Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Cure for Exclusive Arousal

  1. #1

    Default Cure for Exclusive Arousal

    I can only get aroused by ABDL stuff so I haven't dated in years because I'm afraid. I know how to pleasure a woman and won't go into the specifics but someone on fetlife suggested something to me and I want to know what people here think about it:

    He said he used to have the same problem until he gave up masturbating and wearing diapers for 3 months. I've gone 2 days without diapers and I'm so depressed I have no sex drive so I haven't jerked off in almost a week.

    He said that after that experience he had an easier time getting aroused to normal "vanillA" stimuli and even that he was more interested in non-ABDL BDSM porn.

    I don't know if this is just anecdotal BS but I want to try it. What do people here think? Will it work? He compared it to a porn addition, probably not an unfair comparison. I haven't had a romantic life in forever so my only release has been diaper stuff.

    Do you think it will work?

  2. #2

    Default

    This depends.

    All of your definitions of desire are of prose and lack any intuitional substance. Your boundaries are perceptionally limited to self-gratification and seem to lack any interest in growing a mutual relationship.

    The previously given advice may serve you well in exploring the fundamentals and limitations of your own kink but will almost certainly not add value to any relationship outside of it's boundaries.

    My advice would be to trash the idea that any normal relationship is founded upon a fantasy. Fantasies can certainly be explored or enjoyed once a connection has been made but such odd desires of kink/desire are not forrunners of successful aquaintances.

    You can try the 3 month experiment but I fear that it will again leave you where you are at now.

    Redifine your horizon.

  3. #3

    Default

    First thank you for your words of advice.

    I'm well aware that my fetish is not and should not be the focus or a relationship. But I want to know how I can have a relationship if I can't get aroused to the normal things men get aroused to. My concern is that any woman would feel like I'm a diaperfreak who doesn't appreciate her when I just want to be able to show that I appreciate her in all ways, her beauty, her intelligence, and yeah, her willingness to indulge me and play mommy sometimes when I need it. I'm only talking about the sex part of the reltonship because I couldn't feel fulfilled in a relationship without some give and take regarding ABDL. I know I'm not my fetish but I have no interest in a relationship where we just don't have sex because of the fetish. I'm not looking for a full time mommy, either, that's just not realistic. I want to know how I can reduce my dependence on ABDL without going so extreme as to try and fail to suppress it.


    I am really not sure how to take the second part of your advice, I'm sorry, it's confusingly worded. I am seeking a well rounded relationship with an intelligent woman. I want kids one day. I want to know that the exclusive arousal problem won't get in the way of me enjoying a fruitful and healthy relatonship.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ilostthesheriff View Post
    This depends.

    All of your definitions of desire are of prose and lack any intuitional substance. Your boundaries are perceptionally limited to self-gratification and seem to lack any interest in growing a mutual relationship.

    The previously given advice may serve you well in exploring the fundamentals and limitations of your own kink but will almost certainly not add value to any relationship outside of it's boundaries.
    ...
    Redifine your horizon.
    ^THIS...

    I could NOT agree more.

    ---


    As for the "experiments" success:
    That does indeed depend... entirely ... on YOU.
    Sexuality is as much in your head as it is physical.
    Nothing is perfectly hard wired and yet it's not logic based decisions either.
    It's a concept we have been building for a long time for our selves - a string of action / reaction / reward impulses that have been either subconsciously or consciously been etched into our behavioral pattern.
    Thought triggers stimulus, desire, lust and all influence each other in a different way - lust can be triggered by physical arousal for example, which in turn will trigger fantasy / visual perceptions...
    We can learn "new tricks", we can change what affects us to some degree, albeit it is basically very difficult to eradicate something from our sexual patterns. Not impossible.
    No one should underestimate the power of ones will / mind if put to use. But if it will make you happy, get you what you want is an entire different thing.

    The correlation between the pure physical aspects of arousal, stimulation, climax are one thing and as long as you're "healthy" it will "work physically" - the other aspect is within the virtual range, the head-space. your mind.
    The very definition of what does turn you on / turns you off.

    Now with masturbation for example & climaxing in general:
    Yes, when you hold it out for some time, the anticipation will build up, the arousal will be more intense, the final climax can be "mind blowing" .
    This is one aspect why some people are into stuff like chastity PLAY (it's something rather different than living a chaste live... completely different).
    But the timed denial of sexual pleasure can really build up "pressure" that can be far more intense, even far more simple to relieve.

    And any Objectification of Sexuality (fetish - objects of sexual desire) it can be like with ANY other thing in our lives: if you have too much of it - it will become a routine and neither be fully enjoyed nor fully experienced.
    It will be a mandatory routine, a programmed action.
    Take good food - I don't know if you're into good food / cooking / dining exclusively... but say you are, and you'd imagine eating chateaubriand steak from organically farmed highland cows every day, along with a bottle of 2009 Chateau Margaux, with white cooked to perfection asapargus served on a sauvignon blanc foam-sauce with single malt sauted morel mushrooms. A tasty zabaglione made from organic eggs and a white port wine along with seasonal steamed red berries as a desert. And you top that off with a nice Port Ellen Cask strength single malt.
    Whilst I basically drool whilst I type all that up... imagining to eat this EVERY DAY for the next two month gives me a bad taste (and would ruin my financial standing if I don't settle for some more affordable wine).
    As good as it is, it can get overbearing / too much pretty quickly. But if I have the mentioned dinner once a year, I can build up a lot of anticipation towards it and eating it (if everything is done to perfection) will be pure bliss.
    That analogy only works well if you're into delicious foods... if you're more the fast food lover, than I'm sorry it will do you no good

    But keeping in line with the delicacy analogy: even if I will be abstinent from said dish for 10 years, the cravings for its taste will not simply relinquish with time.

    It's a tad similar with sexual kinks / preferences / fetishes... Simply because you CHOOSE NOT to act on the desires will not make the desire go away.

    One thing that CAN work is if your kink / fetish has transgressed into the area of addiction... like good wine can be something to relish, to love to enjoy - drinking it daily can become a HABIT and turn you into an alcoholic...
    Now if you break the cycle - be indeed abstinent of sexual activities it can cause all sorts of things at first... from depression to being horny basically 24/7... but all that should work out. And unless you're really fixated on being chaste / celibate for the rest of days to come (which I guess not many TRULY are even amongst the spiritual groups) - the desire for sexual gratification will not go away... it will ebb, and come back stronger, ups and downs...
    But if by some time later (say a month, three month) you "give in" and relieve yourself BUT NOT BY YOUR USUAL FETISH APPROACH (try something different) you can psychologically "realize" that you indeed can climax by other means and that can work to break the hold the fetish has on you - albeit it will certainly NOT remove the fetish / kink... but it can show you alternate options to complement your sexuality..
    basically broadening your sexual horizon.


    Lastly, sexuality is about being openminded... not just about others, but about yourself. People tend to get fixated easily on a few things and obsess over them. Be controlled by them - but that stuff is in your head ...
    Realizing it can work wonders.

    Also a therapy with a good therapist specialised on sexual issues can help to learn to master those problems.

  5. #5

    Default

    I think a large number of DLs and sexual ABs have this issue. You could try the purge thing but I guarantee it will be temporary. You might be able to get yourself more "vanilla capable."

    I and my wife have sex and I'm aroused by diapers only.

  6. #6

    Default

    @HokieABDL: That's the best news I've heard ALL day. Thank you.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    I can only get aroused by ABDL stuff so I haven't dated in years because I'm afraid. I know how to pleasure a woman and won't go into the specifics but someone on fetlife suggested something to me and I want to know what people here think about it:

    He said he used to have the same problem until he gave up masturbating and wearing diapers for 3 months. I've gone 2 days without diapers and I'm so depressed I have no sex drive so I haven't jerked off in almost a week.

    He said that after that experience he had an easier time getting aroused to normal "vanillA" stimuli and even that he was more interested in non-ABDL BDSM porn.

    I don't know if this is just anecdotal BS but I want to try it. What do people here think? Will it work? He compared it to a porn addition, probably not an unfair comparison. I haven't had a romantic life in forever so my only release has been diaper stuff.

    Do you think it will work?
    Bartolome,

    I'd like to attempt to approach this perhaps a bit differently, though I believe that our friends here do allude to these points, or point to them in reasonable conclusion...



    I can only get aroused by ABDL stuff
    While that may be historically and currently true (truth, is falsely placed as Fact)... The perspective of it also becomes a reinforcing statement, or a self-imposed directive leaving the subconscious-mind to little alternatives...

    While this may seem an inconsequential issue of syntax, I'll offer that something a bit more open-ended such as : "I have only known significant arousal through ABDL stuff" ... Provides as much fact of this truth, properly expressing your feelings, as well as a tangible observation... yet, it doesn't close the door as the only possible outcome...

    I don't intend this as some sort of nit-picking of your writing... I instead wish only to illustrate how this can be a self-defeating or limiting device...




    I haven't dated in years because I'm afraid.
    I don't see where you indicate... what you are afraid of... I can imagine any number of things that you may be afraid of... And to be fair... what is dating to you...



    I know how to pleasure a woman
    Here is another potential syntax issue, or you have another issue pertaining to the objectification of women...

    Sexual objectification is the act of treating a [or relating to a] person merely as an instrument of sexual pleasure, making them a "sex object"
    ... I don't think you are misogynistic per-si (though by definition, elements of misogyny are present)

    ... However, if a person is overly focused on as a sexual instrument/object of one's own gratification ...never-minding the limitations this brings to an intended emotional relationship... when you compare the general emotional obstacle of this object of gratification with that of the ABDL emotional and physical safety, and perhaps greater accessibility... It's not a stretch of the imagination to see why you may be painted into a corner... Path of least resistance particularly if you are relatively unrestricted to pursue the ABDL activities...



    Quote Originally Posted by ilostthesheriff View Post
    "...All of your definitions of desire are of prose and lack any intuitional substance. Your boundaries are perceptionally limited to self-gratification and seem to lack any interest in growing a mutual relationship...."
    Ah, the mutual relationship indeed! And, we may need to start with a bit more with the self-relationship before we get to this... or at least to get better set-up for a healthy mutual relationship...



    He said he used to have the same problem until he gave up masturbating and wearing diapers for 3 months. I've gone 2 days without diapers and I'm so depressed I have no sex drive so I haven't jerked off in almost a week.

    He said that after that experience he had an easier time getting aroused to normal "vanillA" stimuli and even that he was more interested in non-ABDL BDSM porn.
    And then there's porn of any sort... many of us have consumed these illusions at some time or another... yet the stimulus gets tied to essentially a fantasizing of objectification... though primarily, yet not at all exclusively to female objectification... I think that this is further fed, and subsequently causes greater emotional distance or disrepair and of our abilities to properly relate on a personal, natural emotive state... not only affecting our deeper relationships with others, but also disturbing proper relationships with our selves... as well as creating a greater rift between who we see ourselves as, and what we believe that we should be (porn-star looks and actions)... We're not even getting to the issues with the porn industry... that feeds us dehumanizing emptiness, and draws the very life out of us and it's participants...

    And, I believe that certain fantasies are a kind of built in porn, that can be created by any number of poor beliefs of self and others in general... and can become quite unhealthy by limiting the notion of who is desirable based on perhaps on objectification of sex, and relationships...

    To be clear, I wouldn't object to porn, or fantasy if it demonstrated truly emotional bonding, love, or at least a significant degree of mutual respect... Seeking eroticism and getting heightened pleasure from it, is likely a very natural and human thing to do, and in proper perspective with balance is probably a part of healthy living...

    I can see where redirecting one's interests can leave greater opportunity to other interests... However, I am tempted to question the contextual basis for this advice, and experience... as this primarily (if not exclusively) still only concerns it's self with the fetish aspects, and more specifically action and response criteria... at least from what I see, than any practical emotional engagement...

    Even considering the more limited action-response paradigm; I still see potential for that abstaining tactic to actually back-fire, as I believe EPO1 has illustrated... If you should get back into a diaper, or employ whatever fashion of ABDL that you have... you might find a significant increase of both emotional and physical satiety so to speak... Further ingraining any current, or potential for a sort of addiction enforcement... to boot...



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    "..." Thought triggers stimulus, desire, lust and all influence each other in a different way - lust can be triggered by physical arousal for example, which in turn will trigger fantasy / visual perceptions...
    We can learn "new tricks", we can change what affects us to some degree, albeit it is basically very difficult to eradicate something from our sexual patterns. Not impossible.
    No one should underestimate the power of ones will / mind if put to use. But if it will make you happy, get you what you want is an entire different thing. "..."
    EPO1 has put such a wealth of articulate points here... I haven't got the time to address them all now!

    So, Bartolome... in closing this article of sorts...

    I had intended to start with attachment and sexual desire, yet I'll conclude there with instead... with hopes of giving you insight on expanding your current perspectives...



    What is the difference between love, attachment and sexual desire?

    From time to time, our romantic relationships can be difficult to understand. Part of this confusion stems from the fact that our relationships are influenced by three powerful, yet separate, emotional systems.

    Often these three emotional systems work together to create satisfying outcomes. But, that is not always the case.

    Sometimes these three emotional systems compete with each other - leading to mixed feelings and confusion.

    Sexual Desire

    The first emotional system is sexual desire. Sexual desire involves the lustful, sexually passionate feelings people have for each other. Sexual desire is a very intense and powerful emotion; it can cloud one's judgmental and prompt risk-taking. Sexual desire is often based on physical appearance, novelty and the chemistry between two people. And while sexual desire motivates a lot of our behaviors early on in a relationship, intense levels of sexual desire are difficult to maintain with the same person over the course of time (see, section on the coolidge effect).

    Love

    The second emotional system entails love. And love, in and of itself, is composed of a complex set of feelings. Love often entails feelings of closeness, genuine appreciation, and concern. But, the experience of love is not the same for everyone. For some people, love is delusional and needy, or based on emotional game playing, or experienced as the desire to take care of another person (see, styles of love).

    Attachment

    The last emotional system involves attachment. Attachment is the feeling of security and comfort we get from being close to someone else. Attachment provides a sense of stability, certainty, and safety the feeling that someone will always be there for you in a time of need. And, like with love, there are individual differences in the experience of attachment (see, attachment styles).

    -Marka

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Bartolome,

    I'd like to attempt to approach this perhaps a bit differently, though I believe that our friends here do allude to these points, or point to them in reasonable conclusion...


    While that may be historically and currently true (truth, is falsely placed as Fact)... The perspective of it also becomes a reinforcing statement, or a self-imposed directive leaving the subconscious-mind to little alternatives...

    While this may seem an inconsequential issue of syntax, I'll offer that something a bit more open-ended such as : "I have only known significant arousal through ABDL stuff" ... Provides as much fact of this truth, properly expressing your feelings, as well as a tangible observation... yet, it doesn't close the door as the only possible outcome...

    I don't intend this as some sort of nit-picking of your writing... I instead wish only to illustrate how this can be a self-defeating or limiting device...



    I don't see where you indicate... what you are afraid of... I can imagine any number of things that you may be afraid of... And to be fair... what is dating to you...


    Here is another potential syntax issue, or you have another issue pertaining to the objectification of women...

    ... I don't think you are misogynistic per-si (though by definition, elements of misogyny are present)

    ... However, if a person is overly focused on as a sexual instrument/object of one's own gratification ...never-minding the limitations this brings to an intended emotional relationship... when you compare the general emotional obstacle of this object of gratification with that of the ABDL emotional and physical safety, and perhaps greater accessibility... It's not a stretch of the imagination to see why you may be painted into a corner... Path of least resistance particularly if you are relatively unrestricted to pursue the ABDL activities...



    Ah, the mutual relationship indeed! And, we may need to start with a bit more with the self-relationship before we get to this... or at least to get better set-up for a healthy mutual relationship...



    And then there's porn of any sort... many of us have consumed these illusions at some time or another... yet the stimulus gets tied to essentially a fantasizing of objectification... though primarily, yet not at all exclusively to female objectification... I think that this is further fed, and subsequently causes greater emotional distance or disrepair and of our abilities to properly relate on a personal, natural emotive state... not only affecting our deeper relationships with others, but also disturbing proper relationships with our selves... as well as creating a greater rift between who we see ourselves as, and what we believe that we should be (porn-star looks and actions)... We're not even getting to the issues with the porn industry... that feeds us dehumanizing emptiness, and draws the very life out of us and it's participants...

    And, I believe that certain fantasies are a kind of built in porn, that can be created by any number of poor beliefs of self and others in general... and can become quite unhealthy by limiting the notion of who is desirable based on perhaps on objectification of sex, and relationships...

    To be clear, I wouldn't object to porn, or fantasy if it demonstrated truly emotional bonding, love, or at least a significant degree of mutual respect... Seeking eroticism and getting heightened pleasure from it, is likely a very natural and human thing to do, and in proper perspective with balance is probably a part of healthy living...

    I can see where redirecting one's interests can leave greater opportunity to other interests... However, I am tempted to question the contextual basis for this advice, and experience... as this primarily (if not exclusively) still only concerns it's self with the fetish aspects, and more specifically action and response criteria... at least from what I see, than any practical emotional engagement...

    Even considering the more limited action-response paradigm; I still see potential for that abstaining tactic to actually back-fire, as I believe EPO1 has illustrated... If you should get back into a diaper, or employ whatever fashion of ABDL that you have... you might find a significant increase of both emotional and physical satiety so to speak... Further ingraining any current, or potential for a sort of addiction enforcement... to boot...



    EPO1 has put such a wealth of articulate points here... I haven't got the time to address them all now!

    So, Bartolome... in closing this article of sorts...

    I had intended to start with attachment and sexual desire, yet I'll conclude there with instead... with hopes of giving you insight on expanding your current perspectives...




    -Marka
    Marka,

    Please clarify what in his tendencies are you calling "misogynistic?" I have Fantasies myself, and although I know they arguably have a tendency to objectify people in the technical sense, I would consider calling them misogynistic an extremely poor choice of words, fully acknowledging you were referring to some of his characteristics and not his general being. Especially after the phrase "I know how to pleasure women." I know how to pleasure women, though I am not very good at it (lol). I acknowledge I probably don't know as much how to pleasure one as a woman might.

    But I treat my wife like a woman, like a human being, and try my utmost to not take her for granted or objectify her. I'm happy with her just accepting me, and even put a sew-on on one or two of my onesies. But that's me. Do I secretly wish she would change my diaper? Yes. Do I wish I was in an AB playland with her fully padded like me? Yes.

    Objectification of a partner would be more accurate, and even then, it implies it's wrong to have fantasies and to even pursue them because you are treating a partner like an object. Like it or not, misogyny, however it's defined by that link implies that he has elements in which he hates women. This type of talk may even be pointing in the direction of what he is afraid of receiving again in FL, to be frank.

    I know your intention is good and I see your point. You can't assume you will be inflexible and get good results. But keep words that frankly sound like insults out of the posts.

    From,

    Hokieabdl

    *huggles*

  9. #9

    Default

    My wife and I have been happily married for three years. I am only turned on by diapers (or stated in a way that limits myself less but sounds ridiculously pretentious - I have only known significant arousal through diapers). We have never had sex - my wife would like to, but I am too disgusted by the thought of it to try (therapy has not helped with overcoming my phobia). She knew before getting married that it was possible that we would die having never had sex together and despite my recommendations against it she wanted to marry me. It can be hard for her sometimes, but she recognizes that there are far more important things in a relationship than sex (at least to her). She supports me and participates in my ABDL stuff. In other words, it is definitely possible to marry someone who loves your ABDL side even if you can't get aroused by her body alone (or at all).

    That being said, I had to make a few compromises as well (albeit not as large as the ones my wife has made). I have always disliked pets (AKA freeloaders) and thought I would never be able to marry an animal lover. I am now happily married to an animal assisted therapist and am the disgruntled owner of two dogs. I would have never imagined myself in this position five years ago, but I still consider myself to be the luckiest man alive.

  10. #10

    Default

    To be honest if that's the only way you've satisfied your sexual desires for whatever long amount of time, then really that's all your brain knows, and to be blunt I don't think that's going to work you.

    The biggest issue that's apparent in all your posts, and ties into this, is your difficulty with social situations and fear of women/intimacy. Until that's out of the way I don't believe this is going to go away.

    You're hellbent on a relationship with someone but until you realize this isn't in your best interest to focus on currently your going to be miserable.

    The only advice I can give is perhaps group therapy with individuals in the Asperger's spectrum. This helps my brother socialize better and actually make friends. He's not as awkward socially as he use to be. If you are still seeing a therapist ask him/her about such groups and make it your priority to go to them. I highly advise you don't disclose things of a sexual nature in that group either or its your expectation to find a girlfriend there. You will crash and burn if you do.

    And like the experiences with my brother coming to grips with some of the challenges of his reality (he's still in denial on a lot of things), and this is not to be mean, but you sound like you are in denial on several things still related to this. And you can't really help yourself until you do accept it.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 26
    Last Post: 22-Jan-2014, 21:36
  2. arousal when whering diapers
    By lindland1 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 07-Nov-2013, 19:18
  3. Arousal before popping
    By kwisy in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 06-Nov-2013, 14:51
  4. Source of Arousal
    By S1000rr in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 02-Dec-2011, 09:39
  5. Fabine Exclusive
    By BabyJoshy in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-Apr-2011, 17:25

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.