At first I want to apologize about my english since it is not my native language.
I feel ashamed.
When the little part inside me comes to light, all I can feel is a pure shame. Deep shame, helplessness and quandary.
The simple but strong desire: "I wish you were not there." is haunting me everytime I lie in bed sleepless.
I can deny it for some time. Let her go deep inside me and not let anything of her go to plain view of mine. But I can't beat her because she ins't 'something' what one could fight. She has always been there and always will be.
Everything would be so much easier. Relationships, life but even a simple lying in bed at cold nights with thoughts that I have nobody to really turn to as a baby girl. Which I really am. And I am not sure if that makes me happy.
But I know that between the hard times of thinking about everything I will find myself in a diaper, onesie, pacifier in my mouth and giggling with my Teddy bear.
And that makes me really happy.