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Thread: What to do

  1. #1

    Default What to do

    Hey guys.

    So I've run into a bit of a road block.
    My 11 year old step daughter is wanting a fair bit of attention from me ( ie: always around me, wanting lots of cuddles) but when thus happens her mother nuts off as if she was jealous of the attention her daughter wants.
    I have spoken to my step daughter about the level of affection she wants and told her its not appropriate.

    The reason I say it seams as if my partner is jealous is because little miss comes home from school and comes gives me a cuddle after her mother and her mother nuts off.

    Would anyone have a clue in how I could deal with this.

  2. #2


    Have you talked with her mother about this? Ask her how she would like you to interact with her daughter and what your role is.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by sissykd View Post
    Have you talked with her mother about this? Ask her how she would like you to interact with her daughter and what your role is.
    All I ever get from my partner is that she (11 year old) shouldn't be acting like that.But everyone hounds at her about backing the F off, I'm starting to sit here and feel sorry for the girl, she is what we call the black sheep of the family.

    My partner will only say that she is too old for cuddles.
    With saying all this, My step daughter hasn't really had anyone pay her much attention, she is left out of pretty much everything.

  4. #4


    Sounds like maybe your partner has some personal issues or experiences to deal with. Could it be that she is fearful for her daughter. Absolutely not suggesting you of course, but maybe there's something in her past. I personally think it is fine for a kid of 11 wanting and needing cuddles.
    Could be a sensitive issue....tread carefully...good luck. I hope my gut feeling is wrong.

  5. #5


    For starters, you told your stepdaughter that some level of cuddles is appropriate, but some is not. That's good. Are you following through, meaning if you said five minutes after school is OK, are you limiting it to five minutes?

    Second, have you talked to your partner rationally about the level of affection when your stepdaughter isn't around? You say your partner may be jealous and she may be jealous that you're having a special relationship with your stepdaughter and not so much her. Depending on the circumstances of your stepdaughter's birth, maybe your partner resents her. She may have become pregnant when she didn't want to be or maybe her ex didn't want a (another?) baby around and this led to them breaking up?

    Are there other children around? You said she is the black sheep so she may be craving attention, any she can get.

    Is family counseling an option? Communication s the key and having everyone talk their problems out would be a good idea. If your partner doesn't want to do it, maybe you and your stepdaughter can to see what is making her so needy. Although, as Ozbub said, 11 is not too old for cuddles. I have seen one family in our church where the girls and even the son get lots of attention from their parents. The dad will sit with his arm around whichever daughter is next to him for several minutes. Neediness or love? I say love.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

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