Hello everyone, I am yet another new guy. So I'll give a bit of information and back story about myself.
I am a 24 year old male with a wife and family. I have been a diaper lover as long as I can remember. I have a few ab fascinations but not much. I have only told my wife and a couple girlfriends I had after high school so this is basically the first time I have told anyone, and its definitely the first time I can just explain away without the worry of "judgement," so this is going to be a bit of a book so I apologize to everyone not in for a bit of a read. So here goes my diapered life story:
As far back as I remember I had an attraction for diapers. I remember putting on pull ups after I was potty trained because I wanted to. I didn't know why but I wanted to. Then in junior high and high school, I would get sick or play hooky and after everyone in the house left, I would call the local pharmacy, tell them I needed some adult diapers and I would tape a $10 bill to the door and have them drop them off. I remember my heart racing as I would watch the car pull up and drop my diapers(Depends, later I found out these sucked) off at the door. I did this multiple times even though the first time I got caught by my mom. She happened to go to the same pharmacy I had them delivered from and the pharmacist told my mom he was sorry to hear about my problems and it went from there. I got in trouble but nothing happened. So this continued until I graduated. When I went to college I figured what better time than when you live alone to try diapers. I lived in an apartment with my uncle and he would be gone on the weekends so I would get 3 full days of diaper wearing every week. This is where I first tried Abena's, Molicare, Tranquility, and Attends. I even tried wearing them in public on the rare occasion just to see what it felt like. By this time in my life I had two girlfriends that I had told about my fetish. Both thought it was weird and odd and told me they wouldn't do it but it wasn't the ruin of our relationships, it was always something else like lack of similar interests or distance. After college I dated my soon to be wife. I told her about three or four months into our relationship. By this time I was living in my own apartment and now had a small stash of Bambino's in my closet. She thought it was odd but it wasn't an issue. I even got her to wear one once. It wasn't horrible but it didn't really go over well either. We then got engaged and I told her I would try to give up my fetish because I knew it made her awkward. Well, I think we all know how that goes. But my fetish did start to take a turn, I still wanted to wear diapers, but more than that, I wanted to make my wife wear diapers more. My fetish grew in this way and at this point, I still want to wear diapers but even more, I want to be her daddy and make her wear and wet diapers. To me its almost all sexual and I could basically forget wearing diapers if I could put her in them. Well, I'll cut straight to the chase and tell you that it will probably never happen. My fetish has become to weird to her now and there is basically no chance it will ever become a reality. I have talked to her about it and she is somewhat fine if I wear, as long as she doesn't know or see them so I have on occasion but I feel super guilty when I do and for me, its not what I really want. I could careless about me in diapers, I want her in diapers. So that is where I am on my fetish side. Now here is a bit on my incontinence side:
I never have been incontinent, well at least until now. I don't even know if its considered incontinence but all the research I have done, I think its possibly the start of it. I have PMD or post micturition dribble to what I feel is an extreme. I have no problem making it to the bathroom but when I am done I make it 5 steps out the bathroom door and feel a small stream run down my leg. Its not always that extreme but I have had weeks where it is that much all the time but most of the time its only that extreme once a day or so. I leak basically every time and I have tried the whole "milking" thing, kegels, sitting down, waiting a minute after, etc. and nothing seems to help. I have not gone to the doctor yet, and I probably will at some point but I hate the idea of going in just for this. I also am not wanting to get diapers for this at this point either. I know, it seems weird, a slight excuse for actually wearing diapers and I'm not jumping at it. My diaper lover side wants me to go buy diapers now but the rest of me doesn't want to give in. I almost feel like if I give in that I will become incontinent and I don't want that. Its so funny because every abdl wants to be incontinent but the reality of it is actually scary. I will admit I fantasized about it but I knew it was something I never would actually want. Now I am thinking that this is a very real possibility and that scares me. And I also don't want to give in because I know it makes my wife awkward and I love my wife too much, I hate putting her in awkward situations. So now I am just searching, debating, and trying to figure out my next move. I have also wondered if, my fascination with diapers is causing this. I mean, am I subconsciously wanting diapers so bad that I am holding a little bit so I can leak and have an excuse for diapers? Maybe I am that messed up that I don't even know, I'm not sure. I'm actually more afraid if that's the cause and I go to the doctor because what do I say if he says there is nothing physically wrong with me? How do I explain that to him or my wife, that I have a diaper fetish that's causing it? I am not sure so I'm stuck at this point right now.
So that is my "diaper" life story up til now. I am so happy to be able to share this finally even if no one cares, to just be able to type it up means the world to me. So thanks for taking the time to read this far and get through my book. I appreciate it. Any questions, comments, or advice is more than welcome and I hope to see you all on the forums.