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Thread: This just doesnt seem right

  1. #1

    Default This just doesnt seem right

    Ill start from the start.
    I spent the first 9 years of my working life In nurseries (plants)
    The last job finished unexpectedly due to business slowing down due to drought, and since then i have done a wide variety of other jobs.
    Since then ive always wanted to get back into the industry.
    That chance came around a few weeks ago after almost 8years, which i happily accepted.
    (The retail nursery im at now was one of my old customers from years ago, when i was wholesaling which was kind of uncanny!)
    Now that im back, it just sort of seems wrong (thats the best way I can really describe it)
    I guess its like when you want something for so long and you finally get it, only to realise perhaps you didnt really want it anymore?
    Dont get me wrong, the place is great, everyone is lovely and helpfull and friendly (hehe and they think my collars are cute lol )
    This afternoon the chap ive been working with had to do some other things, no one had told me to do anything in particular so i busied myself tiding up and weeding and a few other things which the boss loved and said it was great that I took the initiative and that was what he expected me to do.
    I still love my gardens at home and any time I spend tending to them is for me a perfect way to unwind and relax.
    But I just cant put my finger on this, it strangely doesnt seem right now.
    A plus, I feel a little more satisfied having written, and read over this right now.
    Anyway thats enough collie ramblings for now I better organise dinner im starving!
    Last edited by starpup; 25-Jun-2014 at 11:48.

  2. #2


    Let me just throw this out there.

    I got accepted to my dream college 11 years ago. I looked forward to going all year from when I was accepted. In the summer before I went I started feeling sick. Very hard to describe. No fever, no coughing, no sore throat. But I couldn't sleep and just had this constant feeling like I was going to retch. Somehow things just didn't feel right. I couldn't explain it, but something was wrong. It turned out later that I was had depression.

    It didn't feel like depression. I didn't cry, or mope, or anything. It was just like the word had gotten a little grayer and less vibrant. Things didn't feel like they mattered as much any more. But in retrospect it had made sense. In high school, I had a place, a purpose, a niche. I had a name for myself. I was liked by faculty and students alike. Even kids who I didn't hang out with or were otherwise not my crowd respected me. Both the kids headed to the military academies and the stoners. I had built organizations. I had great grades in all the AP classes. But the crazy thing was that once I accomplished the goal of getting into my dream school, all the things that had defined my existence for so long evaporated. The people who knew and respected me would scatter to the wind. The organizations I ran would go on without me. And I was stepping into this new place with nothing to my name.

    Once I realized this was the problem, nothing changed in my life. But realizing what the problem was put it in perspective and helped me understand. I bring it up because it sounds like your situation was very similar to mine. This job you've wanted for a long time. It's been a goal, a motivating force, something that everything points you toward. But when you accomplish it you're left with nothing. It wasn't the goal that you've defined yourself by but the effort to attain it. Now that you've climbed the mountain, the effort and drive are gone and you're unfocused. Now, I could be totally wrong. But it's also possible that you read this and something clicks. That's how it was for me.

    Life. - Imgur

  3. #3


    I can sympathise with you to no end. I have had times when I was so excited only to be let down when it finally comes.

    My first real job was working in a sales call centre and I felt awesome finally landing a job with a salary rather than hourly pay and actual holiday time to book off etc.

    For two weeks I prepared myself, getting a haircut and buying a suit and ties, cleaning my shoes and ironing my shirts. Thought about and purchased a weekly train ticket and felt like a real man. I had made it, got my foot on the job ladder so to speak. The smile on my face beamed like a sunset on the equator and I hummed merry tunes as I bounced down the street.

    The first few days flew by, training sessions and role play style practice, yuck. Hated having to pretend to be selling rather than actually doing it for real, although I was making friends and enjoying the change.

    After the first week I was let loose on the sales floor, ready and eager to find my fortune. I was hungry and had thought about how, for many years, I dreamed of this and had now reached the point of realising it.

    But it was not what I thought it was, I hark back at the times I had working at the dog track...loved those dogs, much more than faxes and suits.

  4. #4


    Sometimes wanting something is far more exciting and appealing than living with the thing you wanted. Look how many people save and save for that dream car. Once bought and a year later, it becomes ho-hum. Jobs can certainly be that way.

    Then there is the let down scenario as AEsahaettr has explained. I've spent the last six years writing my novel. Every day I have been excited about the way it was shaping up, each chapter exceeding the next. Then came publishing and finally, watching it sit on Kindle and go nowhere. Jobs can be like that as can college life. We anticipate for so long, building this something up in our minds. Reality is often different, and when it's less than our expectations, the bottom can drop out.

    Sometimes it's good to have a dream that is never realized. It's always out there, several reaches away, and it grows bigger and bigger in our minds. It's like playing the lottery again and again. Every time you buy that ticket, you're convinced you are the one who is going to win. The adrenalin rises with anticipation. When it doesn't win, it's just another piece of paper, just like some jobs, or dreams.

    Enjoy the parts of your job that are enjoyable. Remember why you wanted to do this and try to find some joy in it. I spent at least 40 years of my life practicing between 4 and 7 hours a day at my instrument. It wasn't always fun, but it was an awesome feeling when it came time to play those pieces in concert. It didn't change my life, but it made me feel like I had accomplished my dream. The dream may have become mundane, but the music was always real. There must be a similar joy in working at a nursery.

  5. #5


    Thank you all for your replies, it was good to read them and it gave me a few things to think about.
    Anyway I finally organised and had an appointment with a dr last night.
    He said it is depression, next thing is he wants to do a blood test and then decide what to do.
    He will refer me to a psychologist next week when I go back to get results.
    I must say I found it hard to bring it all up and discuss it with the dr last night, ( It took just over an hour! ) but im glad I did

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