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Thread: How to find a balance?

  1. #1

    Default How to find a balance?

    Good evening,

    Here comes my story. I need help.

    Few month ago i've discovered that i'm a Womb Twin Survivor. It means that when i was in my mother womb, i was not alone, i had a twin brother but he died before birth.
    I've always had a kid side, but since i've discovered my twin brother my kid side is increasing and i don't now how to control it.
    To understand my story you also need to know that i'm a disabled person. So, in order to survive, i had to grown very fast and when i was only 12 i already was over responsible. Because of it, i think i never had a teenagehood.
    So i guess i always wanted to find again the time of my childhood, when i was not over responsible.
    But since all these years, i try to deny this part of myself and i think it's not the good solution and as i said before discovering my twin brother increase my needs to be a kid.
    For example, i always feel insecure, i always need to be protect to feel good, but my parents don't care about it and don't want to understand that and always laught at me. And most unusal thing, sometime i speak like a kid, especially if i'm sad.

    So, my first questions are:

    -What can i do to feel protected and safe?
    -What can i do to fill up the lack of my twin brother?
    -How can i control my language?

    Thanx for your advice!

  2. #2

    Default

    Hi and welcome. Sorry that you have discovered that news about your brother, I imagine it plays on your mind a bit. My mother had a miscarriage not long before I was conceived and I often think of that. Your situation is much more intimate though I guess.

    Unfortunately, you are going to have to work through your feelings. Talking to people on this forum may help if there's no one in real life that you can talk to.

    Also, make sure you have a teddy bear if you don't already have one, they are so comforting when you feel insecure or alone.

    As for your language ..... Is that swearing you're talking about... If so try to let your frustration and anger go. Look for something positive to distract your feelings when you are frustrated or sad.

    Oh and here have a hug one free with every consultation .... lol

  3. #3

    Default

    Good advise from Ozbub. I think if you live with your parents, you can relax a little and realize that they have your best interests in mind, keeping you safe being one of them. I like the teddy bear idea. I have both a teddy bear, a plushie dog, a real dog and a plushie moose. They never let me down.

    I was put up for adoption when I was two years old. I've often wondered if I have living brothers and sisters? To be frank, I don't let it bother me. I'm grateful for my adoptive parents. My life had to go on, and I made many friends and got married. Now I have a beautiful family, with kids and grandchildren. We make our lives with what we are given.

    As for language, I have to laugh. I'm from the Jersey Chore where growing up, we used the "F" word more than the word "the". I don't like to swear now, because I think it takes away from my "little" self, and I'm happier in "little" mode. It's all up to you.

  4. #4

    Default

    Thanx to be so friendly you both!
    For now, i don't have any plushie to help me. For real, i'm a bit ashamed to have a plushie, but i will try it.
    Maybe, to find a mummy here or in a similare place, who understand and accept my kid side, could help me to feel protected and safe.
    And i thought make a list of every moments / things where i can express my "little" side without to be judge. Do you think that's a good idea?
    Hugs to you!

  5. #5

    Default

    I go with the ol f*** it. Do what makes you happy. But do not be reckless. Get yourself a plushie. If not pick up a book, hobby, drawing, art do whatever you can to express your little side.

  6. #6

    Default

    Thanx Waver! You're totally right !

    Otherwise, since this morning, a sentence turns around in my head: "I am a kid" and this sentznce sounds good to me.
    I guess i'am accepting my kid side more and more, I don't resist to it anymore and I feel good with it. I am very calm and happy actually .

  7. #7

    Default

    I can't give you absolute advice (sorry), because while I do have empathy, I can't totally understand your situation.

    However, on one hand, with part of your situation I'm in a similar boat. I wasn't supposed to have a twin (so that's not it). But I was born almost 11 weeks early, and had lots of medical complications. I too grew up really fast. As a kid, people always thought I was a lot older than what I was, when they saw how I behaved (despite looking a lot younger).

    Now.. as a young adult, I struggle at times. I don't exactly talk like a kid, however I do, do things that people find 'cute'. Normally, I like to be fairly masculine (without being over the top), but particularly in times of stress, if I have a chance to be 'cute' (particularly around others), I usually go for it. For me, this works fine. My friends and other people probably think I'm a little weird, but who isn't a little weird?

    Do what makes you happy. So long as it doesn't hurt others, what is the harm? My only suggestion would be to choose the time and the place. For example, I've recently bought diapers (I don't often have them). And I always make sure that I don't wear them the night before a big test or seminar at uni, or a job interview, business meeting etc. because I know it might stuff up my frame of mind for the day. However, if I feel the need any other time.. then I go for gold. Or, if I know that I will be able to get 'in the zone' in time for whatever I need to do, then that is fine also.

    So embrace your feelings. Learn to understand them, and not exactly 'control', but rather 'harness' them. And if you're having strong feelings about what you've gone through, and the stuff with your brother, I highly suggest you talk to a counselor or someone like that.

  8. #8

    Default



    Do what makes you happy. So long as it doesn't hurt others, what is the harm? My only suggestion would be to choose the time and the place. For example, I've recently bought diapers (I don't often have them). And I always make sure that I don't wear them the night before a big test or seminar at uni, or a job interview, business meeting etc. because I know it might stuff up my frame of mind for the day. However, if I feel the need any other time.. then I go for gold. Or, if I know that I will be able to get 'in the zone' in time for whatever I need to do, then that is fine also.
    Well, i understand.



    So embrace your feelings. Learn to understand them, and not exactly 'control', but rather 'harness' them. And if you're having strong feelings about what you've gone through, and the stuff with your brother, I highly suggest you talk to a counselor or someone like that.
    Ok. I will try to follow your advice. I already go to see a psychologist. It helps me a lot.
    Thanx for your wise advice.

    Your testimony is a good start for my next question.

    I would like to know, how you, AB, live with your little side when you must go to school or at work, or when you go outside with no AB friends?

    Thank you for your help !!

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost01 View Post

    I would like to know, how you, AB, live with your little side when you must go to school or at work, or when you go outside with no AB friends?
    For everyone it is different. Personally I have a lot of friends, but am not close with a lot of them. I'm very self motivated and driven to do well at uni so I can reach my career goals. And I enjoy time to myself (I'm an only child, and have a small family).

    So for myself, I separate it by knowing what I want to do at the time. Or, more so, knowing what I need to do at the time. Given my motivation, I just channel that when I need to be a certain way for jobs and uni. Sometimes I will admit, it does take a bit of effort if I'm in a mood for being 'little'. But, it is like any desire as an adult, we sometimes need to contain. So that's how I've dealt with school, uni and work. But it's not always easy. So I'm not sure whether there is a solid answer.

    And as far as friends go, again, there isn't a solid answer. I have contemplated a few times telling one of my friends about this. However, I decided not to because I'm not close to many people (which also means I sometimes choose not to get close). When I'm embrassing my little side, I prefer to do it alone anyway, or that's what I've found over the last few years (not that it has ever been with other people).

    The only advice I can really give, is don't let it consume your life. Have other interests. If you're fortunate to get AB friends, make sure you get non-AB friends too. But I think it is very important for ABs to have non-AB friends so that it is not something that takes over your life. But there is a fine balance, and only you can decide what is healthy for you.

    Hopefully that helps a bit...

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost01 View Post
    Good evening,

    Here comes my story. I need help.

    Few month ago i've discovered that i'm a Womb Twin Survivor. It means that when i was in my mother womb, i was not alone, i had a twin brother but he died before birth.
    I've always had a kid side, but since i've discovered my twin brother my kid side is increasing and i don't now how to control it.
    To understand my story you also need to know that i'm a disabled person. So, in order to survive, i had to grown very fast and when i was only 12 i already was over responsible. Because of it, i think i never had a teenagehood.
    So i guess i always wanted to find again the time of my childhood, when i was not over responsible.
    But since all these years, i try to deny this part of myself and i think it's not the good solution and as i said before discovering my twin brother increase my needs to be a kid.
    For example, i always feel insecure, i always need to be protect to feel good, but my parents don't care about it and don't want to understand that and always laught at me. And most unusal thing, sometime i speak like a kid, especially if i'm sad.

    So, my first questions are:

    -What can i do to feel protected and safe?
    -What can i do to fill up the lack of my twin brother?
    -How can i control my language?

    Thanx for your advice!
    Good Morning from Salem, New Hampshire,

    You have said you are disabled.
    What is your disability?
    I myself have both Autism(Asperger's) and Cerebral Palsy.

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