different sets of circumstances here; the situational problems, and the mental health issues. Both of these issues need your attention in order to get through this crisis.

    In dealing with the situation, it may be a good idea to connect with a community health centre if there is one close by. Workers there can help you find any resources available in your community. You may be eligible for subsidized housing where the rent is geared to your income. They may also have social workers available to help you deal with your stress and anxiety levels. There may also be employment programs for people with disabilities to enter or re-enter the work force. Take some time to research your options before throwing in the towel. There may be more help available than you think. If there is no community centre in your neighbourhood, you may be able to get the information from a general city information number or a local distress line. A distress line can not only provide practical information but will let you talk to someone about your stress and fears.

    I don't know if you have any income of your own, but I'm wondering if you might qualify for a disability pension or if you have explored that option based on your current health. Asperger's combined with heart problems, anxiety and depression would be a challenge for anyone to cope with.

    There's a lot going on in your life and you have a right to feel stressed out about it, but you also need to take care of your mental health to cope with these problems. It sounds like you're feeling depressed because your life is not turning out the way you hoped it would and that the current situation has just amplified those feelings. Keep in mind that you're still a young man, and with a little help along the way, you can get through this. You've touched a lot of people on this site, and please remember that we care about you.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 30-Jun-2014 at 16:21.

  6. #6

    Default

    Huh, there're a lot of people in the same situation...

    I'm not diagnosed (and wanna not be for some personal motives,) but my ex (she's shrink) called my "autist" and "fool" to gets me fell bad/angry. Investigating about I found out I'm probably too with Asperger. OK, or not, but life is continuos jam of surprises and changes. Deal with them isn't so easy, but there're (for me it mostly works) some kinds of "plans B" and sometimes "plan C," if "plan A" doesn't work.

    About friends... Really haven't a lot. But these a few are real friends.

    About GFs... After break out with my ex I'm not searching for any. Why ? I wanna not breaking hearts anymore, last depresion for that was so hard and long (11 months and lost about 20 kgs.) Prefere sometimes realize some sexual activities with random females (but never paying, OK ?!)

    About jobs... I had a lot. Isn't really important which. But now I'm my boss. Seems contradiction, but I WANT to return to energetic industry or railway. No job there right now. But if I'm not enjoying my job, I can't do it good (sometimes it's a problem.)

    And last... About my AB/DL ? What ? Part of my and my way of escape. Nothing more, just one kink.

    Resume all of that: Treason sucks. Prevention is the best. Easy things works. Complications can ruin.

    The time will change it all, but everybody have to help it a few. Closing inside isn't the correct way.

    After burn out my whole life prefere enjoy it. Alone or not, but ENJOY !!!

  7. #7

    Default

    Oh well :-(... I don't know what to say exactly, since nearly everything would just feel pointless thrown down.

    Just feel hugged right now. I know that life can be hard sometimes.

    Some people, especially ArchieRoni, gave you already some guidance and good sources on what may help you.
    I just go along that way now, so since you're from the UK I guess? Your profile states "england". If it's that way you are eligible for a lot of support.
    Basically your biggest bonus point is having the diagnosis, however dumb that may sound now, but it's way easier as fightning already for the purpose of having an exact diagnosis. Although I wonder now why your doctors haven't asked you about anything where you could use some help, or suggested it.
    One thing you could simply do is either way asking your doctor, or just call the helpline of the National Autistic Society (click me). They offer a small variety of services, but may be of some help perhaps.

    You may be able to get social security benefits, those would be financial payments. Some benefits are paid to meet basic living costs, some are paid for specific expenses such as rent, other benefits are paid if you meet certain criteria such as being in full-time work.

    It's usually a bit hard to find the specific place, where you can get what you may deserve due to your condition, but... just go for it, it's never wrong to ask. And don't be afraid to do so anyway, it's okay.

    Perhaps... in the end you may get some help anyhow and everything will just work out. Just don't give up please. Don't fear failure. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay if we fail on our way and have to try something different. It just matters if you gave it your best.
    I'd say that is why your mother has been helping you all the time. She saw that you kept going, despite that you had a lot of problems surely. She cares a lot about you, so don't forget about it also.
    Secondly... sometimes it's hard to guess or get if people care about you or not. Often they're simply afraid of doing something wrong, so they keep their distance. It's nothing wrong to be open about your problems, perhaps someone of your friends, or people you know irl, may give you some great advice all of a sudden.

    Other than that... I know it's easier said than done, but rather indulge more into any AB/DL things, or brony stuff, that you may like instead of trying to cope with alcohol or cigarettes. It might be hard, but you will feel better anyway, and if you keep on going things will also get better in time.

    Best wishes.

  8. #8
    Lozza1979

    Default

    Thanks for all your kind words and advice.I wasn't trying to fish for attention, I was just trying to get different viewpoints on how I could best help myself and so far I have had some good advice from people posting here.Usually I don't like to talk of aspergers or whatever and I fully appreciate there are people in the same position as me, if not many times worse, but just recently I felt I could use some advice as things were starting to look not so great.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Lozza1979 View Post
    Hi everyone.

    Basically I'm worried about my future.I have high functioning asperger syndrome which has caused me issues all my life, but I wasn't diagnosed officially until I was 35 earlier this year although autism was suspected when I was a child.It causes issues at school and I have had a very hard time with employment and have never managed to hold down a job very long and my employers haven't exactly been nice about they way they have dismissed me.This has caused resentment and depression that has affected my attempts in other jobs and also means bad references with them all meaning future employers don't want to know.I just had a really bad experience with an employer and now I just cant do it anymore, I have no will or determination left after being knocked back so many times.

    I live on my own and the only reason I have survived financially is by help from my mother, otherwise I would probably be dead or homeless by now.Now shes retiring soon, but may be much sooner to care for her partner who will soon need constant care after heart surgery.

    I just don't know how I'm going to survive without her help and shes the only family member I have left after my father died and my brother is disabled and cant work and lives hours away.I just feel alone and isolated and don't know how I'm going to survive when shes gone as the government just don't seem to care.Everything I do to try to preserve my future just backfires and leaves me worse off.

    This gets me down more as somebody with aspergers as I find it hard to make friends or a girlfriend whom I could confide in times of need.I see all my facebook friends doing well with their jobs, happily married and posting picture of their kids all happy and enjoying life whilst my life just seems to collapse around me and leave me with nothing and nobody.All I ever wanted is just a normal life and to feel cared for by somebody, but I cant relate to anybody.Despite my facebook friend I only have 2 real life friends, but I hardly see them as they're busy with their families and although I'm happy for them it kind of makes me feel more alone.I have started drinking hard spirits heavily and smoking again even though I have a heart condition also because I just don't care anymore and don't even feel like getting out of bed.I tried counseling before but it didn't really help and I waited over a year just to get 6 sessions.

    I just feel life has nothing to offer me anymore and I'm all burned out trying and failing and facing a future alone with nobody to turn to.

    this is what happened to me Lozza1979. The solution was to apply for Social Security Disability Benefits(SSDI). I am no longer homeless and while my life is far from decent I am at least doing much better. if you want to talk please PM me and I can give you advice. I understand that you probably think you can work but I suspect that you can't because of the remarkable similarity between what your telling me and my life. If you want to survive this I would recommend that you apply for SSDI right away as it will take a while probably for you to get those benefits. Also I would suggest you contact a mental health services clinic and see what is available for you. And before you say your not interested in living like that think of this you like myself paid into that system already when you paid your taxes and now you need it. please do yourself and those you care about a favor and look into applying for SSDI. I hope I can help you and support you Lozza1979.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Lozza1979 View Post
    Thanks for all your kind words and advice.I wasn't trying to fish for attention, I was just trying to get different viewpoints on how I could best help myself and so far I have had some good advice from people posting here.Usually I don't like to talk of aspergers or whatever and I fully appreciate there are people in the same position as me, if not many times worse, but just recently I felt I could use some advice as things were starting to look not so great.
    Hey, Lozza,
    I know that nobody thought you were 'fishing for attention.' My impression was that this was a very difficult problem to bring out into the open. I hope you found at least a little of the help and support you were looking for here. Please let us know how things are going. There is hope.

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