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Thread: Question About BDSM/FetLife: "Would Someone please explain Fetlife 'Families' to me?"

  1. #1

    Default Question About BDSM/FetLife: "Would Someone please explain Fetlife 'Families' to me?"

    Cross-posted from my fetlife journal space:

    Would someone explain "families" to me?

    Journal Entry | 2 Comments | 43 minutes ago

    DISCLAIMER: I am not BDSM in any way.

    I try not to judge at all but there are some things about this scene I just do not get and the extreme protectionism of BSDM "families" is one. I live in a world where people don't generally freak out at you for attempting to respectfully follow their contact protocol as stated on their page (in order to apologize to someone I had offended a few months ago, and given respectful distance to) and made one tiny mistake.

    I don't understand why they think they need to live in a Kink Word versus a Vanilla World, or why these have to be separate worlds with separate rules. On planet Earth, where I live, I just try to treat people as I'd wish they'd treat me.

    But fetlife comes with a whole set of social rules related to the BDSM scene that SEEM straight out of 17th century feudalism... and that's just something I can't respect. I'm an American. My people fought a war against that. Their kink is not my kink... if they want to consider their lover their queen, that's fine, but she's not MY queen. She's just another human being.

    Can someone please explain to me where these people get off acting all high and mighty and like everyone should know about their obscure social practices without ever making the tiniest protocol mistake??? If I led that much of an alternative lifestyle by choice I would never presume that total strangers would know everything about it and what to expect. It just doesn't seem fair to others.

    UPDATE:

    I am hoping someone can tell me it's just a BDSM thing... a friend of mine last night made it sound like it's generally respected and enforced by the whole kink community, and I find that hard to believe or accept.

  2. #2

    Default

    Yeh, fetlife is a weird place. I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean, but I know what you're getting at. There's so many acronyms and code words too, I find it difficult to get my head round the lingo. I know the abdl lingo, but the world of kink is so vast. I know some people put on their profile you need to ask permission to even message them. I guess this does seem pretty old fashioned and unnecessary.
    But I think maybe you're letting it get to you a little much, just chill. Unless there's another reason you're annoyed/ irritated. Is there a particular reason why kink families are annoying you today?

  3. #3

    Default

    It was a particular really nasty interaction I had with one of these groups. Basically involved trying to apologize for a conflict several months ago (thinking this was enough distance) and trying to be a gentleman about it... tried to follow their protocol, messed up innocently, and got their usual "We're too good for you" crap.

    Kink world or not, there's nobody on Earth who's too good to receive a message of apology from me and have her cyber goons threaten me with reports of harassment for making the effort just to be a decent person and totally innocently getting confused on one tiny point of their protocol.

    The only "family" that reminds me of is the Mafia, LOL.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And same as you, I know ABDL Lingo pretty much only, and I'm trying to be patient with fetlife, but I am finding fetlife has very little patience with me.

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