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Thread: overcoming shyness and boosting self confidence

  1. #1

    Default overcoming shyness and boosting self confidence

    So, here recently I've been wanting to branch out and meet new people, but I find myself to be very very shy, even online I'm incredibly shy, and on top of that I tend to find myself talking myself out of talking to new people because I feel they would be much better off without me so I don't speak up because I don't want to be a problem. That and I'm super scared of being made fun of...so, does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome my shyness and my low self esteem

  2. #2

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    Join Toastmasters, it really helps a lot of folks. Also meditation could help you at least be able to recognize some of the anxiety and thoughts that arise, and you might be able to work through this gradually by seeing it arise but allowing it to pass away. I did that a lot with worrying. Toastmasters helped me a lot as well.

  3. #3

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    IT saddens me when I hear such young, bright people making statements that others would be better off without them or not wanting to bother people with their presence. You have so much to offer but you need to believe in yourself. It sounds like you have serious self esteem issues and this will only hold you back if you don't tackle it. You may want to consider seeing a counsellor to deal with your feelings.

    Your profile shows you have a lot of diverse interests, including music, poetry, and story writing. You may want to see if there's any discussion groups or workshop classes in your community where you can meet people with similar interests. I always find it's easier to talk to people when you have a common interest with people (plus I actually feel like I know what I'm talking about, which helps with confidence). You have a lot to offer but you need to stop beating yourself up. The reason you're so afraid of other people not accepting you is because you have difficulty accepting yourself. I hope you will consider talking to someone about this. Let us know how it's going.

  4. #4

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    I recommend getting a job in customer service. You're forced to talk to strangers all day long, and it becomes easier and easier. You'll mostly have the same sorts of conversations with everyone who comes in -- helping them find what they want, taking their money, etc -- so you can try out different ways of holding up your end of the conversation without worrying that there'll be a lot of unexpected curveballs. It's a really safe environment to explore coming out of your shell.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by VallenVulpiano View Post
    So, here recently I've been wanting to branch out and meet new people, but I find myself to be very very shy, even online I'm incredibly shy, and on top of that I tend to find myself talking myself out of talking to new people because I feel they would be much better off without me so I don't speak up because I don't want to be a problem. That and I'm super scared of being made fun of...so, does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome my shyness and my low self esteem
    I know exactly how you feel. I've felt this way as long as I can remember. I know how hard it is. I'm also scared of being made fun of because I have been so many, many times in the past and it usually ends in me getting too angry and making stupid decisions. I am also VERY shy. But have recently begun to work on it. It takes a lot of work to do it believe me. I am nowhere near being a social butterfly yet but slowly but surely I am trying to overcome this and meet new people and try not to feel so shy, vulnerable and awkward. It has to happen.

    I believe you can do it too! If you believe in yourself and make the effort, you CAN do it. I'm working on it and you should too. I know its hard but the more you do it, the easier it will get. I still struggle but I am trying.

    Also, don't say people would be better off without you. I'm sure that isn't true.

    I hope you can take something from this and face your fears just like I am trying to do. Good luck. I know you can do it if you try real hard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by avery View Post
    I recommend getting a job in customer service. You're forced to talk to strangers all day long, and it becomes easier and easier. You'll mostly have the same sorts of conversations with everyone who comes in -- helping them find what they want, taking their money, etc -- so you can try out different ways of holding up your end of the conversation without worrying that there'll be a lot of unexpected curveballs. It's a really safe environment to explore coming out of your shell.
    While this would be very hard for me initially I'm sure, I think this is good advice. It could help in getting used to talking to strangers and opening up.

  6. #6

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    My low self esteem is brought on by abandonment issues because my real dad just up and left me. Counseling is expensive. I'm more the type of person to sit back and examine someone for a while before speaking up though like I said I usually don't because I don't want to be a burden on people or be made fun of (both I feel tend to happen a lot) and about customer service work. I've done that before it's a horrible field to work in and is part of the reason I'm reclusive. My experience in the customer service industry made me grow to hate people as a whole (not saying I hate everyone in fact I do meet some great people from time to time) and customer service doesn't pay well. I prefer industrial work. But yeah my self esteem is a huge issue I've been struggling with all my life. I have seen counselors and psychologists both, but with not much success. I do from time to time find something to be proud of and it gives me a boost. So I'm using that as a platform to rebuild my life

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by avery View Post
    I recommend getting a job in customer service. You're forced to talk to strangers all day long, and it becomes easier and easier. You'll mostly have the same sorts of conversations with everyone who comes in -- helping them find what they want, taking their money, etc -- so you can try out different ways of holding up your end of the conversation without worrying that there'll be a lot of unexpected curveballs. It's a really safe environment to explore coming out of your shell.
    I second this. Having multiple side-jobs in combination with my studies really helped me too.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by avery View Post
    I recommend getting a job in customer service. You're forced to talk to strangers all day long, and it becomes easier and easier. You'll mostly have the same sorts of conversations with everyone who comes in -- helping them find what they want, taking their money, etc -- so you can try out different ways of holding up your end of the conversation without worrying that there'll be a lot of unexpected curveballs. It's a really safe environment to explore coming out of your shell.
    I agree somewhat, i am shy and have little self-confidence and when i got my current job in a chain grocer shop i was shoved onto the main till in the shop, so i have to make announcements on the speakerphone and make conversation with the customers i gauge to be social (The cheery ones lol) and i feel personally this has increased my courage and self-confidence. There are times that i just want to die e.g. when i make a mistake on the tills or someones card gets rejected (I'm more embarrassed than the customer X_X).

    However there are other people my age that work in the store, the same hasn't happened; they mainly stack shelfs and move stock around, sometimes if it gets busy get shoved on tills. If anything they are louder in the storeroom than the shop floor, and afraid to make eye contact with customers.

    So long story short, depends what job you get and like others said; there are a lot of unexpected situations that come up. Conversations are repeated over and over again. ("Lovely day, Is it still sunny?, busy day? Are you off home after this?"etc), you learn to make small talk quickly and this is probably one of the easiest ways to gain confidence and it pays!

    Meds could help, but then there are all those nasty side effects (head aches, grumpiness, insomnia and who knows what else). Therapy could also help, but can be a tad expensive. Support groups are really helpful, if you can find one locally, but require willpower as well.

    Whatever you do, good luck, keep us posted, and remember the hardest step is actually doing something!

  9. #9

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    I am 46 and still so shy!!!! I went once to a shrink to deal with my baby brothers death I told him i was so so shy looking for extra advice !!!! He told me i did not know that you where shy until you told me!!! So That helped me alot the rest for me Im stuck with im not rude and dont interupt people as non shy people do I can never get a word in because most people are narcissistic and dont care what people think of them as you know we do so they look stupid and dont care as i care to not look stupid!! I have learned to accept my shyness and find being older most people accept it I dont like being drunk or drugged to be someone im not been there!! keep posting!!! if i can help i will!!

  10. #10

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    I appreciate all the support. I went to my schools consoler and she is searching for local grief support groups for me (that don't meet in a church, for the simple fact I'm wiccan and would feel uncomfortable) my shyness seems to be getting better and I'm opening up little by little. Getting to meet a local ab/dl (who is my brother in the babyfur fandom) really helped me start moving forward.

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