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Thread: FETLIFE Is still full of assholes

  1. #1

    Default FETLIFE Is still full of assholes

    Every time I try to make a personal ad, these jerks come along and antagonize me until I look like the asshole, then insult my intelligence, my integrity, my sanity, everything! I just want to make a good impression on a woman who's not repulsed by ABDL but these people are ruining it for me and the caretaker mods don't consider it harassment at all, sons of bitches. I want to meet a girl and fetlife is my only chance to find a girl who's ABDL-tolerant. But I barely get along with anyone there and I feel like a total alien in that crowd. People say I ostracize myself but I don't understand how. I'm just LONELY and want to know that I can still have a family one day and a healthy romantic and sexual relationship despite being ABDL.

  2. #2

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    Given previous experience, are you sure that posting those type of ads is the right idea for you? You do not seem to have a whole lot of luck when it comes to these things. Even these forums things tend to fall apart for you very quickly. Not every service is for every person. Perhaps the personal ad thing just is not your cup of tea.

  3. #3

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    Don't despair! Fetlife isn't the only way to meet someone. I'm here to learn how to be a better caretaker for my abdl fiancÚ and we met and dated in a pretty much normal way. We were introduced by a mutual friend, who has NO idea of his little kink and it's worked out great.

    You're more than just your kink, right? Find someone who loves you for you and there is a good chance it will work out for you. There are a lot of kink tolerant people out there who would never think of looking on Fetlife.

  4. #4

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    In all fairness, we can't really decide who is being an asshole, based on the fact that we don't know how your ads/conversations have panned out on that site. Maybe there is some recurring thought in your posts on that site which other people find too forward or intimidating, maybe they find find it downright offensive? I only used fetlife for about a week, but I found that while it is a social media type of site based around fetishes, you shouldn't push any boundaries. Your best bet is to just try and make friends, don't harass women (Chances are they are harassed by a pile of creeps on that site), and just show them that you are a normal functioning guy with a kink.

    Often times in this fetish, making a few friends is what will lead you to ultimately finding someone you can have a long term relationship with, just chat with people and get to know them. Don't spring forward and beg them to be your mommy etc. Your fetish should take a backseat when it comes to finding a meaningful relationship. If you find someone you click with, just try and take things slow, eventually you will get to the point where you can disclose your fetish and not be run out of town by an angry mob.

    Another tip: Go to a meetup in your area and show people what you are all about (respectfully), it's hard to convey your thoughts and intentions via the internet, so maybe that is how you keep getting off on the wrong foot? Go to the meet, it doesn't have to be a huge gathering, and just talk; that's all. Get to know these human beings and respect them, then when you feel comfortable that you have made some friends and are having an enjoyable time, just enjoy yourself. Let things flow on their own and don't try to force it, there is someone out there for you, but forcing these situations is counter-productive.

    -Ron

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by incontinentGM24 View Post
    Given previous experience, are you sure that posting those type of ads is the right idea for you? You do not seem to have a whole lot of luck when it comes to these things. Even these forums things tend to fall apart for you very quickly. Not every service is for every person. Perhaps the personal ad thing just is not your cup of tea.
    I just want to meet an ABDL tolerant woman

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ladyfur View Post
    Don't despair! Fetlife isn't the only way to meet someone. I'm here to learn how to be a better caretaker for my abdl fiancÚ and we met and dated in a pretty much normal way. We were introduced by a mutual friend, who has NO idea of his little kink and it's worked out great.

    You're more than just your kink, right? Find someone who loves you for you and there is a good chance it will work out for you. There are a lot of kink tolerant people out there who would never think of looking on Fetlife.
    Don't take this the wrong way, I am happy for you an to know there are ladies like you, but that is one incredible stroke of luck. How did you first react when he revealed that he was ABDL? Also, personal question, ignore it if need be, but can he have sex normally or is he like me, unable to get it up unless it's to ABDL stuff? (I have tried unsuccessfully to change that but it's not changing, I have to meet an ABDL tolerant woman and I have to meet her before I get so old that I can't enjoy youthful romance anymore? I'm already 28. I don't want to be 35 or 40 and stuck with diaper sites instead of a woman.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    In all fairness, we can't really decide who is being an asshole, based on the fact that we don't know how your ads/conversations have panned out on that site. Maybe there is some recurring thought in your posts on that site which other people find too forward or intimidating, maybe they find find it downright offensive? I only used fetlife for about a week, but I found that while it is a social media type of site based around fetishes, you shouldn't push any boundaries. Your best bet is to just try and make friends, don't harass women (Chances are they are harassed by a pile of creeps on that site), and just show them that you are a normal functioning guy with a kink.

    Often times in this fetish, making a few friends is what will lead you to ultimately finding someone you can have a long term relationship with, just chat with people and get to know them. Don't spring forward and beg them to be your mommy etc. Your fetish should take a backseat when it comes to finding a meaningful relationship. If you find someone you click with, just try and take things slow, eventually you will get to the point where you can disclose your fetish and not be run out of town by an angry mob.

    -Ron
    EDITED- I apologize, I totally misread what you wrote

  6. #6

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    So would I. But I've come to realize that women who either accept, or are into the whole abdl thing are far rarer than men. I'd say it's at least a 5 to 1 ratio.

    And yes I agree. There are a lot of assholes on fetlife.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ladyfur View Post
    Don't despair! Fetlife isn't the only way to meet someone. I'm here to learn how to be a better caretaker for my abdl fiancÚ and we met and dated in a pretty much normal way. We were introduced by a mutual friend, who has NO idea of his little kink and it's worked out great.

    You're more than just your kink, right? Find someone who loves you for you and there is a good chance it will work out for you. There are a lot of kink tolerant people out there who would never think of looking on Fetlife.
    I tell myself that all the time but then I ask for people's advice and they skewer that notion, so I am frustrated not knowing what to believe.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KawaiiBabyjenni View Post
    So would I. But I've come to realize that women who either accept, or are into the whole abdl thing are far rarer than men. I'd say it's at least a 5 to 1 ratio.
    It's worse than that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by incontinentGM24 View Post
    Given previous experience, are you sure that posting those type of ads is the right idea for you? You do not seem to have a whole lot of luck when it comes to these things. Even these forums things tend to fall apart for you very quickly. Not every service is for every person. Perhaps the personal ad thing just is not your cup of tea.
    I'm desperate and spreading my oats. I resisted being part of fetlife for a LONG time because I thought it was too similar to facebook and I was right, I'm getting drawn in and my insecurities are getting hyped up by it. But it's also real life orgs associated with fetlife. I just can't seem to make a good impression, especialy on the BDSM feminists who run it and don't understand what it means to be a lonely, single, male AB.

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    I can't deal with thinking of the numbers game, 5-1, or whatever. I'm just going to lose out like I always lose. If there's a girl out there for me, she's probably halfway across the world or she's already taken. Or, and forgive me for being shallow, she could be physically repulsive.

  8. #8

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    Whatever you do don't give in to the fetish whores aka pay-a-mommys all they care about is money..

  9. #9

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    Meet people (women) out there in the real world - be an amazing person in real life...
    I bet that you have a LOT more to offer than only the ABDL stuff, and I'm not talking about sex.
    Are you a good listener? a good home-chef? funny? can you take care of another person in difficult times? I guess you have hobbies? sports? traveling? etc...
    There must be more, a lot more than just ABDL in your life?
    And a RELATIONSHIP is rarely about Sex and Sex alone.
    also there's a boat load of other options to please your female partner sexually aside from using your penis...

    So you've got a "serious kink" - so what? People are weird... if YOU are openminded and accepting / indulging with whatever the other person has, there's a good chance it will work both ways.
    Maybe your future partner will not be into ABDL - maybe it isn't her thing... maybe she will occasionally play along or do so more often if it is something you need... if you can give something in return, be good company, etc... it will work out.
    And just as with everything else, there is never a guarantee with a relationship that it will work... and kinks are the least problem often.
    Most of the time if a relationship breaks up and the kink is blamed for it, it is often a scapegoat for a bunch of other problems that only have been topped off nicely by the presence of kink-stuff.
    Also if KINK-stuff becomes the omnipotent factor by which you define yourself, the one thing you demand and the only facet of interest, well ANY relationship will be by 99.905% doomed - kinky person or not.
    A Relationship is a bit more complex than just finding a compatible kinkster.

    Fetlife... people have dated, fornicated, loved, hated, gotten married, divorced, OTS, etc.. long before fetlife came to existence... how did they do this????
    Honestly, if FetLife isn't working for you for whatever reason - go by other means... REAL WORLD, outdoors, everyday life.
    The way people have met each other for centuries past.

    To sum it up your problem isn't FetLife, your Problem isn't your ABDL Side or the inability to perform sexually without ABDL Stuff present - your problem is your focus, your fixiation on the need for your partner to be ABDL to be into it...
    And frankly this way, your chances are slim.
    Stop defining yourself through only your kink side - you are bound to be more than just those simple four letters.
    Find someone who loves YOU - the PERSON... ... and if she's openminded and you are too.. if both are willing to go the extra mile for each other, then the kink will not be an issue.

  10. #10

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    lol I have too much dignity for that

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    Good advice, EP01. Hard to hear, some of it, but good.

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    But just to be clear, I don't insist she be into it, I know that' s a slim chance, I want to meet a woman who tolerates it because she loves me. That's all. Sorry if I wasnt clear before.

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