I believe I have discovered a bit more about myself in relation to to abdl, infantilism, diaper fetish or whatever you like to call it. And I would like to share it and possibly helping others or learning more with your opinions or experiences.
First, a little about myself in recent times. About a year ago I ordered diapers for the first time. Even though I had simulated wearing diapers by stuffing my underwear or using towels I had never worn since I was a baby. After that I ordered some pacifiers and even a plushie and joined this forum, thus interacting more with this community.
It has been a nice journey of slowing discovering more about myself and accepting this side of myself.
Recently, I don't want to call an epiphany but it was like it, I found that I was probably forcing myself too much into feeling or behaving like a baby.
Here's the thing, I compare myself to someone who likes to wear women clothes even though lacking a feminine personality or mannerisms and not engaging in feminine activities but likes to wear them and feel feminine because of it. Which equals saying that I like to wears diapers to feel like a baby or toddler again while lacking any sort of a little side.
I feel like I was trying too much to regress and just do baby or childish things that I don't really enjoy at all (anymore that is ) like watching cartoons, playing with toys or drawing to help me regress and that was making me unhappy just like some people have said when they denied their little side and their needs, except for me was the reverse.
So that was my little revelation. I like to wears diapers, suck on a pacifier and maybe cuddle with a plushie or blanket but doing that while still being my normal and adult self and doing the usual activities.
And I feel much more happy now that I can just be an adult doing the stuff that I like the most, while also being able to sometimes add a bit of my abdl side and wear some babyish diapers with cute prints and suck on a pacifier like a toddler while watching football (soccer for you yankees ), playing guitar or watching the history channel. I still like to feel more babyish sometimes, almost like regressing a bit in my mind, but doing so without having to sacrifice my favourite activities for others that I don't enjoy just because they are babyish/childish.
It seems stupid to me to just realise this now but I guess better late than never right?