I went away for a while so I could do some thinking. I realized that this is part of who I am and I just need to accept and embrace it to the best of my ability. Being I am 19, and living with my family still it will be a little harder. I will try to do what I can to make the best of it, even if I have to hide my diapers, pacifiers, bottles, and whatever other little things I have. I feel like I am just wrong for hiding it, but I also know it is for the best they don't find out about it either. My biggest conflict was that I am the oldest of 5, so I am supposed to be the mature adult my parents want me to be. I didn't have much of a childhood I was born then around 6 I had to become responsible for myself, and my first little sister then it all went down hill from there. I know many others have it worse I really do understand that, and that my problems aren't really important. I just don't want to feel like I have to hate myself anymore. I just want to be happy, and feel that it is okay to be like this. I am trying to embrace it more and more as each day passes feeling littler than ever before. I am sorry if I am a pest or a problem for anyone. I honestly try not to be.