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Thread: A Doctors Appointment

  1. #1

    Default A Doctors Appointment

    Hello everyone! I'm back . I've been away for a few months. There's a reason for that, which is why I'm posting this. I could really do with talking about it. I'm not sure this is the right subsection to be posting this. It may get a little heavy, I'm sorry if it does. I suppose I'm posting it here in the hope i may bump into some familiar faces too, and it does involve gender identity.

    I had a psychiatrist appointment a few months ago. In the week before that appointment i was pretty stressed out. Not only with my own problems, but a crisis was happening with a family member too. I didn't sleep for two days, and at one point brokedown into tears. my sister was called. She's the one in my family i've been confiding in. When she arrived i was crying hysterically, having an emotional outburst. Due to the lack of sleep i probably sounded a bit erratic. "Your not well" is what she said to me..

    My doctors appointment was the week after. sat in a room with a psychiatrist, a mental health nurse, and a student. I'm ok with students being present. I've been talking to doctors now for about 8 years, so i suppose I'm used to it. But i'd never had to talk to a doctor about my gender issues before. They were incredibly supportive, they actually made me feel alot better about things. They've offered to get me in touch with a psychologist.

    The appointment itself wasn't the problem, it was a comment that was made. I was told by the nurse my sister had called. She was asking questions, my sister believes I'm crossdressing or having transgendered thoughts because I'm 'ill'. As a bit more history to me, when i was 17 i was a bit of a party animal (like alot of people that age), experimented with drugs, i had a drug-induced psychosis for almost a year. Bad times to say the least.

    The thing is, that was seven years ago now. I haven't had any psychotic-related symptoms in a very long time. I do still struggle with anxiety to this day, but I'm doing things with my life now that would have seemed impossible at one point, i've really come a long way.

    The doctors don't believe I'm ill, they told me that at the appointment, it's the opposite actually. i basically have minimal contact with them now, I'm on the way to being discharged from their service.

    I tried telling my sister she had upset me, she held her position 'your ill'. She's usually one of the kindest and most understanding people i know, i was so confused! after sharing my secrets with her, at first she was ok with it, now shes not? . It really was a crushing blow for me, it hurt alot, it still does. I was starting to open up to people, here on Adisc, and to a few in my life to. All that has stopped.

    My first post on here was my first step in a new journey. It was great to say for the first time how i feel and not feel like I'm 'Wrong' for it. I felt accepted. the confidence boost was massive and it was noticeable by everyone in my daily life, even if they didn't know why... I was working hard on self-acceptance.

    What my sister did had a bad effect on me. I've stopped talking to anyone, I'm having to hide. bottling everything up all the time. I stopped my 'dressing exploration' for a while, i started to feel ashamed of myself again, like i used to.

    I just want to pick myself up again and keep going. part of that is getting what happened out of my system so it's not eating away at me. I'm not mad at my sister, i feel quite bad talking about her this way, she's one of the nicest people i know. She's like a best friend to me. I don't mean to portray a bad picture of her. i just think she could have handled that particular situation in a better way.

    I only get doctors appointments every 3 or 4 months. a 30 minute appointment isn't enough, there's alot i need to talk about, and in my current situation i've got no one to talk to . I think it's important for me to come back here. it just really helps to talk about my experiences, it's therapeutic. It helps to know i'm not alone... and your all a wonderful group of people too .

    I'm sorry if that was an epicly long thread. Hope to hear from you all soon. If i can't come back for a few days, its because i haven't got any privacy. I'll try to come back and check when i can.

    - Lotus Flower

  2. #2

    Default

    Oh I'm so sorry things aren't going so well for you. As you know, we are a support community and we help each other out as much as we can. We're always here for you. Your post was not too long, btw. It was very detailed in the story you had to tell.

    You said all the right things to your sister. Your sister needs to be more supportive. Is there a possibility she might go to a psychologist with you to talk out your feelings?

    Please come back as often as you can and keep us updated on your situation.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LotusFlower View Post
    Hello everyone! I'm back ."..."..."Hope to hear from you all soon. If i can't come back for a few days, its because i haven't got any privacy. I'll try to come back and check when i can.

    - Lotus Flower
    LotusFlower! Welcome back! You have been missed!

    *This is a rather rushed reply to you, until I can sit down proper in better contemplation*

    Does your sister not know what the doctors said... you not being ill?

    At any rate...

    Confidants are people too, and though they are understanding of the need to confide... so you can air your thoughts... it doesn't mean that they can or will accept that everything is good or okay... or, that they have any genuine understanding... or the resources to help, beyond listening... (which is important on it's own)...

    I'm not intending to defend her wrongs against you... but, maybe help you understand... though it's personal... it may not be intended to be as subjective as it feels to you...

    And..fear...yours and hers respectively... fear... like so many strong emotions...affect our rational judgement and assessment... hers...yours... and all of ours too...

    So I might ask you... Are you genuinely damaged? or perhaps more perplexed by an unexpected result? Answer that for yourself mostly... and then see if you can find a rather calm-neutral position to rest on...

    Many blessings, my heart goes out to you!
    Lots of these

    -Marka

  4. #4

    Default

    Hi I am guessing that neither of us are ill in any means!!! there seems to be a fear within me that people cannot except me for what i am as I constantly hide my identity because of ignorance towards how i am and how i enjoy to be!! I found this site or actually joined this site just weeks ago!! alot of people dont take the time to understand me they just judge me fear!!! I so hope this works out for you!! I have not been able to share anything with my family for the same thing your going threw!! A normal person enjoys life an abnormal person judges someone elses normal life

  5. #5

    Default

    Welcome back, Lotus! Although I'm sorry it has to be under these circumstances.

    Marka has said some very wise things about confidants. Sadly, your sister doesn't understand what's going on here. That said, at least you know you're OK. The doctors have said so, and honestly, gender confusion isn't a sign of psychological problems. Lots of people have some level of dysphoria, whether that's not fully identifying with the roles of their gender or completely wanting to be another gender. Or anywhere in between! So even though she may think your questions are a sign of illness, you know you're OK. And that can be a fact to cling to when people ask hurtful questions or show their ignorance.

    I agree, also, that once every few months is not enough for you to get the support and answers you need. In the meantime, between doctor visits, I would suggest finding another source of support and counsel. On this website there is a small but very supportive transgender community, largely within the Sissy/Girls subforum. This would be a good place to share your gender related questions. There are also transgender forums on the Internet where there are larger communities to help you in your search. Either way, having a consistent support network is really important. If not in real life, the Internet is a great place to ask your questions and find information from those who are also on the journey.

    The big things to remember are that a) You're OK, no matter what others say, and b) You don't have to go it alone. Our community is always open, as are more gender-specific ones. But don't go through this alone! We're always glad to have you, and I personally was really relieved to hear from you. Thanks for keeping us updated, and please let us know any updates you have!

  6. #6

    Default

    hey there Lotus Flower;
    i was wondering where you had gotten off too, and well, now i know....

    it's such a nice day where i am out here in the North-West... i hope that it was a nice spring day for you too. i live with my Wife in a rural area near a very small town where many folks know each other on sight, if not by name. being Mothers-day, every place Karen and i went into people were wishing Her happy mothers-day.... Karen's 66 y/o and has grand kids so you wouldn't think that would be so surprising if it weren't for the fact that She wasn't born that particular sex, and everyone excepts Her all the same.

    the reason i am telling you this story is because i get the idea that above all else, open acceptance of your gender-expression is what you might be wanting the most from the world around. well, that is of course after you get it straight in your own mind just what your gender-expression should be.

    and here is where it gets ticklish;
    i could be kind with my advice.... or i could be honest with my advice. but not both....

    as a transexual myself of many years, i know from experience that the loved-ones we grew-up with may at first seem to be honestly supportive. but this period of supportiveness can and often does evaporate with time. the reasons i have herd given are many, but seem in the long-run to boil down to a person thinking about how our change in gender-expression may impact their life or social-status adversely.

    just as you don't want to be stuck with the status-quo that you were born into, those around you with no personal reason to deal with change, see no reason to change or up-set their life to accommodate you or your change.
    in the end, most of us find the need to seek and or build our support-systems outside our birth-families by necessity. and i have often noted that the sooner we get to work doing just that, the faster we get on with life... and the happier we are for having done so.

    it's never easy to start, i understand. but if it is any consolation, we all go through it.
    and one day, we get to come-out and live open lives in the sun of a beautiful day....

    please let me know if i can be any help;
    lodge wrecker....



    Quote Originally Posted by LotusFlower View Post
    Hello everyone! I'm back . I've been away for a few months. There's a reason for that, which is why I'm posting this. I could really do with talking about it. I'm not sure this is the right subsection to be posting this. It may get a little heavy, I'm sorry if it does. I suppose I'm posting it here in the hope i may bump into some familiar faces too, and it does involve gender identity.

    I had a psychiatrist appointment a few months ago. In the week before that appointment i was pretty stressed out. Not only with my own problems, but a crisis was happening with a family member too. I didn't sleep for two days, and at one point brokedown into tears. my sister was called. She's the one in my family i've been confiding in. When she arrived i was crying hysterically, having an emotional outburst. Due to the lack of sleep i probably sounded a bit erratic. "Your not well" is what she said to me..

    My doctors appointment was the week after. sat in a room with a psychiatrist, a mental health nurse, and a student. I'm ok with students being present. I've been talking to doctors now for about 8 years, so i suppose I'm used to it. But i'd never had to talk to a doctor about my gender issues before. They were incredibly supportive, they actually made me feel alot better about things. They've offered to get me in touch with a psychologist.

    The appointment itself wasn't the problem, it was a comment that was made. I was told by the nurse my sister had called. She was asking questions, my sister believes I'm crossdressing or having transgendered thoughts because I'm 'ill'. As a bit more history to me, when i was 17 i was a bit of a party animal (like alot of people that age), experimented with drugs, i had a drug-induced psychosis for almost a year. Bad times to say the least.

    The thing is, that was seven years ago now. I haven't had any psychotic-related symptoms in a very long time. I do still struggle with anxiety to this day, but I'm doing things with my life now that would have seemed impossible at one point, i've really come a long way.

    The doctors don't believe I'm ill, they told me that at the appointment, it's the opposite actually. i basically have minimal contact with them now, I'm on the way to being discharged from their service.

    I tried telling my sister she had upset me, she held her position 'your ill'. She's usually one of the kindest and most understanding people i know, i was so confused! after sharing my secrets with her, at first she was ok with it, now shes not? . It really was a crushing blow for me, it hurt alot, it still does. I was starting to open up to people, here on Adisc, and to a few in my life to. All that has stopped.

    My first post on here was my first step in a new journey. It was great to say for the first time how i feel and not feel like I'm 'Wrong' for it. I felt accepted. the confidence boost was massive and it was noticeable by everyone in my daily life, even if they didn't know why... I was working hard on self-acceptance.

    What my sister did had a bad effect on me. I've stopped talking to anyone, I'm having to hide. bottling everything up all the time. I stopped my 'dressing exploration' for a while, i started to feel ashamed of myself again, like i used to.

    I just want to pick myself up again and keep going. part of that is getting what happened out of my system so it's not eating away at me. I'm not mad at my sister, i feel quite bad talking about her this way, she's one of the nicest people i know. She's like a best friend to me. I don't mean to portray a bad picture of her. i just think she could have handled that particular situation in a better way.

    I only get doctors appointments every 3 or 4 months. a 30 minute appointment isn't enough, there's alot i need to talk about, and in my current situation i've got no one to talk to . I think it's important for me to come back here. it just really helps to talk about my experiences, it's therapeutic. It helps to know i'm not alone... and your all a wonderful group of people too .

    I'm sorry if that was an epicly long thread. Hope to hear from you all soon. If i can't come back for a few days, its because i haven't got any privacy. I'll try to come back and check when i can.

    - Lotus Flower

  7. #7

    Default

    I was wondering if you could make a more extended appointment with your psychiatrist/psychologist to discuss your gender issues. That is what they are there for. As for your sister, she may have some preconceived notions to gender issues. She may have limited understanding as well. Over time she may come around. It takes time for people to adjust to new situations. I hope it works out for you.

  8. #8

  9. #9

    Default

    Hi everybody! So many responses. Thank you all so much!! All your messages have given me alot to think about. I've got to go out shortly, i just wanted to send a quick message, to let you all know im here and i've read each and every one. Thanks it is really appreciated, much love for Adisc sending hugs for everybody! I really should have made this post 2 months ago...

    I'll try to come back as soon as i can to reply more directly to some of you and the things you have said. If not tonight, then very soon. Sometimes i don't have the privacy to come on here.

    speak soon

    - Lotus Flower

  10. #10

    Default

    Hello everyone! I'm back again. It's took me over a week, I'm really my own worst enemy sometimes. Sometimes i get a bit shy and posting can be a big deal for me. So many responses! i'll try my best to respond to you all. If i miss someone out, I'm sorry! I really do appreciate all your messages.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    LotusFlower! Welcome back! You have been missed!

    *This is a rather rushed reply to you, until I can sit down proper in better contemplation*

    Does your sister not know what the doctors said... you not being ill?

    At any rate...

    Confidants are people too, and though they are understanding of the need to confide... so you can air your thoughts... it doesn't mean that they can or will accept that everything is good or okay... or, that they have any genuine understanding... or the resources to help, beyond listening... (which is important on it's own)...

    I'm not intending to defend her wrongs against you... but, maybe help you understand... though it's personal... it may not be intended to be as subjective as it feels to you...

    And..fear...yours and hers respectively... fear... like so many strong emotions...affect our rational judgement and assessment... hers...yours... and all of ours too...

    So I might ask you... Are you genuinely damaged? or perhaps more perplexed by an unexpected result? Answer that for yourself mostly... and then see if you can find a rather calm-neutral position to rest on...

    Many blessings, my heart goes out to you!
    Lots of these

    -Marka
    Hmm... your are certainly very wise Marka! I've been thinking about this. And i do agree. I completely understand my sisters point of view. And i don't blame her at all for asking those questions to my doctor. The hard bit for me was how it just suddenly changed. She was being very supportive and then the sudden change of stance left me... confused. Apart from here on ADISC i don't really speak to anyone. Talking to my sister for the first time, and the response i got. It felt great! It was really helping me to have someone in my life i could talk to about things. the good and the bad. Then when it changed, i felt her walls go up. I felt shut out, confused, and alone again.

    Since then we've actually been getting along fine. We just don't talk about some things anymore. I'm not trying to force the issue down anyone's throat. But this is quite important to me. I made another attempt a few days ago. quite a lengthy text message explaining how i felt. Not completely sure texting was the best approach, but i just kept on getting too tongue-tied to say it in person. I wasn't being nasty in my message, I think she may have misunderstood what i meant. one of the things she said was "totally gutted you don't think I'm supporting you". Ohhh why do i have to make such a mess of things? We've haven't fallen out and are talking o.k. At least now we've opened up a dialog. Things are going to be fine i know it, i think it will be good for us to have a talk. She's not just a sister but like a best friend too, nothing is going to ruin that i'm sure .

    So, i wouldn't say i was 'damaged' by this. It did hurt my feelings a bit. Bottling it for so long was no good. Thats my own fault though i suppose. I'm just taking the positives and negatives that happen in my life right now as learning experiences.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post

    I agree, also, that once every few months is not enough for you to get the support and answers you need. In the meantime, between doctor visits, I would suggest finding another source of support and counsel. On this website there is a small but very supportive transgender community, largely within the Sissy/Girls subforum. This would be a good place to share your gender related questions. There are also transgender forums on the Internet where there are larger communities to help you in your search. Either way, having a consistent support network is really important. If not in real life, the Internet is a great place to ask your questions and find information from those who are also on the journey.
    Seeing a doctor once every 3-6 months isn't great really. I do have a mental health worker too. Well, she's actually an OT (Occupational therapist). The team that I'm supported by now is a bit of a mash up of people with different specialization's. My previous care worker was a social worker. I get on fine with my doctor, not so good with my care worker. We heavily clash in our approaches and views and there are frustrations for both of us i feel. Sometimes after appointments i've been left distressed and upset. Not really the way things should work in mental health services i feel. I think she's nice enough as a person, but she's not the kind of person i need for help, we only have 2 or 3 appointments left anyway. After that it will just be the occasional doctors appointment. I live in the UK with a NHS that is being suffocated through funding cuts. I struggle with that sometimes, but it's just the way of things i guess, and it could be alot worse. I'm grateful for the things i have. They have mentioned about getting me in touch with a specialist. I'm playing the waiting game with that one though..

    In terms of forums and support groups, i searched around for a while before i came to ADISC. Some of the forums i found we're really upsetting and not nice places . This is the nicest place i found, a very friendly and caring community which is a credit to all of you! Although i don't fit into the AB/DL category. I've been welcomed and accepted. I'd like to stick around. I've learnt alot of things since joining here. I'm becoming aware i may have a 'little' side, but it's so terribly repressed i don't know how to deal with it. That's a topic for another day...

    Real-Life support groups?? Eeekkk!!! *Runs and hides under bed* This is my next step, but I'm really scared of it. I work at a youth centre, one of my colleagues recently caught me lost in thought staring at a 'LGBT Support Group' poster. Hmm, I'm 25 though I'm guessing that particular group is for younger people. So i'd have to try and look someplace else. I don't really know how it works. Anyone have any advice on that?

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    hey there Lotus Flower;
    i was wondering where you had gotten off too, and well, now i know....

    it's such a nice day where i am out here in the North-West... i hope that it was a nice spring day for you too. i live with my Wife in a rural area near a very small town where many folks know each other on sight, if not by name. being Mothers-day, every place Karen and i went into people were wishing Her happy mothers-day.... Karen's 66 y/o and has grand kids so you wouldn't think that would be so surprising if it weren't for the fact that She wasn't born that particular sex, and everyone excepts Her all the same.

    the reason i am telling you this story is because i get the idea that above all else, open acceptance of your gender-expression is what you might be wanting the most from the world around. well, that is of course after you get it straight in your own mind just what your gender-expression should be.

    and here is where it gets ticklish;
    i could be kind with my advice.... or i could be honest with my advice. but not both....

    as a transexual myself of many years, i know from experience that the loved-ones we grew-up with may at first seem to be honestly supportive. but this period of supportiveness can and often does evaporate with time. the reasons i have herd given are many, but seem in the long-run to boil down to a person thinking about how our change in gender-expression may impact their life or social-status adversely.

    just as you don't want to be stuck with the status-quo that you were born into, those around you with no personal reason to deal with change, see no reason to change or up-set their life to accommodate you or your change.
    in the end, most of us find the need to seek and or build our support-systems outside our birth-families by necessity. and i have often noted that the sooner we get to work doing just that, the faster we get on with life... and the happier we are for having done so.

    it's never easy to start, i understand. but if it is any consolation, we all go through it.
    and one day, we get to come-out and live open lives in the sun of a beautiful day....

    please let me know if i can be any help;
    lodge wrecker....
    Hello Lodge Wrecker. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I also appreciate your honesty. Something that has worried me for a while is the feeling that I'm going to burn alot of bridges with people i really care about. I think my family could be understanding and ok with it. My friends? erm, not so much. I've been testing the waters, but i've worked out its just not going to happen. I've barely scratched the surface of 'me' and already thats made them uncomfortable. So when I'm with friends i snap into a very 'male' personality.

    A couple of days ago i was walking home, when i looked up and noticed two men glaring at me. Really evil looks. I knew they were going to say something to me. "you look like a woman" was one of the things they shouted, followed by a few homophobic insults. I'm not going to get offended by people like that. As long as no-ones trying to harm me i don't really care what they say.

    The reason i bring that up, i wasn't dressed up or anything. I was in male clothes. So if i'm getting grief from people now. I worry about the future. I live in a very traditional and conservative area. There are alot of pubs in my town i simply won't go into based on past experience. I can feel so lost and out of place here. I don't really know what to do about my situation in that respect. the only thing i can do for now is keep it a secret. I have considered the fact that moving away may be my best option. One step at a time...
    Last edited by LotusFlower; 22-May-2014 at 18:09.

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