So everyone tells me to get off the net and go outside, but they don't understand that outside, there are couples, engaging in PDAs, reminding me that I have no one and because I'm ABDL and male I will probably be single my whole life. I can't go to a coffee shop because then I just feel alienated and paralyzed, totally unable to talk to anyone one else there and strike up a conversation... it looks to me like they're already in their cliques. I hate cliques and Philadelphia is full of them... it's the same problem at Fetish Events here: everyone shows up, talks to the same people in their clique they always talk to, and I sit there the whole night desperately trying to join conversations and fight off the gnawing feeling that no one cares about me or wants to get to know me. And of course, if you criticize the fetish org about being cliquish, they act like you have a distorted perception... but the perception is not distorted, they are cliquish and for someone with Asperger's and Social Anxiety cliques are really intimidating.
What do I do? How do I join the local fetish scene and still stay true to my own principles? I was told that one problem was I only focused on ABDL stuff and being part of a community is broader than that but I do not have any experience or knowledge to contribute to anything non-ABDL. What am I supposed to do? Pretend to be someone I'm not? I am not willing to do that. But apparently, I'm the stand-offish one, not the cliques. I'm the one that ostracizes myself... me, the guy with crippling social anxiety.
I feel like I need an adult baby sitter. Not to change my diaper but to get me out, be my friend, help me make connections, because I am really at a loss.