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Thread: tell your SO without revealing our world?

  1. #1

    Default tell your SO without revealing our world?

    i think i may have made an interesting discovery, but i would listen to your views on it first before applying it to real life. if i tell my significant other, i think it would be better not to reveal that there is a whole community of us that do it. i think that if i told them that there was a whole world of us, they would associate it with other forms of subculture and simply consider it as such. i think it would make it more appealing to them if they thought it wasd just their SO and nobody else that was like that, that they are unique and it makes it more intriguing. idk but i had just thought of this yesterday, since most people i told i didnt tell them there was a world of people like me, they just thought it was me and it seemed to appeal more to them that way rather than those i told to whom i revealed that there was a whole world of people like me like that.

    what are your thoughts on it? i figured it should go in mature topics since its kinda sensitive, but then again i'm only 19 and dont know much of anything...

  2. #2

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    I don't know about being able to hide the community. What if your s/o googles it? I think full disclosure is better than a half-truth, lest they discover you're holding back.

  3. #3

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    I rather admire you take the time to think over these things rather stampeding into it blindly, but my blunt answer is consider this when you are older, have more relationship experience, understand yourself more, and also realizing that to keep such a thing secret in this era of technology is nearly impossible.

    If after, say half a year when things like "engagement" play around in your mind, then I would tell an SO.

    If you have a very kinky SO with a myriad of strange fetishes they are open about, go nuts.

  4. #4

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    I think the only way to avoid mentioning it entirely would be if the ABDL in question didn't know about it themselves. Even if they know about it but don't interact with it, it's still likely to come up in honest conversation at some point. If one is involved, I think it's part of the overall disclosure. It doesn't have to be immediate but I think concealing it does a disservice to both parties. We're unique in our individual strangeness and even if we were essentially the same in this, it's such a small subculture that I don't think it takes any of the lustre (if there can be any) off us individually that we share it.

  5. #5

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    Being completely open has to be the best option. That way at least you can guide your SO or friend whatever through the myriad if information (good and bad) that's out there. Also, this is a pretty diverse culture for one so small relatively speaking, so directing someone to what is specifically related to you is going to avoid much confusion or misrepresentation when they go looking, and look they will IMHO.

  6. #6

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    My experience being ab/dl for my whole life i tried to hide from everyone and it was only a matter of time before my wife would figure it out. married 7 years she would find diapers all the time they were not the adult ones and even a paci every some often i made excuses that seemed to work so i thought!! she came back from a trip early to surprise me and what a surprise she got when she got home the ab in me she was not only shocked but could not understand it!!! Im thinking maybe i should of confronted her earlier about it or even showing her that its not just be many others like me. I think if i took the time to show all of me and all the others like me i would of spared her time and moved on to somebody that accepts me for what i am as she has not come to terms. your young take advantage of it be open if it doesnt work try again you will be happy in the long run dont ruin 7 years like me hiding. Best of luck

  7. #7

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    I told mine today. We have been friends almost two years. We have been engaged a little over a year. We are getting married in about a month.
    I sent him an email with the first 18 years of my life. Then another email with the second half of my life. Then a third email about the future. He was very accepting with the first two. And has opened up a lot and I feel so close to him now. He said he tried it before and it did not do much for him, but he is telling me a lot of what he likes. Well he has not read number 3 yet. So while not 100% great, I am glad I told. Thank you to everyone that was supportive here.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterscotch View Post
    i think it would make it more appealing to them if they thought it wasd just their SO and nobody else that was like that, that they are unique and it makes it more intriguing. idk but i had just thought of this yesterday, since most people i told i didnt tell them there was a world of people like me, they just thought it was me and it seemed to appeal more to them that way rather than those i told to whom i revealed that there was a whole world of people like me like that.
    If you just tell a friend, then whatever.

    If you tell a S/O, then saying that it's just you is counterproductive. You've gone from lying by omission to actively lying. I don't think that's better.

  9. #9

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    well i wouldnt consider it lying, just hiding. like how it isnt lying that i dont say how much my dad annoys me, its just hiding the fact.

    but more to the point, i do agree if they are also kinky and are into stuff and they reveal it then yeah it would be a green light to go ahead and tell them. for me i just think it would be less awkward if i said it was just me, so far its been a better result when it just seems like i'm the only one, but yeah they could just google it and then it would suddenly associate me with everyone and i wouldnt seem as special in that regard. i guess if i was in a serious relationship (like that'll ever happen) then it would be different like if we were talking about secrets one night or something. you all bring up very good points i had not considered, now i'm unsure about either position. fortunately im always single and its never mattered #foreveralone but its still interesting to hypothesize...

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterscotch View Post
    well i wouldnt consider it lying, just hiding. like how it isnt lying that i dont say how much my dad annoys me, its just hiding the fact.
    If you don't mention that there is a community then its simply omitting. If you say its only you then it is actively lying. And its the worse kind of lie: an easily verifiable one.

    Seriously, you don't have to mention that you're not the only AB out there but its better to answer those questions on your terms than to have then answered for you by your (future) mate's mighty google-fu. And you don't really want your mate to think you're hiding things from them.

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