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Thread: I think my friend has become a junkie

  1. #1

    Default I think my friend has become a junkie

    I know a close friend of mine started smoking pot a while ago, and he also once told me he has tried "squares" too. I don't like drugs myself, but I didn't have too much of a problem back then.

    So a few months back he started acting weird. He stopped answering calls, and he rarely shows up in school. A while back he "lost" a device of mine. He promised he would make it up to me, but all he has done is to evade responsibility. I think it's natural to want a compensation, but at this point, I think it's unrealistic to expect for one.

    He also avoids being with our former group. When we gather, he doesn't show up. But he does go to a lot of parties. Like, every third day or so. He stays up late at night, as his facebook, whatsapp, twitter, etc, activity shows. Even when he doesn't have a party.

    His attitude matches to how people suffering from addictions behave. And I also saw one of his new friends, and it wasn't pretty. So I am inclined to think that he has, in fact, become a junkie.

    I have already read all the yadda-yadda from overachieving, first world countries. But here's the thing. Where I am from, support is quite limited. There's no toll-free hotline, counseling or anything that resembles that.

    A part of me is pissed that he took advantage from me, and that he isn't sorry in the least. And I also want to protect myself and my belongings by steering away from all this bullcrap. He hasn't touched rock bottom, yet, but something tells me he's not too far away from losing control completely. I really don't want to have to do with this mess, and the people he hangs out with.

    But another part of me tells me it isn't the right thing to do, and I'd be a s*** of a human being by standing there with my arms closed while he whirlpools his way down the drain. I'm still not sure how much of a risk I'd take for anyone. When (because it's not a matter of if when you're knee-deep into that garbage) he messes with the wrong dudes, it's not gonna be nice, and it's gonna hurt everyone around it.

    Tl;dr My friend shows signs of drug abuse and I wonder whether if I should run away with the tail between my legs, or figure out a way to help him, even if that puts me or my stuff at risk.
    Last edited by ZodiacPup; 24-May-2014 at 05:22. Reason: Tl;dr

  2. #2

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    You are both students at a university? I wonder if your school might offer some sort of intervention program. You might check into that. Some do. I learned about this a while back because my cousin, while in med school, got so stressed out and anxious that he started using just about everything -- became a total junkie. His grades started to suffer, and he ultimately ended up getting arrested for possession. In the end, he was reinstated as a student and graduated with honors thanks to a program at his school that dealt with rehab of addicted students. It was started, apparently, because stress-induced mental illness and drug addiction are apparently quite common in certain student populations, especially med students.

    Anyway, you are surely right to worry about him. I would try hard, as you seem to be, to separate the addict from the person you used to know. He clearly needs help, and I'm sure anything you might do with that in mind is something he'll thank you for later on.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZodiacPup View Post
    I know a close friend of mine started smoking pot a while ago, and he also once told me he has tried "squares" too. I don't like drugs myself, but I didn't have too much of a problem back then.

    So a few months back he started acting weird. He stopped answering calls, and he rarely shows up in school. A while back he "lost" a device of mine. He promised he would make it up to me, but all he has done is to evade responsibility. I think it's natural to want a compensation, but at this point, I think it's unrealistic to expect for one.

    He also avoids being with our former group. When we gather, he doesn't show up. But he does go to a lot of parties. Like, every third day or so. He stays up late at night, as his facebook, whatsapp, twitter, etc, activity shows. Even when he doesn't have a party.

    His attitude matches to how people suffering from addictions behave. And I also saw one of his new friends, and it wasn't pretty. So I am inclined to think that he has, in fact, become a junkie.

    I have already read all the yadda-yadda from overachieving, first world countries. But here's the thing. Where I am from, support is quite limited. There's no toll-free hotline, counseling or anything that resembles that.

    A part of me is pissed that he took advantage from me, and that he isn't sorry in the least. And I also want to protect myself and my belongings by steering away from all this bullcrap. He hasn't touched rock bottom, yet, but something tells me he's not too far away from losing control completely. I really don't want to have to do with this mess, and the people he hangs out with.

    But another part of me tells me it isn't the right thing to do, and I'd be a s*** of a human being by standing there with my arms closed while he whirlpools his way down the drain. I'm still not sure how much of a risk I'd take for anyone. When (because it's not a matter of if when you're knee-deep into that garbage) he messes with the wrong dudes, it's not gonna be nice, and it's gonna hurt everyone around it.

    Tl;dr My friend shows signs of drug abuse and I wonder whether if I should run away with the tail between my legs, or figure out a way to help him, even if that puts me or my stuff at risk.
    There's not an easy answer... you very well could loose everything, possibly your life, or livelihood... I've done one intervention... an SO... it cost me dearly... I think it was worth it... I didn't have any resemblance of assurance that it did anything but delay the seemingly inevitable...for about seven years afterwards... I'll never know for sure... I do not regret it, yet another is in peril... I haven't got it... not the time, not the energy, not the money... perhaps still the love...

    I'm sorry, ZodiacPup... I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here... You have to do what is right to you... what do you know of this? Even with some support options available... I had to operate outside of the conventions... I was essentially alone... I had to cross lines... I won't tell you not to do something...but, I can't tell you that you should do something either... I'm sorry!

    Depending on how deep this person is in things... the odds may be exceptionally low for success... or, you could just be the right thing at the right time... and pull it all around...

    It may not even be any kind of drug... there may be significant psychological issues behind this... There's no way for me to know... I'm not sure that you can know either... however, you are there... you know what you believe of this person... it's up to you...

    This may be the most pointless advice, I've given yet... you have my support, whatever way you go with it!


    -Marka

  4. #4

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    First of all, he's lucky to have a friend like you who has a genuine concern for his wellbeing. It's hard to stand by and watch when a close friend becomes involved in drug activity. You're afraid that if you don't do anything his behaviour will continue to spiral out of control.

    I've been in this situation before with a friend and I know the feeling of helplessness that goes with it. When I tried talking to my friend about it, he just got more upset with me, accusing me of overreacting and being judgemental towards him. I really tried to be supportive and stuck with him long after his other friends abandoned him. I put up with his moods and volatile behaviour and unexplained absences until I got tired of being walked on. Eventually I told him I couldn't deal with his behaviour anymore and that we couldn't continue this way. I made it clear to him that I still valued our friendship and I cared about him. I told him that I accepted the fact that he had a right to make choices in his life that I didn't support., but when those choices have caused pain and harm to me and others through selfish, irresponsible behaviour, then the friendship has changed and becomes one sided. I wanted our friendship back the way it was, but it had to be up to him. After being as supportive as possible for an interminable length of time and after all our other friends had nothing to do with him, I finally drew the line and told him that he was no longer welcome in my life, at least not in this condition. I told him that if he were to get help or give me some evidence that the behaviour has changed, we could then reassess our relationship. I left the door open for him to return, but not to continue with the chaos and abuse. The funny thing is that he actually got help shortly afterwards and we were able to resume our friendship. He was contrite, apologetic and never forgot the fact I gave him a second chance. I believe our friendship was even stronger for having been tested to such limits.

    Does it work out this way every time? Well, no. It depends on the individual and how important the real friendships are in his life. All you can do is remind him of that and let him know you still care about him. Depending on other things going on in his life, this could be a detour and he will hopefully find his way back to his true friends. You're doing everything you can do by being a good, supportive friend, but you can't force him to make good choices. That's up to him. Hopefully he will come around.

  5. #5

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    I am really sorry to read this, drug usage has become a very serious problem nowadays because we have a massive amount of people curious of having an out-of-reality experience...it became a chain reaction and also a lot of my friends ended up with serious drug addictions. There is no easy way to help people with drug addictions other than being there for them but if the problems gets way worse (like taking advantage of your confidence) then you shouldn't be there for now, he is clearly frustrated with reality and wants to escape from it. If you should talk to him, do so when he is sober and if you want to catch him sober, you should speak with his parents and it is really for his good and you could also prevent them from separating.

  6. #6

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    Having been there when I was in college I know that you really can't help someone like that until they want to change. I hit rock bottom and had a psychiatrist. When I graduated from college I walked away from everything and started a new life. Perhaps getting help from his school is the only avenue, but until he wants help, he could be lost.

  7. #7

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    The question you have to ask yourself are you willing to loose havering his friendship in your life by saving his life.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Veljie View Post
    The question you have to ask yourself are you willing to loose havering his friendship in your life by saving his life.
    That's a good question... and it's a real question! But, frankly... if the issues continue... you'll likely loose the friendship anyway... now, can you save the friend?

    -Marka

  9. #9

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    Don't hate yourself or your friend. Drug dependency physically rewires the brain. All you can do is communicate that you care, and protect your belongings. Interventions can be powerful communication tools, but so can a letter. Don't enable his behavior. If he's taking advantage of you and isn't willing to fix wrongs he has done to you, cutting him off until he does might be the nicest thing to do. Sometimes addicts have to hit rock bottom before they see the light.

    Your friend ultimately has to choose a better life for himself. No one can force an addict to change. Communicate your concern and love. Be available when they are willing to receive help.

  10. #10

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    This Memorial Day weekend I have barely survived a fire causeed by a drug addict. My apartment was destroyed and I have spent the last 5 days relocating.

    Drug addicts are like Zombies. They are mindless creatures without regard for any grasp on civility. In fact they chase the opposite. They will eventually suck the life out of all around them.

    Once upon a time I was sympathetic to their 'addiction' and spent more years than I care to regard in trying to 'understand' their plight. Pesonally I don't give a f**k about trying to help out or care for someone that willingly partakes in the process it takes to buy and use destructive chemicals or drugs. It is a concious choice repeated over and over and often affects everyone around them including friends, family and inoccent bystanders.

    This past weekend the apartment below me was set on fire. My apartment was severly damaged and rendered unlivable. Had it not been for (thank God) the work of the local fire department I would have lost everything. Everything.

    The cause of the fire was arson. The abode below me was completely destroyed. Charred and crispy. A tolal loss. The detective told me that the used syringes (diabetic) and medication were the only items reported missing and the perpetrator set fire to the place.

    This of course was not my first dealings with drug addicts. They all add up to loss, anger, frustration, pain, bequilement, cheating, lying, stealing and destruction. I am sick of it and done being sympathetic to such 'victims of drug-use'.

    I have declared war.

    I will not tolerate it.

    There are plenty of needful and caring souls out there who appropriately and situationally are deserving of conditional care and love.

    Not drug addicts.

    F*^k "em!

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