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Thread: Sense of loneliness

  1. #1

    Default Sense of loneliness

    Let me start off by saying that I rather enjoy being alone... I moved out of my parents about 6 months ago, been living on my own and surviving. I'm doing good for the most part but I feel lonely, yet I enjoy being alone. All I do is go to work come home and play guitar and pass out after a couple beers, wake up and repeat. On the weekends I go to my parents house to work on my projects like go karts and trucks, and I'm always working alone. There's never anyone that just stops by, hell the only people that call me are my mom and salesman. It's like I have no friends around me, someone I can really talk to, someone who's going to make an effort to hang out with me. I do like being alone, but then I get lonely. Life's a bitch.

  2. #2

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    I know how you feel Rooky. I've grown content with being alone these past few years because everyone else is busy living their own lives. All I do is work, come home, play on the computer for a little while, eat dinner, play on the computer some more, then go to bed. Then it is rinse and repeat. I enjoy one or two close friends to hang with when we can, but besides that I am alone with my thoughts and ideas. I figure if anything gets screwed up in my life, I'll have nobody to blame but myself. Relying on other people to achieve happiness in life will only bring disappointment in my experience.

  3. #3

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    That's exactly it. I always enjoyed doing things by myself. Being regressive and knowing it from a young age and having no one to talk to about it forced me to figure things out for myself and be self reliant.

  4. #4

  5. #5

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    I've found that, for myself at least, it helps to put myself in situations where you sort of can't help but to meet up with people and make friends. Usually this takes the form of some sort of sports or extracurricular stuff (been doing rock climbing lately). There's always someone out there that is interested in the same stuff as yourself, it just takes a little hunting.

  6. #6

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    I m a little on the other side!! I like to be alone too!! but i have too many friends it seems like on the weekends i cant get rid of them fast enough!! I love to be alone days at a time, as i work construction and have plenty during the work day so be careful finding new ones as you might find your better off without them !! ideally you should make distant freinds laundramat grocery store neighbors work friends and avoid the want to be close friends works for me but at times they still try to get to close

  7. #7

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    I am introverted as well. I have about 3 close friends. One older lady I go see on Sundays. She has kids my age. One younger lady I go see maybe once a month on Saturday. She has kids my children's age. Then I have my fiancÚ that I talk to every day on the phone. I also have a few friends at church and a few at my kid's school, but I never hang out with them just give them a hug when I see them at meetings. I also have one online girlfriend that I've never met. She lives about two hours away. Then to round out my social life I have ADISC. None of my closest friends but my fiancÚ of course are going to be able to make it to the wedding. It will just be my children, my parents and my church friends.
    F.L.

  8. #8

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    I am in a similar boat to you right now. I usually get a little too overwhelmed with friends and groups. I don't get along well in parties, and even a phone call can sometimes seem intrusive to me - especially when I've made plans that day and want to only stick to my routine. Friends can cause just too many surprises, and even good surprises are still surprises to me, which means they bring unhappiness. Sometimes I've complained about not having many friends. I felt like I should have friends, because it's just a part of life, it seemed. On television and in books, just about everyone who is a 'good' character has a few friends. To me, friendless characters are Lex Luther and The Joker and Norman Bates all the other serial killers. I didn't want to be like those guys. But still, I just didn't really have the whole 'friend' thing in me.

    So I realized that sometimes, for me, that sense of loneliness is actually more like a sense of differentness. I'm different than most people, and sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes, I'll be happily reading a book, and look up to realize I've not 'hung out' with anyone at all for weeks. And then I feel bad. I mean, what am I? A serial killer? I was fine with my life until I made comparisons. I do talk to people; a very select few. I talk to two people at the moment. One I speak to on the phone about once a week, and one (my boyfriend) I speak to online or on video chat every night. This suits me. I know for a fact that most other people in this situation would be lonely, but not me. Sometimes I forget that I'm not like most people, and I compare myself, and that's where the trouble starts. It can take hours of crying over not having friends for me to realize that I'm the actual reason I don't have friends. It's a two-way-road and I hardly ever take care of my own side. Anytime I had more than two or three friends, I was fully unhappy and overly anxious. I felt stretched too thin.

    So in my case, it helps me to realize this is pretty much my own doing and my own choice. If I wanted more friends, and if that was a thing that made me super happy, I would probably have more friends. I am a nice person, and I can find other nice people to talk to. It's just that talking to too many people for extended periods of time doesn't make me happy, and that's the reason it's not happening. I'm not a lonely loser. I'm just a person who only wants her boyfriend and 1 other. That's it. It kind of sounds like you're this way too. You say you are sad you don't have friends, but it seems like you aren't being actively rejected out there. It seems like you're just ... not a highly sociable person and then sometimes realize that it isn't this culture's norm to be more of a loner. So you feel bad about yourself for a while.

    Or maybe you do want some friends. In this case, online would be a good place to start. It's easier to make friends here, and if things are not really going that well, it's easy to kind of 'walk away' without too much awkwardness. I also notice that you say there is no one that just stops by, and there is no one that calls. Do you call anyone, or stop by anywhere? It's another thing that's a two way road. I personally am just terrible at that - but that's again based on my choices. But if that's something you'd really want, you have to do it, too. Anyway, if you're kind of an introvert, then, I kid you not, probably just one friend would help a tremendous amount. Too many friends (read: 3) and you'll probably be in over your head and starting to really stress out. But one friend, who you either connect with on a personal level or you just enjoy the same hobby/activity/sport, that would be your best bet to start with. It may be all you need (aside from a GF/BF if you want that).

    Good luck! Let me know what you think! Are you a loner by choice or a loner by circumstance? It helps to know thyself.

  9. #9

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    I spent a great deal of my life bemoaning the fact that I had so few real friends, but I have come to grips with it: I am just not built for IRL friendships. Oh I no a lot of people, and if I were to die suddenly I suspect a lot of people would attend a service, but that would be due to my position more than myself: I'm a teacher, so I affect kids. I'm a member of a church, so people around me know who I am and like me. But how many are really my good friends? The kind you can call up and talk to when you neet ff to? I'd say...one or two...at best. It used to bother me a lot. These days I don't think about it much; there are just too many other important things to deal with in life.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Frogsy View Post
    Or maybe you do want some friends. In this case, online would be a good place to start. It's easier to make friends here, and if things are not really going that well, it's easy to kind of 'walk away' without too much awkwardness. I also notice that you say there is no one that just stops by, and there is no one that calls. Do you call anyone, or stop by anywhere? It's another thing that's a two way road. I personally am just terrible at that - but that's again based on my choices. But if that's something you'd really want, you have to do it, too. Anyway, if you're kind of an introvert, then, I kid you not, probably just one friend would help a tremendous amount. Too many friends (read: 3) and you'll probably be in over your head and starting to really stress out. But one friend, who you either connect with on a personal level or you just enjoy the same hobby/activity/sport, that would be your best bet to start with. It may be all you need (aside from a GF/BF if you want that).

    Good luck! Let me know what you think! Are you a loner by choice or a loner by circumstance? It helps to know thyself.

    I make friends very easily over the internet. I think my fingers are just friendlier than the rest of me. ;-)

  10. #10

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    Be careful what you wish for. Once you get yourself all cluttered up with roomates, friends, kids, wives, etc., finding peace and quiet can be next to impossible. There is no simple "off switch" to make them go away. (Well there is, but then you end up in prison for a long time with even less solitude)

    Enjoy it while you can.

    P.S.to ICK: That's what's so nice about the internet. You can turn it off at any time.

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