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Thread: Advice

  1. #1

    Default Advice

    I need advice on how to tell one of my friends about my little side. Does anyone have any experience with telling someone close to them?

  2. #2

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    The first thing to think about is why exactly you want to tell him/her. What do you seek to gain by doing so? Keep in mind that your friend's reaction may be negative, particularly if he/she is not very open-minded. Are you very close to this person? Do you talk openly about sensitive subjects?

    My guess is that you are probably looking to gain support and acceptance from your friend. That's a pretty normal thing for human beings to want, but you must carefully weigh the pros and cons of revealing this side of yourself, and decide if you are willing to accept that it may damage your friendship.

  3. #3

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    Kimba has given good advice here. I'd really advise not telling people about this side of yourself, unless they're a romantic partner with whom you're hoping to have a long-term commitment (at that point, they have a right to know). But telling friends and family is a huge risk, unless you know beyond any shadow of a doubt they'd be accepting. The sad truth is, people jump to negative conclusions, and it can be quite damaging. So think very long and hard before you tell.

    That said, you want to tell for a reason, and it's a legitimate one. Often, when people do, it's because they're craving acceptance from someone. I wanted affirmation and acceptance for my ABDL side very badly for a long time! My answer was to be a more active member here. When you talk to thousands of people about your ABDL side, with the protections of anonymity and of knowing that the vast majority of our community is also ABDL, you can find the acceptance you need in a safe environment. Acceptance is a real need, and one that must be fulfilled. This forum is a safe place to do that - as are other ABDL forums on the internet.

    I notice you've been here for a while but not made a ton of posts. Drop by more often! We'd love to hear from you

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xunlaochi7 View Post
    I need advice on how to tell one of my friends about my little side. Does anyone have any experience with telling someone close to them?
    I have told two of my friends about my being ABDL, and it went as well as I could have realistically have hoped for: they didn't condemn me, or act disgusted, they understood why I shared that info with them, and if I want a friends' opinion on something that happens to me in an ABDL space or in connection with being ABDL I can discuss it with them. I don't wear exposed diapers around them, they have never offered to diaper me or age play with me and I've never asked - for me this is a sexually charged activity, and it wouldn't be appropriate for a platonic friendship.

    Kimba and Adventurer make good points that you should consider.

    If you have the privilege of a choice of friends you can tell I would say you should examine your relationships with a few things in mind:

    1. are they the kind of friend you share "deep dark" secrets with? Have they told you anything equally "deep dark" about themselves? (If worst comes to worst, it might be better if there's an element of mutually assured destruction if they consider blabbering your secret.)
    2. Are they LGBT / LGBT friendly? I would look towards the end of that initialism in particular, since Bi and Trans people are generally colouring furthest outside society's lines
    3. are they kink aware in general? do they accept that having kinks is something that good "normal" people do?

    If the answer to those question is yes, then I would guess you're most likely to get a positive outcome. OTOH people can surprise you (for good and bad) and when you think about it, how bad is what we do really? It's squicky, but it's not harmful or (nappy rash aside) self-destructive.

    Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.

  5. #5

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    Hi all, thanks for your replies. I'm really happy that I can get friendly advice from the ADISC community so openly. To give a little more information about the person I want to tell, she's the closest friend I have. She's bisexual, talks about her interest in bdsm and other kinks in the open with me, and seems to be pretty accepting. We've been best friends for three years now, and share almost everything with each other. I would never wear around her, as the only time we get to see each other is when we're at work together. It just seems like a betrayal of trust to keep something this big from her. I've never told anyone before.

  6. #6

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    Just for clarification, it's not about finding someone who would accept my abdlism, it's about being open and honest with someone I love dearly. I've found the acceptance and openness I originally yearned for from adisc.

  7. #7

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    We are all family. Just ask any one of us questions. I for example may be a snivy but I bet'cha I share the same experience as you. It was hard for me to be open-minded with few of my close friends but I'm proud that I found myself and I accept and you should too. If you don't have friends that really accept you then they might be using you or as of matter of a fact they could be judgmental. Nobody should be judgmental so I'd wish you the best of luck dude!

    And to answer your question, If you knew here for that long I think she would understand if you go by slow about it. DONT jump immediately to that or else you will shut her down.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xunlaochi7 View Post
    Hi all, thanks for your replies. I'm really happy that I can get friendly advice from the ADISC community so openly. To give a little more information about the person I want to tell, she's the closest friend I have. She's bisexual, talks about her interest in bdsm and other kinks in the open with me, and seems to be pretty accepting. We've been best friends for three years now, and share almost everything with each other. I would never wear around her, as the only time we get to see each other is when we're at work together. It just seems like a betrayal of trust to keep something this big from her. I've never told anyone before.
    It seems like you two are very good friends. If she is honest and open with you about her kinks, I would say it's only fair to tell her your kink. Of course, you are the judge in this situation. How did you react when she told you about her kinks? If she's a really good friend like you described, than maybe she would react the same. I wish the best of luck for you and your friend and hope that I can get to know you better someday. (:

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xunlaochi7 View Post
    Just for clarification, it's not about finding someone who would accept my abdlism, it's about being open and honest with someone I love dearly. I've found the acceptance and openness I originally yearned for from adisc.
    I will say that I found acceptance from a non-ABDL person I knew in person to be pretty magical itself, on a level that bonding with fellow ABDLs online couldn't really touch. Your friend sounds like a safe choice, I hope things go well for you.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by PoisonSnivy View Post
    It seems like you two are very good friends. If she is honest and open with you about her kinks, I would say it's only fair to tell her your kink. Of course, you are the judge in this situation. How did you react when she told you about her kinks? If she's a really good friend like you described, than maybe she would react the same. I wish the best of luck for you and your friend and hope that I can get to know you better someday. (:
    I was really accepting of her kinks. We both talk about hers regularly, and I've hinted at my little side to her recently. We got in an argument last week, and she came in today with a plushie for me. I showed her a picture of my bear I sleep with last week, and she didn't judge me at all. I just don't know how to start a conversation like that. That's a huge thing for me.

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