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Thread: Second-guessing when it comes to relationships

  1. #1

    Default Second-guessing when it comes to relationships

    So I've recently been spending time with a girl, and I would like to start something a little more meaningful with her...thing is, I'm really bad at expressing my deeper feelings to anyone and everyone.

    I have always been really timid from the time I was really young, and I often have trouble conveying my feelings to a woman in fear that they won't be embraced with open arms. This time I'm trying to take it as slow as possible so that I earn her trust, and to try and build a solid friendship with her before creating a relationship that could otherwise fall apart.

    I think this is a solid approach, as it has worked completely on accident in the past (though life separated us without a chance to do anything about it), but the thing is, when I have a conscious desire to make a relationship something more...I can't really control what I do. I make stupid decisions and end up making myself look like an ass. It's like I feel compassion for someone, but when I fear that these feelings may get rejected I bottle them up, and they end up manifesting through said stupid decisions.

    I guess the main point here is that I'm really afraid of losing my grip on love and the unknown. I could really use some advice here...I don't want to screw this chance up!

  2. #2


    Sounds like you could use a visit to Dr. Love at ask I like his approach, and listen to him on GCN. You can even call his show and get live advice. You sound like you are on the right track. I got the system and loved it even though I am a girl. I doubt I will call the show though.

  3. #3


    Take it slow, love is a river not a pressure gauge. Just be honest and speak your part calmly. DONT bottle up your feelings and just let them out as they come so you can avoid future outbursts of ass-scenery. You're young, BE young lol. Just be you and under no circumstances act clingy. Sometimes that's all it takes to lose a relationship... I have friends who have partnered up with girls that would be considered "way out of their league" and the only reason it didn't work was because my girl-friends told me "he was SO clingy... he was so dependent and wanted to be around me ALL THE TIME."

    So far it sounds like you're doing good; love makes us do stupid things :P just embrace it, as long as it doesn't border on psychotic or irrational (like developing a jealousy or inferiority complex based on nothing.)

  4. #4


    Sounds like someone special. It also sounds to me like you're doing fine. Love is about taking chances. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it just doesn't work as you have already experienced. I never got past the third date with any girl until I met my wife. Complete opposites, but we both wanted the same things in life. We've been married 21 years now. But enough about me.

    As said above, be yourself. We were and accepted each other as is. It took about six dates to say the three words, but we never looked back after that. Communication is the key. Talk about your feelings but don't come on too strong or forward. Remember that best friends make the best soul mates. Good luck and keep us posted.

  5. #5


    just a little something from experience!!! when i was young and fell in love with a girl i showed it as i meant it!! althought at times it didnt work!! after years of dating at times at my young age I couldnt except why they didnt love me liked i loved them and was very painful!! then i found a women who went out of her way to make me happy as i did for her!! There no reason to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you!!! but the greatest feeling when someone wants to be with you as much as you with them! be yourself!!!!!! dont try to be someone else to please her, let her know how you feel !!! if its not meant to be it wont work and if it is it is dont holdback

  6. #6


    Thanks everyone for the advice. It's comforting to know that I may be doing something right this time around!

    One thing I'm worried about is that I will likely be seeing her often until this year is over, so if it doesn't quite work out after making a move...well, that would be pretty awkward until then, to say the least. I don't know if I should weigh the options like this or if I should just go with my impulse and let loose, regardless of the consequences. I'd like to get more involved with her, but I really can't afford to lose her as a friend either.

    I think I'll just let it flow like you said, Emily. That looks to be the best route.

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