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Thread: Just need to vent

  1. #1

    Default Just need to vent

    First i wanna thank alot of friends of mine on adisc here thank you for always being there for me. While my childhood had some fun times i had bad as well bullied home life and all in all i think i become i good Man i pay my own bills i work full time and i am a great person. But why is it that i cant let my past go? My whole life i have been scard to really go out into the world to have fun i mean i stay in my bed room all the time when im not at work. I am 21 now so i don't blame anyone for my bad diet or me not leaving the apartment. Well i guess what i am saying here is why do i hate myself?

  2. #2

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    "Oh sure, it's the little battlefields, a pond, the bedrooms, the school yard, that leave the biggest scars."~M*A*S*H

    imo, the best way to deal with this is to stop running away from the pain; not to confront it, but to understand and accept it...i guess what i'm trying to say is, to take responsibility for your emotions rather than trying to suppress them. from there it becomes easier to make an effort to break the old habits of seclusion.

    i don't know how traumatic of an experience you had growing up; so i'm sorry if i oversimplified this.

  3. #3

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    *hugs*
    We are here for you. This world is not a nice one and the competition want you to feel that way. From birth the message is that we are worthless. Why? So we will not believe in ourselves and try to succeed. Nobody wants you to succeed unless they love you. Those who love you tell you that you do have worth and help you learn to love yourself. You choose which voice you are going to listen to. We love you and value you. We want to support you in listening to the right voice. It will get easier as you try. When you find yourself believing the wrong voice, remember that it will not last forever. Better days are coming. You can reach out here any time you need to. *hugs*
    F.L.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by zackiepooh1992 View Post
    First i wanna thank alot of friends of mine on adisc here thank you for always being there for me. While my childhood had some fun times i had bad as well bullied home life and all in all i think i become i good Man i pay my own bills i work full time and i am a great person. But why is it that i cant let my past go? My whole life i have been scard to really go out into the world to have fun i mean i stay in my bed room all the time when im not at work. I am 21 now so i don't blame anyone for my bad diet or me not leaving the apartment. Well i guess what i am saying here is why do i hate myself?
    I can understand what you are saying. Unfortunately I do not have A stand pat good answer.

    First I think you should be complimented on being able to ask this question so early in your life. Unlike myself who just blew it of and build the most fortified cocoon to hide in until it was almost too late at 42.

    There is a fine line of having "Fun" and being "responsible". unfortunately that is something I do not know how to answer. However there are things to consider, but there again do not do what I still have problems with and confuse "work" for play and just work somewhere else i.e. a fraternal organization, and call it fun.

    Hating yourself is not a bad thing, doing something negative about it is.

    The questions to ask (and here I will add doing this with professional help is the best thing)
    What is it that you hate?
    What do you like?
    What can you change?
    What can you not change?
    How would you change it?

    One of the things we did in church for Lent one year is everyone had to pick p a stone as we entered the church and make sure you had a pen.
    Then during the sermon we had to think of something that some one did to us and write it down.
    During the lecture the pastor told us that they had to do this the first year in seminary and they had to write it with a felt pen on potatoes.
    He also went over the questions that I asked earlier.
    During the course of Lent we reflected on what was written on the stones and then during holy week if you were able to reconcile and or forgive the offence we could but are stone in the path on the Easter display.

    The point is that the baggage we are/were carrying around was made a physical object that we could not just mumble about and had to address it.

    I have spent so much time in therapy over the last 15 years doing this very same thing.
    As I have removed one stone I always manage to find another, I do have to say that in the last two years I have made a lot more headway and am able to deal with the emotional issues and not who did what to me and when. I have even turned the issues that brought me to ADISC into a coping mechanism and deal with the situation instead of hating myself for this desire.

    I hope you the best of luck.
    And I do recommend that if at all possible you talk to a professional about these feelings so they can help you get rid of the pocket full of rocks.

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