Consider these situations, picking fruit, pause button-less life adventures, long movies, illness, injury, surgery, especially in the car. Whad'ya do if you have a teenager in the car, who's sick, in pain, & is terrified to poop his pants, hmm?! As a kid, I was in the car with an older cousin, when it happened to him. I knew he was hurting, & wanted to tell him that if it hurt that badly, he could go ahead, but I wasn't sure it wouldn't get us both in trouble. He was so ashamed, & conditioned not to. It was sad. I never knew when it was okay not to torture my body, either.
Also in my childhood, a little girl got sick, & messed her pants at daycare. I was there to see her Daddy, of all people, give her the disappointed look, like she should know better. That's her Daddy, you know? Knight in shining armor? Daddy?! I had another friend, whom everyone called, "Taz, because her name started with T-A-S. Her ADHD was so bad, she literally couldn't pay attention long enough to remember she needed to pee. The other kids chanted, "Taz the Spaz, who pees her pants," at least once a day. In song, no less! Her parents didn't allow diapers, to shame her out of it. She'd tie her windbreaker around her waist, & I'd let her push me in my wheelchair.
It's our own darn faults. That's what we get for toiletshaming our kids! It's a training flaw! We teach kids diapers are the place to, "go," then take them away at some arbitrary age, instilling shame the whole time, with no regard for the fact that we've taken away the only potty place they've ever known! Do we have it wrong? Goodness yes! In other parts of the world, toilet learning starts at birth. Do they have it wrong? Goodness, yes!
What's my patented solution? From moment one, day one teach toilet, & diaper. Having a portable squat toilet wouldn't be bad either. Squatting is a healthier position. Watch for facial expressions & body postures. If signs of needing to "go," are shown, offer a potty, by holding the baby over it, or a diaper. Then cue them with special sound, one for pee, one for poop. It's called Modified Elimination Communication. Put diapers on at night, or when they're sick, or in the car, or whenever it fits the situation. Try to make it as even a split as possible between toilet, portable squat potty,& diaper, so they get that the idea is not to go in other places. Once they're big enough to understand, tell them the truth. If diapers were just for babies, they wouldn't be made big enough for adults?! Rather you need a diaper or not, it makes you no more, no less grown up. Make sure they know they aren't being shamed. It's just an acceptable option. If it was my future kid, I'd rather have a used diaper than wet, or messed undies; I don't care if they're 3, 13, or 103! A constipated, or sick kid, adult or not, wants a parent. What's wrong with letting them use a diaper, cuddled up with mom or dad, no matter the age? It hurts!
Intro real undies, when you know their signals, & they can ask or sign for a place to,"go." Explain that they're undies, not diapers, & poop & pee only go in a the toilet, their potty, or a diaper, but if they need one, they can ask. If an accident happens, remind them they can ask for a diaper. Potties & diapers are equal. This may mean fewer accidents, because "accident," gets redefined.
My theory is, if you add fear, shame, guilt or pain to something that can't be helped, it gets sexualized in some people, & becomes a natural personality trait in non-sexuals like me. so, if it's treated like a normal thing, maybe not. No skin off my nose if that's you thing, though. I get most DLs are sexual, I even understand it, but for me "Littling out," & sex don't mix. DL's another tale. Figured I'd clarify, since I've taken heat for speaking for others lately. Don't shoot me for a theory.
My next point is, why do cute, ecofriendly, non-carcinogenic, cute, quiet diapers stop after Abena Bambo Nature size 6 (XL)? They're the biggest I've seen. Has anyone seen bigger? Why not for those over 66 lbs.? Why punish them?! If girl's & women's undies can have cute hearts all over them, & they do, & no one calls that age-inappropriate, why not their diapers, & if normal boys, & young men get boyish undies, why not the boy who needs diapers?! I found cartoon jalapeņos on the boxers of a 43 year old family member. Don'tat me about age-inappropriate! Why can't a preteen, teen, or young adult diaper be easy on the planet, & for our bodies? Anti fungal, & antibacterial protection are indiapers. Why not ours?!
So, up to 66 lbs., you're stuck with the same designs babies get, 'cause they're too cheap to acknowledge the older kids who need full diaper protection, & over 66 lbs., your choices arediapers, or you're doomed to crinkle?! I'm not saying baby designs aren't okay. If that's a comfort thing for anyone, that's absolutely fine, but the mainstream diaper industry's message is, if we haven't learned to be ashamed by 66 lbs, we should've, & they'll drive the point home withdiapers?! Well, they should be ashamed! The rest of us are done!
My sister, who hasn't an ounce of AB/DL, wears full time, out of necessity. She's a full time wheelchair user, but isn't bound to athing! I'm so proud of her! When she was little, Nanna made sure she had light-up shoes, so she'd move her feet & feel a bit more normal, & if I'd been part of the family when I was little, I would've gotten some too, for the same reasons, but when she outgrew baby diapers,diapers it was! No normalcy for her! She tried not to let wearing bother her, but I have my own diaper horror stories, & for me, & a lot of our disabled friends, a cool design would've helped. For me, it still does.
People wonder why TB/AB/DLs are as we are, & have the nerve to call us weird?! We have no choice! This isn't true for everyone, & I no that, but I know why I'm a Little. I can remember every diaper related trauma I've ever had. The ones above are just a few, & my diaper options made it no better! If you wanna know, I've laid my heart open on other threads.
The TB/AB/DL side is kinda the same way as the mainstream diaper industry. There's no middle ground. Either the print's too babyish or you're stuck in plain white, but hey, no ugly wetness indicator. Hope you want crinkle, 'cause even clothlike Cushies do it, & Cushies are a girls only option, unless she wants to pay more for Cuddlez or Fabines. If you're a LB, & like crinkle, these are cool. They're the only middle ground I've found.[removed] Guess preteen, & teen girls, & young women, aren't worth cute, not-quite-baby diapers! According to Pamperchu, They're basically Cushies inside, but boyish designs, less turnaround time, because they're not ABU, adult Small=Boy's Large, adult Medium=Boy's XL, adult Large=Boy's XXL, & are apparently, Don't ask; Don't tell, if you're AB.
I'm notI'm young, girly, spunky, & picky. If you wanna know what I want, check out the,"fantasy diaper," thread. If Lisa Frank could do heart designs, I'd want that. Every aspect of my ideal diaper's there to not set off my sensory & emotional issues. I despise crinkle, plastic, bulk, & love squish. Crinkle hurts my ears, & my feelings, & plastic & bulk feel weird. My best bet is a Tranquility SmartCore with aTopLiner booster pad, but then the anti fungal, & antibacterial protection isn't against my skin. The sides don't stretch, so they're hard to put on, they're a tad crinkly, & not a bit girly. I emailed a few ideas to them that they Thought were good enough for R & D, but they need a name & address, & I live at home. I wanna cry. That's my rant.