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Thread: How can I possibly feel comfortable going into a vanilla relationship? (Serious)

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    Unhappy How can I possibly feel comfortable going into a vanilla relationship? (Serious)

    This is something that I really need serious help on. I haven't had a serious relation in all my 22 years of existing on this earth. This is a serious problem that I need to address if I am to lead a normal life. I feel there is no solution.

    I am a straight male who appreciates the female form, yet I cannot have the experiences I do with diapers. The only slight exception is when I'm in the presence of a girl I REALLY like, which is rare.

    I can hold my own with girls. It's not as though they're not into me, but I feel like taking the next step is impossible. It's hard to even feel as if its even worth going into a relationship if I'm unable full-fill a very fundamental part of being in one. I'm in tough situation and I hope I didn't bore you. This is the very first time I've revealed this to anyone.

  2. #2

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    *hugs* If it is meant to be it will happen. She will grow more attractive until it works and then you will know she is the one. Just take it slow like Doc. Love says and noone will ever know the difference.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrosseyedAndPainless View Post
    This is something that I really need serious help on. I haven't had a serious relation in all my 22 years of existing on this earth. This is a serious problem that I need to address if I am to lead a normal life. I feel there is no solution.

    I am a straight male who appreciates the female form, yet I cannot have the experiences I do with diapers. The only slight exception is when I'm in the presence of a girl I REALLY like, which is rare.

    I can hold my own with girls. It's not as though they're not into me, but I feel like taking the next step is impossible. It's hard to even feel as if its even worth going into a relationship if I'm unable full-fill a very fundamental part of being in one. I'm in tough situation and I hope I didn't bore you. This is the very first time I've revealed this to anyone.
    CrosseyedAndPainless,

    There seems to be a lot of this about lately more than I recall in the past...

    I'm tempted to say, that there is too much being put into the 'vanilla' -v- kink, fetish... what have you...

    Yet, not nearly enough momentum on the basics of healthy mutual relationships... and that may start with failing to negotiate the healthy self-relationship...

    However as an important part of this life of yours and others... that this proclivity may be... as it's been said a number of times over... it is not the defining criteria of each of you as a person! Yes. I'm quite sure that it seems bigger than life at times, and when you're first really getting acquainted with it... it does occupy a great deal of your thoughts, and subsequent actions... And... though it seems a rather indelible aspect too... there is sooooo much more to life, and to each of you who are in such strife over this mountain of what only need be a mole-hill...

    I'm going to stick my neck out a bit more than usual...

    I'm going to suggest, that you may be using this proclivity as a crutch, or an excuse of failure...

    I'm going to guess, that if you took all of the AB/DL?Etc out of the equation...

    You would be in exactly the same dilemma.... except, that you wouldn't be pinning it on your diapers (some pun intended)...

    No, my friends... though most of you I see in this bind tend to be in the 20-something range of age... I'm seeing some chronologically older, that are going through something of this issue too...

    What we are missing is... self empowerment... (IMMHO)

    Forget your diapers, bottles, pacis... forget your kinks and twists... forget women and or men...

    Let's start with you, and you alone... if you can't love you, or you can't see yourself as lovable... then there's not much point pursuing others to love you... without the oddities... let alone with them...

    Let's start working on the self-builders now... let's figure out how you can love you...in a non narcissistic way...

    You have my attention, and my appreciation...

    It's your serve...

    We're listening...

    Let's stop the inanity,
    mucho
    -Marka

  4. #4

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    Yes, love yourself. The other day I told my fiancÚ that this is the first time I ever did anything that was just for me. It is not for the kids, not for him, just me giving myself permission to enjoy myself in a way that gives me so much relaxation and pleasure. With six kids it is about time I learned how to do something for myself. However, that doesn't mean I can't have a good time without the DL side being involved. Since I have been hiding this from myself for so long, I am kinda new to being open and sharing it anyway, so it may take a while before I get comfortable wearing in front of him. I have no fantasies, just trembling with excitement.

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  6. #6
    CrinklySiren

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    I tell this to everyone on here: Step away from the idea that there is such a thing as a "normal" life.

    Step more towards accepting yourself and treating your hobbies or kinks or quirks as just parts of your personality.

    Besides, being in a relationship isn't part of being normal.. don't feel forced to be in one just because its what's "normal"... if you're happy being single, then be single lol. No matter what people say, do what you want to do. But i can guarantee you that you will never be in a "normal" relationship... your significant other will have her quirks and kinks as well, even if she wont admit it up front.. and besides... you make it sound like sex is an automatic response... I didn't have sex with my wife until at least 3-4 months after we dated... so you have time to worry about that later lol (im assuming that you are speaking in terms of sex and diapers)

    Society puts all these pressures on us to be average, find a partner and get married... and not doing so somehow makes us strange or crazy... but life is about more than being normal and leading a normal life.... the most fulfilled individuals don't live normal lives, because normal is boring, normal is in all seriousness simply an ACT we all put up so that society will "accept" us, but everyone in that hypocritical society is just as weird (if not weirder).

    I'm not going to get into the concept of embracing other sexual acts that don't include diapers for fear that I might get bashed by someone about it with an undying desire to prove me wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post

    I didn't have sex with my wife until at least 3-4 months after we dated...
    I agree with everything you said here, but especially this part. It may seem like dating involves sex right away, but there is a big difference in dating for sex and dating for marriage. If you are looking for marriage material then sex should be back burner for awhile anyway. If a nice girl sees that you are not pushing for that like most guys, you are actually going to be at an advantage. You don't sound weird, or strange, but more interesting. Any girl who would turn you down because you do not sleep with her in the first week, is going to lose interest in you as soon as another guy looks interested in her anyway.

    I like Doc Love because he explains how dating for marriage is different from a purely logical standpoint, without getting into the emotional or moral issues that are usually clouding the minds of young people.
    F.L.

  8. #8
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fascinating View Post
    I agree with everything you said here, but especially this part. It may seem like dating involves sex right away, but there is a big difference in dating for sex and dating for marriage. If you are looking for marriage material then sex should be back burner for awhile anyway. If a nice girl sees that you are not pushing for that like most guys, you are actually going to be at an advantage. You don't sound weird, or strange, but more interesting. Any girl who would turn you down because you do not sleep with her in the first week, is going to lose interest in you as soon as another guy looks interested in her anyway.

    I like Doc Love because he explains how dating for marriage is different from a purely logical standpoint, without getting into the emotional or moral issues that are usually clouding the minds of young people.
    F.L.
    well i mean, its not really about that either. Sex is sex, it doesn't have to be put on a pedestal or regarded as a form of respecting another person. Its because of this that i said that sex isn't always a big deal. i mean at the time, my wife wasn't my wife, she was just my highschool girlfriend, and i had no intentions of marrying her back then lol. I just hope that whatever girl the OP ends up "really liking", doesn't turn out to have a strong libido because then he might be in trouble lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    "..."..." don't feel forced to be in one just because its what's "normal"... if you're happy being single, then be single lol. "...""
    ..."

    Probably one of the most important things... I didn't cover earlier... I quite agree!



    an ACT we all put up so that society will "accept" us, but everyone in that hypocritical society is just as weird (if not weirder).
    ... absolutely!



    I'm not going to get into the concept of embracing other sexual acts that don't include diapers for fear that I might get bashed by someone about it with an undying desire to prove me wrong.
    LOL, that just makes me want to know more ... Probably wouldn't fit into the PG-13 guidelines anyway...

    But, hey! Nobody can love you, like you can love you... baby!

    -Marka

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