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Thread: The edge of something

  1. #1

    Default The edge of something

    My husband and I just started reading, together, There's A Baby in My Bed
    I read it about a year or so ago. There were some parts I liked, a few I didn't. Even so we thought this book may help. I have read some reviews from spouses that needed an introduction to this whole thing and they liked the informational aspect about it. He is very cut and dry, black and white and all those other expressions. In the past he had asked what I wanted and the best I could give him was a little bit of fanfiction that he thought was "gross". He's told me the little bit of my regressions that he has seen he likes and sees nothing wring with it but that doesn't seem like fanfiction at all (nothing does lol)
    When I'm big I'm so embarrassed I can't explain it without wanting to vomit and when Im Little and comfortable my language isn't high enough to explain anything. (I range from 2-4 so I say I'm three). We are reading the book on my iPad with speech (voice over) so if I feel the need to explain something we just can pause, discuss, and resume.

    I've worn a diaper in front of him and he's given me a bottle. It's been fun but I still can't regress with him there and it's taking its toll. For example... The other day we want a trip for the long weekend and we were in a group of all adults and some of them wanted to go into the toy store, so we all went in. The big side of me likes toys too especially matching them up for age appropriate ness for learning and functionality and such things. Well little just started taking over the longer we were in there especially when we saw a toy neither one of us had seen before and big self thought it was cute and practical and little self just wanted it. I don't know if you've seen these before but it was a calico critters houses and families and toys ets like that. Well both parts of me are very thrifty so big self said get a house and collect things to go in it cos it will last long to play with , collect, or when we have kids. Little self said these are so cute and I can't play with a house now and don't want to spend money for a toy I can't play with. So we compromised and ended up getting a camping set that came with a kitty cat.
    I was in there forever choosing and little knew that i would have to be bug again soon. As soon as we paid I left I started balling my eyes out. I felt so dumb but there were so many contradictions going on and it was just hurting so much. Now I'm glad it happened cos it made me and my husband realize we need to get this under control.
    Thanks for letting me vent everyone

  2. #2


    I guess I'm trying to ask.... Did readin this book help anyone in their marriage or themselves?
    Do any of you go through these times when you've broke down in public?

  3. #3


    I'm not in a marriage, but i can say that the book helped me understand myself better. Sometimes i feel like i'm in conflict with myself in public, but usually it is over wanting to buy something, but not having the guts enough to expose my little side to people around me when i want to buy it. Kinda the same thing, but slightly different i guess. Probably doesn't help much with what you are asking.

  4. #4


    I read the book and it helped me to understand myself a lot. I get a better look at where some of the feelings come from. This level of understanding also makes the feelings more evident. I can let myself explore childhood better now. Sometimes I just fall apart. But overall, I am very glad I have that book.
    My wife only went part way through it. Decided it was too much into being mommy, which does not interest her at all.

  5. #5


    No, Tyger... It does help. It's so nice to know we are not alone. How weird it is to be one person but so many conflicting feelings

    Blue grey... Falling sort is sad but it's almost like a release sometimes. Do you agree? Sorry that your wife doesn't have mommy feelings. Is she okay with you indulging Alone?

  6. #6


    I've read it and it's helped me express my little side more to my wife, usually in the morning when we wake up. I don't feel bad regressing in front of her as a result of the book. She'll turn PBS on the TV and I'll watch Peg plus Kat and Dino Train. We are who we are. Once I'm in a diaper in front of my wife, there's no going back, so I enjoy regressing without feeling guilty.

  7. #7


    BebbyDoll. I just had almost the exact same discussion with my wife last night. Shes always known so to speak but we never talked about it much and I was always to shy to bring it up. She knows I have and wear diapers when she is not arond; she has even encouraged me to buy the "teddy bear ones" because they look cute and cuddly. Anytime it does come up I get such wishy washy answers from her on how much she is willing to participate (She really doesnt like the idea of her wearing a diaper after trying it only once, while drinking then immediately falling asleep) and for the last couple days it was really talking its toll and she knew something was really bothering me. She forced it out of me and I eventually spilled it. I still cannot say "diaper" when talking to her and she seems to have that problem too. I told her how I feel like I am alone in this and I cant enjoy it when shes around and that I have to get myself together before she comes home from work or whatever. Thats when she dropped a bomb on me that she knew I was wearing when she came home the other day (I was testing the waters) but she said she never said anything because she was scared to embarrass me. Little did she know this is exactly what I wanted so I could see how it would play out. I told her that I feel like she thinking its what she sees on Dr Phil and other TV shows and I assured her it was absolutely nothing like that for me. My interest include doing the things we do every day...cuddling on the couch, watching Big Bang Theory or Big Brother or Greys etc... except I could be wearing a diaper. I told her it was a turn on for me to even think about her patting my bum and saying something cute or putting her hand on the front and making some sort of cute comment.... thats what I like. She seems to understand that but is still unsure if she can do that. She said we would have to take it slow. She knows I would love for her to do it too but shes told me more then once that she is not into it like I am. My thought on that is.... you only tried it once, and you were intoxicated and fell asleep right didnt have time to really try it. I explained that there is lots of positives stories out there that started like ours but after the spouse trys it a few times, she buys into it and sees that its really not that bad at all and starts to enjoy it. She hears what I am saying but still seems skeptical. I got the "you dont understand...I have to wear a pad one week a month and I dont like that lol" I said this is different and for different purposes lol. Its about relaxing and being cute....bla bla bla. This has been on going for a few years just not to this extreme. Deep down I think she is a "little" She enjoys playing kids games on the playstation, she enjoys coloring, she said she wants a set of footie PJs, sleeps with her teddy bears and at one time I even brought home a Paci which she loved...but eventually the novelty of that wore off and she stopped using it which broke my heart lol. I told her this too and said I feel like she was only doing it to make me happy and if she still liked it, she would still be playing along. The Paci is still in the bed every night but she always sets it on my side. I said it nicer then that ofcourse. Not really sure where Its going to go from here. She said I bring it up to much and I told her thats because when I tred to bring it up and changed the subject or gave me "I dont knooooooow" for an answer. If she was more open to talking about it, I wouldnt have to bring it up because I would get it off my chest. We agreed on a compromise but neither of us knows what that compromise is lol. original question was going to me.... Should we read this book? Do you think it will help my wife? I am looking for both her to understand me but to also warm up to the idea of participating more on the diaper side. Wow I rambled on there

  8. #8


    I read it. I found out that I wasn't the deep regression type, but the occasional player, which there is a book for. The book was meant for the former but I can still probably give you advice.

    The book, as stated by the author, is primarily to provide help for an AB "parent" who wants to engage the little in the parent role regularly and in balance with the "grown up" side of the little as well. As far as dynamics and keeping boundaries, there is a small amount of advice, but I would not know what to tell you about having the urge to bawl when your little side gets disappointed. My main advice is if he does not find all that much interest in engaging that role before, trying to "get it under control" so to speak, should not be his main motivation to become one now. He will not be happy, chances are.

    You sound like you want to have some of your little issues under control. Unfortunately I don't know the answer. As far as the incident of "losing it" in the store, the fact that a crying reflex took over is not an indication of "losing control," really. Emotions happen. My wife cannot keep a dry face during the SPCA commercials showing mistreated animals, especially when they play the "arms of the angels" one. She always breaks down when she sees a hurt or dead pet on the road, more so than most. I cried over strangest things. I keep a dry face at funerals, even when I miss that person greatly. But when berated, chastized, or screemed at by someone I never knew would do that to me.

    You cried but you did not throw a fit. I'd say that incident means you were in control at the time. My only other advice is for him to "allow you space" to be an all-out baby on your own once in a while so you might not have that urge to go to the "little side" in a toy store.

    I hope this helps. I'll pray for both of you.
    Last edited by HokieABDL; 28-Apr-2014 at 17:07.

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by BebbyDoll View Post
    Blue grey... Falling sort is sad but it's almost like a release sometimes. Do you agree? Sorry that your wife doesn't have mommy feelings. Is she okay with you indulging Alone?
    Yes, I learned from the book that some of the feelings I get are regressive. That makes it make more sense. This includes an unexplained fear coming over me. It's the child coming forward. The emotional collapse is apparently when the child can't handle something. All very educational.
    I know the book is geared toward a parent/child relationship, but it has a lot of good information in it even if, like my wife, she says "I'm not doing this".
    For a very long time she kept the pressure on me to quit this. In the past few years, through a lot of prayerful consideration, she has concluded that it is my disability, not hers. So yes, she is now at least tolerant of my babyhood. We believe it stems from long term sexual abuse during my early years. Trying to come to terms and deal with it in hopes of growing up someday.

  10. #10


    Thanks so much everyone for the feedback, even if I've been a snail about replying.
    It really helped me gain a new perspective on the entire thing. He hasn't read much of the book but we have talked more about it. Part of our issue was he likes to baby me as far as rocking, cuddling, bottles, etc and while all that's nice I guess I was thinking more about being little as far as playing and stuff.
    While we don't per say play a lot with me being little like games, colouring, etc... I'm thankful to have a spouse that knows about this side of me. I've been home with a bad flu for almost a week and he has not batted an eye about blankies and bunnies in the bed and has willingly offered pacis and bottles. Helping the little come to the foreground has helped me to deal with being sick better. Usually I'm crying and angry about how I'm missing work but this one hasn't been so bad to ride out.
    Thank you for the prayers and I will keep all of you in my prayers as well.

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