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Thread: Please Help me im an emotional mess right now.

  1. #1

    Default Please Help me im an emotional mess right now.

    Okay, please have a read of this Guys and Girls as I am really really in need of some input/help.
    I have arrived at a real fork in my life, and I am struggling with each and everyday going forward.

    The Decisions:
    To actually go for the 24/7 baby lifestyle.
    To refute it and potentially question "what if" forever (or till I die).

    To all the Haters, this is very much real for me. This is an option that I am faced with making currently.

    Short Background History:
    3 Long Term Hetro Relationships (not the inbetweeny stuff):


    1) Age 13-19: Very volatile girl, non excepting of the AB stuff but she tried because we loved one another very much. Reason it broke down was because she viewed me as a baby at the end of our relationship and not her partner anymore.

    2) Age 20-27: Fantastic Girl, and the love of my life. Accepting fun and over encouraging maybe.
    I had 24/7 Diapers, a Cot ,Toys, Nursery and Babywear. We hit a block when she bottled her feelings of resentment that had developed toward the baby stuff. Then it ended in the worst way possible I caught her in the act with another in our bed and house. She said that she now just viewed me as a baby.

    3) Age 27-30: Toxic Relationship where I was the butt of jokes, constantly demoralised, ridiculed and never excepted after opening up to her about this. She said that she would never accept it or participate to any degree. Also she had said that her view of me sexually had changed.

    When I fall in love I fall deep. Unfortunately when I do love, I seem to have two types of love that develop with a partner. The "normal" vanilla, care, protect, partner aspiration type. And then the maternal look after me I'm an infant type. Even with number 3 above I have the infant type love going on although I was never excepted this way. (It's like a sick joke I swear). I try to see the best in people and am too optimistic in love which means I usually go down with the ship and feel abandoned on one or both of those levels of love.

    A lot of people on here say that life is about a balance and finding how Aby stuff fits into that balance. For myself I have never been able to define that balance correctly and this has given me much sadness and loss in relationships. I would also say that I have been lucky and had more than most with Aby activity. But as a result I feel that there is a void in my day to day life that I can no longer be filled alone.


    Good News (sort of):
    I have met a Woman who is older than me online and seems to accept me as a baby. We have been in cahoots for about a year now and I have met her. She wants me to move halfway across the globe to be with her and setup life as her adult baby doing the deed 24/7. Obviously I am stoked.
    However I am a deep thinker and procrastinate heavily.

    My Concerns:

    I love it and abandon my life completely.
    Long term complications: I out live her.
    I am a train wreak after the relationship.
    I am incontinent and no longer capable as I am now.
    I am dependant on others.
    My family die and I know nothing and do nothing.

    I hate it but I may be trapped.
    I realise after a fair amount of time that full regression is not the key, but I have a Mommy who is wanting to be a Mommy and won't let me leave. (be careful what you wish for scenario all over).

    Positives of going:
    I may find out about myself and my find some sort of balance is actually possible.
    I may be able to move forward in my life again by growing up possibly.

    Negatives of going:
    Diaper dependancy.
    Outed as an Aby to all I know.
    Making the wrong life decision.

    At the moment I feel completely stuck and each day is maximum effort to just get out of bed. It is like the Donkey with a Carrot scenario playing out. If I was not aware of the Carrot then I wouldn't be hungry. But because the Carrot is dangling in front of me I find no interest in other day to day activities and I can't seem to find my path back into "normality".
    I read a lot on here and about how most of you could not entertain what I am contemplating right now as it would F*** up all the other stuff you enjoy doing in adult mode. I have come full circle with this and at the moment I no longer find enjoyment in a lot of the other stuff. :/

    Please tell me your thoughts and thank you.

  2. #2
    emberthefox

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    I am going to be honest you have layed out everything well all I can say is waight yoir choices carefuly this may seam like it is what you want or not at all take some time to think over your oppitions. Good luck

  3. #3

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    I think you have thought through the pros and cons pretty heavily here.
    When I'm faced with a really hard decision (what it may be) I flip a coin.
    If whatever I get seems to upset me I know it was the wrong choice, if I'm okay with the results then I do as the coin said.
    Its just a way of making you choose an option and seeing how you feel about it.

    As you said, you would be leaving your adult life behind. I think probably the most important aspect of that would be the relationships you have in your adult life ... would you be okay with being that far from loved ones?

    Ultimately nobody can decide if this is right for you, but you. Taking into account how others feel about it on ADISC might be a jumping point but not necessarily an end all be all in a situation. So try not to think to heavily about what is right for everyone else but on what is right for you.

    I can say if you let one thing control your life (like not wanting to think about anything else) that you could wind up very unhappy, no matter what you choose.
    I have found this to be true in other examples from my own life - ultimately those things ruined me.

    It also seems as though you have had your fair share of bad partners in life. Maybe step back and decide if you're concerned you won't ever find the right person? I know I was. Ultimately I did though. And its a burden lifted from my shoulders.
    If this "mommy" really cares for you, then shouldn't she care for you as an adult as well? Its an interesting balance given previous partners did not want to support your baby side...

    All in all though, you cannot let something make you unhappy, or swallow you.
    I'm not much help probaly given that I've never been in such a situation, but what really concerns me about your post is the sadness ... which is something I would wish on nobody.


  4. #4

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    For such a huge life change, you really should probably meet with her a few more times before you up and say that you are going to be her 24/7 baby for the rest of your life. Just like marriage, you should get to know the person you are committing to a bit better, and be pretty comfortable with making the choice. There will always be doubts, but if the big doubts are out of the way then you are probably in the clear to make a decision. The way you are talking right now, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between your problem, and being told to buy something off an infomercial with a 5 min time limit.

    Maybe you can take a test ride as her baby for a week vacation. Is that an option?

  5. #5

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    First off, I have to say I can't make the decision for you. It's your life and you have to decide how to live it.

    There are some things though that have raised some red flags for me and I think before you make your decision, you need to work through them, either by yourself or with professional counseling.

    1. The title of this thread. "Please Help me im an emotional mess right now." If you are in a state where you are depressed or in a high state of anxiety, as this title suggests to me, then probably you should postpone a decision until you are in a better state of mind. I have cycles of depression and one thing I have learned is to not make any significant life decisions when at the top or bottom of one of these cycles.

    2. Seems you are on the rebound from unsuccessful attempts at relationships. Not sure though as I don't know when relationship #3 ended.

    3. Just the act of posting this thread leads me to believe that you are having doubts. Seems like you are looking for others to talk you into/out of this.

    Hopefully I'm not coming across as harsh. I do care about you and want you to succeed in your attempts at finding that special person and getting the love and respect that you deserve. Whatever you decide, I wish you well and hope it works out for you.

  6. #6

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    Glittered, thank you for your kind words and care. I think the coin is a good idea and one I may well adopt. I know it is mine to make ultimately but I wondered if anyone could relate and just give me an insight into different angles that I potentially missed or whether they would just run in to the situation oblivious and without a care.
    Your words have been very very helpful, thank you.

    Tyger, thank you, I am happy to explain more stuff or answer any questions that others have in order to get closer to a solution.

    I have met with her for two weeks at a neutral location in her country and it was awesome and very comfortable. We also meet online a couple of times a week at the moment. Location is the real issue as cost is a huge factor in seeing one another. When I was there I didn't really want to leave but I had to return home. Since coming back I have tied up a lot of loose ends and stagnated my life somewhat.
    Please can you tell me why it seems like an infomercial? Maybe I can be more transparent if I know what is muddied.

    LilCoyote, my state of mind: Well… I would vouch that I am rational logical and pragmatic, hence no suicidal tendencies. But also impetuous, creative and some might say farcical/dreamy (oh and bloody minded).
    I have a state of longing like a lot of people on here, where I don't wish to compartmentalise my Aby and long to be accepted for the "real" me. I know it sounds whimsical even just typing that out. However that does not quell the yearning. The longer this has spanned though, the worse I have become. I have seen different therapists along the way: Pycho, Hypno, Spiritual and sought general counsel as well. If I am honest about these people, they did not seem capable of relating to the situation or understand my feelings, as such I did not find any solace in these practices. If someone on here speaks about their situation we know from our own feelings about some of what they could be going through. For me this is far more credible than someone in a profession without life experience on a subject they have no empathy/apathy with. I hope this sort of makes sense.
    I seldom wear on my own even though I really enjoy it because now it feels fruitless and empty. When I have a partner through it gives validation to my desires and feelings toward wearing, which drive me to be more and more infantile. In essence a relationship brings out my little side even though I might not choose to want that to happen. This has ruined my 3 previous long term relationships and is ruining my ability to be responsible and get on in day to day life. I am tired of these feelings everyday and feel that if I choose to go, at least in part, this feeling will be solved. The anxiety does not ebb or cycle for me it just seems to gather and ferment.

    So when you say in your view it has raised red flags, you are correct. I do feel that they're is validity in some of it. I feel sound of mind, I don't feel in a cycle it is just a constant. As far as I am aware I am not in denial about why these past relationships have broken down just frustrated in my inability to remedy my perception of life and this side of my character which at times is being a hindrance. However still not enough of a hindrance that I seek to be purged of being Aby. It just saddens me that me being myself causes rejection from others.
    I am definitely having doubts but I was wondering if I was being an idiot about cross-examining this offer from her. We all on here are aware of the rarity of this type of offer.

    And although your opinion may be viewed as harsh it is also one of honesty. You took the time to read my post and also the care to reply, so thank you.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3a3y3oy View Post
    Tyger, thank you, I am happy to explain more stuff or answer any questions that others have in order to get closer to a solution.

    I have met with her for two weeks at a neutral location in her country and it was awesome and very comfortable. We also meet online a couple of times a week at the moment. Location is the real issue as cost is a huge factor in seeing one another. When I was there I didn't really want to leave but I had to return home. Since coming back I have tied up a lot of loose ends and stagnated my life somewhat.
    Please can you tell me why it seems like an infomercial? Maybe I can be more transparent if I know what is muddied.
    This for one, two different ultimatums. This might be the case for you, but i'm just answering why you look rushed, so here are some examples.


    The Decisions:
    To actually go for the 24/7 baby lifestyle.
    To refute it and potentially question "what if" forever (or till I die).
    Your essentially saying that there is no other way that your baby lifestyle can ever exist the rest of your life unless...



    She wants me to move halfway across the globe to be with her and setup life as her adult baby doing the deed 24/7.
    Huge life changes.



    I read a lot on here and about how most of you could not entertain what I am contemplating right now as it would F*** up all the other stuff you enjoy doing in adult mode. I have come full circle with this and at the moment I no longer find enjoyment in a lot of the other stuff. :/
    You used to think that the 'product' wouldn't work, but now you think it is the only thing for you.


    An infomercial isn't really the best analogy, but it kind of fits. What i really was trying to convey, is that you need to take things cautiously and not rush into decisions, especially when it means you will move across the globe.

    - - - Updated - - -

    So when you say that your AB side is a constant, is there never a time where you feel like being adult around adults? (regardless if there is a diaper underneath?)

    I think the key for me has been that when i accepted myself, i forced myself to wear pretty much all of the time, even when i didn't want to, just to make myself accept it better. After doing that, I pretty much kept myself diapered in set circumstances so I knew when i got to diaper-up/regress. Now my emotional state can be controlled, and i know that every certain period of time, i get to regress, while at other times i need to be adult and it isn't difficult. My amount of time i spend regressed still might be enough though that a partner might give me the trouble of only looking at me as a baby as you have had happened, I don't know, but what is important, is that I know I am able to function as an adult at times when it is important.
    Do you feel like you are able to function as an adult at moments it is important? Do you make sure you get to regress at certain set times? I'm just trying to observe if you are able to keep yourself stable(which might not be in the way i described).

    You can wear diapers 24/7 if you want and still be an adult at certain times, just think of it as, the little guy is kind of hanging out in the background doing nothing at the moment, about to fall down to a nap or something. Unless you really feel like the little guy wants a lot of time to stand out and be recognized.

  8. #8

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    Hey Tyger,
    Okay to try and answer you, but only from my own stand point:
    I have ellicitly implied that other balanced solutions did not last the distance and ended as frequency and dependancy increased in those relationships.
    I do not mean to dramatise anything but as I see it myself I am unaware of other options for me at this point. If it were a rushed affair I'd have gone by now and not opened myself up for debate. As a community I am asking for your advice. If you see a third option that I am missing then it would be helpful to throw it into the light.
    I do not lay claim to treating it like a product I am simply airing my opinion: A lot of people are able to get a healthy balance and that is awesome for them; I have not found that healthy balance and am struggling here.
    As far as I see it this thread is proof of me being cautious than rather not thinking it through and just going.

    Does this help?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Tyger from the update:

    Yes the little guy analogy is awesome, and it is an avenue I have been down but not with your success unfortunately.
    I had been at the point of diapers as normal underwear. It became very routine for every situation for me to be diapers in Relationship 2 and in little headspace. I didn't overdose on it though or find a place where I didn't want to be little. It was a really happy time for me as I felt very loved and adored. This was like a catalyst though and my rabbit hole seemed to just get deeper and wider. Eventually she moved me into the nursery to sleep full time and she no longer wanted to have sex. Looking back at it this is when she no longer perceived the relationship in the same way, although my head was telling me at the time we were working toward the same goal. Sadly it was not the case. I was literaly in little space nearly all of the time and she could no longer continue on in a relationship with me.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3a3y3oy View Post
    Hey Tyger,
    Okay to try and answer you, but only from my own stand point:
    I have ellicitly implied that other balanced solutions did not last the distance and ended as frequency and dependancy increased in those relationships.
    I do not mean to dramatise anything but as I see it myself I am unaware of other options for me at this point. If it were a rushed affair I'd have gone by now and not opened myself up for debate. As a community I am asking for your advice. If you see a third option that I am missing then it would be helpful to throw it into the light.
    I do not lay claim to treating it like a product I am simply airing my opinion: A lot of people are able to get a healthy balance and that is awesome for them; I have not found that healthy balance and am struggling here.
    As far as I see it this thread is proof of me being cautious than rather not thinking it through and just going.

    Does this help?
    Yes, sorry, I hope I didn't come off as critical of you, I agree though that you posting this thread is a sign that you are trying to consider everything as best as possible.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm sorry how it all fell apart though, I don't have your experiences to say there is another way, but if you deep down really want to be in a relationship that is both wife and mommy, I don't think it is impossible for you to find somebody that will be willing to stick with you through the rest of your life, but if your past has caused you to see a relationship with a wife to be not for you, then maybe having a mommy is all you need, and that is fine. I would just be sure that you don't plan on wanting to be in an adult relationship ever again, or at least till your mommy gets old and dies.

  10. #10

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    I think, 3a3y3oy, that you have done a good job in considering and voicing the problems that may and very likely will come out of this relationship. I did have a question. Would you be giving up employment in order to pursue this? My gut feeling was this. If you were 19 or 20, I might say go for it as it would be an interesting learning experience. But you are at the age where you should be more settled. I was married with children and gainfully employed in my career. I had sewed my wild seeds when I was in college. After college, I wanted to accomplish some things which I believed had value.

    All I'm saying is that you need to think about your future. I think that both of you will eventually become tired with this relationship. You've already done this with three others and it didn't work out.

    I feel lucky in that I go to bed diapered almost every night, and when I wake up, I'm in little mode. I'm a toddler to my wife and she plays along. Somehow, this is fulfilling enough for me. After I take my shower and get dressed, there are so many things I want to get done, whether it's working on a wood working project, house cleaning/painting, playing my keyboard, reading, writing, biking, hiking and the list goes on.

    I'm afraid that by committing to this relationship, you are cutting off the rest of your life; everything that you could have become and could have done. It's great to be "little", at least for a while, but that can't be all there is to having this precious life.

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