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Thread: Is my fetish unhealthy for my overall well being ...

  1. #1

    Default Is my fetish unhealthy for my overall well being ...

    Just been reading:

    I see many people write that they derive comfort or pleasure from their fetish.

    But for me it seems like an unhealthy drug, I know my fetish (DL) was formed at a very young age (I was in diapers till 5/6). My mum was also very strict.

    In private I get arousal from the humiliation aspect, and also the sensations of wearing - I also indulge in mild cross dressing and sissy'ism (made up term).

    In my public life my indulgence causes me much social anxiety.

    With this in mind - should I conclude that my fetish is an unhealthy one, as I derive no real comfort from it, its just a compulsion driven by some negative childhood experiences.

    I am in two minds, should I go the route of more acceptance, or somehow try to rid my mind of such urges - which hopefully will ease the social anxiety.

    Most of the time I am a confident outgoing person, if it wasn't for my DL fetish, which seems to sit uncomfortably on my shoulder when out in social situations.

  2. #2


    It can be unhealthy, I'm sure...and its most definitely a complicating factor when it comes to relationships. For some people their fetish becomes an unhealthy obsession, either through overindulgence or by trying to deny it. Its all about finding a balance I think.

    My fetishes are also rooted in negative childhood experiences but I see them as playful ways to deal with those memories. Indulding in it has made me a lot more accepting of what happened in the past. That sounds a.lot easier than it actually was to get there, but my diaper fetish has been a positive influence in that.

    I also experience social anxiety...but its not because of my fetishes. I think it may even be the other way around..

    People that are socially more insecure (aka sensitive) tend to develop a fetish like this...Most of the people i've met in a kinky context had in common that they're especially smart, sensitive and generous people.

    You can't just out and out say it would've been different without, because you don't know that. In any case, its not that relevant because you are what you are..there's nothing wrong with it and as long as you don't bother or hurt anyone with it its all good! Try to find a balance, guard your limits and be honest.

  3. #3


    I don't think you'll ever truly be able to let go of your fetish with out being miserable. Accept it it's who you are as for social anxiety it may not come just from the fetish it sometimes stem from low self-esteem. Maybe you can first try with internet friends like the ones hear and slowly progress to chatting then maybe some face to face or Skype conversation. Take little steps and maybe you won't have to give it up.

  4. #4


    Accepting that it won't change and feeling positive about it are two different things. I feel I've done the former but like the OP am having great trouble with the latter.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    Accepting that it won't change and feeling positive about it are two different things. I feel I've done the former but like the OP am having great trouble with the latter.
    It takes time, sometimes a lot of time.

    And it takes finding a way that you can engage with it (don't much like "indulge"---seems loaded) without it putting yourself at uncomfortable risk.

    Engaging a fetish/habit/whatever of this sort is unlikely to be unhealthy in itself, the issue is how it effects the rest of your life. It is important that it does not lead you isolate yourself or to miss out on a productive life in other ways. That entails either leaving it (very hard) or finding a way to own it as a part of your (healthy) self.
    You are not unhealthy simply because you have this fetish. You are who you are, the product of a long sequence of improbable events (to misquote Vonnegut). Whether you are healthy or not is a measure of how your life is now.

  6. #6


    I suggest acceptance. i started early and mine is probably derived of something bad to. i can think of a few events.

  7. #7


    I don't think a diaper fetish is unhealthy.It only becomes unhealthy if you become withdrawn and don't see friends or family or miss job opportunities because of it.Also it could possibly cause humiliation to some extent which could have a psychological impact.Another health issue could be nappy rash and sitting in soiled nappies for hours on end.A nappy fetish is only unhealthy if you let it get out of control.

  8. #8


    Whether it's healthy or not, you have to deal with it. It's part of you. It may not be a great part, it may be a part that you wish didn't exist, but it's there.
    It's like a person with an illness who manages it with medication, like diabetes and insulin.
    If it exists, you probably won't rid yourself of it,(even if you wanted to) do you have to accept and manage it.

    For the record, I do not consider it an illness, nor do I want to downplay people with illness. It's just a form of comparison.

  9. #9


    The fact that it's a compulsion doesn't make it unhealthy. If you go back over that fetish article, you'll notice that a diagnosis of a mental condition requires two things
    1. The strange behavior for more than 6 months and
    2. Impairment in one or more areas of life.

    The second one is the most important. And impairment is more than just "feeling bed" and instead has to do with actual problems occurring for you or you or some other person suffering harm/abuse etc. From what is described in the OP, I don't think there's impairment as it's clinically defined present.

    So, that leaves the more general anxieties and social pressures. There, I think you can say that the guilt and anxiety you feel are unhealthy. But, unfortunately, your choices for dealing with them are limited. Whether you consider your diaper interest a compulsion, a pleasure, or anything else, it's very difficult to get rid of it. You could try to never indulge it if you really want. Self-denial is certainly possible and is primarily a matter of willpower, but it's hard and requires strict discipline. It might also make you unhappy anyway, even if you've eased the social anxiety related to liking diapers.

    You could also try mechanisms to address the guilt and anxiety aspects without giving up the compulsion. I feel that's the main thrust of advice on this forum, and it's my advice to you here. The idea is not that you suddenly stop worrying about what other people think about you or go around declaring your love for diapers. Rather, you learn to accept yourself with all your weird quirks, and don't think badly about yourself ever just because you have a strange sexual issue. Once you've done that, you can go out into the world with confidence because *you* know that you're a worthwhile person and you can demonstrate that to other people by the way you talk to them and act around them. If a few of them later find out somehow that you're into diapers, it's just a quirk that they'll mostly dismiss, not the social death that you worry it might be. On top of that, people who do freak out over something harmless because they can't wrap their minds around it are revealing their own overly narrow world views and judging you on the wrong factors.

  10. #10


    I'd probably answer this with some new questions:

    "Why does this part of my private life cause me anxiety? Would trying to suppress it be better or worse for me in the long term than accepting and occasionally indulging it? Would it be easier? Would it seem worse if I tried and was unable to keep it suppressed?"

    I think a lot of people on this forum have been through the same sort of situation and have asked themselves the same questions. The impression I get from other threads is that it's usually better to tackle the negative thoughts rather than the fetish.

    Only you can decide what the best course of action is. Good luck either way!

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