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Thread: My head is really iffy at the moment...

  1. #1

    Default My head is really iffy at the moment...

    Joining this site has made me extremely happy being able to talk with others and what not but something feels extremely strange, since joining that weird emptiness in my chest has gotten worse and the ideals I once had are altering so it's making it hard for me to decide who I am and what I truly believe in.

    Don't get me wrong this place is awesome, I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through the same thing? Or better yet does anyone have helpful advice to null this feeling, I personally feel stupid asking since last thing I want to come across as is whiny but dealing with it the last couple weeks have become rather hard and so I'm worried it'll only get worse.

    Sorry for posting something like this but hopefully I'll be able to sort it out.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Joining this site has made me extremely happy being able to talk with others and what not but something feels extremely strange, since joining that weird emptiness in my chest has gotten worse and the ideals I once had are altering so it's making it hard for me to decide who I am and what I truly believe in.

    Don't get me wrong this place is awesome, I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through the same thing? Or better yet does anyone have helpful advice to null this feeling, I personally feel stupid asking since last thing I want to come across as is whiny but dealing with it the last couple weeks have become rather hard and so I'm worried it'll only get worse.

    Sorry for posting something like this but hopefully I'll be able to sort it out.
    Hi there OTBD, glad joining ADISC has made you feel happy...

    What you're talking about sounds more like a general mental health / emotional problem than anything related to being ABDL - is that right?
    It's not stupid to talk about that kind of problem - it's always better to talk about problems, and this is a support site.

    What sort of feeling is the weird emptiness in your chest? hopeless despair? fear? or numb indifference? What are the ideals that you had that are altering?

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle View Post
    Hi there OTBD, glad joining ADISC has made you feel happy...

    What you're talking about sounds more like a general mental health / emotional problem than anything related to being ABDL - is that right?
    It's not stupid to talk about that kind of problem - it's always better to talk about problems, and this is a support site.

    What sort of feeling is the weird emptiness in your chest? hopeless despair? fear? or numb indifference? What are the ideals that you had that are altering?
    Thanks for the response... Yeah it is more to do with mental health and the emotional side I guess?

    I suppose despair is a close description to this feeling, I'm trying to keep positive but It's hard when I don't even know what I'm looking for to fill the gap, What ideals are changing on the other hand I'm not to sure I'll talk about but the best way I can put it is I'm now more open and I'm letting my guard down round others which a part of me hates because there's always the chance they'll turn on me... I'm less cautious of what I say now and things are slipping out that are out of character for what people know me as, I suppose I'm dropping the mask and trying to be myself but again that sparks the feeling as if I'm doing something wrong, I can't tell whether I want to be open and be myself more or keep the guise and go on with less chance of faltering...

    It's kinda just which personality I want to take on, like they're battling out for dominance, problem is I'm not sure I want either to win.. again thanks for the response and any help is deeply appreciated.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Thanks for the response... Yeah it is more to do with mental health and the emotional side I guess?

    I suppose despair is a close description to this feeling, I'm trying to keep positive but It's hard when I don't even know what I'm looking for to fill the gap, What ideals are changing on the other hand I'm not to sure I'll talk about but the best way I can put it is I'm now more open and I'm letting my guard down round others which a part of me hates because there's always the chance they'll turn on me... I'm less cautious of what I say now and things are slipping out that are out of character for what people know me as, I suppose I'm dropping the mask and trying to be myself but again that sparks the feeling as if I'm doing something wrong, I can't tell whether I want to be open and be myself more or keep the guise and go on with less chance of faltering...

    It's kinda just which personality I want to take on, like they're battling out for dominance, problem is I'm not sure I want either to win.. again thanks for the response and any help is deeply appreciated.
    It sounds like what you're experiencing might be part of an urge to relate to be 'close' with people who understand this part of you. I don't think it's uncommon to join up here with the expectation of remaining coolly detached and then gradually realising you're enjoying spending time here and you want to feel like part of the community. Or maybe some people have reached out to you and you feel yourself wanting to respond to that.

    In the 'vanilla' life, we are nearly always holding a part of ourselves back (the 'little'/ABDL side) from our friends, we always know we can never truly be 'open' because that one part of ourselves will always be concealed. That's not a bad thing, but it's easier to hold back overall if we know ultimately we /can't/ fully share ourselves with a person. When we're in a situation where what's usually our deepest secret is not only not secret, but embraced, we might start feeling more like being open in general.

    I think in general it's also the nature of online communities that they (for some people) encourage deeper sharing of thoughts and emotions. Especially on ADISC, which is specifically designed to be a support community. This too can lead to feeling 'close' to people (or the community itself) in a way you wouldn't IRL.

    Again, none of this is bad. I'm just saying that what you're feeling isn't abnormal at all. I've met numerous people who said they joined up just for discussion on the best diapers or whatever, only to meet close friends or even partners. It happens! We get 'entangled'! :P

    Your inner turmoil over these feelings is completely normal as well! Personally, the ABDL community has been the cause of some extremely difficult relationship-related pain for me. But it's also been wonderful in connecting me to people I care about a great deal. I wouldn't go back for the world.

    Still, I often have feelings similar to yours: a tense 'struggle' inside me over which 'me' I want to be. I try to be as genuine and open as I can, but sometimes I just... I feel like I 'need' to stay detached, like you say I feel like I am doing 'wrong', even putting myself in danger (emotionally) by being open. When I am feeling low, I often stay away from ADISC for a while because I feel like I have to put on a (now painful/uncomfortable) mask to be around here, like my 'real' self is too emotionally vulnerable to whatever rejection might come my way. It can be hard to make myself believe people even want me around: often, my head twists things so that everybody hates me and, while they're not trying to hurt me, they don't care if they do. It's scary sometimes!

    Sorry, I've rambled on for a bit here! My advice is this: be gentle with yourself. It's okay to feel scared of being close to people. If you feel overwhelmed, it's not wrong to need time alone away from others. If you do find yourself close to people, you should let them know your concerns... Ultimately it might be best to try and let your guard down in small ways over time, testing the waters until you feel more comfortable. There's a new balance to be struck here between the old, guarded you and the parts of yourself that are more vulnerable. It might take a little time to work out what that balance is and how to help yourself feel 'okay' with being your real self around others. It's also difficult to stop worrying about playing the role people 'want' from you. But like I say: go easy on yourself. It'll be okay! <3 Good luck!

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Thanks for the response... Yeah it is more to do with mental health and the emotional side I guess?

    I suppose despair is a close description to this feeling, I'm trying to keep positive but It's hard when I don't even know what I'm looking for to fill the gap, What ideals are changing on the other hand I'm not to sure I'll talk about but the best way I can put it is I'm now more open and I'm letting my guard down round others which a part of me hates because there's always the chance they'll turn on me... I'm less cautious of what I say now and things are slipping out that are out of character for what people know me as, I suppose I'm dropping the mask and trying to be myself but again that sparks the feeling as if I'm doing something wrong, I can't tell whether I want to be open and be myself more or keep the guise and go on with less chance of faltering...

    It's kinda just which personality I want to take on, like they're battling out for dominance, problem is I'm not sure I want either to win.. again thanks for the response and any help is deeply appreciated.
    I think dropping the mask and "being yourself" is probably a good thing overall. If you're used to feeling like you have to cover everything up in case people use your vulnerability against you, then it does feel strange and maybe unsafe.

    If you're worried about not saying the right thing, here are some principles that you could try to work with:

    1. Are your words hurting anyone else? Maybe don't say it then, unless there's a special reason.
    2. It's fine to have secrets, and it's fine not to share every thought and detail of your life with everyone - but think of what you genuinely need to keep secret, maybe make a list of things (like being ABDL) that no-one else needs to know, and could be damaging if they became public. I think you'll find the list is pretty small. Outside of that give yourself permission to talk as openly as you like.
    3. You're not doing anything wrong by being yourself. It maybe you'll lose some people who don't like the "real you" - but if they don't like you, is it worth having them around? My guess is you wont really lose anyone.

    I wonder why you feel despair though? Is it just about the fact that you feel your personality changing in this way? You shouldn't have a generalised feeling of hopelessness and despair, without some very big reason... Is there a reason outside of yourself that you feel this way?
    If not I would be concerned that you're suffering from some kind of mental illness. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but you should try and get help of some kind.

  6. #6

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    Thanks for the responses both of you, I've got to think about it and at the moment I seem to be better.
    Getting a different view is always helpful and so I'm in a much better stance on things.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Thanks for the responses both of you, I've got to think about it and at the moment I seem to be better.
    Getting a different view is always helpful and so I'm in a much better stance on things.
    Take care and let us know how things go.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Joining this site has made me extremely happy being able to talk with others and what not but something feels extremely strange, since joining that weird emptiness in my chest has gotten worse and the ideals I once had are altering so it's making it hard for me to decide who I am and what I truly believe in.

    Don't get me wrong this place is awesome, I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through the same thing? Or better yet does anyone have helpful advice to null this feeling, I personally feel stupid asking since last thing I want to come across as is whiny but dealing with it the last couple weeks have become rather hard and so I'm worried it'll only get worse.

    Sorry for posting something like this but hopefully I'll be able to sort it out.
    OneToBeDiscovered,

    I'm glad that you joined ADISC, and that you are talking it out too...

    I think that for many of us having gone through a significant period of our lives going along in a pretty specific way for all of that time... when significant change occurs (for better or worse)... we may find ourselves abruptly absent a proper mooring... even when the change is good, healthy, or otherwise welcomed... that disconnect from the past perspectives can still be a loss... so, in addition to any greater uncertainty; a grief/loss dynamic may be incurred as well...

    I hope to assure you that this is temporary, and that grief/loss processing is as unique for each individual as there are unique individuals... Do it your way for you... we'll support you...

    As for the disconnect of the safety of the 'nest'... I think it may be time for you to practice using your 'wings'... you're not loosing your mooring, you are preparing for a journey... the journey will reveal who you are, and what you truly believe in...

    Ideals, can be goals or entrapment... I believe that they should continue altering... indefinitely!



    that weird emptiness in my chest has gotten worse and the ideals I once had are altering so it's making it hard for me to decide who I am and what I truly believe in.
    As uncomfortable as this may be right now (at times)... I would say that you are perfectly on track...

    You may need or want some counseling if you find it too much too handle for any period of time...

    And reminding you of MsClaraRiddle's link for your general area:


    Quote Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle View Post
    "..."..."..."
    It's nothing to be ashamed of, but you should try and get help of some kind.
    I don't see that there is anything particularly wrong with you... just a bit of adjustment, and situating to be had!


    Warmest regards,
    -Marka

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneToBeDiscovered View Post
    Joining this site has made me extremely happy being able to talk with others and what not but something feels extremely strange, since joining that weird emptiness in my chest has gotten worse and the ideals I once had are altering so it's making it hard for me to decide who I am and what I truly believe in.

    Don't get me wrong this place is awesome, I'm just wondering whether anyone else has gone through the same thing? Or better yet does anyone have helpful advice to null this feeling, I personally feel stupid asking since last thing I want to come across as is whiny but dealing with it the last couple weeks have become rather hard and so I'm worried it'll only get worse.

    Sorry for posting something like this but hopefully I'll be able to sort it out.
    You don't sound messed up or whiney.

    Look, everyone experiences doubt or a feeling of undefined vagueness at some time. Sometimes many times. It is a natural process of 'checking in' and evaluating ourselves'. Sometimes the expected diagnosis or answer is not there. Sometimes we get left feeling unconnected and without definition. There is a reason we as humans need sleep. Sometimes what we expect to accomplish today simply needs another day or more time.

    As I carefully read and reread your sentiments I could not find any element of despair or sense of anquish.

    My advice would be to simply indulge yourself in another interest for awhile. Sometimes the best perspective is gained through absence. We can, in a sense, gain a 'birds-eye-view' and this wider picture or perspective gives greater clarity to our character and not what we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

    I'm glad you found this site. Happy hunting!

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