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Thread: Phobia of going outside/ need an adult baby sitter

  1. #1

    Default Phobia of going outside/ need an adult baby sitter

    So everyone tells me to get off the net and go outside, but they don't understand that outside, there are couples, engaging in PDAs, reminding me that I have no one and because I'm ABDL and male I will probably be single my whole life. I can't go to a coffee shop because then I just feel alienated and paralyzed, totally unable to talk to anyone one else there and strike up a conversation... it looks to me like they're already in their cliques. I hate cliques and Philadelphia is full of them... it's the same problem at Fetish Events here: everyone shows up, talks to the same people in their clique they always talk to, and I sit there the whole night desperately trying to join conversations and fight off the gnawing feeling that no one cares about me or wants to get to know me. And of course, if you criticize the fetish org about being cliquish, they act like you have a distorted perception... but the perception is not distorted, they are cliquish and for someone with Asperger's and Social Anxiety cliques are really intimidating.

    What do I do? How do I join the local fetish scene and still stay true to my own principles? I was told that one problem was I only focused on ABDL stuff and being part of a community is broader than that but I do not have any experience or knowledge to contribute to anything non-ABDL. What am I supposed to do? Pretend to be someone I'm not? I am not willing to do that. But apparently, I'm the stand-offish one, not the cliques. I'm the one that ostracizes myself... me, the guy with crippling social anxiety.

    I feel like I need an adult baby sitter. Not to change my diaper but to get me out, be my friend, help me make connections, because I am really at a loss.

  2. #2

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    I was told that one problem was I only focused on ABDL stuff and being part of a community is broader than that
    Hate to say it, but that's the first thought I had when reading your post as well. Being ABDL may be a big part of your life, but is it seriously the only part? No movies, tv shows, games, sports, activities... nothing but being ABDL? If this is actually the case, I'd seriously recommend branching out into other things. It's not about being someone your not, it's about growing and becoming more rounded as a person. The world is too full of awesome stuff to just pick a rut and stay their until you die.

    As to making friends and getting involved, having a common interest or being in a situation where you are expected to mingle greatly helps with the awkwardness. It's hard to approach a group and just join in under normal social situations, and it's not generally in peoples nature to see someone and try to include them. This is why you have things like cliches. It's not an intentional attempt to ostracize people, it's just a result of our nature. That said if you jam people into a situation with a common activity, they will usually find a common topic of discussion and that's how friendships are made.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartholme
    I am not willing to do that. But apparently, I'm the stand-offish one, not the cliques. I'm the one that ostracizes myself... me, the guy with crippling social anxiety.
    My brother, to some extent, finally admitted to himself the other day this was his issue with a sort of hesitation.

    Stay away from the fetish events or concern yourself with them. Go to group therapy for people with social anxiety and people on the Asperger's spectrum. My friend sees a weekly social anxiety group and my brother does the latter. They exist in high number and are easy to find. Ask for help from someone to start hooking you up with them.

  4. #4

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    thanks for the advice guys I appreciate being able to come to Adisc and not be immediately attacked like on that rotten festering pile of trash, fetlife

    - - - Updated - - -

    thanks for the advice guys I appreciate being able to come to Adisc and not be immediately attacked like on that rotten festering pile of trash, fetlife

    And to answer an earlier question there are many things in my life that have nothing to do with ABDL, I just get obsessed with the feelings of depression and isolation and neglect those parts.

  5. #5

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    I myself have sought professional help for social anxiety a couple different times in my life.
    I found that ultimately the more I made myself do social interactions, the less terrifying it was.
    I had like a physical as well as an emotional reaction, and would get crazy sick to my stomach, and would feel perfectly fine the moment I was inside my apartment.
    Now I take anti-anxiety meds which really help me, but that is a personal decision with you and a doctor.

    All hope is not lost, just remember you're more than a member of the ABDL community - and that you have other things you like as well.

  6. #6

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    Aspergers is always difficult. Before my now ex friend quit therapy and thought it was okay to constantly make advances towards me (semi engaged female) I understand how difficult it can be. And no, i don't blame hum for his actions, though I do regret him not helping himself when he had the resources.

    That being said, you need a friend to do things you both like. Like it was said before, do you like video games? Sports? Movies? Perhaps music, art, or books? Whatever it may be, you can make a friend with those interests. If they happen to be an ABDL, its a plus.

    My old friend had his own (in his opinion) world-ending fetish that he confided in me years after I knew him. Did I like or understand his fetish? No. But it made him comfortable to know that everyone has their own kinks and that's okay.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that if going through ABDL groups feels like a dead end, go the other way and find friends with other interests. I know it will be hard and frustrating, but take it slow

    And hey, with the magic of the internet, theres nothing wrong with having long distance friends! I personally have more long distance friends than close friends. And that's okay.

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