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Thread: DL feelings eaten up by another DL?

  1. #1

    Default DL feelings eaten up by another DL?

    So, I haven't been around here for several months for an assortment of reasons. The biggest one of all is one that is odd.

    Someone drafted me as their daddy and is ate up all my DL feelings. This person is very needy and has a ton of issues, namely from a poor family life, and they often were quite manipulative. Their behavior also included regularly sharing exploitative, bordering on often inappropriate, pictures on social media and being altogether clingy. It began to drive me nuts especially as it opened up wounds in me and gave me dark thoughts.

    I've tried to purge them from my life and so far it's worked but is this situation normal? Can someone eat up anyone's DL feelings and desires. I mean, a package of Molicares I bought back at Christmas is only 1/7th used thanks to this person, that says a lot. Am I alone?

  2. #2

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    Well, Dohmer194... I'm a little tentative in the Dahmer, and eating someone up analogy... Coincidence? I do know that there are plenty of people with very dark humor, yet very light hearts just the same...

    Moving past that...

    Welcome back!
    I would be confused first, by your only being DL... doesn't usually set up a 'mommy/daddy' scenario... You said that you were "drafted"... does that mean you reluctantly accepted a 'baby' role or submissive position to this individual? Or, did you even accept anything...yet he inserted himself into the position?

    Normal? Is irrelevant... any unwanted advances are inappropriate, regardless of how common that they may or may not be...

    From what I'm gathering out of this is...
    Document and report...
    and... make clear and decisive actions to express your measure of refusal...

    I'm not sure what degree of inappropriate images you're speaking of, but it really doesn't matter... this person seems to severely lack establishment and coordination of proper boundaries...

    He should be instructed to leave you alone, and you should take measures to depart from him...

    Have I misunderstood your situation??

    Concerned,
    -Marka

    p.s. I forgot to answer one of your main issues...
    Anything that we have enjoyed, can be given a negative association... you might need to take more of a break from the DL aspects, and not force the issue until sometime after you've resolved and had distance from this negative experience... and you may need to insert new positive, and enjoyable experiences... to basically 'overwrite' the current negative associations... Does that help?
    -Marka

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    Their behavior also included regularly sharing exploitative, bordering on often inappropriate, pictures on social media and being altogether clingy. It began to drive me nuts especially as it opened up wounds in me and gave me dark thoughts.
    This has nothing to do with being a DL. Those are basically major red flags that the relationship had to end.

    Is it normal? Well, it isn't normal in a healthy relationship, no.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Well, Dohmer194... I'm a little tentative in the Dahmer, and eating someone up analogy... Coincidence? I do know that there are plenty of people with very dark humor, yet very light hearts just the same...
    Hah! It's actually an early Simpsons reference.



    I would be confused first, by your only being DL... doesn't usually set up a 'mommy/daddy' scenario... You said that you were "drafted"... does that mean you reluctantly accepted a 'baby' role or submissive position to this individual? Or, did you even accept anything...yet he inserted himself into the position?
    This person just randomly started calling me daddy. I felt flattered at first but it got old as he began saying things such as "wanting to find me". I should also say that they're on the other side of the world.



    I'm not sure what degree of inappropriate images you're speaking of, but it really doesn't matter... this person seems to severely lack establishment and coordination of proper boundaries...
    Around me/currently a lot of gratuitous crotch/butt shots and lots of shots of used diapers which often get gross. Going through his Twitter archives to times before this started, there are some images I've had to flag because they are in very poor taste if not illegal.



    He should be instructed to leave you alone, and you should take measures to depart from him...
    I might have a mutual friend tell him to leave me alone. He is VERY thin skinned and takes anything counter to his wants to be personal. Seriously, I want him gone for my own sanity as he really needs help but is too afraid to ask.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Near View Post
    This has nothing to do with being a DL. Those are basically major red flags that the relationship had to end.

    Is it normal? Well, it isn't normal in a healthy relationship, no.
    I'm ovbiously being used as a sounding board as his actual family and (few) friends (whom are almost all female) seem to not care or have any trust. But to anoint someone as "Daddy" out of the blue is just desperate and wrong.

  5. #5

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    I'm really sorry that happened to you. It's good that you're cutting them out; you should always have a right to your boundaries. If they're making you do things you're not comfortable with, then you are right to break things off. And no, it's not right for someone to declare you their Daddy without your permission.

    And I think it's normal to feel some lack of enthusiasm for diapers in a situation like this. However, that could also be a sign for the need to process your feelings on everything. As long as there's an association between this person and diapers, it seems likely that you'll not be enthusiastic about diapers. So this could be a sign of unresolved problems, or the need for some other resolution.

    It may be helpful to sit and write down your thoughts. Just whatever comes to mind when you think about this person. Then you can possibly see where the problems are, and think of ways to resolve them. Be sure to let us know if there's anything you're not sure about. I hope things feel better soon!

  6. #6

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    Yes, doing something against your own train of thought or will can kill a spirit or fun activity in a heartbeat. How many times have I been interested in a sport when I get discouraged because someone said I sucked at it? Too many to tell.

    You say he's on the other side of the world. Why not end the relationship by deleting him from your social media sites and stop following his posts on Twitter, etc.? If someone is grossing you out or ruining an activity of yours, he isn't much of a friend (echoing Near's advice).

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    Hah! It's actually an early Simpsons reference.
    Ah, yes...





    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    This person just randomly started calling me daddy. I felt flattered at first but it got old as he began saying things such as "wanting to find me". I should also say that they're on the other side of the world.
    It's easy to fall into such lures, or traps...when we are perhaps too lonely (or potentially gullible)... FYI, flattery only get's a thank you, if anything... You are not required to reciprocate flattering, or give yourself to it... for some, it's a genuine sentiment, for others... it's grooming... we shouldn't have to concern ourselves with discernment on this... but, I believe that it's best that we do... Also, not to cause false alarm... but, how do you know with certainty...where this person hails from? The other side of the world, or two blocks down... I don't want to freak you out...but i do want you to think about it... I'm not a social media participant... quite deliberately... I may be a bit too paranoid, but I've also seen some extraordinary extremes... You don't un-think that stuff...







    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    Around me/currently a lot of gratuitous crotch/butt shots and lots of shots of used diapers which often get gross. Going through his Twitter archives two times before this started, there are some images I've had to flag because they are in very poor taste if not illegal.
    Trust what you know... what you believe... this isn't a 'red-flag'... this is a whack to the back of the head with a baseball bat! It's amazing what we may rationalize, and give the benefit of the doubt to... I appreciate and admire your compassion and forgiveness... however, trust your intuition... you had all of the information, and reason to put a screeching halt to this... No, I'm not putting blame on you...just reminding you...should you encounter something like this again (I really hope that you don't)... you'll know what to do... and do it immediately... right?? Reminder: Not picking on you, and not blaming you...hoping to empower you!





    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    I might have a mutual friend tell him to leave me alone. He is VERY thin skinned and takes anything counter to his wants to be personal. Seriously, I want him gone for my own sanity as he really needs help but is too afraid to ask.
    You might have to do this yourself...??? But, if it works...it works! Recognizing the help others need... that's great... so is knowing whether you are in a position to help... and if this wasn't at least a border-line obsession situation... I might have said, give him contact information to get psychological help for his area... I wouldn't have you do that now, but perhaps your friend will add that to his message of cease and desist contact and pursuit of you...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dohmer194 View Post
    I'm ovbiously being used as a sounding board as his actual family and (few) friends (whom are almost all female) seem to not care or have any trust. But to anoint someone as "Daddy" out of the blue is just desperate and wrong.
    And this is were I iterate... that you do know... you'll just have to be more cautious, or more assertive... or perhaps both...

    We're with you!
    -Marka

  8. #8

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    Wow. I would advise you to stay away from that person. Those kind of stalking, obssessive people can become really dangerous really quickly, and make your life a living hell. Careful there...

  9. #9

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    A bad experience can definitely abate something you once enjoyed. I can recall a number of our younger members getting caught by a parent, and the experience was so traumatic that they gave up diapers for a while, sometimes for many months. If the desire is strong, you probably will return to it. It seems to be the nature of the beast. I would allow that to happen naturally. If diapers now make you uncomfortable, don't participate until the urge returns, If it never returns, so be it.

    As for your online acquaintance, I would block him and those associated with him. You have to protect your mental health. What he did was both presumptuous and bad mannered. To the extremes which he took it suggest mental problems of a serious nature. Better to distance yourself than be further subjected.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Also, not to cause false alarm... but, how do you know with certainty...where this person hails from? The other side of the world, or two blocks down... I don't want to freak you out...but i do want you to think about it... I'm not a social media participant... quite deliberately... I may be a bit too paranoid, but I've also seen some extraordinary extremes... You don't un-think that stuff...
    Their very vanilla Instagram confirms they indeed are on the other side of the world. Or they have a sweet teleportation device they keep under wraps but I'm betting on the former.



    Trust what you know... what you believe... this isn't a 'red-flag'... this is a whack to the back of the head with a baseball bat! It's amazing what we may rationalize, and give the benefit of the doubt to... I appreciate and admire your compassion and forgiveness... however, trust your intuition... you had all of the information, and reason to put a screeching halt to this... No, I'm not putting blame on you...just reminding you...should you encounter something like this again (I really hope that you don't)... you'll know what to do... and do it immediately... right?? Reminder: Not picking on you, and not blaming you...hoping to empower you!
    I have a very rational side and I know that if someone says "I must find you" that it's scary and that my wife would just love finding out that this clingy person who wants to be a baby wants to awkwardly insert themselves into our household. He seems like a bit of a fraud in some ways, he told a common friend that he was going to go to the US to live with him as well.




    I might have said, give him contact information to get psychological help for his area... I wouldn't have you do that now, but perhaps your friend will add that to his message of cease and desist contact and pursuit of you...
    I've tried to get him localized help. He's refused. I should mention that he's in Singapore and if anyone knows the Asian views on getting help, even in their cradle to grave healthcare system...

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    Quote Originally Posted by SomethingNotTooDark View Post
    Wow. I would advise you to stay away from that person. Those kind of stalking, obssessive people can become really dangerous really quickly, and make your life a living hell. Careful there...
    If I said that he didn't fill my mind with assorted unhealthy thoughts, I would be flat out lying. He tapped into a side I didn't really want to deal with which seemed exclusive to him.

    Oddly enough, around actual babies and actual toddlers none of this ever happens. He really knows how to mess with a mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    A bad experience can definitely abate something you once enjoyed. I can recall a number of our younger members getting caught by a parent, and the experience was so traumatic that they gave up diapers for a while, sometimes for many months. If the desire is strong, you probably will return to it. It seems to be the nature of the beast. I would allow that to happen naturally. If diapers now make you uncomfortable, don't participate until the urge returns, If it never returns, so be it.
    Through all this I've never wanted to purge. In fact, I'd have rolled the dice and worn today around family if it wasn't for one member in a state of gender transition and another a potty training 2.5 year old. I've purged before and have felt guilt.



    As for your online acquaintance, I would block him and those associated with him. You have to protect your mental health. What he did was both presumptuous and bad mannered. To the extremes which he took it suggest mental problems of a serious nature. Better to distance yourself than be further subjected.
    We have one key common acquaintance who I've been in a quasi-daddy situation with to help him through some rough times though he proposed it and I consented so it doesn't stress me out. I can easily prune that aspect of that relationship.

    Thanks for the input!

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