Okay, please have a read of this Guys and Girls as I am really really in need of some input/help.
I have arrived at a real fork in my life, and I am struggling with each and everyday going forward.
To actually go for the 24/7 baby lifestyle.
To refute it and potentially question "what if" forever (or till I die).
To all the Haters, this is very much real for me. This is an option that I am faced with making currently.
Short Background History:
3 Long Term Hetro Relationships (not the inbetweeny stuff):
1) Age 13-19: Very volatile girl, non excepting of the AB stuff but she tried because we loved one another very much. Reason it broke down was because she viewed me as a baby at the end of our relationship and not her partner anymore.
2) Age 20-27: Fantastic Girl, and the love of my life. Accepting fun and over encouraging maybe.
I had 24/7 Diapers, a Cot ,Toys, Nursery and Babywear. We hit a block when she bottled her feelings of resentment that had developed toward the baby stuff. Then it ended in the worst way possible I caught her in the act with another in our bed and house. She said that she now just viewed me as a baby.
3) Age 27-30: Toxic Relationship where I was the butt of jokes, constantly demoralised, ridiculed and never excepted after opening up to her about this. She said that she would never accept it or participate to any degree. Also she had said that her view of me sexually had changed.
When I fall in love I fall deep. Unfortunately when I do love, I seem to have two types of love that develop with a partner. The "normal" vanilla, care, protect, partner aspiration type. And then the maternal look after me I'm an infant type. Even with number 3 above I have the infant type love going on although I was never excepted this way. (It's like a sick joke I swear). I try to see the best in people and am too optimistic in love which means I usually go down with the ship and feel abandoned on one or both of those levels of love.
A lot of people on here say that life is about a balance and finding how Aby stuff fits into that balance. For myself I have never been able to define that balance correctly and this has given me much sadness and loss in relationships. I would also say that I have been lucky and had more than most with Aby activity. But as a result I feel that there is a void in my day to day life that I can no longer be filled alone.
Good News (sort of):
I have met a Woman who is older than me online and seems to accept me as a baby. We have been in cahoots for about a year now and I have met her. She wants me to move halfway across the globe to be with her and setup life as her adult baby doing the deed 24/7. Obviously I am stoked.
However I am a deep thinker and procrastinate heavily.
I love it and abandon my life completely.
Long term complications: I out live her.
I am a train wreak after the relationship.
I am incontinent and no longer capable as I am now.
I am dependant on others.
My family die and I know nothing and do nothing.
I hate it but I may be trapped.
I realise after a fair amount of time that full regression is not the key, but I have a Mommy who is wanting to be a Mommy and won't let me leave. (be careful what you wish for scenario all over).
Positives of going:
I may find out about myself and my find some sort of balance is actually possible.
I may be able to move forward in my life again by growing up possibly.
Negatives of going:
Outed as an Aby to all I know.
Making the wrong life decision.
At the moment I feel completely stuck and each day is maximum effort to just get out of bed. It is like the Donkey with a Carrot scenario playing out. If I was not aware of the Carrot then I wouldn't be hungry. But because the Carrot is dangling in front of me I find no interest in other day to day activities and I can't seem to find my path back into "normality".
I read a lot on here and about how most of you could not entertain what I am contemplating right now as it would F*** up all the other stuff you enjoy doing in adult mode. I have come full circle with this and at the moment I no longer find enjoyment in a lot of the other stuff. :/
Please tell me your thoughts and thank you.